I went to my first pride on Saturday and it was an amazing experience all around. The craziest thing was that the entire time I wasn’t self-conscious about ANYTHING. That might be the first time in my life and I hope to be able to feel that way again soon. ❤🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🥰
"Where are the quiet gays supposed to go?" - Hannah Gadsby, autistic lesbian (in "Nanette", great show, if some of you don't know her yet) As I wrote last week, I was sooo exhausted myself - and my event was much, much smaller, shorter and quieter than yours, Claire! ^^ Anyway, big thanks for your support! Glad that you had fun too!
I have memory issues and can't remember who you collabed with originally for me to have found your channel... But I'm grateful to have found your content. Really been enjoying it.
I'm glad you had a fun and positive experience this weekend. Those sorts of events are always a tradeoff between the lovely freedom of space to be yourself amongst others - and the sensory and social overdose. My first Pride parade was in D.C. in the early 90s. My group of friends and I were walking in the parade behind a gay rodeo group. That was the day I learned that a g string and chaps could be a whole outfit 😊
Hi Claire, I went to the pride parade too last Saturday, with the asexual flag I sewed, and it wasn't the first time. But this time I quit the parade earlier because I felt so overwhelmed and so lonely. I love being alone, but feeling lonely it's different and so depressing.
I love that you show to be an ally. As you said, there is a fair overlap of both communities and it's really just about being able to live your most authentic lives, just different aspects of it. Btw: You are not old. You are as young as a daisy flower. :)
Girl, I can't even hear the word CROWD and not instantly feel like bulldozing my way home🤣 glad you were able to manage your energy in real time like that👍goals!
to me there has been a lot of progress in that area of my life - it is still hard for me to get myself places and not want to be home BUT i do have more fun now
@@WoodshedTheory I always feel like a vampire who just barely escaped the sunrise when I get home after venturing out for an hour or so. ("Smoldering" from sensory overload.) It would be nice to socialize with open-minded and tolerant people. ☮🎩
I can't wait to see the outfit you made! It's so cool you went to Pride, and knowing what you know about yourself now, were able to make the necessary accommodations for yourself so you had a great, fun experience. I've been doing a lot of stepping outside of my comfort zone too, and doing things like attending events with my husband but taking separate cars so if I feel I've had enough, I can just go. I used to overstay things because he was having a good time, and I didn't want to end his good time with friends by making him take me home, but now that we know what we know about me and my capacity for handling overstimulating situations, it's cool. I don't feel so anxious in advance if I know I can just go and have fun until I've had enough. Thanks so much for sharing, Claire.
Get it. Won't go to the big city event I was invited to. Also my first year going to any at all. Of course you're part, who doubted that? I'm allo-aro :)
@@nephistar I've heard some lgbt members say aro isn't valid. But Im sure we are. When I first heard about aro I finally knew why I never had interest in a romantic relationship.
That's great! Took while longer for me to figure it out. It sucks that some of our own community invalidate stuff like that. But, I mean, look at the story of pride parades. It's always been like that. I think celebrating pride month and everything should really be about marginalized groups and not only about gay white cis men being loud and drinking alcohol.
That’s great! I’m glad you had a good time during the pride events. I’ve wanted to go to the parade many times but something always seems to come up…,hopefully next year! 🌈 my week was busy and exhausting getting projects finished. Luckily my weekend was somewhat relaxing. Hope everyone has a great week!
It sounds like a fun weekend! Noise-reducing earplugs sounds like a really good idea at big events. I'm looking forward to the local Pride events here, but for some reason, the celebrations don't happen until August in my city. I went to a camping/music festival over the weekend, and it was fantastic to get away from the city and relax with friends, many of whom I haven't seen in years, and enjoy weird, artsy people in a very scenic, natural setting. Camping is exhausting, but I find it refreshes my soul.
