Keep Readers Hooked with Immersive Writing 

Thanks lol this was nice it helped me to Remember all she was saying

This is super helpful, thanks. Just as a note, for number 5, she says "nix" not "fix."

Li hey me too! I've been doing this for months and it's driving me nuts

I did the same, only these videos got me to really start plotting out my current story idea. So long as you’re not just watching the video, and are organising ideas or noting things down, then you’re not doing nothing or procrastinating, you’re getting structured in your writing and are formulating the framework to organise and plot out a really engaging and fun story.

ugg same lmao

Agreed, said usually falls under the radar! Another interesting thing to think about - if you're ever planning to publish an audiobook of your story and there *aren't* any dialogue tags, the narrator better be amazing at depicting different voices. I've listened to quite a few audiobooks where I couldn't tell exactly who said what. I use "said" or "whispered" but infrequently. It would be interesting to analyze how many tags I use, but that's the left side of my brain trying to take over!

Aww, thank *you*!

Will do! Thank you for the kind words :)

+H. Z.R. You're very welcome, glad it was helpful!

I have Wattpad. It's: qv33nwriter

+thisawesomekid Thank you! Glad it helped you out!

THE BEST VIDEO EVER!!!

I'm so glad it was helpful! Yup, I haven't settled on a release date yet, but you can read the first two chapters on my website right now :) I'll be coming out with more chapters and a cover reveal soon!

+Vivien Reis Ah great, I saw the sneak peek from your IG and liked it! I'll definitely read the first two chapters!

justyoureverydaygirl 😊 Can't wait to hear what you think!

Haha, I do it *too* much sometimes!

Thank you!!

I had to do this, so I just Googled "fantasy money generator" or something like that.

They're nearly the same - give the readers a resolution. I bawled my eyes out at the end of My Sister's Keeper, but I still loved the book because it wrapped up all loose ends. If you have a series, you don't want to wrap up *all* your loose ends but make sure it's enough that the reader doesn't have too many questions. Happy writing!

Vivien Reis Thank you!

SometimesOffensive SometimesNot end on a death and revelation or enlightenment of the main character

i dont think that a "right" or "wrong" exists when it comes to finding your voice, it should be unique and subjective. HOWEVER, being concise is a way to not only keep the reader's attention but also (if done properly), can convey a message more powerfully than explaining everything and every detail. This doesn't mean u still can't show instead of tell or that u will lose your voice...just that you're tightening up your writing & trimming the fat - getting to the meat and bones...the heart. (i.e. a short but powerful concise sentence may be 10x more telling than a drawn out descriptive one). It allows the reader to use their imagination, doesn't bore them with details, and makes what you're saying seem more pertinent and pressing. When i write, i go through and ask some of these Qs - what is redundant (did i say this already in another way? - sometimes keeping it for emphasis is okay but if the reader already gets the point then its not necessary) - does it move the plot forward / is it absolutely necessary for the reader to know the info - is there something happening action-wise? - does it leave enough to the imagination? - modifiers: is it too wordy when the reader might a better picture with less? ( 2 weak words are not as good as 1 powerful one - like "they drove quickly" vs "they raced") So for yours, I definitely prefer version 1. Its short and sweet and I still get a good picture of their personalities and relationship. (now keep in mind these are just my opinions, and i have my own voice as well, so my edit may not be your style at all), but just for your consideration as an example, here's my attempt at integrating both your versions: Ben sauntered to the dining room table for his breakfast. His older sister sat, scowling, immersed in a book. She shovelled spoon-full after spoon-full of Special K into her mouth with an absentminded skill and a trancelike peace he couldn't stand. Childlike, he stealthily sat down with a conspiring grin that pressed up into his cheeks. THUD! "Ouch!" a guttural wince traversed Abi's lips, made her choke on her cereal. Her foot throbbed. Across from her, Ben smiled at his bowl. Abi's eyes narrowed as she angrily rubbed the pain away, considering a reciprocal kick. "I'm trying to read, you little...jerk!" she went easy on him despite her frustration.

That is great advise. I appreciate a response. I do like you rewrite. I think it helps. Your writing voice is much more refined than mine. how long have you been writing?

I usually treat every chapter like a short story, it helps with my pacing and I find it much easier to write. you should give it a go if your struggling with a novel.

:D

Also I want to say that your are really beautiful and I live your eyes and how they convey emotions 😊❤️

i thought the same xD

Me too xD. Helllloowww everybody

Shalabha 50 shades of Gandalf the Gray!

Hi. I think you have a good idea of what makes a story immersive, but I am going to be honest with you, while reading this I still feel as though I am being told a story by a narrator rather than experiecing it alongside the charcter. It is phrases like these "to escape from the rain" that pull me out of it. You don't need to explain to your reader why she would run down an alley to escape the rain, it should be self-evident. I would suggest having her perhaps hold a newspaper over her head, crinkle her eyes in disgust at how soaking wet she is, or even curse out the rain as opposed to outright telling us that she wants to escape from it. This sentence "The woman tries to open the side door" could also be made more vivid by showing her soaking wet hands frantically slapping away at the door in her haste to get inside. The key is to show mental images rather than tell us what's happening. Really, it all comes down to writing your story almost like a movie. In movies we are never told why a character does something. It is reavealed only through action, dialogue, thoughts, and inner monologues. Good Luck on your writing journey. You are almost there.

Jesus Christ, Son of God Thanks very much for giving your opinion, thx for actually reading it and putting in the effort of replying to it, it helps alot

No problem. I honestly think with a bit of practice you will get pretty good at this since you're already off to a decent start.