I Read Stardew Valley's ANGRIEST Reviews 

“No explosions or dead soldiers” Kent - *Lemme tell you about the war*

The ideal of people thinking the shipping bin is a storage box and raging because it deleted their items is hilarious to me.

obsessed with the review “everybody is ugly” when they have actively read homestuck and chose to have a caliborn profile pic. legendary

I love that the person who said it got boring after 2999 hours then had another 400 since the review

The people complaining about no guns in the game give me a beautiful image of a grown man breakdown sobbing when he realizes he's unable to gun down enemies in a farming game.

It's painful that you can't marry the moms. I am consistently friends with the moms first before ANY other villagers. Just let me join the aerobics class at least. Let me take Marnie away from Lewis

To be fair, not being able to marry Linus and tree are valid complaints Edit, Swings not swinging and everyone being ugly sent me

I love how so many reviews say "developers" when it was one person

i was absolutely broken when i found out i couldn't marry caroline. so i coped by marrying her daughter instead.

“I can’t date the moms” guy is absolutely correct

Did people go into stardew expecting it to be a first person shooter?

that one guy thinking the NPCs are other players invading his offline game absolutely killed me

I love sdv but the part of the game that bugs me the most is how the children don't age past toddlers...it makes it feel too stagnant for me personally

I was legit bummed that you can't romance the wizard :/ There's also zero friendship events w him I maxed my hearts w him and for what. If I can't marry him then at least let me be his apprentice and successor he passes all his arcane knowledge to god fucking dammit!!!!

Worst part about Stardew is not being able to marry Jodi. Getting her to 10 hearts before the end of year 1 should make Kent go M.I.A and allow you to swoop in :>

Do the people who complain about grinding....realize they could just....not grind..deadass when I start to get bored, I just follow people around and push my own narritave about what they're doing/feeling lmao

I modded the game to marry linus, then sadly paid the divorce because he kept living inside my walls. I mean LITERALLY glitched in the walls. I prefer him free and happy. Mods are scary sometimes. Btw as an old player I can understand why people want to marry the older characters. Almost all the bachelors could be my son or daughter lol

the guy who thought the npcs were real players and wants a big banana had me on the floor 😭

Who needs a wife/husband when you can have Krobus live with you 🧙🏻‍♂️

About the whole "no tutorial" thing, the library books you dig up actually have a lot of tutorial type information, and you get advice from NPCs about things in the mail and in cut scenes, so there are definitely in game resources to help players out, you just have to find them organically through gameplay, and you kind of have to be lucky with what library books you will find at what time

“No gun” is, on god, the funniest review I’ve ever heard for this game. I’ve been laughing ever since I heard it and it was like several minutes ago.

15:45 "how can you grow pine trees in the desert?" If you water things, it'll grow. I live in a desert and I've got 2 in my front yard lol

I’m sorry. But I’d marry Willy. He’s one of my favourites. The fact you said you don’t see it just shocked me

I think “stardew, more like stardew fart emoji” is severely underrated 💀

8:10 -as Someone who Took 6 In game years to go to the skull caverns and 9 years for 90% perfection i agree, there aren't strict deadlines lol

It’s amazing how many of these are just “I’m bad at time management, therefore it’s bad”

ngl, the first review about not being able to marry linus is so valid. linus appreciation!!

8:25 "trying it multiple times" *has played for 18 minutes*

Willy is the most underrated character in stardew valley

10:25 what’s really strange about this one, is that there are explosions, zombies (kinda), dead soldiers, action, and challenge is relative, so only 1 of their reasons is actually true.

I'm just... So baffled that some of these people presumably read the store page, looked at the preview images and videos, bought the game, played it for multiple hours, and then realized that they hate every aspect of it. Sir? Did you know what game you were buying??

concerning the shipping bin review, i feel like it's finally time to admit that i didn't know there was a chest the first one to two months of my first farm. i didn't even find it out by myself, i ended up finding out about chests through youtube. i was perfectly content with my 36 inventory spaces. yup.

