May Allah SWA bless and protect this Shiekh. It's a sensitive topic for men to discuss in our current climate; hopefully some female religious teachers can talk about it too. In Islam women have responsibilities just as men do, unlike in modern liberal culture where women are dissolved of any and all obligations. Islam forbids injury, harm, alcoholism, and demands that believers uphold their obligations. These injunctions effectively eliminate what's termed "marital rape" and "domestic violence" in western society. These problems only arise when Muslims neglect their Shariah (both fiqh and adab).
Can you tell me why we should wear our hijab? Is it our fault for attracting non mahram being a pervert? People back then tend to believe it is husband duties to give money but in modern culture we believe that it was both husband and wife duties. Can I go to work to provide money same as man and can I reject him when he want me to have sex with him? Wl I still going to hell for not obeying my husband? Yes! It's your delusional about modern culture.
@@captainkaizo3824 Covering yourself in front of non-mahram men is better for you and for society. Modern society has a lot of problems with assault and harassment and unwanted attention; Islam gives us an easy solution. I don't like attention from men so I wear hijab and men aren't interested in me. Alhamdulillah. I was born and raised in the west and was taught that I have to work just like a man and make the same income and have the same responsibilities. I've been working for 20 years now. I always just wanted to be a wife and a mother... but feminism has made it nearly impossible. Western men want a woman who makes money and pays the bills. There's a saying "the grass is always greener on the other side".
@@carlamckirdy2103 great! If you use that logic to prove Islam, can you use the same logic when it cme to Islamphobia? I mean thousands of Muslim women got harassed for wearing their hijab. Your logic is same as Muslim in my country who obsessed with their religion and happy to destroy their own culture. They said, rape and sexual harassment cases kep increasing because of the way women dressed up. To save yourself, you have to wear hijab. Now can you said Islamphobia cases keep increas because of the way muslimah dressed up? To save myself, can I take off my hijab? Let's see your logic as a Muslim antifeminist. Let see if you re really care about women. Especially n this modern society.
@@carlamckirdy2103 I was born and raised and bla bla bla... And you blame feminism for that? God! What feminism has to do with this? Feminist want women to decide themselves whether they want to become housewife or continue their education or continue their job. While Muslim, "no, tou have to listen to your husband". You don't want to work, right? But at the same time you re not going to stay in your house without doing nothing. You still have to work in your own house. No. It's not husband's job to do chores, clean your house or cook for his family. Don use those stupid tactics. If you don't want to do your own chores, wash dishes, clean your bed, then you re a feminist. Well, this is Muslim. They think they re so great and put all the blame on feminist. You will know how important for women to work when your husband ended up decide to divorce you and leave you and your children. Still going to blame feminist? Why you even go to school and study hard to get a degree? I mean, your degree wl probably ended up in your room and you ended up in kitchen? I hate when some idiots think it is easy to become a mom. Western men bla bla bla At the last, men re going to decide everything. And put all the blames on women. They ask women to pay the bills while women ask to share the bill. Which one make more sense? No matter what, you must oppress women. Must control them. You must take woman as your slave just because you paid for her bills.
The sad fact is that most Muslim women aren’t even aware of what their obligations to their husbands are. Men are constantly informed of their obligations to provide, and for good reason. But rarely do any mainstream scholars or educators inform women of their obligation to provide sex in a marital contract. To not know your obligations before marriage is dangerous. This doesn’t justify marital rape, as harm isn’t allowed, but it is still sinful, and shouldn’t be surprising if it leads to the rapid destruction of marriage. Even here, and I say with utmost respect, you say clearly that the man must provide, but you are very careful around the language that the woman must be open. Though I respect that you did say it. It needs to be mentioned more though.
@@ladysilver0 If she got married in the first place she's supposed to provide it willingly regardless of the issue of love and respect (unless of course she has a valid excuse, like the sheikh mentioned). Consitent Romanticism of marriage in modern times is what is giving us today little girls trapped in old womens body.
@@ladysilver0 If a man loves and respects his wife, he will provide financially and show care/kindness willingly. Maybe you should ask yourself why does the husband not love and respect the wife? What is she doing wrong? Instead of taking from his money without his consent and treating him badly, maybe women should communicate and even consider separating if there isn't a solution. See how we can flip this around? It's not always the fault of the man. Some women are just evil or selfish, just as there are such examples of men. Men and women need to understand and accept ALL the rights and roles of each party. Islam is not a pick and choose religion. Women talk about consent and being in the mood for sex, but if a man ever said he's not in the mood to work today and earn money or spend money this week, people would lose their minds.
@@ahmedredaahmed3234 you make it sound like is an exchange of money for intercourse and that sound very sad. I do believe that if there is a healthy relationship a man will understand his wife and a wife will understand the husband if he is in a situation like you mentioned before and if he can’t work she would get up and work or maybe she already does it too . But now according to what you said, after that, no more Inter course for him because he doesn’t bring money to the table.