I didn’t go to any price events this year. I already went to a concert last week I’m trying not to double up recovery time anymore by going to to many events each month. Given my last experience at attempting to work a job and how it took me two weeks of being ill to get there. Ive been looking into RSD(Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria). Not that I need something else wrong with me but you can’t figure out how to cope without knowing what is going on. Not much happened last week just recovering from the concert. It really helps to go with someone else on the spectrum so they know what is going on and they don’t want to stay the whole night. Some concert venues now close there doors at ten or eleven. Which also means if you have say three band doing a full set it might start at 4:30pm I have one concert in October coming up that does that I’ll decide when a timeline is posted if I will go that early. I predict probably not. Ive said it before sometimes the experience is important enough to have to take some recovery time. Slightly shorter post then normal but I put in another raised bed and I don’t have the energy left physically or mentally. Between my autism, mental illness and joint pain life gets really hard sometimes. Have a good week Claire and friends. PS I don’t sow but as you know ill watch the video.
I've been to a pride event before, pre-pandemic. Not part of the LBGT+ community but had a couple colleagues that were so I was one of the DDs for the group. Still lots of fun.
I somehow accidentally stumbled into Pride, and the only “naughty stuff” I saw were like tiny outfits. But it was a club atmosphere. That is to be expected.
+WoodshedTheory *I've run into some hamstrings 19 - 24 June 2023.* The Animal Damage Control Ford F-250, at Elk Grove (CA, USA) Ford as I write this, had suspected cavitation in the cooling system, serious issues in the HVAC (from the noise in the engine compartment, suspect that the compressor clutch is breaking). Ye know about the GMC M11006 failing smog, therefore temporarily off the road.
Well done on your big weekend! I have had a big week. On Monday, when this came out, I was burnt out from finishing the Discussion chapter of my thesis last Sunday. Monday was a right off. On Tuesday I drafted the Conclusion chapter. And on Wednesday, my leave was over and I had work, which was busy as I had a report due that day. Thursday I had a three hour meeting, so I was wrecked by the end of that day, and today was calmer. I got stuff done and had time to catch up with myself and make a plan for this weekend. Almost finished my full thesis draft! It's very exciting. But this week was big. I work at a university so we celebrate PRIDE and I did the Ally training to be supportive to my LTBTIQA+ colleagues and our students. The pride events are always the easiest to attend as everyone is welcome and included just as they are. It's like difference is celebrated, which is so refreshing. We need more of that in our world. Hope you're having a great week and have caught up from your huge weekend. See you on Monday! 😊
@@WoodshedTheory yes, you do! One of your early videos you talk about your undergraduate and Masters studies. I'm nearly there, it's amazing. I got feedback on the Conclusion chapter, from a friend, and it was good so I'm relieved today. I'll make the small edits tomorrow and draft the abstract. Then send it to my supervisor on Monday. See you then!
I didn't realize your were apart of the rainbow tribe Claire!🌈 I was supposed tonbe in Chicago for Pride, but instead im at an auto shop getting emergency repairs on my brakes for $500🙃 Its ok, i had a great Pride month and made new queer friends!
I went to my first pride event last year and it was a lot of fun but also a lot of sensory but I made it through and enjoyed it, I was glad I did it. Didn’t get to go this year because we were camping which I needed so badly even if it was a little chaotic and we got rained on a lot. Feeling a lot better this week!
It sounds like you had a great experience at Pride! I ended up going to a Neon Enthusiasts group meet up. Neon, as in the late 90s Chrysler vehicle. I am not really super into cars, my 16 year old son is. I actually own a vintage 1998 Neon, which he is s using right now and is SUPER into. It is one of his current special interests. We met some very interesting and friendly people and learned a lot. The experience reminded me, though, of my limitations. I can only be social so long, have a very low tolerance for high temperatures, and after a day of that my sensory issues start to edge me towards meltdown. My son wanted to do more there but I could not. It makes me feel like I am a huge burden and difficult to be around. A lot of times when there are day long events I have been sitting them out so that my family can have a great time and not have to worry about me and I will probably end up doing that again for the upcoming EAA in Oshkosh since my son is into airplanes and photography. Last time I went along to that I also overheated, almost passed out and started panicking due to sensory issues. Does anyone else deal with this and how to you mitigate it?
