I am trying to be a good stoic, when I wake up, I expect problems to arise. I am old, and chronic autonomic nervous system dysfunction puts me in bed and emotional dysregulation causes terrible suffering.. It is a result of both concussion injury and an incredibly mean family who shunned me twenty years ago. After decades of social isolation, and self examination, I have learned to be very happy alone, keeping house and working on the land. in a small community of five homes. The family that rejected me decades ago came into my life again recently, gave me granddaughters, then pulled the rug out from under me. Put me in bed, layed out. I have not responded to them for decades. But I don't want to be in bed, not knowing if I will be able to get up again. And this is so unnecessary, it makes me angry. And it is not just them, the neighbors turned out to be sneaky mean like the whole wide world. Now, I can lay these people out flat by writing as a result of living each day striving for no regrets. No narrative. Put it in a blog.. It seems that once they face the suffering they have caused, the suffering they could have relieved, their reaction will define them. Sort of like a spiritual crossing the line. Am I engaging them? Or is it because I have disengaged so well, that I can finally write these things so clearly, no longer being upset by recalling the past. And I enjoy writing, it is the most fun I have indoors. And may be the only thing left to do while in bed. Maybe I should disengage squared. So as I am listening to you for the first time, I am coming to this crossroad. I want to clear up my reputation, now that I have grandchildren. I want them to know me, I want to tell them who I really am. So the last few sentences of your video triggered this writing. Is this undertaking useless? Doesn't the truth level the playing field? I like your video, but I sure don't like the idea that my God, the God of Israel is a stinker is unsettling, although I can see how you could argue the case. I think, either we are ultimately safe in this universe or we aren't, we must decide. I have already been through so much alone, is there no help? No connection? Thank God for Grace, through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. It wouldn't matter if he never existed, that was then and this is now.
Thank you for your feedback. Yes, what I am suggesting can be very uneasy. I understand why many people do not like what I say. Anyway, whatever path you choose, I wish you a safe journey. All the best. :)
@@TheRecluseeee with many thanks! Your lecture really moved me today, it helped me tremendously. I have been stuck under the heaviness for some weeks, as I feel it greatly. Thanks to you it has helped me to deal with what is happening now, on more levels than I had previously accepted. It allows me to progress my work here and is giving the specific guidance I was seeking. Its great that you have more vitality now, I'm so happy for you and that you can be with us again!! Much Love ❤
