Is Marriage A Necessity? | Couch Conversations | S1E3 

It's contradictory to say you don't know how to be monogamous while expecting monogamy from your significant other. It's not being honest to "live your life" while keeping someone else on ice until your ready to be with the one thats the one for you.

I respect Devale's transparency and admission of selfish desire (to keep Khadeen in a box). Many men share his viewpoint on playing the field but aren't honest about it.

Getting Married to my partner, for me was spiritually important.

Simply move along and find someone who is looking for exactly what you are looking for with similar timing.They do exist.

If I was a single person, this forum would not inspire me to get married. You can’t pressure a man to do something that he truly doesn’t want to do.

Maybe I misunderstood, having a requirement is now called pressure? So if I tell you what I want out of a relationship, commitment, no kids unless we get married, that's now pressure? What it looks like is that you didn't want to lose her so you pressured yourself into marrying. My opinion!

I can tell none of these men wanted to marry their wives but just settled. The women stayed waiting for them. My parents been married 30 years and my dad told me don’t give a man more than 2-3 years to marry you. Men know who they wife is. Your either his wife or he is looking for a upgrade.

Same way it's pressure for men to settle down, it's pressure for women to have to sit around and "wait for the man to be ready." Women don't have time to sit and wait to start their families, wait to buy a home, wait to make committed life decisions. I know people can be faithfully committed without marriage, but for some reason I just don't feel secure in his commitment to me if he doesn't want to marry me. Question to the men: What exactly are you guys not ready for when you've already made a woman your longterm gf? Of course not saying this is true for every situation, but when a guy says he's not ready, I hear: he doesn't want to commit, he's not 100% sure about me, he's waiting to see if he can find someone he considers better, he wants to still be able to have casual sex with different kinds of women.

At 19 I WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE!!! I was thinking about the next party!

MISTAKE NUMBER ONE... living together; pretending to be married or playing house!!! ...you should live apart and just date!

Devale is so good at keeping the energy positive during these conversations

Each of them have demonstrated growth when they talked about their experiences. When you commit to making something work no matter what, you grow as a human. This is the value of marriage. Growth.

I am floored by women who choose to stay with a man 5+ years without the man wanting to marry them! Especially, if infidelity is a factor. Sadly, the women then have to "persuade / pressure" him to marry her. WHY??? Ladies: Stop being a wife if you do not have a husband! We teach them how to treat us. The love you are seeking is the love you need to give to yourself! Spiritually, marriage is necessary. Your blessings will be in abundance when you do things God's way.

Marriage is key for generational wealth PERIODT!!!!!!!

I aspire to none of these marriages smh 🤦🏾‍♀️ thankfully I have good examples in my own family.

This episode was so beautiful. My husband and I are in Michigan too! And we had a similar story with college and the whole "shacking up" however when we first got married it was the worst 6 months of our relationship because of the pressure from so many outside people. But marriage has it's ups and downs and I'm so grateful for each and every lesson, not only to reflect on my part as an individual, but what we can do and create together. We have been married for 9 years and been together for 13:) and at year 10 of being together we had our first baby:) A whole new adventure:)

Why’d y’all get married if everything was fine to begin with? If they divorced right after the marriage, everything wasn’t fine to begin with.

Absolutely refreshing to see a realistic productive conversation between black couples(male& female) advocating for the ordained INSTITUTION OF FAMILY..

Translation: He wanted to live HIS life, but for her not to live HERS & just sit dry and lonely waiting for him 🤦🏽‍♀️

"Exploring Life" is having more than one partner or sleeping around when you want too??? Lord help us today!!!

It’s funny how some men meet a woman and know in the first few months that she’s the one while other men settle for an average woman and date her for 5+ years than get married and complain about how they were being “ forced to marry” when they knew all along she wasn’t for him... men be wasting their own time 🥱

I don't care what anyone says, this conversation is absolutely necessary, and needs to be had more!

My husband had 1.5 years to propose, and 1 year after that to marry me. I wasn't about to play with my life/ my youth.

Most of our views on marriage are constructed during our upbringing. I believe a lot of women don’t really understand why we want to be married we just believe we should. I believe in marriage, but my views on what makes it grow have definitely evolved beyond what I was presented growing up.

