James Acaster's VERY British Drink Problems | COLD LASAGNE HATE MYSELF 1999

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You dirty top of the tea! You're so dirty!
(...don't forget to heap those teaspoons. HEAP THEM HIGH!)
WINNER OF THE MOST OUTSTANDING SHOW AT MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL 2019
“There’s a rush you get when you watch a routine that has been burnished to gem-like perfection, every phrase and pause chiseled and grooved to maximize the surprise; I felt drunk on it after two hours of this set. Joke after joke operates on a plane to which standup seldom ascends.” - The Guardian
“James Acaster already has a reputation as a comedy craftsman, but here he has surpassed even his own superlative standards…the way Acaster constructs his story, the way he develops themes and teases out humorous strands, is true genius.” - Evening Standard
“A revelation…career-defining two-hour show.” - The I Paper
Filmed 17.01.2019 EartH in Hackney, London.
BUY THE FULL SHOW ON VIMEO HERE - bit.ly/3eD9QFA
Welcome to the OFFICIAL RU-vid channel of James Acaster, the number one coolest channel on the net: You may recognise James from the Netflix Trilogy “Repertoire”, or his countless appearances on Mock The Week, 8 out of 10 cats and Would I Lie To You, or heard him as the genie on the award-winning podcast “Off Menu”. Here you can watch stand up clips, TV appearances and more EXCLUSIVE content.
Subscribe to the channel here - bit.ly/30xyJMr
Visit my website for future news and tour dates www.jamesacast...
#JamesAcaster #Comedy #ColdLasagneHateMyself1999

Опубликовано:

28 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 313

@JamesAcaster 2 года назад

Watch Clips from Cold Lasagne Hate Myself 1999 - ru-vid.com/group/PLQ2q_0gNMbqGe-fo-zZEaAWLJmrSCluYS

@TheOriginalDeckBoy 2 года назад

Man.. when are you coming down under.. Ah stuff it.. I'll come to Britain and see you there... Love your work Acaster..

@antoniacotoca 2 года назад

You are a comedy genius.

@johndaly9570 Год назад

Can't get this link to work

@sarcasm-83 Год назад

@@johndaly9570 Believe in yourself

@_kontingency Год назад

NO RESULTS FOUND

@oliviarule5679 2 года назад

I love the physicality that he adds into his bits. Like, it would be funny without it, but with it it’s HILARIOUS.

@Silkie_Dragon Год назад

What I love about this is it’s a complete flip on the trans-exclusionary status quo on comedy. I see Christian conservatives getting offended in these comments and it’s like the pin never drops for them

@gergofysandow874 2 года назад

I'm just laying here, speechless, from the top-of-the-tea joke 😍

@venoxidae 2 года назад

Apparently not speechless...

@mikemack9701 2 года назад

@@venoxidae Typing, after all, is NOT the same as speaking.

@venoxidae 2 года назад

@@mikemack9701 Legal Definition of pure speech : the communication of ideas through spoken or written words or through conduct limited in form to that necessary to convey the idea

@mikemack9701 2 года назад

@@venoxidae The legal concept of "pure speech," also is not the same thing as "speaking," but enjoy your imaginary gotcha.

@elenawilliams32 2 года назад

@@venoxidae You'd be fun on a night out.

@useitwice 2 года назад

16 years old, hes home alone and he drinks hot chocolate? What a good kid!

@tux1968 2 года назад

Loves his family too.

@iambetterthanu 2 года назад

I guess that's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to him. He has to scream the story so they don't fall asleep.

@Skaos87 2 года назад

Then again, he also spent a night in a bush, wearing a dress, scared of some hoodlums.

@E-A-Z-Y 2 года назад

Yes, 10 heaped teaspoons though? Maniacal.

@MrBrownnn696 2 года назад

Lmfao...

@alejandrosolano7421 Год назад

I hereby declare that Mr. Acaster is the current greatest.

