I just bought pieces to put together my first coord at 45. I am a person who has been told my entire life, I’m too loud, my personality is too big, and I just occupy too much space. It took me years to say screw it! I shouldn’t have to reduce who I am to make others happy. I want to take that girl under my motherly wing and help her grow
tbh, I love lolita, but I had to actually follow a bunch of plus size lolitas to make myself feel like I belong in this fashion and the first email hit way too close to home. But when I posted my first outfir, people where so supportive. I almost cried. I hope A gets better and feels better soon. EDIT: Oh, my god, the mom story is so wholesome!!!! I'm crying!
So many just starting lolitas seem to have the false idea wardrobes happen all at once.... A I promise you it’ll happen one day if you give it time. I’ve been in the fashion 6 years now (god I feel old suddenly) and my wardrobe is JUST starting to grow bigger. I JUST got my first brand piece. You got this hun. We’re here for you and you will thrive if you just keep moving forward
as someone who thought that i could get away with with vintage blouses because i also dress vintage i am not like welp it does not translate lmaoooo! but oh my god once your collection starts it feels so warm! but also in a sense a welp litttle by little we got this
Ive been in the fashion six years myself and ive only just started expanding more on my brand in my wardrobe as well as getting more taobao pieces., as my brand pieces all have taken me several years to obtain .
To A and all the other young lolitas: Things will get better (especially after 25 when your brain is done growing), It's always ok to shop around for therapists, literally no adult feels like they have everything figured out. (Half my friends with kids were like "I can't believe the hospital just let me take home this human."). Question every negative assumption you make about yourself as much as you would question someone badmouthing your best friend. Never assume that the way someone is treating you negatively must be the way you deserve to be treated. Also if people seem surprised about your age at a meet it may just be because it's really hard to decipher ages in lolita. I've definitely done this and it was out of my own embarrassment that I was talking about things that might not be interesting or relatable to someone at a different point in their life e.g. "oh god I was talking about office politics to a fine arts major who definitely does not care about that at all"
I am not a lolita, but I am a mother of an under aged lolita that isn't old enough to navegate the web by herself (I don't trust grown ups I don't Know arround my daughter), so I access the online comunity with her and I do guard my daughter the better I can. Hearing the first story Broke my heart. I wanted to hug her. Every girl is pretty enough! It is our birth right! (I love the little princess book) Nobody can look bad in lolita, that is the fun.
If you want her to have a safe space to interact with lolitas, the beginner lolita amino could be good (depending on her age. Amino has a 13+ limit but we generally are okay with 12+, but if you did it with her it might be okayish for her to be even younger). There are a lot of minors, and it's a fun, family-like community that would probably be super useful for her.
You got it so right when you say the "adults" look like they have it all figured out but havent got a clue. That is so right. I'm 27 now, got a decent job I like, pay my own bills, am happy with myself in general... From the outside, people have told me that they are amazed that I "always have my shit together"... And the first time I heard that assertion, it almost made me snort with laughter. Girl, I havent got a clue. Im not even sure how I ended up where I am, I dont have a plan, and I have no clue where I will be next year. And that's okay. People who are older and look like they have the answers rarely have them. That's usually just people from the outside looking in. Believe me, most adults are still just as clueless as they were as teenagers. We just hope that noone calls us out on it. Also... not having to answer for anything helps with that, if my mum knew about my spending decisions, she would never stop shaking her head :)
When I was 17 I had no idea what I was doing in life and got straight to college only to realise that 23 year old also had no idea what they were doing with their life
your answer to the first write-in was so lovely... you can tell it really came from your heart. As much as you "play a mean lolita character on the internet" you have a wonderful heart and word things so beautifully. Love u and ur videos 😢❤️
Just finished A's letter and before even Tyler says anything: --If your therapist isn't helping you, switch to another one! There's nothing wrong with changing therapists to find someone that works with you. Sometimes it's like befriending people; some people don't mess well together for whatever reasons and sometimes people mesh swimmingly together. Find someone that will work with you to better help you. --Second, don't worry about looking 'expensive'. That's not the point of lolita fashion! The point is to look cute in dresses and to feel cute. It's not a competition for who has the better coord or not. Which leads into point three: --Third: I get comparing yourself to others. But remember: there are plenty of different people with different body types that wear lolita. Hell, I'm plus size and I'm getting into the fashion. There's challenges, sure, but if plus size people can wear lolita and other alt fashions, then I'm sure you can as well Anon A. :D At the end of the day, you gotta do things that make you happy. There are enough things in the world that likes to tear happiness away; sometimes it's the little things happy things we have that make us keep going. You got this A and anyone else reading this!!