Thanks guys for opening up. People usually just want to hear fairytale like experience when it comes to marriage, but the fact is marriage is not a disney movie.

Marriage is about doing life...TOGETHER! The struggle is figuring out what that looks like for each couple and then going after that like your LIFE (marriage) depends on it!

I feel that people overthink marriage and it's rooted in fear. Why be with someone for 20-30 years having kids/grandkids building (a life commitment) just to not make the ultimate life commitment. You get passed all those different life changes and issues just to die without any benefit for the person you spent a paperless marriage with anyways.

Too many married people are horrible spokespersons for the experience of marriage. Frequently, married people describe it as hard work and labor. Marriage, for some is not hard work. The hard work approach seems to present itself as at times under developed people that do not work to heal their stuff to be present in the marriage. The human experience is hard work and your marriage is as difficult as it is allowed to be.

Marriage is a contract. You sign on a house.. on a car... for a job.. with a bank.. Marriage is declaring that you are committed!

Marriage is a ministry and a gift from God! People can try to downplay marriage all they want, the reality is God honors marriage! When God put it together, when the trials come, He will give you grace to work it out! I wish you guys well!

As mush as I loved the realness of this conversation it made me sad like the men were not ready and the woman basically had to wait for them to be ready. I am even more thankful that my husband did not put me through any of this. I know that in the first few years of marriage it was HARD for us but we decided to give our all and be intentional. I'm not going to be naive and say that the fact we were becoming parents didn't push us down the isle faster because it did but we made the decision together and I am glad we did, 12 years and counting.

I feel like if a man tells his woman that he wants to be with her but he also wants to be with other women as well, then she should let him be free. I'm not going to sit and let myself get cheated on. He made it seem like it's women's fault that men cheat. No, that's still your fault. You know yourself better than anyone else does. That was a conscience decision.

I've never been married but I feel like a few things should already be established before getting married, such as a stable job, reliable transportation and place of my own. I don't think any woman would want to marry me if I didn't have those 3 things . Just my opinion

This is why I believe it takes a select few strong individuals to discuss, with a vast audience, very intimate aspects of their lives. I commend you all. Thank you! I love the comment section just as much as the content. A 30 min glimpse into someone's life doesn't compare to the "in the moment" personal decisions they have had to make and live with...in my humble opinion

If marriage is “just a piece of paper” then why not just get the piece of paper then? That logic can be used both ways, so clearly marriage is much more than just a piece of paper.

It is so good to see three young black cuoples speaking intelligently from a maturing point of view on the chaotic subject of marriage and hearing you being real about the challenges, setups, and pitfalls that black cuoples uniquely encounter. Love this video. It's helping alot of black cuoples. COMGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF YOU. 👍🏾

I love these honest conversations and as a young woman who had a child from an unhealthy relationship and didn't grow up seeing great examples of relationships I see how marriage not being a necessity can cause negative generational cycles. I'm now in a healthy relationship and marriage is what we are working towards

Teenagers is one thing but once you’re over 25 you should know if you want a commitment or not. If one is not ready and the other is then let them go so they can be open for the right one to find them.

I just started the video... but am I insane to find this ridiculous? Together for 8 years before marriage??? And then he has the nerve to tell the world he was pressured into it? I wouldn’t have stuck around that long. I was with my husband less than 2 years before he proposed

But part of honesty is also understanding that she has the option to go and find someone who is ready. She should not have to wait for you to decide when you’re ready if she really is ready to move forward in her life.

When he caught Kelita blushing 🥰🥰🥰 this is so great. But it kinda seems like the past few episodes have highlighted Devale’s lack of interest in marriage...

THANK YOU GUYS FOR THIS... I'm at each of these crossroads in my relationship, and needed a conversational perspective as opposed to the traditional "this is how it's supposed to be" jargon that's peddled generationally... I needed this soft intro into what actually is... THANK YOU... THANK YOU... thank you....

This was REAL and good. More younger couple NEED to watch this.