@jordanedgeley6601 2 года назад

Genuinely the funniest man alive

@jamescarr4662 2 года назад

Grim

@TrentTube 2 года назад

1000

@iambetterthanu 2 года назад

I hope that was sarcastic.

@AndersWatches Год назад

@@iambetterthanu can’t wait for your first gig must be pretty incredible

@redbane2840 2 года назад

This guy is 2016 James Acaster’s evil twin

@EnoVarma Год назад

Leave it to James to make drinking tea weird.

@mystic7400 2 года назад

Am I the only one who didn't know that James is 2 months shy of 37?? 😳 I thought he was around 28-29...

@TigerGreene 2 года назад

And he's already peaked.

@willseabury6971 2 года назад

He used to be

@Missmelencholy 2 года назад

You WHAT

@mystic7400 2 года назад

@@willseabury6971 that's true.

@mystic7400 2 года назад

@@Missmelencholy you didn't?

@billbaron8499 2 года назад

You are by far the most genius comic ive ever heard.

@bravetherainbow 2 года назад

I feel somehow validated by an extended riff on the word "heaped" maybe it's because I was raised Baptist

@miledith555 2 года назад

Tea in a clear mug does feel wrong and I'm not even british. I have 1 or 2 clear mugs and I only ever drink water or herbs out of them, no tea, that feels wrong.

@robandtina 2 года назад

Wait... we can drink herbs? Which ones, and why, and the clear mug makes that work better? Is this like drinking essential oils? I won't make that mistake again.

@miledith555 2 года назад

@@robandtina Nah, I mean herbs like peppermint, sage, chamomile etc. I don't call that tea, cuz there's no actual tea in them. They're good for stuff like stomach ache, indigestion, sleep and stuff. And it just doesn't feel wrong drinking them out of a clear mug like it does with tea.

@thisisraveamok 11 месяцев назад

I didn't even know there was such a thing as a "clear mug". Isn't that just... a glass?

@sonofliberty1 2 года назад

Heap 'em high!

@JordiVanderwaal 2 года назад

- Look, I don't enjoy that bit any more than you do. Well, you better not because I enjoyed it a lot.

@NewMessage 2 года назад

Well... off my tea now.

@o0Theresa0o 2 года назад

Are 'Chrizzos' Christians? Are 'Bappos' Baptists? Serious question.

@mikegreen3485 2 года назад

Yes, from earlier in the special

@mikemack9701 2 года назад

Obviously. That would leave "Dummies" for Evangelicals. Serious answer.

@becominghero9754 2 года назад

@@mikemack9701 Why are we making slurs about people's religions now? It's not okay to do to M uslims or J ewish people, it's not okay to do to those guys either.

@mikemack9701 2 года назад

@@becominghero9754 Then again, Christians are repressive, hypocritical and overwhelmingly arrogant in their evangelism. "Making fun" of them is, likely, the nicest way of dealing with them.

@AndersWatches Год назад

@@becominghero9754 “slurs” 😂

@theoriginalchefboyoboy6025 2 года назад

his evil laugh is the best in the business!!! ROFL

@natashalikestea 2 года назад

‘You gotta heap’ 😂 🙌🙌🙌

@kath1626 2 года назад

The 'top of the tea' bit was too challenging for me. 🙈

@hweigel528 2 года назад

So long, Bappo!

@kath1626 2 года назад

@@hweigel528 Heh, if only. I'm an agnostic and was still offended lol.

@StuTubed 2 года назад

Bad luck! That's his job. He's a standup comedian, he's meant to challenge people. If you don't like being challenged, don't watch his shows. What's the matter, too challenging for ya? That's his job. He's a standup comedian, he's meant to challenge people. If you don't like being challenged, don't watch his shows. What's the matter, too challenging for ya? That's his job. He's a standup comedian, he's meant to challenge people. If you don't like being challenged, don't watch his shows. What's the matter, too challenging for ya?

