Japan is Facing Alarming Surge in Gray Divorces 

The lawyer sounds like our western lawyers. She is basically saying that they work harder because there is more money in it for them if more settlement money is involved. Disgraceful.

When she said she felt stressed to spend more time with her husband, I was a bit surprised because who wouldn't want to spend time with the person they love? I am no expert but I feel like most Japanese relationships are too structured. Men has to do this, women has to do this - no questions asked. It's just sad to see these kinds of trends especially now that even us - millennials/younger generation - are too skeptic about marriage in general.

I have spoken with many older divorced mostly woman in Japan. A common theme was divorcing after their husband retired and their time together increase. Many felt little in common with each other and lead different lives. Many of the wives had interest and traveled while the husbands mostly would watch tv, read the newspaper, and often drink sake or spend the day playing golf. This was not the case for every couple but it wasn't uncommon.

Japanese people are known for staying together for the children. Even if both parents don't love each other anymore and/or already had an affair. But when the children become adults and the parents are now 50+ years old, that's when they follow through with the divorce.

4:40 imagine spending more time with your husband, the man you supposed to love is stressful. What kind of bs is this? Poor guy. He married the wrong woman

It makes me think that the relations are actually the opposite of what that one person who divorced their foreign husband need. There needs to be time together to genuinely build the relationship. The lack of that is why suddenly spending more time together is a problem. Sure, there is such a thing as *too much* time together, but there's also spending *too little* time together. I think we've solved the mystery of why affairs are so rampant. If your marriage is only on paper, but not in practice, then what's the point?

What did I learn from this video: Men are suppose to provide for their family by working 16 hours a day 7 days a week and donate 90% of their income for said family for 40 - 45 years with no respect, love or admiration, then upon retirement give half of everything to his wife in a divorce for her happiness with zero regards for the man. I wonder why young Japanese men aren't having sex, relationships, or getting married? I just can't seem to put my finger on it.

Back in the 70's, a relative of mine got a divorce. She was in her 80's, and her husband was nearing 90. When the judge asked her why she wanted a divorce at such a late date, she replied, "Because I just can't stand him another week!"

Don't get married. One time was enough for me. Doubt I'll ever get married again. I don't need to get married to be committed to that person only.

My parents had a gray divorce, they were married for 33 years. They had an extremely unhealthy and toxic/abusive relationship for decades. Despite periods of peace, there was always tension in the household and my parents seemed more like roommates than husband and wife. They only stayed together for the children and the convenience. But my mom had zero tolerance for infidelity and finally filed for divorce after learning my dad cheated on her. They’re now happier and have a better relationship as friends than they ever did when married. I’m glad they divorced despite being decades into their marriage, they deserve happiness and peace!

This is also happening in Taiwan. The husband's mother from the older generation demand that the wife serve the husband's family including the parents. The newer generation (50s and younger) refuse to do this and divorce sometimes results. Also infidelity. The 51 yr old Japanese woman voiced the problem of a lot of immigrants coming to the US-we just aren't a very social society. Typical Americans drive to and from work, live in the suburbs in a big house and interact with very few people outside of work. It's much harder for elderly to get together as they have to drive (which increasingly is full of danger on America's overcrowded roads) or rely on being driven. In Japan and Taiwan public transport is safe, easy, reliable, comprehensive and still cheap enough. Many foreign wives do become shut ins in America; unable to communicate, drive or adapt and they become lonely and depressed. Finally, marriage in Japan is not about love, it's about security, family expectations, and practicality. Infidelity is rampant and I wonder if many wives get fed up with their husbands over this. I wonder if this is also the case with the woman who moved back.

True story. Before the pandemic I personally know this couple who have been married for almost 35 years. They both have successful careers. Both working long hours they see each other twice maybe three times a week they never had children because they want to focus on their careers. But when the pandemic hit both stayed and working from home and that's when all hell broke loose I kid you not. The fights the arguing the yelling screaming drinking and yes it got physical from both of them. To make a long story short they both got a divorce and the crazy thing about it i found out recently that they both had affairs.

So even in Japan getting married is virtually pointless for men, huh?

To be honest, being married to that 51 years old Japanese woman only shows her true character and selfishness. Glad her hubby is out of it. Basically, she married a foreigner but reuses to speak English, refuses to adapt etc. Obviously it was doomed from the start. I do not have any respect for her

No wonder why more men are choosing to marry 2D characters instead of real women in Japan.

Wow that's sad, the lady took her son back to Japan, I hope he is young enough to adjust, I think bringing a American teenager to join Japanese society would be very difficult.

This is alarming but also a very educational video. Thanks Nobita!