Hi Claire! Not only is there a lot of overlap within the autism and pride communities, but there is also a lot of overlap between the pride and karaoke communities. (I suspect the Venn diagram showing overlap within the pride, autism, and karaoke communities would leave only me but I digress.) That gets to what I did last week, as I was at four birthday karaoke parties last week with another one tomorrow. You are right about having to take care of yourself. The only reason I can even function somewhat right now is because I only stayed at Wednesday's party for a half hour and did not sing because it was at a dive bar that was too much for me. Tuesday's party, Thursday's party, and Sunday's party were smaller affairs at a karaoke venue that attracts an older crowd and is quieter as a result. The last birthday karaoke party for awhile is tomorrow. After that I will need a good long rest.
@@WoodshedTheory my go to song is probably "One Night In Bangkok" by Murray Head. The trick with that song is getting the words out fast (as opposed to actually singing well). As someone who is asexual and autistic I very much relate to the line "I get my kicks above the waistline sunshine." Most of what I sing are new wave and synth pop songs from the 1980s.
Thank you! I find it painful that I cannot support so many such events, not only LGBTQ+ but also political ones, that it just feels too much. You are amazing!
I feel this! I'm learning that there are so many types of support that help in addition to the in person stuff. We'll figure out support methods for causes we care about that suit our needs too, I know it ❤
I haven’t seen this video! I’m so glad you went to Pride. It makes me happy. You are not too old to have fun. You are a spring chicken in fact. From now on you will be known as Old Pride Queen 😅 🌈🦄
I recently ordered two pairs of ear plugs.. one for quiet and one that’s sound filtering so that you can have a conversation w/o shouting. Waiting on the sound filtering ones still. Love the Quiet ones. My overload comes at restaurants etc. Whyyyy are so many very loud and echo-y now? Like all of them. Besides the voices, all the loud clanging, then the music is loud causing people to talk louder. So I am very much looking forward to trying out these new ear plugs in the wild.
Thanks for posting this! My first thought was "uh oh.....a party....(Noisy soical event))" Then I thought "Uh oh.....Pride...(Controversial / Political / Intense / cause based) Then I thought "LGBTQ+....Flamboyant, over the top rainbow colors, and again loud music, screaming, celebrating, with a whole alternative sexuality element pushed in your face in a group setting. Potential pressure to conform and identify as queer or Bi or + or whatever...." All of that strikes me as rather hellish. Similar to the yach club events I've attended, with (presumably) heterosexual majorities, but lacking the geriatric drunkeness and Republican / Libertarian + politics those events are structured by and around. Since learning I was autistic, I've come to question many aspects of my life, personality, gender identity, and sexuality. My diagnosis cast all of these in a new light, and I'm still figuring out how I want to express myself and be around others as an autistic person. For me, my sexuality and gender identity are very personal aspects of who I am. I've never understood the taboos and social pressure surrounding these things. I've always accepted or rejected people on the basis of their behavior and the attitudes they express regardless of their sexuality. In my opinion, the only people our sexulity or gender have any bearing on are me and my intimate partners. The only way my sexual and gender orientation are the business of anyone else is if: A) I find them attractive, and wish to explore the possibility of a sexual relationship with them. and / or B) If they have a similar interest in me and it's mutual. Other than that, what does it matter? I know it DOES, (just like autism) but I simply don't get it. Just like with autism. Sexual and gender identity are like tastes: You like Chocolate, I like Vanilla or whatever. Only matters if we want to share a bowl of ice cream, right? Or am I missing something here? Seems really stupid to love or hate another human being because of what flavor of ice cream they preffer. Obviously sexaulity and gender identity are more pervasive and impactful than ice cream flavor prefference for most people. But the only reason that's the case is because our sexual preffences involve other people and are a more powerful drive. We are in the minority if we fall under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, and for whatever reason, some really screwed up supposedly straight people look down on on people who are not like them. It's the same old story. The ever expanding LGBTQ+ umbrella itself illustrates the problem perfectly. Where do we draw the line? Why draw any lines at all? I don't have any answers for any of it. Human sexuality and gender expression are poorly understood and only haphazardly researched. There's always some hidden or overt ideological, socio political, cultural and/or religious / anti-religious agenda etc attached to human sexuality and gender expression reserach. The best book I've read about the topic is "The Myth of Sex Addiction" by David Ley which absolutely destroys the idea that sexual drives can or should be framed as addicitions, and shows how destructive and oppressive imposing supposed norms in this regard and pathologizing consensual adult sexual behavior or frequency outside of these norms leads to rank oppression and ultimately drives it underground to the detriment of society. Another fantastic resource is a film titled "Let's Talk about Sex" about pioneering human sexuality researcher and scientist Alfred Kinsey's work which began in the 1920s, He interviewed people using compleytely annonymous survey methods he poineered attempting to get honest answers from people about sexual behavior and fantasies. When he published his work on male sexuality, his findings were largerly accepted. When he published his findings about females, he was nearly lynched. In the end, Kinsey concluded that "Everybody is different" and that therefore "There's no such thing as "normal"" when it comes to human sexuality. It's too rich and complex and variable. Just like people themselves. It was Kinsey who first proposed that human sexuality exists as a complex, multidimentional, multivariable continum, with sexual orientation existing on, yup, a spectrum from completely homosexual to completely heterosexual using a scale from 1 to 5. Kinsey himself identified as a 3 - right in the middle and thus was the "B" in today's LGBTQ terms. Anyway, I think most autistic people have enough on our plates without getting sucked into the whole LGBTQ+ / Pride thing as yet another personal/public identity to adopt, express, and inevitably have to defend in social settings. Especially if it means we have to go to noisy parties, rallies, and parades with lots and lots of screaming people. I'm still just trying to remember people's faces and names in social settings. While smiling and making eye contact. And maintaining my train of thought. While lights and sounds like other voices assualt my senses. So I'm gonna stay away from large social gatherings with any sort of activist agendas or controversial potential for now. Social events in general are just....hard for me. Your reults may vary....
I cannot imagine a worse experience than being in loud, noisy crowds of strangers even if there are people I know there. I know such things are meant to express fun, but not for everyone. Even when I didn't know I was autistic such things were poison to my system. I forced myself to attend such things because it was expected, but no more. I don't even want to think about what you called naughty, it's pretty triggering for some people. Some autistic people are protective of their physical bodies, etc. If people like such an environment, that's ok for them. But if a group really wants to be inclusive they will have a variety of spaces available, maybe one or more quiet, slow, uncrowded places. I'd love to see spaces that were slow, quiet, uncrowded, with autistic people who don't want to make small talk. Maybe sit quietly and watch birds in a tree, or meet someone new in a one-on-one conversation that has meaning. Maybe some quiet, slow music. I'd be willing to try such an event. I normally don't comment to "rain on someone's parade" (pun intended) but did want to give my view of what a really inclusive space would look like for at least some autistic people or people with sensory challenges.
Hi friend, i'm not at all upset about your comment. You are correct, everyone has different sensory needs. There should be other options at events for people who need accommodations - perhaps there were for this and I wasn't even aware of them.
@@WoodshedTheory i am thinking i might benefit from some sort of noise reducing plugs but don't know much. maybe a music store would be a good place to ask some questions.
I wish Pride would stop pushing their agenda down my and especially my grand kids throats, when they keep 'softening' kids it is getting to be too much. Now they have infected porch coffee. Call me shallow but I don't want to hear it here. I'm am absolutely sick of hearing Pride. Unsubscribed in protest, I wish Claire and everyone here all the best.
Thanks, wish you all the best too. I'm slightly annoyed by the pink-washing and stuff. And commercializing pride. But I think I don't get what you mean. But anyway, I mean, I don't know you, but can you just please stay? That's just my personal point of view, but me, I'm sick of this division. Why run away now? I mean, you can quit any conversation anytime, no question. So why letting this topic ruin Claire's whole content for you? And why should we call you shallow? Who did that and why?
