Mixed by: Austin Ha
Videography: Stephen Jang
Hi friends and family ◡̈ I hope everyones is safe and well. The cold/ sickness this season is really no joke, I've fallen victim to it these past couple of months as well, so please keep yourselves warm, safe, and healthy :''''(
It's been a while since I've worshipped on here.. sorry for the long wait! Firstly, I'm sure you'll notice a different setting! My amazing friend, Stephen Jang is helping me out in the recording department, an area in which I'm not as talented or skilled in as him ◡̈ I'm tremendously thankful and am so excited to share His gifting with this community and unto the Lord for His kingdom.
I've been insanely busy these past couple of months with retreats, my new worship pastor position, worship opportunities, and life. I am so thankful for all the opportunities that the Lord has given me the privilege to have.. With that being said, I feel like this season, the Lord has been stretching me and teaching me a lot. As I started this new year, I felt that the word the Lord highlighted over my life in 2024 was "Learning".
Recently God has been teaching me a lot about boundaries and wisdom. I am naturally someone who is horrendous at setting boundaries which has led me to being burnt out easily, hurt often, manipulated or used easily, and also quick to feel bitter. I always felt like setting boundaries and "putting myself first"/guarding my heart was selfish, when I could be sacrificing myself for the betterment of another (even at my own detriment). This also stemmed from my insecurities of feeling like the Lord loved others more than me. But recently, in His kindness, the Lord has been challenging me in the area of boundaries. He's been showing me, as I was reading through Proverbs, the importance of being wise. Wise with my situations, my relationships, my decisions, my heart. He has been teaching me how to guard my heart to prevent unnecessary hurt and that doing so is not selfish, but that He really cares for me and my wellbeing. He cares about my hurt. He cares about my health. He cares for me and weeps for me when I get hurt. He's been challenging me in situations that are so out of my comfort zone, and require me to make decisions that I'm not used to making in pattern, and sometimes that my heart doesn't "feel" like is right, but every time that I am obedient, in faith, He's proven to me time and time again that He is in control and His wisdom is better than my wisdom in every way. He's even surrounded me with community that will speak truth over me in a place of confusion to lead me into the path of wisdom. The way the Lord teaches is just so perfect, kind, and gentle.
Hebrews 12:6
Proverbs 1:5
Proverbs 1:33
Proverbs 2:11
Proverbs 11:14
Also recently, amidst the challenges and loving discipline, the Lord has blessed me so much. I have been so thankful and content with all the blessings that He has been giving me that I don't deserve. Always being used to living a chaotic and emotional life, it feels really weird when it feels like life is good and things are going well. I get anxious that something bad is about to happen. I also feel guilty that the Lord is giving me so much and yet I could never give Him back anything close to what He's given me. It's this agony of me wishing that I could express to Him how thankful I am but I can't put it into words or even songs. This disparity has been causing me to feel so guilty in his presence. As aforementioned above, because of my insecurity, I also feel like I don't deserve good things because I don't have much that I can return. I'm so weak and broken and I make so many mistakes. I'm really not that wise, I make decisions so emotionally, I still have so much to learn.
Lord, I just feel so undeserving in the presence of your glory and perfection.
Man there's just a million things I'm learning in this season that I'm having such a hard time putting into words. But I'm in the middle of feeling so thankful and content while being disciplined and taught so much and seeing my weakness throughout all of it. So my simple desire is this:
I want to be pleasing in the eyes of the Lord. In the eyes of the One I love. I want to make every decision a pleasing and fragrant worship to Him. I want to learn and grow to please Him. I want to pour out my love more and more and more. I want Him to receive all the glory from every opportunity and gift He's given me. I want Him to receive everything that He deserves. I want to abide in Him.
Sorry if my mind sounds all over the place but theres just a million things that He's walking me through and throughout all of it, I can only think of one thing. This is all for you Lord. I love you Jesus. Teach me. Thank you for disciplining me and growing me because you love me. Thank you for maturing me so that I can know you more. Thank you for taking me deeper so that I can be closer to you. Help me to be all that you want me to be.
Help me, Lord. I love you.
19 сен 2024
