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I’m not anti-surrogacy, by any means but all parties have to be consenting to this. It’s like having your own kid and not telling your spouse. Who does that?
Also. People seem to forget how much pregnancy changes your hormones. The sister is going to experience every part of the pregnancy and probably have an intense feeling to keep the baby. The sister is also probably going to be jealous through the whole thing. It's a huge decision.
@@TheKat12364 right there is so much to consider. A pregnancy affects your mood energy and physical form in so many ways and while we all hope for a simple and typical pregnancy a lot can go wrong unfortunately. That’s so unfair to put your spouse in that predicament without at the very least a good respectful conversation.
@@jtpadilla1 exactly. My fiance is fine as we had to have a sperm donor for our first kid even though I was skeptical if she was actually ok with it. We r both still happily together but at the time I was doubting if she actually wanted me to because we had to do it the old fashioned way if u get the hint. It was uncomfortable for me but we r both broke and at the time we both didn't know how well my health would getting being effected. We wanted it done ASAP. The process was uncomfortable but in the end I'm nearly 8 months pregnant. I'll be 8 months on the 19th
Honestly. I might be a bad person for saying this, but idc, since the reason the wife's life was at risk in the first place was because she's the one who put herself in that situation. I called it "Karma."
Yeah, if the complete disregard of your feelings wasn't enough, the absolute disrespect to insult and then attack you I would say warrants a divorce. That woman is clearly not your partner, she's your handler.
So you're not going to talk about the obvious control issues he have trying to tell her what to do with her own body. And then going behind her back to guilt trip the brother in law? Of course not cause y'all defending toxic men is a staple by now.
@@joshuadance3941is it ok to quietly divorce her and ghost her without her knowing?and the op should talk to the sister's husband what he will do and tell the husband not to tell the wife about it or the sister
Then tell the wife that she will be staying with the sister and her husband throughout the pregnancy. They can deal with all the mood swings and all the issues that come along with pregnancy, from complaining about swollen feet to needing help to get out of a chair.
Divorce her and tell her to "get over it". Why did she even bother to discuss it when she already said that she was gonna do it? It's clear these two sisters are just going to do what they want and expect their partners to be fine and get over it
Yeah. I’m not one to jump to divorce as an option but there is clearly an issue in this marriage that can’t get resolved. Not asking your husband about something so serious is not good.
Am i the only one who realises she is completely unhinged she didnt consult her husband didnt listen or consider his concerns assualted him and blew up on him for talking to his friend abt it
No and you're not the only to obviously not care for the man's obvious control issues and malicious attempt to get his way by guilt tripping his brother in law.
Crazy thing is, when she has those cravings, swollen feet, mood swings, etc., she going to expect her husband to act accordingly and that's where another problem will start... he'll be called insensitive, accused of not wanting kids of his own, and all kinds of other things. This is a very messy situation
Divorce her. And if anyone tell you're cruel for leaving your 'pregnant' wife, 1)that's not your child, 2)the people she surrogate for would be the one supporting her so she wouldn't be alone, 3)she disregard your opinion on the matter, 4)she seem to forget no matter how advanced medical field now, pregnancy still life-risking matter
There is literally NOTHING I wouldn’t do for my sister, I would be a surrogate for her in a heart beat. But I would also talk to my husband & listen to his concerns. I doubt he would tell me “no” but if he did, I would tell him “Okay, I understand how you feel & your opinion matters to me. How about we take a week or two to think it over & we can discuss it further then”.
Mine said NO. I forever feel.guolty my niece doesn't have a sibling as my sister had cancer not long after she was born & was advised not to get pregnant again. I should have divorced mine then, I since found out he was already cheating on me when he said NO
I agree! My sister is a lesbian so we’ve discussed this type of thing, if for some reason her or her partner couldn’t I’d definitely step in for her. I’d give her a kidney, blood, a piece of a lung lol idc what it is, but I understand if your married you don’t just go off making decisions with no input from your partner. I feel like some of his resistance is coming from her complete disregard of his opinion. Had she sat down like an adult she probably could gave gotten his go ahead on it. As strangers we see the issue but imagine how many people in her family and her circle that are calling him the bad guy for not immediately wanting to help the sister.
divorce, they aint on the same length. he asked for a mere discussion but she go on all fight mode already. this is not a healthy relationship to begin with, and no amount of word would fixed it if only one party talking.
