As a 16YO kid, I feel this is extremely important to understand early on and know it’s better to not be the “popular kid” I would rather have even just 1 friend who I know would be there no matter what happened then have 20 “friends” that leave when something bad happens leaving you with ultimately 0 friends. Another great video as always Shawn. Keep it up mate! Love from Australia 🇦🇺
Same here bro I'm 17 and its the same way although I've got 0 friends and its been that way for life, but honestly its exactly as you said, the only friends I am willing to have are "genuine" ones.
Your already up on the game bud for the fact your watching these videos. You obviously have a lot more than other kids your age in the way of your quest for knowledge but also understanding its importance. Keep up the journey Mr. Symons and never loose your thirst for knowledge. Much respect from a semi-old dude. I never see comments from people your age like this. Nor do I comment. I thought you deserved and 'earned' a little nod from us older folk. Stay strong and NEVER give up!
@Farmer James no but you can still be a decent respectable person and treat everyone how you'd want to be treated. no need to become the people you try hard to keep away from.
"If everybody likes you, you have no friends." "Be selfish with your time" is actually brilliant because you only have a set amount of time. Consider the quality of each relationship and how you're taking time away from better people to spend it with those less than deserving.
I was told by a counselor that when its all over your kids will not remember what you got them. Cool sneakers, jacket, even a car won't matter. They asked every kid that had parents go through a divorce what was important to them. All of them, and that's hard to imagine, all of them said what they remembered the most was the time you spent with them. So it's not important how wealthy you are. Everybody has the same amount of time. What your children will cherish is the time you spent with them. I never looked at it with friends that way. Thanks
i would argue that its a sign of good parenting if they remember their moments with you and not just the nice shiny stuff you get them lol very true though, i've met kids when i was young that had it all except for married parents and i could always sense some general sadness in them especially since they didnt seem to be impressed with the material things the way you were when they would show you their nice toys. almost like what they craved was attention from ANYONE.
Not really true, l grew up not having the popular kids stuff, I remember the bullying and the isolation of being that kid. I’m still pissed at my parents, I’m 48.........
exactly. pennies come and go. you drop one, you might not even bend over to pick that penny up if you dont see exactly where it went. and even then....some people look at them like, oh well, easy come, easy go.
Single dad here. I don't like many people as well. In fact most just pisses me off. I keep my friendship group very small. It works out better for me as a vet with ptsd. 16 odd years ago my Main Reason for still living was born. She's Great Young Lady. A+ accros the board on school. Goes about her Bussines with Care and Decency. I'm Lucky!!! God is my Carer!!!
The Gulag Archipelago I definitely hear ya. Kids are definitely the reason why we keep pushing. They are the future of us. But keeping the friend group small is smart. In the long run, it’s less to worry about and definitely less people to worry about doing you wrong.
For the younger viewers; This is the most important information you may ever need to know. Take it from a guy who was not selective enough, and had too many friends, and allowed people to push their way in. Be wary of narcissists, who enjoy that you are empathetic and can take a lot of abuse. Set health boundaries with people and be willing to let them go if they fail to respect them. The world teaches that popularity is important. Where are all those friends I thought I had now? Gone! Too worried about looking successful on Facebook. Busy bodies that only check in on you like a nurse doing rounds. The information in this video is the best advice you will ever get. If you choose to ignore it, when you’re older, you’ll find out you’re mostly alone.
What was really eye opening for me, was the people who are my friends that’s i didn’t know were. There was a guy I considered an acquaintance, but he wasn’t part of the crowd so I never really treated him like one. Truth be told, he was one of the best friends you could ask for, something bad had happened in my life, he caught wind, and immediately came to help. No questions, he was there when no one else was. It was then I realized that having the popular people as your friends didn’t mean shit, and also to never ignore someone just because they weren’t considered cool. Sometimes the best friend you could ask for, is the one who has no friends.
Friends. The people who tell you, if you ever need anything don’t hesitate to call. When you do, they’re “out of town” or “have plans” already. I remember having those
@@JK-vc7ie I noticed your similar replies on many other posts. There are many here that "get it". Seems to me like you are stuck in a rut, sir. I'm here for you if you need to vent some more.
@@JK-vc7ie That's it, let it out, sweety. All that and humility, too? I will now aspire to be, like you clearly are, a demi-God-like, TEAM 6 🙄 human being. No more being a humble servant who is willing to offer help... I bet you get invited to lots of parties.
Mr. Popular generally has lots of acquaintances but no real friends, usually. You are so right. A small circle breeds people who you can depend on. Great job explaining this!
I agree, I am a 17yr old in my senior year of highschool rn and I honestly have no friends, the main reasoning behind this is because every1 around my school is fake It seems like I'm the only person looking for something genuinely. They are also incredibly codependent and not only that pretty much all of my peers have ostracized me since 1st grade because I didn't meet the cultural norm for my ethnic group. Plus going to a high school with 5000 kids in one building doesn't make it better either, tbh I'm kind of happy with this lockdown because it has let me assess my qualities and strengths(academics ofc) and for once in my life, I've hardly procrastinated.
