John Mulaney: “Canceling Plans Is Like Heroin” 

John Mulaney always looks like an innocent 1950s time-traveller and then he comes out with sentences like "I started smoking age 13"

John Mulaney has never more looked like a kid wearing an adult suit than on this show

"Yeah the kids don't wanna work either" "GOOD." *drinks air wine*

One of my friends said to me recently, "I can't out-drink my wife. She was a schoolteacher in Louisiana." It all makes sense now!

John Mulaney is my favorite asian-american woman.

Best way to make plans is to silently hope the other person cancels.

Him finishing this joke in 2024: “Canceling plans is like heroin, and trust me, I would know” *thunderous applause*

I can’t breathe “tots are angels who haven’t died yet”

Jokes not clear: Got addicted to heroin

There's something clean and classy about him, like he came out of the 50s or something

He’s been smoking since 13? How does he still have such baby-clear skin?

If canceling plans is like heroin then we all must be high as f right now

School teachers are always at bars. Make sense though.

"How does John know how to make a cosmopolitan?" God bless you John Mulaney.

Can’t believe this man did hardcore drugs a few years before this

I was able to kick my heroic addiction by constantly canceling plans, I dont have friends now, but totally worth it

Once you have kids it's like having a dealer for excuses to get out of plans.

The bit about how great doing nothing feels as an adult is like one of the top 5 things a stand-up comedian has said that I identify most with.

I'm from NY where " let me call you later " translates to " enjoy the rest of your day " 99% of the time

I JUST REALIZED: HE STANDS LIKE A CHARACTER FROM DOCTOR SEUSS!!!!

"I know you'll have fries" will forever be joke with all my friend groups.

I don't like when I order fries and people think it's for the table 🤣

"Either you're a Tot, or you're an Angel." So my biology teacher lied???

John Mulaney: *Insults the New York Post* Alexander Hamilton: Lemme at him- Eliza: No-

Him and Drew gooden radiate the same energy

I hear everything he says in spider ham voice.

"Nobody has said bozo in a 1000 years" proof John Mulaney is immortal.

Dude, it's not just adults whose faces light up when they do nothing... It's the same for teenagers, like from age sixteen and up. I'm saying this from experience.

It took me a while to realise there is bonus content in here. At first I thought maybe I forgot a few jokes but then I realised it was not possible because I watch this special like every other Thursday.

John is that funny kid in class who we just stuck in a mostly fitting suit and is now doing stand up

4:34 this aged well 💀

His references to drugs are even funnier now.

anyone here after hearing about his reoccuring addiction🥺 glad he’s getting help tho

4:29 This aged like fine milk 🤣

"a hero is any man who does his job" oh my fucking god i love him

At least he's telling this joke knowing about the drug and canceling plans. Love how he did that for research

"Hey Madge..give us the scoop.." "She told him to beat it bozo!" LOL

you're not fooling anyone Barry Allen!

John says he's sorry, but Annemarie says "Beat it, Bozo."

"How does John know how to make a cosmopolitan" had me rolling

This man made my laugh at dead children. Legendary

you know i heard he went to rehab for cancelling plans

Tots are angels who haven’t died yet is an amazing line

All these drug jokes hit different now

I distinctly remember a day in my life when I was like 5 years old and I had a play date but I was busy doing literally nothing in particular so I didn't want to do it. I remember telling my mom and feeling really bad about cancelling, almost to the point where I didn't want to out of pure kindness for their sake. My mom helped me out and told me to tell them I wasn't feeling well and that it technically wasn't really a lie since that was how I was feeling. So I called him up and told him I wasn't feeling well. That's like my superhero origins story only my superpower is being addicted to not doing things.

February 2020: Cancelling plans is like heroin March 2020: Ahh another nice relaxing evening at home April 2020: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET ME DO SOMETHING Edit November 2020: this comment isn't even funny anymore and everything sucks. Edit again May 2021: we have vaccines and we know how to contain covid. Stop whining and get back to your normal life. Or stay in your house for the next year if you're that worried about it.

Any joke he does about coke feels DIFFERENT now

The ripping apart of the New York Post was so hilariously accurate.

"The less amount of time you live. The better- according to The Post"

John Mulaney looks like a default 1980s commercial man

5:33 Massage Therapist here: Funny enough, we have the same joke.