Forget that, IF you my man AND we establish we are willing to commit to eo till death do us part. We are getting MARRIED.....its Tough WORK and it takes JESUS to keep it together but with commitment and dedication it can be prosperous. Married 11 years after 11 months of dating. I will say i have learned so much since I got married at 21 yrs old. A few things that contributed was foundation in God, open communication and transparency. These things have been pivotal and w/o understanding of relationships and the depth of commitment I would have given into Divorce when I felt " things arent working." Im reminded Love is an ACTION word and DAILY WE have to commit ourselves to one another. Everyday Im deciding to LOVE and stay engaged in my marriage.

as Mom I teach my son's your 20's is for you and you alone. Learn you.

We can accept honesty however you can’t expect a woman who also knows what she wants to put up with foolishness. I would appreciate a man who can admit he is not ready for a relationship however he has to accept me saying that I don’t want to stay around if I’m not going to be in a committed relationship. Lastly I don’t agree with couples getting married young. I think people need to experience life a little own their own first. There are a few people that handle being married young but it is rare.

One size DON'T fit all. Do whatever yall wanna do. Ppl will ALWAYS have something to say. Do yall.

I appreciate y’all mature & honest convos. It’s logical on both ends & not irrational. No clout chasing. I really appreciate y’all much love.

Excellent transparent conversation amongst the younger married generation. Thank you all!

Lol I do not like people saying Kay was applying pressure in a condescending way. When your significant other has a path that you don’t want to take, once you vocalize it, it’s called “You pressured me.” Lol it’s ridiculous and inevitable to not experience some form of pressure when you’re dating/married at some point in the relationship. Her “pressure” was a healthy pressure. I let you know what I want and if you can’t meet the standards, I’m leaving. 🤷🏾‍♀️

In response to "Why do Women want to be Married. " it all goes back to the Great Design!!! GOD said that "It is not good for Man to be alone." So, HE designed us from you and for you. It's called a Helpmate. We were designed for each other. I have been with my Husband for almost 34 years but married to Him for almost 31 years. That is because we both Love and Keep HIM in our relationship. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🙏🙏🙏🙏

Yes I have been living for these episodes. Thank you so much Kadeen and Devale. I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years and we are moving towards marriage, these videos really help us see different perspectives. Much love from 🇹🇹

I wanna be with u, but I wanna live my life too. I see nothing wrong with that long as you're ok with her living her life as well.🤷🏾‍♀️ ....but most don't want that👀...they want to put them on the shelf like Devale.

This was so eye-opening! Thank you so much for this discussion.

Long story short, thank you all. These conversation are real and so honest. Great to see open dialogue!!! It hit home. 🌞

At the end of the day you are either going to see marriage from a "Biblical perspective or secular perspective." The secular perspective sees marriage as a social contract where both individual's 'truth" is what wins the day.

I hope women understand and digest that getting married doesn't necessarily mean he it's going to stay forever. Forever is the intention but it's not definite. What's even more interesting is what if the person doing all the pressing to get married it's the one who wants top leave.

Devale, if at 19 you felt you weren't ready for a commitment, fine! Most people aren't at that age. Where you went wrong is thinking that you could put her in a glass cage until you were ready! That's the problem. It's not like she couldn't handle the truth, the problem was her exploring HER own options too! Seems like you couldn't handle that.🤷

Having this in my recommendation at the age of 19 feels like a God sent 💜

This is an awesome episode, so many gems.

We need to have more of these conversations 👏🏾

This was sooooo good!!! Please keep these videos coming ❤💣

Great conversation! Thank you for having relevant exchanges. Please be encouraged to keep going!! Blessings

Getting married to my husband was very much needed and to share our love with just each other

Marriage is "like" a career and I think most people would rather have a Full Time job than be a Temporary employee. And marriage should be the "safest relationship" for people, as well as, provide a solid example of a healthy relationship for kids... I'd also equate marriage to the first form of government we learn about and participate in as kids with a National Security Program. However, dishonesty with ourselves and others leads to broken or "unequally yoked" homes that usually degrade the program's success and result in domestic terrorism, if you know what I mean... I would venture to say that schools should prioritize teaching about relationships over sex, but that might help stabilize our society. Also, we should start defining marriage because it's not just about money and security but they are a big part of it. It's about two people giving to one cause that causes advancements on multiple levels of society. That said, great video and thanks for sharing a part of your lives with us.