This is one of the funniest videos you've ever made sbfsdghdhd

I really hope haunted choclatier keeps the social system. Its one of my favourite aspects,i mean it gets dry after you've dated everyone once but I still really enjoy it. Dunno If it's just me, but even if I've seen it before and I'm in a bad mood getting a cute heart scene will put a smile on my face

10:19 - This game has explosions and dead soldiers (albeit skeletons and mummies instead of zombies), and while it may not have guns it has swords and hammers.

This entire video is absolutely hilarious. I refuse to believe that most of these people actually believe the things they have written. 😂

The no zombies guy is my favorite I love his energy.

9:29 Complaining that there's too much text and walking in a RPG is like complaining there's too much water in the ocean.

"The storage box deletes everything!!" I found that out, after 10 in-game days and I was like: "lol, I guess I'll have to get those things all over"... Currently I have 200 hours on PC, probably twice as much on mobile 😆

See, I used to dislike Stardew, but literally only for the reason that the graphics are hard on my eyes and the large amount of brown/orange tones makes me have strong negative reactions. I'm autistic and have sensory issues and am especially sensitive to orange/brown tones (I dislike fall in Animal Crossing for the same reason) and it can cause me strong reactions. Kept me from getting the game for so long. I finally got it after two RU-vidrs I liked really got me into it and it's much easier to process on my switch than on my phone and looking at pictures of it. Sometimes I have a hard time with it, but I can either adjust the brightness enough or I can just not play that day. Yet even if I adjusted the brightness on my phone, it still left me feeling sick. But either way, I'm glad I got into it. I didn't even hate the game, but graphics that affect my sensory issues are a big part of gaming for me due to it. It's why I steered away from normal Monster Hunter and other "realistic" graphic games that are more about grind and all. It's hard for my eyes. But that's just my disability so no real hatred for the game. And now I'm married to Elliott and living a happy life on Stardew and currently have 202 hours on my main farm and 320 hours in total. Fair if it isn't for everyone. Also that "Zerango (A Mega-Chad Gaming Boss)" review absolutely killed me 😂 some reviews are fair, but some of these are omg- I can't take it /lh

5:15 finally someone that agrees with me!! I think stardew is way more fun at the start when you have to work a lot for money.

But Seanie, there is a gun mod. Evelyn had it in the marry Evelyn/George mod.

In terms of friendship I give myself a rule that I’m not allowed to grind for gifts for people, it has to be stuff I just have. And I try not to gift super frequently. It gives me incentives to talk and do quests, because I start to be like “I’ve given this person two gifts last week, this week I’m just gonna talk and do a quest if something comes up.” I also play modded and I use part of the community so I definitely speed up the process with that and it feels more natural

I think the people saying the game rushes them don't realize you don't need to finish things *immediately*. It feels like they think that because there's a counter for a task, they need to finish it as quickly as possible. But like... you don't even need to finish the main story for many in game years if you don't want to. You can complete the community center in year 10 if you want to. I usually only finish in year 4 because I like to take the game slow. There's no deadline for anything aside from special orders and board quests, and even then... they'll show up later if you don't finish them. There's no punishment for going at your own pace. I love that about Stardew.

4:42 YOOO the amount of DISRESPECT to Willy here. I will admit recently when im playing SV its come to my mind a few times about romancing Willy, and when Seanie was mentioning characters people wished were romanceable Willy was definitely the TOP of my list

In turms of social system, so far I feel like My Time At Portia's social system should be used as an example It has a system that looks simmelar to what stardew valley has (surtain amount of "hearts" discovering favorite gifts, stuff like that) , but the key difference is that there are much more stuff going on with that: you can play with citisens, spar with them, hangout/have dates with them to increase friendship + there are random quests that you can get from citisens after reachin surtain levels of friendship and those can earn you friendship points too Not bringing up the fact that there are several batchlores that will propose to you themself AND there is at least one character that will ask you to date him himsel (not sure about batchlorettes tbh, because I instantly fell for Gust and never looked others up) also there is a character that gives you most relationship points for TALKING, playing and hanring out with her, so throughing gifts her way won't work + there is this whole system where if you increase relationship withone character, every next "heart" you will gane small amount of friendship points with those who are close to them My time at portia is overall is a v good game, if you got interested you should check it out