John mulaney is hilarious, but he did not have to call me out like that in the part about ordering fries 😂

I discovered this guy a couple years back and ever since he's been my favorite comedian. I'm 28 and do love all comedy, especially dark or twisted humor but was ecstatic because I could show my parents and know they would share my love for him. What I absolutely treasure about him and his comedy is that it's as hilarious as anything but his sets are confined to wholesome and non controversial topics which doesn't come close to any sort of stab at a particular race, sex, nationality, w/e. He's just funny, plain and simple. Also, he embraces the fact that his appearance and way he speaks is very much the way many homosexual guys tend to be with a joke that he completely owns 😂

“Beat it, Bozo!” gets me every time and I don’t know why 😂

I cancelled a trip to the store today, then had to lie down for a couple of hours to ride out there ensuing high.

And New York post left the audience..

Cut to him whiping off his shirt for doctor Micheal

This hits different in quarantine but in a worse way

Listen, I find John Mulaney SO funny but the power of him saying “A hero is any man that does his job” is honestly just...incredible.

So many drug references… it all makes sense now

The fries joke is so on point Nobody wants to waste good money spent on Fries

This aged well

John seems to have been flash frozen in 1955 and recently de-thawed.

6:55 Is no one going to talk about how John considers going to the bathroom an active day.

Love John's stand up! He's a huge inspiration of mine!

"Tots are angels that haven't died yet." Gotta say that one did it for me

Knowing he had to go to recovery for drugs and now rewatching his stand up makes so much sense. I hope a great recovery for him and future!

He is def telling the truth about finally doing nothing over the weekend 😂😂😂🤦🏾‍♀️😩

This lad is on point.

This plays differently now that we know what was going on in his life.

I thought I'd just like to say.... This aged like an odd yet intriguing wine

Maaaaan, as someone who has taught elementary school, before, I felt that teacher joke in my soul. I perfectly understand what that teacher was feeling.

This is my favorite comedian, I love his relatable jokes and in my own small career of stand up, I take inspiration from him. I love how he changes his voice at different parts: especially when he is talking about a letter from college and he says "how did they phrase it? ah yes... GIVE ME MONEY. WE WOULD LIKE A GIFT BUT ONLY IF IT'S MONEY." so funny keep up the good work!

He really did take an order of crack for the table.

well, he would know I suppose

"I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I thought it could be" -Peter Gibbons from Office Space

That moment when you didn't consent to cancelling plans bc of COVID-19

My fav kid comedian. That Asian soccer mom is the bomb!

i love how he just transitions from his old lady smoker voice to “i’m feeling good tonight, i got a massage” by pausing for a second

Whoah…. I just figured it out, the key to kicking any habit/drug: Plan to do it, put it on your calendar, think about it, then right before you use, cancel your plans! then you’ll get high off the relief of canceling instead of getting high off the drugs.

6:58 did anyone else see the lady with the red hair immediately stop laughing? That was so weird, I barely even caught it

i saw this as an ad and i 200% know that i’ve seen this bit approximately 900,000 times but i still watched it all the way through what do we call that, ladies and gentlemen? *dedication*

"no one has said bozo in a thousand years" squid kid: (says it 500 times per stream)

Love reading comments of people who don't understand John Mulaney trying to watch his content. Ha ha. He's so good live. I saw his latest tour Kid Gorgeous and it was great. Other guys wore suits and he called them out. And his jokes aren't racist, homophobic or sexist either. Maybe that's why some people don't like him but that's their opinion and there's plenty other comedians for them to watch then.

I was lightly chucking here or there until "How does John know how to make a cosmopolitan?" ... my mother came to check if I was breathing

I use his stand-up comedy for practicing my listening lol. His words is clear yet entertaining

John Mulaney is absolutely the best. I’ve heard many of his stand ups tons of times, since XM has such a tiny repertoire of comedy (apparently). Dude makes me cry almost every time.

his little chuckle at 4:05 is the cutest goddamn thing ive seen all day >_

Quarantine has turned us all into children wanting to do things

John Mulaney and James Corden are the gayest straight men on television 😂😂😂

7:29 “I know YOU’LL have fries if I get fries!!” 🤣

I guess we know what the New York Post article on John Mulaney will call him lol

A plate of fries for the table? Y’all, I’m ordering fries for me and only me.

I find mariachi bands DELIGHTFUL. Public transportation, on the other hand...

I think I finally understand why Jerry Seinfeld was such a hit in the eighties and nineties

At least now we know how he knows that.

My face lights up when John gos on my phone screen!😀😂😂

This kind of comedy is timeless 😂

Well he would know wouldn’t he

i’m watching john mulaney content all over again love himm