@@paulamoon2588 Like Yasir Qadhi said, the minimum is not what keeps a relationship going. It's about more than that. However, the minimum does need to be there at the least and there should be no hypocrisy. Let's be fair and say that if a man is not in the mood to work/spend, he will get criticized by everyone and rightly so. The woman will be told to take from his wealth by force. But if a woman refuses to not have sex just because she's not in the mood, men are told to just accept it and the woman is never accused of abuse or wrong doing. Like Yasir Qadhi, I do not support a husband forcing himself sexually on his wife. However, it's clear from Hadith that the woman is cursed all night long by the angels if she refuses sex without valid reason (e.g. on her period, sick, etc.) and she should be called out on it, just like men are called out when they fail in their duties.
English is my 4th language. My first problem in first 10 minutes. He said that "husband should give his money and no one has an issue about this. And wife can take her husband money without consent. And still no one has an issue with this." I'm sure every man has issue with this. We all know about that. And this statement has always be a license for man to force woman even ustaz in my country use that as their license. This is the reason why I want to go to work. And if I do that, can I against him? Still no, even man in my country against it. It's wajib for me to satisfy my husband. And if wife can take his money without his consent can be a license for him to use me as he like or want, can I use his money as I want? I mean, I can use his money to satisfy my own desire. If his desire is important to him, so do I. Can I do that? You know man will get triggered 100% because of this, right? It's like whenever woman tell their prob, husband give you money will always be a license for them. And some ustaz believe there's no need to give your wife nafkah as long you give her food, shelter and clothes. Can I say I'm going to give you one child for this food, shelter and clothes. Can I use half death giving birth to a child as my license now? No! And why you can't criticise about our past scholar? Because different times and different cultures? I thought Sharia going to be same till we die because Prophet Muhammad saw was the last and final messenger? And I thought new prophet will bring new teachings? How can we human change it? What if my culture stop wearing hijab? Should we follow this new culture? And I don't know what is the differen between force and going to hell for not satisfy my husband.
When the Shiekh said "no one has a problem with a woman taking money from her husband" he means modern western ideals say a woman can take anything but a man cannot take something from his wife, which is unfair. Men make a lot of sacrifices in marriage and women should make some sacrifices too. If you really hate having sex with your husband maybe there is a more serious problem, and if you really hate sex maybe you should not be married. This may even be grounds for getting a fasq (annulment) from a court. Or maybe he should take another wife? We should look to Islamic traditions for guidance instead of the changing values of modern society. Otherwise our religion will change every year and every decade as much as western culture. Women's clothing in the west is getting smaller until they will all be naked in public while there are constant problems of rape and sexual harassment. Islam's solution is covering and self control.
@King Sultan it is said that, if she doesn’t open up her 🦵 the angels will curse her the whole night, so if she doesn’t want to be cursed, she must open it up to the husband! 😀🥹 it it force
Any man who has to resort to such tactics is filth.., What a man supposed to do is to reframe and abandon his own responsibility ( provisioning and providing) by divorcing her, and get himself a healthier lady willing to fulfill her duty. Women universally hold access to sec and men hold access to security (provisioning, commitment and protection). If one party doesn’t want to fulfill their duty, I think the other party has every right to abandon theirs!.
Alot of men in these replies are purposefully ignoring direct quotes from the Quran and sunnah that the sheik brings up. Build healthy and mutually respectful relationships with your spouses (both men and women), try to get to the root of problems, and if intimacy is still a problem then seek a divorce.
Why is it the Men's issue? If women have issues with intimacy that's not the mens problem. A woman married a man she doesn't even want to have intimacy with, who's wrong here? The woman. Majority of inhabitants of the hell fire are women that are ungrateful to their husband's. Blame feminism Men are tired of being blamed for everything. Accountability is a woman's kryptonite.
@@khairt1731 this kind of thinking will not make your marriage last longer than a few month, you need to ask yourself why she is refusing you if want you're marriage to last, stop purposefully being closed minded and stop playing the victim here your a man stop embarrassing us
@@khairt1731 this is actually disgusting, disgraceful and I’m so happy my husband is not like you. Don’t worry the type of men that act like victims under a RAPE video are the type that make sure their wives KNOW everything that’s expected of them in Islam. Btw You do realize that there are men out there that don’t have to rape their wives to be intimate right?
In our time of bankaccounts and creditcards it is difficult to find money to take of from a stingy husband! I know so many stories of abusive husbands who take away the money of their spouse indirectly, by not paying the bills, so she is forced to do it if she don’t wants to find her and her children in the street...