8:12 is a copypasta about the binding of isaac that someone originally sent to the game’s dev on twitter. it’s funny seeing my two favorite games collide like that lmao

I kind of like how there’s no tutorial. The Farmer moves from their city office job to a farm, I doubt they have any idea how to farm, they learn as you do. I do wanna date the mums though, thank god for mods 😂

that zombie man tho🤣🤣

Honestly if the day scale was doubled and the energy meter was at the first stardrop the feeling of griding or being forced to rush would lessen

Why was the reviewer @ 16:28 starting with "Dear Stardew Enjoyers", a.k.a. the people who have already bought and liked the game, as if we haven't done so already and they're convincing us not to?

I know the feeling of the one review at 7:25 if you came from harvest moon 1-3, 64, mineral town, etc and you tried to play stardrew with that nostalgia in mind. you will not feel the game you will be extremely overwhelmed. it took me 4 attempt and on different time and year to finally appreciate stardew. it truly is a love letter to HM and creates more depth to it. my time at portia on the other hand is a 3d rpg version of stardew or in a long stretch much complex Rune factory

10:35 “no dead soldiers” I mean fair complaint if you were hoping to marry Jodi

15:59 There's already an offline mode. It's called Stardew Valley on mobile.

Honestly the tutorial complaint is valid. I love looking things up on the Wiki personally, but I get it.

"They have played us for absolute fools." made me snort-laugh.

Who's gonna tell them that the wheel spin gamba was intentional? There's a specific character speaking line for it

The guy who said "I want to become back my money" probably was German, since 'bekommen' in German is 'to get'

Huh, my only complaint is that I wish there was more character interactions (both romantic and non) and that I can't romance the wizard/be his apprentice 🤔

Name a character that's been through more trauma than the guy at 14:45

isaac review was related to a meme in the binding of Isaac community when someone on twitter was mad at the dev for making the game harder in the new dlc

15:20 Says the person with a slur as their username…

I don't understand people saying the game forces them to advance fast, that it's too much grind or that there's no time to do everything in how long each day is, there are literally days I literally just skip or do one thing and go to sleep

Best part about no replayability was at like, 20 hours,then played 1000 more

I like to play SV with my brother because all he does is cut down trees till he passes out and I can just farm and mine all day, which I do anyway but I don't cut down trees at the same time. Playing with my nephew is like if characters had shadows who were obsessed with marrying Abigail

While most of these just don't make sense or are memes I can see the want for more older bachelors or bachelorettes since the oldest bachelors available are Harvey, Shane, and Elliot(which are either hard to befriend or off putting do to attitude) and the oldest bachelorettes are Leah and Emily. Most of them are around college age, and could totally feel awkward for an older player, even in just their late 20's.

"No tractor" my steam reveiwer in christ that's like the most popular mod

"No explosions or dead solders." Clearly they hadn't met Kent

"No replayability." 1,700 hours.

tbh I think the people posting about how the game is too busy or tedious have never played a farm sim/harvest moon-like before, bc theyre ALL like that. those are genre conventions. they probably heard Stardew Valley bc it was popular and went to go play it but the genre just wasn't for them. That's fair, but an unfair reason to downvote a game. I don't like games that make me restart from ground 0 but am I posting negative reviews of roguelikes saying "lost my upgrades when I died :\"? no, because it's a convention of a genre I just don't like.

Okay but technically there is a dead soldier in the game, well a photo of a dead soldier. What an oddly specific thing for them to complain about and still be wrong 😂

9:21 forgot to include elliot my man pretty af

The trash Isaac review is so fucking funny because it's an inside joke from The Binding of Isaac community. What is it doing in the reviews for Stardew Valley?

Willy is the best character. At high friendship level you should be able to go on fishing adventures with him.

My honest reaction to most of these reviews: "You're playing it wrong!"

16:18 Seanie could be a ben shapiro impersonator

I have 2 complaints, but I really love the game. 1. The clock is fast and I feel pressured to get everything done quickly and efficiently. The freezing time mod has helped me relax. 2. I swear I'm the only one who wants Clint. Freaking "I have terrible luck with women" while I'm over here making it rain amethyst on his head! Blacksmith husband would be useful for my endeavors and I want shiny things!

I do agree with the sentiment of the game being too fast. My Time at Portia, although not perfect, does have the advantage of being able to set how long a day is. Even in Harvest Moon I felt incredibly rushed and it stressed me out a lot, so the option to slow time a little would be nice

In defense of the whole “giving someone the same loved gift” thing…I know I love keeping 80+ salads on me at all times so why wouldn’t Leah?

15:28 but that is not so crazy to think, as each season has 28 "days", 7 days on stardew would be equivalent to 21 days irl, besides it needs that to have the pace the game has

Technically there are zombies in Stardew. There's the grass zombie in Wilderness farm, and the black zombies in the mine from floor 31-39

"No gun" weeell...remember that Evelyn and Gorge mod? x'D

8:22 theyre talking abt the video game the binding of isaac created by edmund mcmillen indie game god! mcmillen once got a review that said how awful the game was and the buyer will become back his money but’s phrased like that. ill post a link the v/a for isaac read it in the narrator voice it’s so great

I have like 2 thousand hours in this game the only bad thing I can say about it is it’s so addicting that I literally have dreams about it

I like how they say "Devs" and they dont know that there is only one.

I had the phase where I felt a little pressured to somehow have perfection by the first season of year 2. Then I let go of that thought and just enjoyed playing at my own pace. This farm was my first one, and it took me nearly year 5 to get the perfection. It was a great time ad experience, I didn't really read anything or watch something directly related to how to get perfection because I wanted to experience it as how it was made, slowly. I got to agree that the game isn't for everyone and that's okay!

18:30 this hits so real now that you shifted towards different games lmaoo

I can see how this game wouldn't be for everyone, but I sure got my money's worth out of it! I started playing just before covid struck and played it WAY TOO MUCH during lockdown. Probably have thousands of hours in by now. It actually kind of saved my sanity a bit when I was alone, out of work, and didn't have even money for food. I couldn't hang out with real people, but I could hang out with Leah and eat pink cake and fiddlehead risotto.

2:02 This point is well done in the game ‘Spiritfarer’ you can’t give them the same thing 2 times in a row and many quests are just “wait until they’re ready.” Highly recommend but be warned: it is very sad.

15:06 i also lost my (first) world with around 205 hours lol. I accidentally clicked "new" Instead of "load"

★☆☆☆☆ - 1 Star Not enough CHAPSTICK

The multiplayer complaint is legit. Whenever I play with my friend her game disconnects constantly.

I wish you could marry the WIZARD, THAT MAN IS SO FRICKEN FINE AND NO NOBODY CAN SAY OTHERWISE

the fish bite sfx is my notification sound so it's always trippy whenever he bleeps out profanities 😂

4:00 To be fair, that the shipping bin "deletes" everything second to last item is very harsh. I mean you could put stuff out of the shipping bin in real life as well, wouldn't you?

Honestly a few things I wish SDV would've implemented: - More dialogue options (like explaining why they dont like a disliked gift/love a loved gift after being presented with one, hinting at liked/loved gifts, etc.) - Aging up/changing characters out (like having Jas and Vincent age up and have to leave the town for school during the day, Penny and Pam leaving and having a new family move in, etc.). - Longer day time (like having each day be stretched out a bit longer, so instead of every 10 seconds being 10 minutes in game, have it be like 30sec or 1min) - Choosing your own age range and having bachelor/bachelorette characters within that range (so if youre like an older adult you can have other characters your age to date/marry) - Your children can age up and move out/help on the farm I get none of these will be implemented for their own reasons (like how aside from Kent coming home there's no change between the years in SDV), but it's still nice to think about

maybe when they say the game is pushing then its like the CC or something because there are some stuff you have to complete in spring then you cant do it until you reach the next spring and it takes time

I wish for an enemy option, where I become enemies by giving them gifts they hate

18:25 favorite seanie quote

A lot of those people don't really seem to understand that it is only one person working on the game, and that he also has a life.