@williboldt6701 2 года назад

Too CHALLENGING for ya!?! (from earlier in the special)

@Hebdomas 2 года назад

pretty sure that's Ed Gamble laughing at 4:11

@bossman5141 2 года назад

Had to listen a few times to come to the conclusion that it might well be Ed Gamble

@l.j.turner185 2 года назад

I’m a Christian man I’m still watching; sorry James, gotta try harder 😂😂❤️

@mikegreen3485 2 года назад

Get out of here, Chrizzo

@LlywellynOBrien 2 года назад

But are you a Baptist?

@laflame7338 11 месяцев назад

The ‘you gotta HEAP’ was very Seinfeld😂

@desiderata6281 2 года назад

"There you are, you filthy top of the tea..." OM??G

@TheLastCrusader22 Год назад

"So long Chrizzos" Jokes on you James, I'm still 'ere, still laughing! :P

@TigerGreene 2 года назад

HEAPING TEASPOONS!! HA. HA. HA. HA. This is the funniest human alive.

@thisisit333 2 года назад

I swear James Acaster gets me.

@Aureilia 8 месяцев назад

My condolences to whoever just realised they have The World's Most Specific Fetish 😅

@-Gorby- 2 года назад

Bloody bappos! hahahaa

@SJKM 2 года назад

I enjoyed this too much! 😋🤤🤭

@thomas087 2 года назад

So long, Bappo's!

@aramanon 2 года назад

The scummy top of the tea is a thoroughly Southern problem. I miss having Buxton mineral straight from the tap, and all because there's no jobs North of Kettering 😪

@eleanormason2647 2 года назад

Not all south- I live in the south west and we don't have hard water. Beautiful water straight from the tap every time 😍

@calnommer 2 года назад

jesus christ that sense of humor does NOT suit james... ig that's what makes it so much funnier

@tbz1551 2 года назад

Symphony of random… 🙌🏻

@thegoodgeneral Год назад

"So long crisoes"??? Can someone explain what he said here? I was in tears at the top-of-the-tea bit but I don't get that part. : (

@bwkelley Год назад

In an earlier part of the show, he says he'll do whatever it takes to get Christian /Chrizzos to leave his show.

@thegoodgeneral Год назад

@@bwkelley thanks for that answer! I ended up watching the full show. : )

@TheMuffinMan01 2 года назад

pretty funny, but when was the show recorded?

@swiftlymurmurs 2 года назад

Late 2019, not too long before the first lockdown

@nijnij3988 Год назад

You. Gotta. Heap.

@riverseverywhere 2 года назад

JAMES.

@cyrus565 2 года назад

What a fucking fever dream

@issa0rama455 2 года назад

UNHINGED

@Max_Flashheart 2 года назад

Truth

@ursulageorgeson7086 4 месяца назад

Gawky English attention to detail, filtered through green pastures of absurdity and generational disappointment. He is such a typical Brit. And yet stands alone. Maverick.

@GenFalcon 5 месяцев назад

If it gets bapos out the door omg

@bargepoled 2 года назад

Surprised he didn't get blind tipsy.

@NosajKnows 2 года назад

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

@nafereuskortex9055 11 месяцев назад

4:28 What is happening

@Cornelious72 Год назад

Why does he not like Chrisos?

@askthepizzaguy 5 месяцев назад

Right wing politics that invariably remove human rights, mismanage the common funds, and induce suffering. Also a holier than thou attitude that is surly, unpleasant and quite arrogant.

@ask4389 2 года назад

there is nothing like too much chocolate...N then there is nothing like too much hot chocolate...could be too hot 🙄

@ask4389 2 года назад

I think u ve just lost it since the bake off

@robertodibaggio8181 Год назад

what the.. is he the British Brian Regan or is Brian.. whos in charge here?

@Really_Its_Me 2 года назад

I gotta give it to James his comedy is..unique..but I find him to be funnier off the stage like when he’s on game/panel show’s 🤷🏻‍♂️ I remember a while back him being on James(🤮)Cordon’s late night show n the audience(American) just not gettin it..it was a bit cringe but he powered through it.