Honestly I wanna say I’m surprised but after hearing about basically every country hitting record numbers in divorce this doesn’t surprise me

Soo…in another word, Japanese wife just need an ATM. They want the money, the stable and secure life, but they don’t want to take care of the man in their twilight year. What a mess.

Dissapointing. Discouraging. Who would want to be with someone so hyper individualistic that will betray you just to take away half or everything you have built toghether in your entire lifes. This is one of the reasons people don't want to get married in the first place. IF she wanted to move back to japan so badly, she could have done so without divorcing, I don't think her husband would have forbidden it. This is depressing depressing depressing.

No matter what country it is, seeing people get divorced has always made me sad. I'm approaching ten years being married to my beautiful wife and hope we spend the rest of our lives together!

The 51 yr old lady a lot of shit, but all I got from it was "I was mainly the problem."

I think it is common in many cultures. As an American who is approaching retirement with my husband I can agreee that it is challenging. When our son was here we forcused on our family and those activities. It was a fun family unit. Now, it is just the two of us and while I love him, we don't have as much in common as we did when we were in our twenties, which makes it difficult to plan things to do. Lastly, I do not want to continue my role as the family planner, cleaner and cook. I'd like to have some fun and so my husband needs to step up to help after he retires. We are both retiring, not just him, and that needs to be understood.

Reading the comments from some women. I'm scared more than ever before to get married. Some of these women are just pure evil!!!

It reminds me my neighbours. The man is retired for 10 years. When his wife got retired too, they finally decided to live separately. I think when they realized they had to live 24/7 together in the same apartment, they couldn't stand it anymore lol.

So you work hard your whole life and when you need help the most your wife says, nah, give me half the money and I'm off!

More i see, less i whant get married... the love betwen man and woman look like somthing from the past.. everybody become selfish.

Even though I think suddenly spending more time togheter after not spending any is a common cause of divorce all over the world, the mindset of “a good marriage is one where we almost don’t see each other” is quite a cultural shock.

Just call it what it really is, gold digging.

This is sad. My parents just had their 54th anniversary last month. A successful Marriage is a full-time commitment, balance and a lot of love from BOTH husband and wife. And it CAN be done. All i see in the current generation is selfishness in relationships. But the 🌎 has become extremely selfish in general. Stringent and one-sided cultural expectations don’t help matters either.

Doesn't sound like the son's happy about moving with his divorced mum back to Japan. But who cares, so long as she's happy.

so if she stays at home all day it's perfectly fine, but if her husband retires and do the same she gets mad because he is not "manly" enough? I think its specially difficult for japanese people to get rid of this type of sexist mindset because they are so used to agreeing with everyone around them and avoid standing out at all costs.

There's a term for women who marry for money in the United States: they are gold diggers. Apparently, they're many of those in Japan. They're just playing the long game. It's absolutely disgusting behavior to me.

This woman sounds very selfish and self-centered. Assuming her ex husband is a good guy, I feel sorry for him and their son.

Yet again Nobita brings to light something that other youtubers don't. This is wild.

No one in the comments mentioning the first interviewee and her difficulty living the the u.s. as the influence for her wanting to leave. Interesting....

This is so nuts how wife divorce because they don't want responsibility and have relationship with their husband. I live in China years back and meet so many senior people there. They don't divorce but instead spending time together doing activity like singing ,dancing on the park or taking care their grandkids. Some of them that rich and still healthy enough just traveling, spending money to experience world together. I know some woman spent two years on the hospital to accompany his husband on his dead bed.

This is good to share. Too many foreigners who think this won't happen to them because they are more loving, etc. Edited: in hindsight what I said about the woman's mental state was judgemental. Removed it to be more sensitive.

I guess dishonoring the family has a new meaning in Japan now🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Women : "please spend more time with your family" Also women : "i hate you always in home"

They'd rather be alone, I expect this trend will only grow with time globally. Part time relationships are the best, nobody wants a someone in there space all day long.

In my experience, most men who have been married for more than 20 years, are fed up with their wives but don't want to ruin their life by getting divorced. That's why so many men have hobbies that get them out of the house. Especially now with people working at home and they are together 24/7. Its driving people crazy being around their spouses all the time. Its just common sense.

Now I truly understand why the Japanese upheld this "honne/tatemae" (true intention/facade) in their society. Because if you let them speak their minds, it'd be so totally crazy. I mean this woman divorced her husband and moved back to Japan simply because she lacked basic human agency. And that she (the Japanese) thinks human relationship is a kind of role-playing, an RPG rather than a real display of human warmth and affection. Totally unreal.

Those women deserve to be alone. They shouldn't marry in the first place. Just using men

It's funny how some women would cheat cause their husbands dont spend time with them, and others initiate divorce cause their husbands spend too much time with them. At this point why get married at all?