In Australia, all party need to agree to this and go through councialing, as well as get proved to use a surrogate first. as the husband and wife both need to sign there rights away for any child his wife give birth to. Does the OP and his wife have kids of there own? and has the wife though who will be helping hire when she is pregnant, it will be the husband
I believe it's the same here in the US. She clearly has no respect for this guy, he either has no spine and she is used to running the show, or he is an idiot who married someone with no brains
She 1. Didn't even ask for your opinion on such an important decision. 2. Disregarded your feelings. 3. Acted out instead of communicating. 4. Got physical. Honestly, just leave her. You deserve better.
The husband should tell her that if she does this then she needs to move in with her sister and bil so they can help her throughout the pregnancy because he's not going help her.
Of course cause straight men only think about themselves and their own gratuitous needs. And expect everyone else to kiss their ass. If not y'all go into full blown tantrums that usually ends up in someone being killed.
@@jesterparty6947no, a child is a big thing for both people not just her, so even though it is her body his opinion matters, and what about the fact that she assaulted him for disagreeing. Imagine what she will do when she is having hormones and pregnancy pains.
Well, that is good grounds for divorce and strips her of full parental custody to your kids. Do it, bisshh! Push the boundaries, and you won't have a family to return to.😂😂😂
The fact is during this process the husband is the one who has to take care of his wife she will come home to him like seriously did she even think this through
She has the right to be a surrogate if she wants to. He has the right to not be okay with it, he can leave her, and judging by how she attacked him he probably should leave her. Straight up abuse.
DIVORCE! She clearly doesnt care about your feelings and doesnt respect you at all to actually listen to your concerns, SHE LITERALLY SAID IT HERSELF💀💀💀. Divorce is the only option
It’s not his sperm and he probably won’t be on the birth certificate plus why would you want someone who doesn’t want the child to have it revenge isn’t a good reason and child will have a bad life
It sound like she’s one of those people who are very close to her family. She’d do anything for them, that’s both a good and bad trait to have in a marriage.
I'm TREMBLING!? What the hell is wrong with op's wife?! Is she just absolutely nuts!? As a woman and a firm believer that once someone shows a glimpse of a bad character so suddenly you should protect yourself by leaving your relationship,he must break up and divorce at the fastest speed possible! He should SPRINT away from this,not just walk away!
The moment the wife resorted to violence as a response to OP’s concerns and feelings regarding to his wife wanting to be a surrogate is the moment I say “Get a divorce and leave please.” She shows no respect for OP and disregards his feelings on the matter when it’s all coming out of a place of concern. The moment she slapped (assaulted) him instead of just having a conversation as a married couple, is the moment OP should realize that, this was a hill that she was going to die on regardless of his feelings. In my opinion, a spouse resorting to violence instead of just having a discussion (even if it turns sour or not) is the first sign to start preparing for separation or possibly divorce if it escalates. People marry to spend their lives living with a partner, not a potential abuser.
This is wild when the man didn't say no, he just had concerns. Pregnancy can be really dangerous and it was completely unhinged to get so out of sorts when he expressed concerns. The wives couldn't even wait until the 4 of them could have a conversation together before he got assaulted.
She seems to be the kind of person who would at childbirth would keep the baby for herself because she has become overly attached. She's very selfish and very rude. Being a surrogate is really hard. Its not all rainbows and puppies. Its growing a baby inside you that you'll have to give away at the end. Its feeling all the kicks, the heart beating constantly and the all somersaults. Its having to step out of your emotions and selfishness to give your body to someone else's baby. The fact she disregarded her own husband's feelings for her hero complex says alot. Smh
She slapped you and you just stood silently like a ballerina? Complain for assault. Divorce her immediately. She's a bad bad person and neither cares for you nor respect you. She's more concerned about her sister than for you.
I get wanting to help out a family member. That’s generous and loving, but Olivia just basically said to op is that his feelings weren’t included and his opinion in the matter was invalid. She just disregarded her husband completely and even went out of the way to physically harm him. Yeah, I’d be throwing in the towel and getting a divorce if this ever happened.
Easy, see a Lawyer and get the Divorce Application drafted, the fact she made the “decision” without consultation puts you in your place, out the door!