Absolutely love this couple and what they’ve done with their platform.. However, even though you’ll have to deal with BS from anybody, I don’t think that’s a great mindset to have... that personally doesn’t sit right for me. I think it’s about weighing out the pros with the cons... if that person’s BS is intolerable, then you really need to consider other options. I love everything else that was mentioned, especially Devale being open about his 19 year old self. He’s right. We do need more of these conversations

I didn’t rush or pressure mine. When he was ready, he waited until I was ready.

Great Conversation!!! All young couples need to hear this. It is also helpful for older couples to listen. I totally enjoyed this debate/conversation. Keep them coming. I married when I was 20 years old and I promise looking back my husband will agree with everything that is being said. I totally enjoyed this.

Awesome episode and well needed conversation in the black community. I’m in a committed relationship 13months Boyfriend and I are talking marriage. Thanks so much for sharing this its Real Conversation 😍♥️

I'm Ghanaian-Togolese and Nigerian American and my boyfriend is African American. He spoke about marriage from the very beginning. I didn't need to say anything. But he's especially serious because early on my parents still considered me single while I was with him. They were still introducing me to guys despite me having a bf I wanted to marry lol. My boyfriend noticed and quickly introduced himself to them early to make them know he's there. He's going to be going through the dowry process for marriage now. As soon as he started, my parents stopped introducing me to others 😂 They love him and call him their son now.

I’m over the moon to see this conversation. Societal expectations place unnecessary foolish pressure and unrealistic expectations on young men and women.

I respect the honesty in this conversation about marriage. We as people have our own expectations about marriage… thank you all for being truthful about how each one of you felt about marriage.

This was so beneficial and to the true point. I'm singled was married. I Love the honesty on both parts, the men and Women. Thank you..

When being honest, you also have to accept the reality that she may not be there waiting for you ... it’s a choice on both sides, I think there is definitely pressure because it seems like women are ready or want to get married before the man. Men should definitely be honest and let the chips fall where they fall. But women should also be honest and if she is ready now and he isn’t, maybe it doesn’t work , either she waits for him to be ready... or he sees that he may lose her and does what’s necessary. I think there is pressure... then there’s motivation... also if it’s mature for the man to be honest about not being ready or wanting to still explore... isn’t it also mature for the woman’s response to be ... cool, thank you for the honesty but I won’t wait around for you to explore, if we meet up in the future then fine, if not have a good life? I love these types of honest convos.. and being with another person we must grow... exactly what they were saying... people change constantly, so being able to communicate and work with a person as they grow and vice versa is necessary.

Marriage is the ultimate expression of love. The bible says he who findith a wife findith a good thing....

The maturity and commitment is critical . The point that Kay made about being example for children living in a household that’s really a necessity. Because the stability had to be seen so the children can see the importance of this sacred union given by God for anyone who intend to follow him or even have a relationship or become one .

The Bible stipulates no sex before marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18-19) and if we were to follow this simple biblical teaching there would be much fewer problems in our relationships and our wider community. This is the 'elephant in the room' that this episode did not discuss!! It is so obvious that sex before marriage was defiately an issue here. Something to consider is that, as a woman especially, once you invest your whole body you obviously want a return for your investment and sometime this will cause a woman to go to unhealthy lengths just to keep a (no good) man and this causes a lot of insecurity and fear in the relationship. If we 'look beneath the smiles', we can see this scenario demonstrated here in this episode.

Imagine you spend 18 years with someone and at the 13 year mark they still felt pressured. Wasting that time with someone probably due to comfort and instead of taking the leap for a man who knew what he wanted from the beginning and set standards. Jesus

I've been asking myself this question for years and this is the second time I'm getting a great perspective and why it is. Thanks for the episode.

Absolutely loved this video! Was so insightful!

