SONG: • Forces (English Piano ...
A month has passed since Kentaro Miura's death was made public and I haven't tried until now to verbally express how much he and his work mean to me. The more I think about it, the more apparent it becomes that I am not capable of doing so in a way that makes me satisfied. The truth is, Berserk has ingrained itself so deep within me that describing the full extent of my love for it is just far too daunting of a task. It is something I have tried to do before and never could manage. It is even more difficult now. Regardless, I will try.
I have been depressed for close to, if not a full decade. Since before I even knew the word for what I was feeling. I can’t point to any specific event that started it, and I can’t say it’s gotten much better for me, but my ability to handle it has at least improved.
When you're a child and you have little control over your life, it is difficult to take uplifting messages and conversations about how things will change to heart, when everything you know suggests otherwise. To this day, I struggle with taking words of optimism seriously, both from people and stories, for it almost always feels hollow. But Berserk did the impossible, and got through to me, because I wasn't told, and I wasn’t lectured. I was shown. And in a way that truly felt earned at that. There is no person, real or fictional, who could ever hope to inspire on the level that Guts can. His refusal to die despite being pitted against gods and fate itself is beyond comprehension. Despite being robbed of nearly everything, he presses on to ensure the one thing that has always been his: his life. Even though the accumulated stress from his audacity is killing his senses, exacerbating his tremors, and shortening his life span, amongst other ailments, he continues on in spite of it all. It is the greatest act of defiance imaginable.
Since I first read Berserk, my computer wallpaper and phone wallpapers have stayed the same.
(images: be...)
Guts’ story is so powerful, that all it takes is one of these still artworks or a mental image of the character to keep me going when I feel like I am at my limit. Over, and over. Again, and again. Every time I remind myself of Guts' battle, it makes whatever I am dealing with feel inconsequential. And that has been the boost that has quite literally kept me up these past few years. And has continued to do so this past month. And will continue to do so for however long I am here.
And yet, as someone who struggles with anger issues, Guts has reached me far beyond his ability to endure external conflict. His unending fight against himself for control is one I know all too well, and Miura’s portrayal of this means the world to me.
And so above all, Guts’ story of resistance and restraint is why I treasure this series so much. Even so, Berserk has made me laugh out loud many times, and broken my heart with the struggles the characters aside from Guts face as well. People like Casca, Jill and Serpico are unbelievably strong too. It is for this reason that I tried my best to display all these aspects into the video, at least on some level.
Kentaro Miura, I am devastated at your passing. But I won’t waste the life you have given me and will continue to fight my war despite life being so bleak. Guts and Casca are off resting somewhere after winning theirs, so I won’t let up from mine now. Rest in peace you fucking hero. Berserk will forever be the best work of fiction, even unfinished. I hope you know that. And I hope you were proud of what you did, because no one else could have done it. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
8 сен 2024