I also know many stories of abusive wives and cheating wives that seek a divorce so they can live a liberal life with their "boyfriends". What's your point here? You're a feminist
When refusal for intimacy on unjust grounds leads the man to commit haram acts, it becomes problematic. Whether we like it or not the male is a very simple creature driven by need for food, sex and shelter. I’m not a proponent of marital rape but I would sideline the fiqhi position as a technical jargon. With all due respect
AssalamoAlaikum, everyone here, my question to Sheikh Yasir Qadhi is ,is it permissible to take money for teaching Qur'an? Can u please explain in the light of Qur'an and sunnah.
I am wondering , what does islam say when it is the husband who doesn't want intimacy ? Nowadays there are many cases as "no-sex marriage" due to pressure of life and other factors, and the male is not the only victim. If a man keeps refusing his wife, will he be cursed by angles too?
I think marriage has a lot to do with mutual understanding and compatibility. Sometimes communication becomes a huge problem unless other person has some wisdom. We are living in a very selfish world where most people think only about themselves. Specially in the case of marriages. Women had to do many sacrifices. But now women who are working and can afford themselves, they don’t want to do too many sacrifices.
I completely agree with the fact that understanding and compatibility contribute largely to the success of a marriage. But I think that liberal mind-set, independent, and " women not wanting to do many sacrifices anymore " is the big problem we have in marriages nowadays. Don't do the sacrifices for anyone not even yourself but for Allah's sake. I think both husband and wife need to understand their respective roles and fear Allah when dealing with one another. You can't enjoy the fact that the husband has to take care of you but when you asked to respect and obey him you bring all the "why's" and liberal ideas in the relationship. You can't also expect your wife to obey you if you are irresponsible as a husband. So I think understanding the roles and having a common understanding ( minimally) of these roles can make the marriage successful.
Seek a muslim counsil or your local ulamaah, there is a system in place, not by me, not by anyone, but by the Shari'ah. Both sides need to be heard and assessed and is not as simple as, "oh, why do we have to go to the courts when men can issue talaaq?", no! Even with the men and the talaaq - and not that we're fobbiden to do so - but we too have a procedure in place before we can issue a talaaq. It's the unwise ones who issue the talaaq without giving whatever matter at issue, a chance.
Islam has has laid few principles which should be followed, no excuses in that, apart from that mutual understanding plays the role to a successful marriage….MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING NOT CULTURAL
"Rape" is a western term that has changed meaning over the centuries and it doesn't necessarily have an equivalent in the Islamic tradition. Even 3 hundred years ago the word rape meant something like "abduction" and became a euphemism for unlawful sex, then later sexual assault. Recently the term has expanded to include any sexual interaction without explicit consent. Consent is a hugely problematic term because agency is a nuanced thing to ascertain. Try reading Joseph Fischel's book "Screw Consent". This is a big problem for the western legal tradition and Muslims would do better to look to their own traditions.
@@carlamckirdy2103 You said that Muslim must look inside their tradition? They tradition says ( man should go inside their women as they will, they are our field) If a woman doesn’t allow that, if she doesn’t open her v, angels will curse her the whole night until she offer it up!
Sheikh Yasir is stuck between a rock and a hard place - I don't envy it. On the one hand, he has to deal with people who have no islamic legal background and then Muslim women who are INCREASINGLY being influenced by third/fourth feminism or whatever number we are on now. These feminist movements HATE men and increasingly push the term "toxic masculinity" and demeaning mens roles in the society, all the while having no moral compass, i.e, being promiscuous, taking no responsibility for their actions in marriage. By 2030, it is estimated that 50% of western women will not be married as the men are looking for wives in other countries to marry, who treat men with respect, dignity and have more chances of being pure. The ridiculousness of having a church wedding with the bride wearing a white virginal dress is so pathetic as she would be nothing of the sort. My take on this fatwa from these classical scholars is that it sounds harsh because they would have found it OUTRAGEOUS if a married woman refuses sexual intimacy to her husband when the VERY basis of marriage revolve around this aspect and women would not even have conceived of refusing the marriage bed for no genuine reason whatsoever. And even western women from earlier generations would not have conceived it either. In my opinion, the hadith and its explanation at his link, hadeethenc.com/en/browse/hadith/58098, clearly shows the displeasure of the angel of Allah when a woman refuses to fulfill her marital obligations without any justification.
The simple fact of the matter is, if women like this are complaining about coercion, and looking for ways to say no to their husbands, then understand why the Shari'ah permits him to perform more than one nikah. And understand why this is preferred over one (amongst many other wisdoms), but even then, we have the womenfolk denying the man the right of this. If you are of the camp to complain of coercian, then be just to him and allow him to have another nikah and your problems will be solved except, the jealousy inside of most women, will deny the man of that right.
lol this is exactly what I thought I don't understand how polygamy became so demonised in the muslim ummah today, its like a rumor and people look down upon the women and men that do it whilst it is completely halal! my mom and sis always thought I was a weirdo and said things like, when your older blabla you change your mind or something idk what it is with me but I just go trough leaps were I crave intimacy and leaps where I don't at all and I think polygamy would be the solution for my husband and Allahu alam
@@Summer-oz6mg Allah has decreed more women than men in this dunya i.e. the hadith that mentions the ratio of 50 women to 1 man. If you go by that ratio, even if 1 man marries 4, you still have the 46 women remaining unmarried. And the civilastion we live in, not all men define themselves as straight so the ratio of unmarried women sadly gets further diluted. Also, you have to take into account that, from that 50:1 ratio, not all men will be muslim men, nor all women will be muslim women, but it puts into perspective that, even if all men were to marry one women each, think of all of the sisters who are left unmarried? So that's the other wisdom too for marrying more than just one. But the Qur'an also balances this out with warning the man "But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry] one." So it doesn't mean this is a justification for men to get married more than once carelessly, no. This is where the womenfolk (and the ignorent men) need to educate themselves. This verse means, if you know you (the man) cannot be just to more than one wife, then marry the one to avoid Allah's punishment. The punishment for the man who has multiple wives, but favours one over the other is, he'll arrive at the Day of Reckoning with one side leaning and everyone will see him, which within itself, is another form of punishment. So women should take security from knowing this and not deny the man of this right, and men shouldn't also think "Yes! We can get married 4 times" then blindly go and get married and not uphold the laws of Allah as, both will face their consequences in the akhirah. Of course, on the other side, if both are upheld correctly for the sake of Allah, then the reward will be great by His willing. The lesson we should take away is, we should never deny a single verse of the Qur'an, it is there for a great reason, and His (SWT) wisdom is far above, than of those that He created. If we try and make effort to understand the entire concept of Islam, we will not deny a single bit of it. But those who think they have knowledge or have little knowledge, will deny the verses of the Qur'an which is denying the verses of Allaah, which means rejecting the truth, and rejecting the truth is pride. And rejecting the truth, one can leave the fold of Islam, take a look at Iblis as the highest example.
@@tajulislam1522 let the man married his4 wives and swings between the 4 and children! Each wife need her spaces if he can afford that like rich men! In final He will have 4 houses with multiple kids but remain homeless! He have 4 houses and none I. The same time! 🥹
@King Sultan man you have the wrong understanding of feminism! You understand it in the point of view of Muslim tradition. Because you are thaught that a woman money is hers and yours is hers, as a woman I don’t agree with this why, Why her money is hers while yours his hers and the whole family? So you are a slave in that sense!! It is not longer responsability, it is exploitation( user) ! I have 2 sons, I teach them not to be exploited in the name of male responsibility toward a woman! Seriously!!..
What does the husband do if his wife rejects his rights and his needs? Ok so he doesn’t get that halal act from his wife. So then a beautiful woman, who’s not his wife, shows him she’s interested in him. He might be tempted to cheat! Man is weak! Marriage is there to solve the needs of the man in a halal way. Hopefully he’ll just marry the woman who is interested! And the first wife has to deal with the fact that now he has a second wife to go to when she rejects him! Especially since she made it difficult for him to have his right!!!!!
You don't beat her up, you simply try to do sabr, which you have been doing in your youthful years, then wife will come to her senses. Also if there's a reason a health reason for Example you get second wife... or finally you divorce her. Things need yo be gradually why ppe want to jump up wanting to beat up their spouse.
@@mohammedabdirrahmanrubblei9141 where in my comment did I say “beat her up”? I already know that beating is oppression! The angels will curse the woman who is able to give her husband his rights and rejects him. It’s a sin for the wife to reject her husbands needs if she’s capable of giving him his needs in a halal way! That’s part of the marital contract! If she’s not able to give him his rights, time and time again, then that relationship can’t go on (divorce).
Notice how Shaykh Yasir Qadhi REFRAMED this whole subject as beings Men's fault? The problem is Women are not being intimate with their husbands and Shaykh RE-FRAMED this whole subject as if Men are forcing women to have sex with them and he's telling them "No don't do it, bad man" This is wrong on so many levels.
Bro the problem is the man for not understanding why she refused him intamcy Yasir qadhi is literary telling you to understand your woman why she's doing this and assume the best
He's answering a question that came to him from someone This isn't a comprehensive muhadarah or a lecture on rules for islamic marriage intimacy... the sheikh has been mouwdu'e objective to address the matter of the day hence the question.
money and imtimacy are not equal... one is emotional and one is just cash. it's like islam makes marriage into a trade between money and intimacy... this is why marriage is such a turn off as a muslim
I think this is not exclusive to the US, it's the western civilisation. We have this culture in the UK too wherby, the law goes against the male by default.
if any guy is stingy and finds out his wife is taking from him, i bet you the guy won't be celebrating... also, i just can't see how money is equal to sex....