"strategically wait for the best time to gain most from divorce". That can also be called "being a gold digger".

its sad greedyness is one of the factors that initiates divorces at such advance age

Know some on Korea and it isn't surprising. In Korea as well as Japan it is still pretty common that women are stay at home mom's and men are the money providers. The men barely see their wives snd the women barely their husbands. They did their duty and created offspring and after that it is the task of the women to take care of the children. The husbands are barely at home and often only come back home when the rest of the family is already asleep or they have dinner with them at the most. The couple are basically strangers so no wonder they divorce after the husband has retired. Two people are barely know each other and who only married because it was a sensible thing to do...why should they stay together. Only to be less lonely or because of the money. That's too little.

People care less what others think of them as they mature. Makes sense to me.

This makes me very sad. I can understand the lady feeling unsafe in the US, and that the culture over there may be too forward for her, but she lasted 20 years until her husband retired. The view that Japanese women don't like their husbands at home so when they retire they want to divorce, comes across as "now you have finished providing for me, I don't want to be near you". I am hoping that is merely a cultural misunderstanding. But she certainly doesn't sound like she appreciated her husband being sent away for so long, especially when she said he was looking forward to spending time with her.

Marriage is like a business partnership. We’re in contract with the person whom to grow our life with because it’s difficult building a life and raising offsprings on our own. And like a business partnership, the longer we’ve been invested with each other, the more difficult it is to part ways and many times we stay together for convenience. Trust, tends to be the biggest issue in any partnership, whether business or marriage. When we find out our partner embezzled money or husband or wife having an affair, it’s hard to gain that trust back - if ever.

I thought this was an American or western issue. So many people marrying that have nothing to do with love just to see it end because someone got bored with it or thought that they could do better

Marriage is no longer marriage.

I get love isn't an idealistic fairy tale that it's shown to be in movies. But after seeing this and being surrounded by divorce, I sometimes wonder if it's even real...

I honestly think that the last lady that divorce and went back to Japan gotta have some sort of mental problem, they way she was trying to justify the reason behind her divorce is so bizarre, because they spend more time together = bad relationship lol like wtf that means they never were really a couple. She was behind that paper

One more reason for men to stay single.

Hopefully this will destroy the western fantasy of Japanese tradwives

So people do not want to live together anymore after being married for a long time? Yes, that can happen. And for various reasons. But what I actually would like to hear is what percentage of the divorced stay AMIABLE after the deed is done, because a divorce is not always necessarily a bad thing.

"Why should I care for him and his parents after he supported me for 20-30 years? That's not fair" - literally these selfish, evil women.

Ive been living in China for about 5.5yrs, before that I lived in Japan for 7. I was supposed to move back just before covid hit, but then Japan closed it's doors. They pay is good here but i'm just not happy. I've accepted the pay downgrade consequences for moving back years ago.

The women who research and plan for divorce long in advance and wait for the most advantageous time to proceed must be completely free of any moral fibre. Utterly self centred.

This is terrible, I would hate to invest 30+ years into a person, and as I head into the toughest time of life you decide to bounce. Feels so selfish imo

I do believe modern women will learn a lesson their great grandmothers already knew. Tending home isn’t fun and games, but 10 hour work days until you are 70+…not gonna enjoy that.

Horrible situation all around, bet she didn’t complain one bit while she was spending his money while in the States “suffering”… can you imagine if they had kids too? At 50 they could be anywhere from teens to college kids. Dueces! Going to go live in an apartment in Osaka until they peel me off the floor! Matta ne!

It's so sad to see people living completely different lives disconnected from each other for so many years in a mariage that they don't see anything positive in the end and divorce. For that Japanese American couple, being happy that your husband is away most of the time is already so bizarre and strange to me. My husband and I just got the corona together and I was so happy and thankful I caught it because we got to spend one week home together without having to get out of the house to work. We had a great time taking care of each other. They should have addressed all their issues before it got so deep that it was beyond repair.

Now. Imagine the younger generatiom knowing this fact that even the older married couple get divorced. They probably start having thoughts of not wanting to merried anymore. But yess. Commitment and constant maintenance is needed to maintain a healthy merried.

Lesson - don't marry.

Even when you marry someone you like/love, there is no guarantee that person will remain the same throughout the years.

As Ive heard this month "marriage is a very hardwork" Ive seen married people fight all the time and have been in relationship even a simple matter could lead to a big fight and dealing with someone who doesnt want to change.

Sad to see these divorces in Japan. They are happening in many countries. Marriage is difficult nowadays.

Dang. Really digs into why red pill is growing so much.

I agree even as an American. I don't like that my husband is at home all the time. He works from home, so seeing him every day all day is draining. He never goes out either.