@mattmoreira210 2 года назад

Haven't laughed for even a split second. Just kidding. I laughed for a whopping half second at one of the jokes, actually.

@jumpydino3015 2 года назад

too ChAlleNgiNg fOr yA?

@jackslaughter3233 2 года назад

Just as I worried modern British comedy had died on a massive woke dung heap of tedium.... God bless you mister Acaster our saviour, top form!

@Sammie1053 2 года назад

I'm really scratching my head over this... I'm glad you liked the clip but if you're not a fan of the "woke dung heap" I'm not sure what you're going to think about the rest of the set

@jackslaughter3233 2 года назад

@@Sammie1053 I thought the whole set was absolutely amazing. Acaster is a rare talent and has spent years of hard work on his jam; it really shows.

@devenscience8894 2 года назад

"Woke dung heap?" Well, you gotta heap.

@pauldecoster Год назад

You didn’t see the first part of the set. He renounced any “Chrisos”

@jackslaughter3233 Год назад

@@pauldecoster I've seen the whole set 😊👍 He's a hugely intelligent and talented comedian. Not somebody from a minority group who has been shoved onto the stage to tick a diversity quota box despite a relative lack of comedic skill.

@dee1540 2 года назад

Yikes! That's not my cup of tea...

@AbiNomac 2 года назад

Not as funny as I expect from him

@jamescarr4662 2 года назад

Painfully boring and unfunny

@sonofliberty1 2 года назад

So's your face.

@JustQuiteNiceGuy 2 года назад

Can't be that painful as this is at least the second James Caster video you've commented on. Do you also have to choke yourself a little bit to get off?

@Francklyynnnn 2 года назад

@@JustQuiteNiceGuy actively opening _several_ videos of the same comedian to comment stuff like this is just hard evidence for a sad, lonely life

@haydenwalsh4386 2 года назад

Is this an ill disguised Jimmy Carr account?

@MACMoneU2 2 года назад

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Someone must like to laugh at you, if only at how painfully boring you are. Also making public comments looking for attention is boring and unfunny so if you stop maybe you can change the boring and unfunny character you have created.

@alextheawesomesauce 2 года назад

So glad they made this top of the tea joke a clip. Was a highlight of the show for me in the audience!

@fairy5668 Год назад

I hate it so much but god do I quote it constantly

@adamgill 2 года назад

4 heaped teaspoons = 2 normal desert spoons = 1 flat ladle full. You're welcome!

@satanssockpuppet 2 года назад

Well, I have 3 ladles and they're all different sizes.. so naturally I'll be using the biggest one I got

@natisfreezing 2 года назад

You gotta HEAP

@ab-oh6zb 2 года назад

Nah you gotta heap

@thomsen256 Год назад

After watching his netflix specials, hes def one of the top 5 comics out there right now. Original, funny, and doesnt resort to picking on anyone that doesnt deserve it

@thatonekid565 2 года назад

James is proof that you can be funny without even getting close to being offensive. You just need to be talented

@thatonekid565 2 года назад

I hadn’t watched the other half of the clip-

@NotaDrDoom 2 года назад

You should watch the whole special before saying something like this lol

@emdiar6588 2 года назад

Ask a Baptist if they got close to being offended.

@thedistinguished5255 2 года назад

@@thatonekid565 in your defense, baptists dont count. we all know they arent people

@hunterfunnyguy 2 года назад

is it really offensive if its about christians? are we sure?

@cannoli_aoli 2 года назад

"You better *heap* " -J.Acaster 2021

@mingycomumbus6305 2 года назад

"[...] faith" 😉

@matto809 2 года назад

*gotta

@certifiedjeanpuncher 2 года назад

Not sure how you mess up a quote of 3 words

@jssfuzz 2 года назад

*2019

@johnaverill6308 29 дней назад

You gotta heap them teaspoons baby!

@matts7335 2 года назад

I started to cringe a bit towards the end, but that recovery was perfect 👌

@riaayo5321 2 года назад

There's several gags he has in this special that are this peak design of doing something that doesn't seem all that funny or is kind of cringe, only for him to retroactively make it hilarious with how he caps the bit off. It's brilliant.