My husband was ready to marry me at 20 i told him no 2 times because I didn’t wanted to hurt him because I was on some fuck shit but when i turned 24 and we went our separate ways we were married 34days after I turned 25 I got all my play out the way and I was finally ready . I couldn’t imagine living my life without him even when we were apart we always stayed in contact and in each others circle but our time apart actually made me realize he is actually the one man I couldn’t live without

In all honesty, a lot of married dudes are suffering in silence to keep their wife happy. I hope the best for the couples but some dudes regret the day they got married

Great conversation....every young couple need to see this...real talk

Aye if you ain’t wanna be married no more that’s all you had to say lol

I am glad we got married later in life and we had the chance to be immature make mistakes and live life before marriage. No regrets. Everyone’s life and purpose is different. No pressure either way for us tho.

What does the bible say about marriage... this a great place to start...!

This was a beautiful conversation!!

First of all...marriage is of God ..not man idea..

marriage gets God's blessing on the union

Its 2020 and I'm just watching this! I recognize the young man from New sitcom Sistas! I thank you and wifey for this video I love the topic! May God bless you both!🙏🏽❤

"He deserves to be loved", "he deserves to be happy", he deserves somebody to pray for him". Am I dreaming? I have to be. We though women like you ladies no longer existed. Thank God I live long enough to hear and see this.

Hi Black Love I thank you for doing these videos on this topic. You gave your viewers alot of clarity on how an relationship supposed to be. Be blessed and take care of yourself KING'S and QUEEN'S

Why is Devale Married again? 🤔

Marriage is right because God said it is ! It is commitment and when you truly love someone, you will commit with marriage and not live together.

Much needed conversation. Thanks for sharing

Definitely a conversation starter they hit some key points and I’m sure some nerves but everybody have to know marriage is definitely a process

Responding the the girl in a glass thing. This is typical men entitlement. At 19, Devale wanted to be honest about how he felt and said women don't want honesty. Although the thing with the glass is that you want your woman to stay on hold while you figure out your life, but can you accept that she might want the same thing (that's why people came at him)? You are entitled to live your own life and your own choices, but so does she. She is allowed to leave if she's not happy. With your truth she has the right to make her own decision based on whatever you can offer her at the moment (you supply something that is not demanded). When a women says "I don't want kids out of wedlock?" you are allowed to leave if this is not what you want. That's her honesty at the same level as yours to not want to be committed previously. When men tell their truth it's honesty, when women tell their truth it's pressure. Nah, that's her standard/honesty. The problem is trying to control each other choices. Otherwise, this reads like **because I am honest I will have whatever I want**, that manipulative. Being honest is about integrity, being able to live with yourself, respect other people and their choices, not to manipulate. People get mad at the honesty because they feel they are controlled by the love they have for their partner. How manipulative it is to say: "Now that you are completely in love with me, I want to date a bunch of other women for 4 years. Wait for me in your glass case." ? Woman do accept honesty, the problem is that men can't accept that it might not go their way. That's the issue men have with honesty. They expect to have things go their way because they tell the truth, or lie to get what they want. Every choice is about their own needs, insecurities, and desires. Men don't want to assume the consequences of their actions and blame it on women not wanting the truth. Nah it is you being selfish and wanting the world to stay still while you figure out your stuff. If you are really honest, you have to be open to someone else honesty too, otherwise you are pretending. You are trying to have it both way and stealing her choices while you keep yours. Why dating if you aren't looking to commit? Leave and come back when you are ready. Yes! it is a risk to take, but this is the consequences of that choice. That's just life. You don't seek your dream job if you aren't qualified. If you tell your boss you don't have the requirement, do you expect to be hired? If you lie about the requirement, do you expect to be able to keep up? Nah, go get your degree and qualifications then apply when you are ready to do a good job. I love Devale, but he is wrong for dragging this conversation. I know Khadeem only wanted a wedding at the time, but at this point, don't they understand why it's better to be married? Finally, I agree with Devale, people don't marry for love, they marry for the commitment, to build a secure future without someone with one step outside the door.

I think women are conditioned to have limited sex and partners from a very young age.. while men are taught the exact opposite. That’s the disconnect we face as we come together we try and commit to one another.

We need a part two with these couples.

Extremely informative!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH !?