Is This Politician Offensive? - SOUTH PARK 

Garrison takes the stage at his latest campaign rally and offends a portion of his audience.
"Douche and a Danish" S20
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INT. BACKROOM - DAY
Garrison is being briefed by his advisors. Caitlyn can be
seen in the background filing her nails.
ADVISOR 1
Alright sir, don't be nervous for
your speech I know we're down a bit
in the polls but there's still a
great chance we can win the swing
states.
MR. GARRISON
There's still a chance, are you
serious?!
ADVISOR 1
Just ONE thing sir -- Be a little
careful what you say about WOMEN.
Uh, seems like that might be losing
us some votes.
MR. GARRISON
Oh you don't say.
INT. THEATER - NIGHT
A stage has been set up for Garrison to talk. There's a
podium for him to stand behind and there's a projected
picture on the back which says 'Make America Great Again'.
CHRIS CHRISTIE
Ladies and gentlemen... Our country
is divided like never before. And
we all know that only ONE man has
the guts to say what we're all
thinking. Please welcome the man
who with your help will soon be THE
NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
BIG CANNED CHEERS. Garrison walks out - Christie tries to
shake is hand but Garrison ignores it and instead just
takes the mic from the podium and walks out to center stage
with it.
There's still clapping and random 'Whews!' From the crowd
as Garrison slowly and methodically takes out a cigarette
and lights it.
People in the crowd start chanting.
CROWD
Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche!
Douche Douche Douche!
MR. GARRISON
So I'm standin' in line at the
airport. Waiting in security cuz of
all the freakin MUSLIMS.
BIG LAUGHS CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE.
CROWD MEMBER
OW!
MR. GARRISON
And the TSA Security people all look
like black thugs from the the inner
city. I'm like oh good YOU'RE gonna
protect us?
MORE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.
MR. GARRISON
Maybe it's good they're gang members
at least THEY can tell the
difference between Muslims and
Mexicans cuz God knows I can't.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE.
MR. GARRISON
You know, so I'm standin' there in
line and you know what I do? I
stick my finger in this chick's
asshole.
LAUGHTER BUT NOT AS MUCH - ALL MEN.
MR. GARRISON
And she turns to me and says 'hey
aren't you that guy that's running
for President?
LAUGHTER BUT AGAIN NOT AS MUCH.
MR. GARRISON
I say 'yeah'. She says, 'why you got
your finger in my ass?' I said 'I'm
just keepin' it warm honey cuz that
chick next to you is way hotter and
I'm gonna stick it in her clam.'
IN THE CROWD - Men are laughing but a few women definitely
aren't.
MR. GARRISON
Yeah let's make America great again
- No dude wants his finger in some
ugly bitch's ass.
Some laughter.
MR. GARRISON
You gotta be careful though, it's
only about half an inch away, you
know that asshole and that clam so
you gotta be careful, right dudes?
A woman in the audience starts to walk out.
MR. GARRISON
Oh... Oh where you goin? You
leaving? I'm sorry did I offend
you?
The woman finishes scooting out and starts heading up the
aisle.
MR. GARRISON
Where did I lose you honey?
Sparse laughs.
MR. GARRISON
So you've been ok with the fuck
everyone to death. All the Muslim
and Mexican shit, but fingers in the
ass did it huh? Cool, just wanted
to see where your 'line' was.
A couple more women start to leave. One looks at her
boyfriend and you can tell he's leaving reluctantly with
her.
MR. GARRISON
Oh yeah look I guess some more
broads are leaving. Oh jeez you
were so on board I can't believe I
let that little offensive remark
slip. Poor girls did you get your
feelings hurt after cheering for
fuck all immigrants? Jeez I'm sorry.
Jeez.

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