@__-cd9ug 2 года назад

Yes it's a really interesting take on audience expectations, the tacit 'rules' about what he can and can't say before his jokes start to seem off. If anyone could pull it off it had to be James I can't imagine what it's like to become famous for a few appearances on panel shows and one bakeoff meme; he really had to work on his standup persona to stay true to himself I bet

@fairy5668 Год назад

@@__-cd9ughe's been a rising star in stand-up for most of his career actually. He's won so many awards from before he ever appeared on a panel show

@__-cd9ug Год назад

@@fairy5668 you're right but he does address those things in Cold Lasagne, there's a difference between being a rising star/winning awards and becoming known internationally for a meme/panel show clips - some people who don't really know you come to your show expecting a specific type of comedy that definitely isn't what you usually do, and then they get angry when you don't give them what they feel entitled to

@goaway2803 2 года назад

The only way to use Milo too XD Oh my goodness, I nearly died at the tea's true desires XD

@janemacintyre9801 2 года назад

Hello fellow Aussie :)

@Gowerrr 2 года назад

You. Gotta. HEAP

@aimee241 2 года назад

It’s because of this I call baptists “bappos” now

@RJ-T117 2 года назад

The way he ends that joke😂

@stuartr2764 2 года назад

There was a joke somewhere in this shaggy dog story?😊

@CPunicorn 2 года назад

Can't believe he threw up after he drank to much hot chocolate 😂

@elenawilliams32 2 года назад

Multiple hot chocolates with too many heaped spoonfuls in it. I hope he made it to the bathroom.

@yoshibeats5663 Год назад

You havent???

@mcgreeniepants 8 месяцев назад

I believe it.

@JehanineMelmoth 2 года назад

Bless him. He’s a sweet boy.

@xxPenjoxx 2 года назад

Peephole tea! 🤣🤣😂 oh man, I'm creasing

@iambetterthanu 2 года назад

Creasing? You mean laughing?

@xxPenjoxx 2 года назад

@@iambetterthanu yes, laughing. Maybe it's just a Scottish saying...

@4hm35319hd0h5 2 года назад

@@xxPenjoxx is it laughing so much that your face goes all creased with wrinkles?

@LuckyJim5050 2 года назад

Just think about how this is as boring as Acaster gets, his day to day is more entertaining than most comedians life work.

@SugarSnapDragon 9 месяцев назад

This is the first time I realized he says he was 16 in this story. You need to leave your kids alone by he age of 12 to learn from these mistakes. 16 is way too old. I've been rationing my Halloween Reese's peanut butter cups to myself since I was 11, cuz I learned the hard way what happens when I don't ration them when I was 10. ... You run out too soon and then you're sad.

@joelhalli 2 года назад

Thank you big James

@LovingHypnoASMR Год назад

I'm DYING 😂🤣😂 LOVING him so much lately!!

@birdacorn1115 2 года назад

James- are you ok?

@ttoctam3 2 года назад

Takes a really unexpected turn at 3:50

@DlcEnergy 2 года назад

4:07 "You know what they say..." lmao

@Adiscretefirm 2 года назад

I got an ad for handcrafted wooden mugs under this video and wonder how much that would bother James

@denisestinnett8904 2 года назад

Yeah, but were they Uriah Heaped?

@TastyChevelle 2 года назад

Ugh

@iloveyourunclebob 2 года назад

I hope the catholic priest next door to me enjoyed this bit

@ask4389 2 года назад

Still drinking chocolate milk, heaps n heaps how it came to ur mind...dude take a shower n u gotta do better than that

@lawrencecalablaster568 Год назад

I’m genuinely confused by James’ persona & I’m not sure if I like it.

@flowersforthedead5182 2 года назад

I read this as very drunk British problems.