As a woman even i find the lady crazy. Seeing it from the ”husbands perspektiv”, i wouldnt be comfortable with my wife carrying her sisters husbands genes either, then having to continue seeing that child and just getting reminded of that its your wifes but NOT YOUR child. In this situation idc if the wife is just a surrogate, she still carried the child and its not his. YOU can do good deeds but it cab still hurt someone. And CMON her sis can literly find someone else and then no one has to get hurt, learn to adapt. Its nice of the wife to want to help her sis sure but shes an absolute AH for not even laying a second thought on how the husband feel or his perspektiv of it. (and for smacking him) People!!! dont marry if you can’t work as a TEAM. when it comes to bringing life to the world, no ONE, not the man, not the woman. No one deserves to feel hurt in that situation, they both should agree and be happy with the result but in this case all 4. If one say no, then its no. Not a ”the one that get the most votes win” .this is a we need a yes from everyone, 100%, 4/4, full party YES. As yall know the wife had a problem with HER husband not agreeing to it cause suprise suprise, men have FEELINGS TOO AND THEIR FEELINGS IS JUST AS VALID AS WOMANS! THEY ARE NOT WORTH ANY LESS!. Not saying he has saying over what she can and cannot do with her body, but he is still her husband and surprise, even if you got 100% control over what you do with your body, it dosent stop your actions from damaging the relationship. They should see couple therapist or divorce. and no not saying surregots are bad, its amazing that it is an option in this world ofc! But if you married and wanna be a surrogate you should keep in mind that your partner might not like it. Its different between different people, for god sake! Some could even consider it cheating and thats fine cause its their oppinion. We dont have to have the same oppinion but if youre a couple, communicate and talk about how you can solve it so both sides can be happy with it. If you not up to that maybe dont marry at all. Its okay to not like the idea of your partner being a surrogate, not liking shouldnt be looked down upon. Same with seed donnors. Both parties need to agree.
I’m not against surrogacy for family, it’s the fact that 1 she didn’t talk to her partner about this. 2 she verbally and physically degraded and assaulted him, and 3 she thought she was still in the right because her partner was upset about not discussing it.
On one hand, that’s her sister, her body and her choice: someone she’d probably die for. If boundaries are set with clear intentions, nothing should go wrong. On the other hand, you can’t make a decision like that while married and completely disregard your partner. When you get married, you become one entity…
Yeah so being a surrogate was a dream of mine and my husband completely pitched a fit about it. I deeply resent him for it and he knows. I’m saying this was a life long dream and he threatened me with abandonment, taking my kids, and divorce. Some days it probably would have been a better path for him to simply leave. He’s apologized now and realizes what a huge mistake it was to do what he did and that he completely regrets it now but it’s too late and I’m not a good candidate anymore. So are his feelings really worth it? It’s a calculated risk and now she has better knowledge about postpartum recovery. Yall actually have to think for the future too. I’m certain he’s either not understanding surrogacy or just doesn’t like the idea of some other dudes sperm in her or something outlandish. Never forget how deeply prideful and territorial men are.
Absolutely unacceptable. The fact that she just walked up to you and slapped you, says a lot about her. Idc about no damn ppd. That’s no excuse to put your hands on someone. Then she’s willing to make drastic decisions without considering your feelings and opinions. Which, by the way, would probably be an absolutely AH move to her if HE were to do anything without discussing it with her, especially something as serious as surrogacy. Tell her to go over to her sister’s and let her take care of your wife. Sad man….. 🤦🏾
Yea no she'll have her things packed and left on the driveway if that were my partner. Bloody hell, does any-fockin-one in this godforsaken world have any goddamn sympathy?
She makes it so you don’t feel comfortable talking things through with her so you go to your BIL about it then she physically assaults you. What was the relationship like before this? Cause this sounds toxic af.
Yea leave her, no point staying with her is there, she hits you for no reason besides you don't want that she does something that most people don't want their wives to do
If i was OP I'd do my best to sit her down for a talk with a pen and paper right there starting out with asking her if i was her partner and then start asking her questions to define what a partner in marriage is. Writing down everything that we agree on and sign it and have her sign it, take a picture or scan it so you can have digital copies and hang up the oringinal where she can easily see it. Im pretty sure partners get a say in what affects them so if she's going in as a surrogate that thinks this won't affect you then make it affect you as little as possible. Tell her she won't get your support and send her to her sister's. She can come back short term but you won't be helping her. Maybe sign up for marriage counseling if you want to stay married to her. Mainly make sure she messed up with how she reacted.
