I said I'd never read this again...| Reading My Old Novel First Draft 

Okay, I was gonna defend your first line, but now that I'm halfway through the video, it seems like i'm gonna be defending the whole damn opening. Firstly, right, it's a first draft. Second, courageous as all get out to go back and reread an old first draft you're not thrilled with to us faceless millions. Serious guts to do that, fellow creator. Inspiring. Worth the price of admission. Third, most every criticism you have simply sounds like a good edit. I wasn't confused by your opening line. The second sentence seems to point to some kinda time travel, or severe mind manipulation and that seems like a good thing (and the mind manipulation is actually accurate), establishes genre and tone pretty effortlessly. I didn't find it confusing at all. Ambiguous, sure. But, clear enough to not put me remotely off. And I didn't have to reread it to understand, got it the moment you read it - which is, in my experience, pretty dang impressive for a sentence as ambigous as that. Second sentence reads stronger than the first, but, great for a first draft. I read "gargoyle" not as a ham-handed indication that "he's the villain," but as a self-image thing. He feels like a gargoyle. He feels dehumanized, made of stone, possibly old and crumbling, broody to the point of self-parody, or something like that. It's evocative. It sets a tone. He sounds like someone who might be a little hard on himself, which sounds pretty darn relatable. Calling the AI "House" didn't sound "holier than thou," just sounded like this guy is maybe a Taurus or something. Just no nonsense person, not a bad characeristic. Heroes do well to have strong opinions. I, as a reader, don't need to agree with every one of them - I shouldn't, really - it's just good to see a character that actually shows up. All your "infodumps" can be massaged and improved with a second draft. Dump the full name tag, etc. The core premise comes shining through and that gives your first draft a headstart over a lot of dreck I've read. And, yeah, that paragraph on the second page is the meat of what you have so far, so, yes, move it onto page one - again, this reads to me like a very workable first draft, not a lost cause by any means. Also, a lot of your criticisms of Jerry sound exactly like things he might think himself. As when he says, "Thanks" to a f-bleep-ing AI, he can castigate himself for behaving like an atomaton himself. Y'know? I also like stuff like Jerry waving his hand and House getting the message - it doesn't require more explanation if your reader is remotely familiar with the genre. You seem like a writer I'd like, who doesn't spoonfeed such things, but drops me in Jerry's world. Anyway. I'd give this story another look, for sure. Fun vid.

The great thing about reading past work/first drafts is finding those moments you genuinely like about your own story. Or at least finding that some parts are actually interesting or funny like you'd intended. Good video man, first drafts are hard to share with people lol

Your old stuff reminds me of my school days writing a comic just to write a comic. But your old work gets my interest. Takes a humble boy to show rough work. Good content as usual.

Very commendable honest self-reflection here. Love this type of video. I think credit where it's due -- Retrograde Radio is a genuinely great title. It has a beautiful ring, it's intriguing and evocative while being ambiguous enough to mean a lot of things. Hopefully you'll find a better work to go with it, would be a shame to waste!

1. Yes. It is a comically bad first line, and it sets a comical tone for the book. Dirk Gently could have begun like that. 2. A cool logo is important. It sets the tone of the story and can inspire you to write better. I made the cover for a couple of my best books before I wrote them.

It's interesting to watch someone else putting themselves through this. It makes me feel as though maybe -- just maybe -- I need to give my own first-draft false starts a second look before I drag them out into the yard and set them on fire.

"close the window!" I don't know why I found that so funny but I did. Thanks for my lunchtime giggle 😂👍

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If you can't spend hours on a cool title page for your book, then what's the point, Kieren? Don't be too hard on yourself--first drafts are always the worst version of the story we're hoping to tell. Although sometimes you finish a draft and you just never want to look at it again...I have a couple of those sitting around. Would you consider revising this at some point or are you just not that interested in the story anymore? Maybe a portion of it or a concept could be used for a short story?

I could use Optas to help me with 2020 memories lol Also to play devils advocate, the paper wrist band part, depends. We were supposed to have flying cars by now lol some societies take longer to catch up than others in some sectors lol I had a similar thought in something I was writing. #OkMillennial lol good stuff! I like your style!

I'm not gonna lie dude I think you are way to harsh on your old self

Awesome breakdown. This made me reassess my own writing, and I love the comments from your better self. I am at the edge of my seat, interested in where the story goes! More, please.

Hey man, These videos where you look back and talk about stuff you've done are really helpful. Perhaps it's because that's where I am. I've got something, it's not very good, it's not quite what I intended it to be, what do I do with it now? I've written a (pretty crappy) first draft of two novels now. Had false starts on a bunch of others. Now I'm asking myself whether it's better for me to go back over them again, or to take what I've learned and move on. Anyway, that's where I am. I had been wondering whether you'd consider going back to older stuff. Not so much this story, which I didn't know about, but I wondered whether you'd consider going back and rewriting the crime one, so it's set in the US again. Great stuff.

Love this style of video! It’s really cool to hear you critique your own writing. I think a ton can be learned from going back and iterating!

I actually thought what you wrote was really interesting. It was good.

Hi! Sorry I’m late to be replying to this vid, but I would absolutely love to see more videos in this style - incredibly helpful. In my first big project, the chapters I spent the most time on are (ironically) the ones I’m least pleased with … but that’s actually encouraging, because it helps me realise that by the end of the book, I’d become smoother and more efficient at knowing what I wanted to write and getting it down quickly. You learn through it all! Thank you so much for sharing this video - and on a side note, I also really enjoyed the paragraph about AI names. You’re not alienating anyone, it’s stuff like this that makes memorable characters! :-)

Love this. Reading old work is always a good idea, as it not only shows you what areas you need/have improved in, but it motivates you when you - hopefully - see your growth. Also, a book in 3 months is impressive! I'm gradually picking up my speed (around 1.5 - 2.5k a day at the moment) and hope to be able to achieve this eventually haha.

your personality and flare for creating content is really flourishing here, loved this vid!

I liked it, tho with some rewriting it could really shine. The whole idea sounds intriguing. Tho he should've closed the window sooner 🤣🤣

It's not nearly as bad as he made it seem! He may be overly critical. On the bright side, if everyone were like this, we would have far less crappy indie books, which is a good thing!

Either I’m first or second comment lol

How do you know if a story is going to be better as a short or if it could be fleshed out to long form?

more vids like this, pls 👍