10 - 20% of the money the wife will get after divorce going to the consultant is just insane...

Thank you, this is a great video and I found it to be very informative.

To the lady who divorced her American husband, I'm happy you feel peaceful and are back in Japan. I'm sorry you had so much pain living in the USA. My great aunt was a Japanese who married an American after World War 2. She could never go back to Japan in 1970 because her Japanese family didn't accept her decision to marry a white man and make half/mixed children. Your decision to leave and do what you want is a very American decision because it is acting as an individual and not as a group. So most Americans can easily accept and support your decision. I hope you have much happiness always. 🤗

That's a big yikes for me. Removing japanese ladies in the list

Imagine working hard all your life and finally make it to be able to early retire. Your woman leaves you cuz you don't look reliable enough..

So often throughout my life I've met bi- cultural marriages where the husband seemingly had no interest in the wifes' native language or cultural background. Children,if any,were not bilingual. So sad that an exchange could not be made. I wonder if this has a large influence on Grey divorces.

Many of my Japanese older female neighbors have younger men on the side.

They just do not want to grow old together and always thought that the grass is greener on the other side

No matter what age a person is - I would hope that if all avenues of relationship repair have been exhausted and unhappiness is outweighing… I would hope that a person focuses on their own health and take the direction that allows them to enjoy their life.. It can be devastating to be in a toxic situation without any resolve and only deteriorating mental and physical health. We cannot be of good service to children, people around us if we are not in a healthy situation…

it means the money involved is the root of the problem..

What about asking men about their reason to divorce, and ask husbands of these women to hear hiw their life changed it

She seems like an ego maniac. Men are hunters, even if he has tons of money he should be out making me money. Its so not manly to retire? So she never cared for him at all. He was just a meal ticket. She seems like a horrible person.

In America, the rates of divorce make it clear how the institution itself isn’t worth it. If your marriage worked out after a long time together then congrats but with an over 50% divorce rate that are largely initiated by the woman many aren’t trying to do it. Thanks for the video Nobita.

unfortunate with wives divorcing their husband's just to get half of his money. divorce settlements need to be abolished.

I'd be depressed if I lived in America too

Same all over the West , As soon as the Man retires he is no longer making money , so is seen as a Cost , Better to get rid of him ! I Think it's Called Love .

Well, waiting for them to retire or so just to get half seems very predatory. It is precisely why MGTOW and prenups are becoming more popular.

I guess this just shows how many people are unhappily married and only stay together for the kids or due to economic dependence...

Wow this is really disgusting. Another reason as to why never get married.

I’ve learnt that women just really really love money

I don't get it. The man worked all his life for his family and when it's time to retire the women divorce them? Every where I look most women are very entitled and confused.

How can a couple expect to build a strong relationship if one of them is either working in a different city or constantly working in the office until late at night? When you spend more time at the office than you do at home your family loses out and you put yourself in danger of forming a relationship with a coworker which is likely the reason why affairs tend to be fairly common in Japan.

This certainly happens elsewhere, when couples sometimes limp along a marriage they aren’t happy while one or both are working, as there is less daily contact then. But once both start to be home more, the situation may worsen and become a divorce. Retirement or your 50s can also be a reminder that our time is not unlimited, and not surprising some decide to seek change or look more after their own needs then.

If people married someone they really love and connected with none of these things would be a problem. Its true that there needs to be some structure in marriage but when you care for each other it all comes natural and no one is taken advantage of or being taken for granted. Its sad that many never experience true love and connection with their partners. They are missing out on one of the best parts of life. There is a lot of unhealed trauma in these women and men.

Some people are so selfish, shallow, and ungrateful.

Fuuuhhh. I feel sorry for that dude. Worked so hard just so he ended up with a disappointment. I hope he fiund himself a better, younger, more beautiful wife that enjoyed his company. 😕

I got divorced at a more 'mature' age. Sometimes enough is enough. It's never a decision to late lightly, especially when kids are involved. I can understand waiting to get divorced until your kids are old enough to better deal with it, but postponing getting divorced until it's to your financial strategic advantage is a bit of a sh*tty thing to do. Like, was getting married an investment and now you want a return on that investment? My ex-husband never was (and never will be) my piggybank.

This makes me grateful to have so many people around me with marriages to people they actually like. However, this should make people wary. Not of marriage as an institution, but of relationships as a long term investment. Our social attitudes needs to change. From what I've observed, marriage isn't just about finances or short-term feelings. It's a non-profit organizational venture. If you were going to start a an organization (hence, a family), who would you choose and why? Every successful couple I know is in it to win it and often speaks of the CHARACTER of their spouse. Things change, but value systems usually don't.