Wife: I don't care what you think about it, I'm having my sister's husband's kid! Husband: Bet, nice knowing you. Expect the paperwork in the mail within the week. Wife: What paperwork? Husband: Divorce papers.
Update from OP (posted May 6 2024): I’ve been reading the comments on my first post for the last several days, and I’m feeling a mix of emotions from them. There are things I need to address, so I’ll do that now before I get into what’s been happening since that post. To start off, many people have noticed that I haven’t replied to anyone’s comments and are calling me out for it. To be honest, I didn’t plan on answering any comments. I’ve seen posts where the OP doesn’t reply to anyone, so I didn’t think it was a big deal. The comments were very overwhelming as well. I’ve seen a lot of comments saying that this is fake, and honestly, I wish it was, but it isn’t. I would never lie about something like this. I'm not the type of guy to do that. And the reason my account is new is because I didn’t want to post anything on my main account. There have also been messages I’ve received that have been less than kind and haven't helped in the slightest with what’s been happening. The things people have sent me are really hurtful and disgusting. And I’ve noticed people calling me an asshole for going behind Olivia’s back and talking to Dean. The reason I spoke to Dean was because any time I tried to talk to Olivia, she would ignore me and walk away. Sofia wasn’t even an option. She hasn’t liked me since Olivia and I began dating. I have no idea why, but she’s always been rude to me, and I knew if I talked to her about this, it wouldn’t go well. And the thing that everyone has been talking about. The abuse. So this wasn’t the first time Olivia has hit me. This started a few months before our oldest was born. It happened out of nowhere. I talked to her about it, and she promised it wouldn’t happen again, but it did. Every time she would hit me, she’d apologize afterwards, but soon, she stopped apologizing. I did try to stand up to her, but whenever I did, she hit me harder and said she’d scream if I did anything. I told her I’d go to the police, and she said she’d claim it was self-defence. She then began to mock me by saying that no one would ever believe me, and they’d all side with her, and I’d never see my boys again. It just got worse as the years passed. I know a lot of people will call me weak and that I need to grow a pair, but I was terrified. I didn’t want to lose my kids. They mean everything to me. And if I had to put up with the abuse to be with them, then I would. Olivia has never touched the boys. I asked her one time if she had, and let’s just say that didn’t end well. I’ve checked them for marks and have seen nothing. And the boys are hardly out of my sight, and I haven’t seen anything amiss. She has also never hit me in front of them. She always does it when they’re not around. My two older brothers, Sam and Jack, figured out what was happening and begged me to go to the police, but I couldn’t. I asked them not to say anything, but my oldest brother, Sam, has a friend who’s a lawyer, and I found out only recently that they’ve been talking to him about it and have been secretly telling him when they notice I have a new mark or when something happens. Back to the main problem, though. I hadn’t seen Olivia for almost two days, and when she came back, I asked if we could talk. The boys were with Jack for the day, so they weren’t in the house. She went to walk away again, but I stepped in front of her and said that we needed to talk. This was the first time I’d stood up to her in years, and I was scared as hell. She looked shocked, but then she put the scowl back on and huffed out a fine. I had my phone beside me and recorded the conversation. We sat on the couch, and I told her again how I felt about the surrogacy. She kept rolling her eyes and scoffing every time I said something. I told her I was worried about how it would affect our family. I brought up the PPD again, and she got angry. She started yelling at me, telling me it was my fault that she had it and that I should never have gotten her pregnant. Every kid except for our oldest (Who wasn’t planned) was her idea. That’s not to say that I didn’t want my boys, I did, but I didn’t have a say about it. She called me a horrible father and husband and said that I should support her. I said that if she goes through with the surrogacy, I won’t be supporting her as it’s not my kid. She got mad, hit me, called me an asshole, hit me again and left the house. I called Sam, asked if he could come over and waited for him to arrive. When he got to my house, I just broke down. I told him everything about what’s been going on. The abuse, the surrogacy, the self-harm and suicidal thoughts. He hugged me and told me it would be alright and everything would work out. This is when he told me about his lawyer friend and how he and Jack have been talking to him. I told him I recorded the conversation with Olivia, and he said he’d send it to his friend, along with a photo of the bruise from when she hit me before, and a few other marks as well. I had given up years ago, and my kids were the only thing keeping me going. I’ve suffered from depression and self-harm (Which I still do), and I think if I didn’t have my boys, I wouldn’t be here. I’m finally standing up for myself, and it feels really good. I’m going to divorce her and go for full custody. I just hope the courts won’t take her side. And I just want to thank everyone who has been really kind about this, especially the people who messaged me. I haven’t replied to all of them, but just know that I appreciate it so much.
This is a very fine line. I would say that if this is a deal breaker for you. Stand your ground. If you give in, this will be a problem in your lives forever. If it goes through, leave. If you two are meant to be, then things will work out between you. If not, she will understand sooner or later. You do not have to give in to this. You do not have to give in to decisions that both of you agree on. You do not have to be with someone who doesn't at least question why you don't want this. You can love someone & not be with them. Why not offer to pay for a surrogate? Why not offer to donate an egg for her sister? Why not look into ivf? Why not look into other means of becoming parents? Is there any other way she can help her sister? Why is this the only way your wife can help her sister? She is too selfish to be a loving & supportive wife.
I think this is either the same story, a different one where Op's wife wanted to be a surrogate for her sister. He literally had no say so what so ever, and he told her he's not getting involved, and he also said both his SIL and BIL. She is responsible for her doctors appointments and her health, and whatever foods she wants, it's not coming out of his pockets. Op started to sleep in the guest bedroom, and he literally leaves for work and sleeps. Then, around 6 months, OP's wife wanted some certain food op said call BIL to get for you he's not paying for anything that he didn't consent to. She started the same argument about doing it for her sister, then OP said he longer cared, and he said don't expect him to drive her to the hospital or be in the delivery room. At this point, the marriage is dead, and his soon to be ex-wife went into labor. Op didn't show up at the delivery room and he didn't even bother picking her up. He eventually gave a backstory about his ex wife and how many instances were she only though about herself and someone on the comment section told him this. Then when the ex wife came back they had a massive argument and went to his guest bedroom and packet his stuff. He moved out and he gave his ex wife the divorce papers he straight couldn't deal with her.
My dudes, in the beginning of the relationship make it clear that the first time she hits you in anger it's over, there will be no talking or apologizing, it'll just end. Then, if she hits you she's well aware of the consequences. In my experience this little chat prevents any angry-female violence that some women get accustomed to throwing around every time they're miffed.
She doesn't care what you think well i guess its time to part ways, afterall if she can't even talk peacefully in such a serious matter its obvious she is gonna be a horrible throughout entire journey
For me, surrogacy in a marriage is a 2 yes, 1 no situation. If not everyone is on board, it’s gonna be bad. Pregnancy will affect both partners, not just one. And even if it isn’t a financial burden, because the parents are paying the medical costs, it’s still a massive emotion burden and a big physical risk.
I can understand not wanting to see your wife go through all the stages of pregnancy, morn sickness, not being able to do her share of chores etc. without even being asked. If it’s your kid, but it’s not. A very kind generous thing to do, but not without problems.
Well, the wife has ZERO consideration for her husband. She made a unilateral choice then assaulted and continues to punish him for it. Her and her sister will always resent him as an obstacle. His brother-in-law caved because the sisters are cut from the same cloth. There is very little chance of recovery for this marriage. Wife made choice after choice and it is not her husband.
They are both in the wrong. She should have talked to her husband, and genuinely listened to his concerns. She should have given him and his feelings actual consideration. But also, it was pretty scummy of him to go behind her back and message her sister’s husband, and try to talk him out of something that is ultimately her choice. I would say the woman was worse, but the guy wasn’t totally innocent either, and I think both households need therapy.
Divorce her, she can't respect your feelings, if you were female and your wife male and you would automatically get the respect of having an opinion on a matter that would drastically effect your lives
Sophia shouldn't have just asked OP's wife. It's one thing with a single woman but Olivia isn't a single woman. Olivia is the one being selfish. She's completely disregarded her husband's opinion and did so from the beginning. Slapping her husbandis also a serious problem. I hope they don't have kids because regardless, that relationship is over. If she doesn't do it, regardless of why, she's going to blame and resent OP, if she does do it thats going to cause resentment for disrespecting and disregarding the person who is supposed to be her partner. She's already said she doesn't care how her husband feels she's going to do what she wants. Pack your stuff, file a police report for her slapping you, and use that in the filing for divorce.