Absolutely agree. My first therapist was dreadful. The only thing she had going for her is that she actually said she didn’t think we were a good team before I did. My new therapist is great. Therapy is team work. If the therapist is letting you down A then a different one may be the best thing for you. This can be just a personality clash or could be the wrong type of therapy for you at this time. No fault on either side is necessary to cause this, sometimes it just happens. There are as many approaches as there are people. Very best wishes and much love.
Tyler, I love all your salt and your snark but I also love your heartfelt dedication to lolita fashion and how you use your platform to uplift people with struggles like this. Lolita fashion was the first time I ever looked at myself and really felt pretty and it really started my whole love of fashion in general. I also want to use my current knowledge and skills to help others who struggle with their own self image. Anyway, I really appreciate your channel and these videos. Just wanted to say that. Thanks!
Tbh it's nice to hear that taobao brands are pretty accepted. Because due to my age and like the money I'm able to bring in all the dresses I do own rn are from taobao. And lately I have been getting a bit intimidated because every other lolita I see is always in AP or Metamorphose
Of my 5 dresses, only one is brand and I found it priced great by complete and utter coincidence on wunderwelt. It was a dream dress I wanted to save up to find later on and I just stumbled across it at a great price and condition. All my others have been off brand bought from devilinspired. I don't really care about "brand" superiority, if the dress is cute and made well then the dress is cute and made well (excluding replicas). Also some off brand dresses can give you a really niche style or theme or size that the popular well known brands don't cater to.
I prefer some taobao brands over some brands like AP/BTSSB/Meta anyway. I like more classical styles and there is just more variety in taobao brands. Plus more affordable than a brand like Innocent World.
After decades of dealing with the monkey on my back ( and the whisper in your ear) that is an ED Let me whisper a few things ive learned. Find a therapist that loves you more than you think is even possible ,they ARE out there believe me. Do things that scare you , push you but also bring you joy. You are not that horrible person that your ED tells you you are and that voice will quiet, it wont go away but you will have the strength to tell it to F off . You are not less because of it and not defined by it. People will love you for you, you are worth it. Reach out there are communities online that will help xx
My comm (the best comm from my wholly unbiased point of view) has people from high schoolers to parents in their late thirties and everything inbetween. Differences in age don't really matter as much with a shared love of fluffy dresses, you get so much out of knowing people from different walks of life ❤️ Echoing Tyler here, but in my experience irl lolitas are lovely, no one looks down on non-brand wardrobes or different body sizes.
I'm so happy to see you that Tyler's advocating for finding another therapist.I think that's incredibly important if one doesn't work and doesn't understand your lifestyle keep going Life gets better. Also I wish parents be more supportive of children's lifestyle and choices especially if it's not hurting anybody sometimes that's support goes miles for self-esteem.
Your advice to the first letter writer was so heart warming! Also I agree with all of that, if you are reading this, A, you got nowhere to go but up! Keep at it and you will find your people!
Your heart-warming advice to people who write you is the main reason I subscribed a few weeks ago. I'm not a lolita myself, I just love the fashion. I've been binge watching all of your series and I love how kind you are 🥺 Thanks for all the good content, love your work!
Aww Taylor, your advice to the first person was really wholesome and sweet, I'm 26 but it was a good reminder for me too. The second mom story was so nice, I wish my parents were that supportive of my interests.
I sometimes withdraw from watching Tyler's videos maybe it's because I'm autistic but I struggle to understand what's a joke. And I'm scared in general to get into lolita because (lots of reasons. But i cant wear all the things because of disabilities and comfort and living in a country where there's no com and not being able to buy, becauseof sizes and country/money) tbh I'm sometimes scared of Tyler because I have a hard time understanding whats real and what I shouldn't take personally. Videos like this make me feel less out of place.
Not going to lie, I kinda needed to hear that advice from the first one. I say that as a 32 y/o non lolita. That was just good advice and built me up a bit (even tho it wasn't "for" me lol) Thanks Tyler 💗
I feel like A is a parallel to me, except for me it's my transition rather than lolita. It hurts my heart to know that others feel as awful about themselves as I feel about myself :(
I just thought of this, but y'all we buy clothes because we like them, to fit us. The mindset of altering your body to fit clothes is incorrect. There's nothing wrong with altering clothes so they look great on you (yes, even brand) that's how a lot of celebrities get their clothes to look so good. Even those who are commonly idolized for having an ideal figure need to get their clothes tailored to fit well. And there's a lot of alterations that can be done without going to a professional tailor. You are enough, you are worth it. So be at peace, wear clothes that fit well, and get your fine self out there!
That first letter really hit home. Getting back into the fashion year later really brought back some incisurites, and well extreme dislikes of certain body parts. Like my boobs.
It sucks knowing that without your boobs, you could be the perfect size to wear almost anything or it would put you closer to your measurement goals. However, my titless friend brought up one valid point that sometimes makes me feel better. She pointed to my boobs and said, "people pay good money for those." I know lolitas can cry the same over their dresses that they hoped to eventually squeeze into, but I hope it helps you when you're down to know that some girls think you're lucky.
I feel this SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. I love the fashion but it has definitely given me Some Feels about my chest that I've never had before because if they were smaller I could fit just fine in brand.
Never dislike your boobs!! There are tons of OPs and JSKs around that support both the IBTC and the LCC (im dubbing these the Itty bitty tatty committee and the large chest council lol) and plenty of pro tailors that can work with you if needed!! Don't give up!!
8:08 3 coords to someone like me is a lot. I've been in love with this fashion for 10 years and until recently could only educate myself on it. Earlier in the year I was finally able to get my first dress but that's the only piece I have, I can't coordinate it at all. A has def made a lot of progress tbh and that's def something to be proud of
i admit i am afraid to start wearing lolita fashion. I'm in a time in my life where I have over $25,000USD in debt and nothing to show for it. I am in need of better housing and in a better neighborhood. I owe a better living experience to my daughter. I don't really own anything that brings me joy. My daughter loves the dresses as well. i kinda wanna see if i can buy a dress and put a coord together. even if it isn't brand. devilinspired here i come. I hope I can take care of the things I purchase. My depression tricks me into neglecting things I use to find enjoyable.
ooh! uploaded 2mins ago! woo Ooh! "A" sending you all the love!!! This is why its important to keep NSFW stuff out of the way! there is safe are all ages! If you want advise on how to do things your scared about (like making a call or sending a scary message) to do it when on a walk (physically out of your comfort zone) but somewhere that it calming
Ooh thats such a good tip! I actually tend to do that, without even realizing! It works. I go to parks or trails or just parking lots in nice looking buildings haha
A, I wanted to say that if your reading the comments, I am a 26yr old Lolita and I only have 2 co-ords(and 1 dress I need to coordinate)(also all bought secondhand, mostly off brand) so your doing really great. I think I can speak for most adult Lolitas when I say that none of us are perfect, we are all working through our own struggles. So A, just please know that you are more than enough and more than welcome in our community. ❤ ❤
Omg I just want to hug the first girl. I hope she finds a good therapist and happiness. There’s so much insight I want to give but I know when you’re young and insecure those words don’t hold a lot of meaning. I really hope to one day have her mail in again and tell us she’s happy and show us her beautiful cords!
I understand the anxiety A is going through, while I never had an eating disorder, I had a lot of real anxiety with nothing I ever put together being good enough and feeling like I was doing nothing but take up room as soon as I figured out what being "ita" even was, and was so worried a lot of my early lolita years that there was no point in posting anything. In college I had to sell several dresses to help pay for an accident, because I told myself I "never can make them look good anyways" and felt guilty right away. So much so as soon as I had the money I bought one of my dream dresses that came up on lacemarket and fell in love with having it on. None of my stuff is particularly expensive, but I have focused on buying clothes I really like. Sharing joy even if it's in bits and pieces. I promise A that most of the successful adult lolitas you may see probably had even uglier ita phases before lolita became as accessible as it is now. And before fancy brands, people were wearing handmade mismatched old school pieces in Japan just because they wanted a poofy skirt. If social media is making you feel terrible because of comparisons, you should follow other people (more plus sized or younger lolitas! a lot are around and seeing a variety of people in lolita can help, god knows I've felt terrible looking at only skinny models or fashion bloggers even if its not their fault as their bodies are mostly genetic) or go on it less. Flat layouts are a good way to share in lolita, or even just a picture of a new main piece you got can be a good way to share your love without really worrying about how 'perfect' it looks because flat lays are inherently difficult and unboxing pictures never look perfect. Another point that comes with age: no one just becomes perfect. For lolita blogging, pictures, coordinates, and filming you see came years of experience, trial and error, and active learning. Some people went to college for photography or filmography and transferred those skills to lolita. No one here expects a 17 y/o to have it figured it, and if anyone does the majority of us will chase them out with a broom. I know that can be hard to believe especially at that age, but I promise you, not only did we have no clue what we were doing at your age, we barely have any clue today. I feel like I was an idiot a year ago and I'm in my 20's. No one knows what they're doing. Even the most experienced lolita's with years worth of clothes in their wardrobes and great coordinates they feel confident in have bits of doubt in their mind about if their coordinate is really that good or has days where nothing just goes together right or they feel stuck with the same coordinates. Even if you can't have lolita friends, try to make and keep good and healthy friendships. Finding people who make you happy is the most important thing because they're the ones who keep you company, listen to you, fight off that loneliness, and keep you moving forward. Most of my friends aren't lolita or j-fashion wearers (and those that are I have converted by my ramblings), but they are supportive and loving and kind and I love them a lot. Above all else, I felt being that age I was so restricted in everything and high school just reinforces the idea that everyone has to know who they are, what they want to do, and be as perfect as possible or else its a lost cause and it was the years after it that really cemented the fact of adulthood which is: no one knows what they're doing ever. In college I saw people going to class in christmas pjs in may, I had professors who lost their entire lesson plans, I had classmates who were actually a year behind me or in their 40's going back to school struggling with the same stuff I was. I got lost even though I had been there for years, and I saw other lolitas on campus at random??? My point is high school is suffocating and as the years go on with proper support you learn that we're all stumbling around with barely a clue of what we're doing. We've all had terrible coordinates. We've all felt like shit looking at our wardrobes. But as a community we love people loving what we do and would love to have you post, whenever you feel comfortable to do so. Find another therapist, find people who you can lean on and talk to freely, and I'm certain you will feel happier. If you're nervous about lolita, it will be here waiting for you so don't do what I did and sell off everything you liked. Don't be afraid to just find another one at any point, your doctor should help you and sometimes doctors do suck or just aren't a good fit for us.
Dear A, I'm in a similar position. I'm also 17 and nervous. Dude, I only have one dress and not even a petticoat. I think it's SO cool that you have 3 whole coordinates! I'm really proud of you and I hope you can be proud of yourself! - Another young lolita
To the young lady with such insecurity, I know it's late when I'm writing this to you. I want you to remember your life and you are important. It's okay if you feel anxious or anxiety with socializing, but if you have a community and resources you can reach out as you feel ok. It's important to know I'm 34, due to chronic illnesses and ibs&bladder problems, so I am having to wear adult sized absorbent undergarment, so I've had to give up my dreams of lolita. I have always wanted to wear these beautiful classic feminine and modest pieces. You are an amazing young lady, dear. Please know I will be rooting for you. -Autumn
yup crying. um.... tyler.... uhh........... thank you................. ;-; GO A!!!! you can do it, we're so proud of you and excited to welcome you to the community! :)
I totally under stand what the 1st person Is going through I cosplay out side of Lolita and can’t count how many times I’ve just been insecure and have compared my self I can promise you it will get better just surround your self with good people and it will get a lot better ❤️
To A’s email Try getting a new therapist. If your current therapist isn’t helping you it’s fine get another one. Go though as many therapists as needed until you get one that works for you.
Ok I do adore you. (Imagine me as that aunt that still wear 1980's blue eyeshadow and come pinch your face) the only tiny link I can see with Lolita fashion or world is my love for Sewing victorian garments. To that 17 years old, I motherly say "you are enough" you are just beginning on the road to become a person, like a writer writing a book, development of your story take time and work. Please be patient with yourself and for now, you are enough because you are you. 😻
I really appreciate this video. I first started getting into Lolita about 2005, and I've also struggled with an eating disorder for almost as long. Despite being 3 years into recovery, I still find it hard to not compare myself, and that I don't look as good in the fashion as super thin lolitas do.
I’ve been a lolita at heart for 12/13 years, and now at 25, I’ve finally gotten my first JSK (shoutout to Lady Sloth). I am so happy about it, despite working though a few insecurities. Hearing what you had to say to A was a good reminder that I’m glad I’m subscribed to you. I hope A realizes that she is good enough. Also, Bean’s mom is the best.
I'm actually getting my first dress in the mail :D! Tyler and Lor's insistence and protection of "different" lolitas is what gave me the courage to make that jump. Knowing that you're not alone is such a powerful thing! 💖💖
Dear first letter: You are WORTHY, you will find your tribe. If you're worried you do not fit in, because the community is older, remind yourself that they too, likely started their lifestyle when they were younger. they also had a newbie time. you are GROWING!! This is part of you finding yourself, your style, your community. From my POV, a large part of Lolita is the state of mind. 💖 Your cords will come in time, your friends will too.
I just wanna say that I relate to whoever A may be. I have injured myself deliberately because the blood was proof of being alive. I have done things I'm not proud of. I've hurt people I love. And I've even considered letting it go when the night keeps me from sleeping. And you know what? I've come to accept those things. I go swimming and let people see my body. I know I'm not always going to be this person. So A, wherever you are, and anyone like you, I understand. X
I know a lot of commentors already gave their advice, but I wanted to add in my 2 cents as well. A, if you're reading this, you're already 3 coords in like Tyler said so you are already doing AMAZING! and its true that Lolita brands that aren't AP are very much accepted in the community! My fist ever lolita dress was from HOT TOPIC of all places, I kid you not and its still one of my favorites and the most comfortable one I wear to this day and I bought that thing upwards of maybe 6 years ago? You are doing fabulously, so don't pull the bike out from underneath yourself before you start your Tour De France in your lolita journey!
God Tyler you are amazing. I'm so glad I found this chanel. These videos always build me up and give me more confidance each time I watch so that one day I bite the bullet and get my first dress.
despite it being my birthday and feeling like i should be happy today, i’m in a place where i really needed to hear this. thanks tyler, you made me feel at least a little bit better
Tyler is like the most genuinely kind lolita youtuber there is. Even when I met her at Tekko she was just so genuinely sweet and nice! It felt natural and even though her brand is to be a little brash, her genuine sweetness always peaks out a little. Shes a gift ;v;
I am not apart of this fashion or community in the least but have followed this channel for awhile. I find you and this community so fun and wholesome and have watched all the ITT videos. I was watching this in the background while doing other things and suddenly found myself glued to the video. Around 8 minutes i started tearing up because the things you are saying transcend the specific topic. So thank you. I needed to hear the things you said. Sending all my love and light to all you lovely lolitas. Keep doing what yall do!
As someone that has had an eating disorder and felt like I could never do lolita because of xyz reasons; you can do it! It's a ton of work but if you can find people that are genuine to inspire you to be your most authentic self and be unapologetic about it, your whole perspective can change. Find beautiful lolitas that aren't super skinny or have dark skin and see how they are so gorgeous and don't care what others think? Use that to fuel your own confidence. Start small and work your way up. You never know how being your most authentic self is inspiring to others but it really is! You are beautiful just as you are! Also I totally get not having a lot of lolita stuff. I live in Canada and shipping sucks here but covid made everything way worse. So I've decided to teach myself how to sew lolita inspired OP's by mashing a bunch of patterns together and making adjustments as needed. The one I made already was a huge hit! People loved it. Now I'm making a second one. It's not easy but is very rewarding.
I hope you'll get to read this Tyler. You're genuinely amazing and I can't thank you enough for your words; I'm a young adult and I related so much to the first message so your words meant so much, even though I'm a different person in a whole other situation. You're so so kind and smart and such a well-spoken creator, thank you for your videos!!
You can make your life change You are so much more than a life, a body We are cosmic beings filled with nerves for feeling and eyes for seeing You are an experience You can cater your experience to yourself You can do it
Theres a 13 year old in my local comm. They get along just fine with the adults with careers. As long as the adults are chill, youngins are fine in comms
These stories and replies gave me all the feels. So relatable, so heartbreaking, so beautiful. I wish you both all the best things. Everyone deserves to be happy, unconditionally. TuT
2:32 can't say this for ever online space, but in my experience there's quite a bit of lolitas actively online who are ver understanding, will take into account this like skill, age, money, etc to try to find ways to be helpful. I know fear like this so I don't wanna be like "oh, don't fret, Baby Anon!" but there *ARE* a lot of people online who will just be happy seeing someone be happy in this fashion and will be kind and helpful. Still lots of drama and bullsiht, of course, but also lots of good people
Fuck. I was not ready for this video, felt like it needed a warning for making me feel all the feels haha. Can super relate to both stories, and as much as I enjoy ragey "I'm not going to put up with your shit" Tyler, this was just so freaking heartwarming to see you care for both writers, especially all the super important help and info you gave A
I’ve been binge watching your videos b/c I just discovered Lolita exists so why wouldn’t one do so. Tyler reminds me of that candy commercial first their sour then their sweet. I love her humor & honesty. So I started this comment before I heard the mom story. My son is a senior in college & as hard as I tried he would not hear of me dressing him in the Angelic Pretty Day Dream Carnival jsk I found on lace market. I have such an appreciation for the beauty of the fashion but I’m a dinosaur so I’m not sure I’ll ever be blessed to wear it myself. You gotta support your kids no matter what. No Matter WHAT!!
No one could ever make me go back to being 17. It's probably the most difficult age to be and everyone is telling it will get better but you don't believe them because right now, you are not ok and can't see the light at all. But IT WILL BE OK ♥️
I was about to type a very harsh response for that first girl but I realized that it may come off as mean. So here is just one piece of advice from someone who struggled with anorexia for many years: get help fast and if your current therapist/doctor doesn't seem helpful: find a new one. Not being comfortable with one single expert is no excuse to make your beginning illness worse. People with anorexia love excuses, the illness loves excuses. Find professional help even if that's difficult or takes a while