Umm that's fine, but Claire talks about a variety of topics during Porch Coffee. Not sure why her mentioning Pride during Pride month would cause you to unsuscribe. No negativity here, best wishes to you
I’m sorry to hear you feel that way. There is no need for decisiveness everybody is allowed and opinion. But to let one video ruin the whole experience is kind of silly to me. It’s only one video a year. You did click on this video even after seeing the title. You could’ve just skipped this one.
I’m still discovering which labels work for me on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. But I’m a 45 year old deaf autistic person with adhd. I’ve experienced pride events before and after diagnosis and masked and unmasked. My opinion is that I can’t do it all and now I know why. I had to change how and when and where I participated. Like you Claire, I felt the need to leave for personal self-care reasons. I also felt obligated to explain it wasn’t the people or purpose of the activities. In hind sight one shouldn’t have to explain. But my mask pushed through so I wouldn’t disappoint anyone or appear rude. I’m more aware of my limits now, and since my diagnosis, I’m finding I’m not able to push through. My brain won’t let me. The pushing through caused meltdowns, shutdowns and a long term burnout that led to my diagnosis AuDHD last year (and is still hanging on.) I’m glad you were invited to go and felt welcome enough to be yourself. Pride is for everyone. Allies too 🫶😁🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
I am proud of you for continuing to explore your identity. I have heard a bit about the term autisexual but i dont know really if that is a fully accepted thing. I am just me.
@@WoodshedTheory I recently heard that term on Neurodivergent Rebel’s channel. I think they said it is when one’s experience of gender is impacted by their Autism. I’m still learning myself. It interests me because I wondered if when unmasking, women who are autistic encounter negative feedback for exhibiting unfeminine behavior. Also, there always seems to be a little conflict when defining what something means. Especially in English as opposed to other languages. I know languages are your special interest, and some are very gendered linguistically. Defining one’s internal experience and reframing it with a different lens is something those late diagnosed with autism and/or adhd have in common with members of the lgbtqia+ community; in terms of passing/masking and subsequently becoming more authentic with increased self-awareness.
@@user-tv7zv6kb8e interesting i also understood it as someones whose sexuality is very closely tied to being autistic in where they struggle to accurately voice their sexual choices - i hope that makes sense. gender is also a factor from what you are telling me
Yes. My own interpretation of my autistic experience is that it is a neurological difference. Since the brain controls everything, to me that makes my autistic sensory experience pervasive. I was born with certain biological sex characteristics, but gender and sexual behaviors are taught and learned through interaction with others. The idea of social construct. I have a tendency to see patterns in a variety of mediums including human behavior. It has occurred to me and maybe some others that our experience of gender and sex is one in which we sometimes mask heavily depending upon our personal feelings and the safety of the environment. Neurotypical people who identify on the lgbtqia spectrum come out of the closet when they feel unable to continue to hold themselves to societal expectations. This is very much how it felt to me, and continues to feel each time I peel back another layer of how I hid my true experience as a neurodivergent and deaf person. Masking for the sake of making others comfortable is not so different from bringing a socially appropriate plus one to an event so you don’t have to answer questions. But when you go home, you become the real you again. And that icky, inauthentic feeling builds inside until you can’t maintain the façade anymore.
Yes voicing my choices was difficult for me. I’m exploring some hypotheses with my therapist. I’m currently single by choice, because I don’t know where my real wants and needs in a relationship conflict with the mask and script I had in my head for past relationships. Sexual behavior was included in that and my misunderstanding of cues and making inappropriate faux pas, that cost me friendships because I didn’t understand hierarchy or boundaries. (And ended up making someone uncomfortable). It’s how I got diagnosed. A well intentioned partner of a friend pulled me aside and explained how my behavior was being taken and suggested I look into neurodiversity further. He said I was behaving like his teenage son who at the time had been diagnosed with Asperger’s.