@Nautilus1957 Год назад

The clear mug thing is true! 😂

@alh7197 2 года назад

He’s so cute😂

@wishingonthemoon1 Год назад

Definitely cringe at the end…but everything else I’ve ever seen from him is brilliant, and hey it had a punchline and recovery. Idk what he has against baptists tho 🤔

@praguepride9350 Год назад

That's part of his opening where he says he swears now because he wants to drive way "Chrissos" aka Christians from his gigs. It's part brick joke, part political jab.

@wishingonthemoon1 Год назад

@@praguepride9350 oh that’s sad

@fairy5668 Год назад

I hated this bit so much when i watched it (as im sure many people did) but man's tryna get rid of the Bappos and i cant hate him for it. Also I always say "top of the tea" to myself now

@NativeIntelligenceCheckMyDJmix 9 месяцев назад

i cant stop watching all these different videos from this night.....I've seen this like 10 times along with rando British Bake off Scenes, soooo good. Best baking guest by far...James, Keep telling the tale of the tea and get rid of those wholesome Chrizzos

@CakeorDeath420 Год назад

Tea in a clear glass cup just feels wrong and I don't like it.

@paulaolson8956 2 года назад

The clear tea mug. Nope nope nope.

@shinobiBUNK 6 месяцев назад

This is so beautifully unhinged

@edwardp5748 2 года назад

its good. quite.

@pietateip 2 года назад

as a non english speaker, can someone explain what 'chrysos" and "bappos" are slang for? ty

@VegeMaticPragtarian 2 года назад

I believe it stands for Christians and Baptists, who are stereotypically very conservative Christians

@NiniZim 2 года назад

You gotta heap, baby

@akib2542 2 года назад

💀💀💀🍵

@mikemack9701 2 года назад

You gotta heap. YOU. GOTTA. HEAP.

@kittybuckley3 2 года назад

To be fare Chrissos would find it funny they like a cup of tea after Sunday mass.

@stewpacalypse7104 2 года назад

I heard they preferred Dicken's Cider.

@wearegoingtogoseeyousoonid1891 2 года назад

@deathfromabove649 Год назад

as a comfortable AMERICAN bappo..........may i say "lol"

@SmokeySmudgeStudio 2 года назад

Thing about us Chrizos is that some of us basically pride ourselves on being unoffendable 😂. You can make fun of us all you like and we'll probably just agree saying "yep we're all sinful hypocrites who need Jesus". Make fun of God and I'll simply stop watching, but make fun of Christians and I'm laughing with you

@Dudukina 2 года назад

James, you know what to do.

@ronanmcintyre 2 года назад

I think you're not the kind he's worried about

@JackDearnley 2 года назад

Genuine question: if God is all powerful why is it bad to make fun of him? Surely he can take it. If God is all knowing and all seeing then surely he knows that the world is ridiculous and that by extension he is ridiculous for making it. And if God is all good then shouldn't he be able to laugh at himself and allow others to laugh at him too? (I'm not trying to undermine your faith, I just want to understand it)

@SmokeySmudgeStudio 2 года назад

@@JackDearnley hey great question. Can you elaborate more on what you mean when you say the world is ridiculous?

@maxbarnt3835 2 года назад

The whole chrizzos bit is more a joke on Gervais than actual bappos anyways.

@mrSam3ooo 2 года назад

How is he so funny on panel shows and then this is his standup? 🤔

@swiftlymurmurs 2 года назад

The point of the bit is he's pretending to be a senseless "edgy" comedian. It's a callback to an earlier bit where he rants about his audience having become too soft. It's very different from his earlier work

@kenlavicka 2 года назад

People like Sam showing up to complain about the comedy when he doesn't understand the comedy is so appropriate for this stupid era we live in.

@mrSam3ooo 2 года назад

@@kenlavicka Funnily just today I relistened to the opening bit of this special, the part where he mentions Ricky Gervais, and absolutely loved it! I'm hard to please when it comes to stand up specials I will admit that

@becominghero9754 2 года назад

@@mrSam3ooo Yeah he has high bits and low bits.