I find often my creative block is just my anxiety, i cant be creative when i add too much pressure to myself and expectation that my next piece will be better than the last.
This is a wonderful piece, it's lovely. The strings sound like they're trying to catch up though. It would be better if the short strings had more attack on them. I also had creative block, and for months. It felt like it was never gonna end, but it stopped one time. Suddenly, I could compose again. I was confused at first, but had a realization. I wanted to make everything perfect. I wanted to instantly produce something perfect. Chords sound good, melody is good, the mixing is good, everything is good. And I had this mindset that I needed to finish a composition in under 2 hours. Turns out it was that way that caused me to burn out so quickly. After a short break, I opened up fl studio again after weeks, and told myself "if it's bad, accept it. If it's good, then..." So I placed notes, even if it felt like I was copying a few pieces that I've heard before. I again told myself that I don't need to be perfect and unique, I just need to learn how the musicians I like make these types of music the way it is. I tested and tested, and kept telling myself to not be perfect. I still had no confidence in myself. Idk if I've improved, Idk if I actually learned something, Idk if I achieved my goal. Comparing it to my first ever compositions, I was disappointed that it sounded the same "beginner-ish". Demotivated but still in denial, I continued pushing on and on. This time, I don't care if it sounds like a beginner's piece or if I didn't actually improve at all. I don't care anymore, I give up. This time, it's all for fun. This time, I will not think about this logically and reasonably. Let the hands dance on the piano. Let the notes be scrambles and dissonant. Just, have fun. It's the current time now. I still have no confidence and I still can't finish my works fully. There's just this unexplainable force that keeps me from finishing everything (even in things that aren't music-related). Everything is at 90% progress. But somehow, everything feels so clearer now. Sure, my music still sounded repetitive, but I actually learned something, and that is to have fun learning. Now that I've thought about it, maybe I did learn a lot in music. I thought I had no progress, I thought I was lazy (which I really was lol). But looking at the past, I see that I now know more about music than the past me. I recognized chords faster now, I can try make my melodies more interesting, I understand how pacing works and how some parts speed up then slow down and speed up again. I learned about dynamics, how volume affects the whole thing, how to make better arpeggios. I learned how to make chord progressions and what emotions it portrays, even if I don't know most terms for these. I just call some chords "the jazzy one", or "emotional 7th note thing", or even "idk what I did here but it sounds ok enough" chord. I still have creative block. A pain to remove. Others seem to remove it quite "easily", while it took me more than half a year just to have no creative block for a week (and then it went back again after that). I just keep telling myself "don't be a perfectionist", sometimes works, sometimes doesn't, but at least it works right? Sometimes the talent is weak and I can't compose and just stare blank at the screen, and sometimes it's strong and I can just think about it in my mind all day (sometimes humming) and never forget about it. But the most important for me is that if I total all of those highs and lows, it will always end up slowly but surely going up and progressing. Thanks for reading. Sorry if I made it too long and got carried away wih typing.