I wouldn’t worry too much about being popular in high school. I was never invited to hang out with the cool kids and be in their social circle and now it’s kind of flipped because I feel like I’m successful enough that I have to be careful what I say in public and I don’t want to be associated with most people. Set your goals high and just keep being the best you can be.
Great video, Shawn! You hit the nail right on the head. I once heard a guy who had hit many millions playing his state's lottery, say the following: "This is one time in life that you really find out who your true friends are. I've learned that the people who show up, at your door, with their hand's out, wanting something from you, aren't your friends. Your real friends, at a time like that, will be the ones who you'll have to look for, at their homes. Those are the ones that I will help out, with my new found wealth. And, it's only one person, that I'm going to help. Someone I've known since I was 9 years old. Somehow, this isn't surprising to me!" Just thought I'd share that. I heard that along time ago and have never forgotten it. Take care, Shawn!
There is a whole lot of things we here when 18 but don't understand that we will remember when older. I am 64 and i am remembering what i heard more now
Wow, as a 50 year old woman, and former Art teacher. I have to say this deserves a save to show young people. They are under so much pressure to be Mr. or Ms. popular with all these social platforms and the pressure on them I believe is worse than it was during my teens. I wish my parents or a teacher sat me down, and explained friendship and family relationships in this way in my late teens. This info would have saved me and others too a lot of heartache over the last 30 years, I can’t say 31 because I need to account for the Covid weirdness. Well done, Shawn, thank you!
Absolutely incredible explanation. I have always struggled to explain why my circle of friends is so incredibly small and why I value my few friends so highly
Absolutely 100% correct. Especially in a society where they think adding a person on Facebook makes them best friends. I use to have a huge group of people. Someone always needed something. However, when I needed help no one was around. So I cut ties with a lot of people. I have a very small circle now. This advice is like gold.
So true. Imagine the effort and moral compromises one has to make on a daily basis, just to maintain superficial relationships with a large number of other people; and the BS he has to consume or offer up to them, just to convince himself he has friends.
Not all friends are created equal. Evaluate and spend time with those that mean the most. Man I appreciate your guidance. This is a daily lifelong battle.
I have plenty of good acquaintances, but I've always said as long as you have 2 or 3 True friends, or even just 1, Then you are good to go! I've got 2 lifelong Best friends. The kind of friend I KNOW I could call up in the middle of the with a "Life and Death emergency", and they would be there for Me in anyway possible or necessary! Because they Know I WILL do the same for Them.
Everyone I knew and trusted have passed away, I was lucky to have known them, life’s been extremely difficult since then but I’ve learned to Never Quit! Much Respect Shawn!🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
As you get older, your circle grows wider and wider and filled with friends, co-workers, friends of friends, acquaintances. But there are certainly degrees to your social circles, and once you breakdown all yoir friends, your smallest circle, which are the friends you’d take a bullet for and they would do the same for you, it always comes down to 2, 3, or 4 friends who got your through and thru. People are so disillusioned by social media, or having thousands of friends on facebook, but really, there are only a select few in single digits that you can trust and depend on. Really good video
Real good point about when you get screwed over, rather than be mad at that person, figure out what YOU did to be in that position and don't do that again. This can be applied to almost anything in life. As usual, wise words from Mr. Ryan
I learned this over the last 10 years. I stopped talking to quit a few friends. The day I seen my BFF steal out of my purse. That did it for me. I keep my circle of friends very small. I don’t have to worry about lying cheating and stealing. My work friends are kept at arm length distance.
Awesome job! It's important to add that popularity doesn't guarantee friends, depending how you define "friend". Not all who likes you and demands your time can be defined as your friend. I think being influential is more important than being popular. People may like you or not, but they will definitely be thinking about you and your words long after you stop talking. Definitely having a smaller circle of real friends who you can trust to be ready for you at 3am or are willing to call you at 3am for your assistance, is golden. Stay strong!
Driving to work listening to this, so technically I’m giving all my time to you, which means you’re my number one?? let’s just not tell my wife alright? Kidding aside this is great advice that a lot of people need to hear and understand both sides of it. Spend time on people who spend time on you. But also understand that some times people are a little busy in their own life and can’t spend every waking second on you. It’s a balancing act both parties need to be mindful of and I think that’s lost in today’s technology fueled world. Thanks for making the videos. I’ve enjoyed every one of them so far.
Getting older now 57 or 58 , having most of my friends drop dead or move away I find myself on these RU-vid videos more and more often. I like watching yours. Thank you for today’s it showed me your very balanced in the fact you can be a warrior and have the ability to honestly share what’s on your mind with people you really don’t know but like me will take time out of my day to watch your videos or podcasts or whatever these are. Anyway my names Red ......army reserve 82 /89 defenatly not bragging lol and thanks for what you’ve done for this country and continue doing...thanks man ...Red
Same here. Fifty-four and most of my friends have faded away over the years. The one close one is on his death bed at 60 with colon cancer and he had always talked about retiring to Vegas...
I had a lot of friends and family, then I moved across the country. Couldn’t be happier. It’s so nice not having obligations and having the freedom to control MY time. IMO this is really good advice the older you get.
"A friend is a weight in your pocket." "Its lonely on the top." "Everyone who comes with you, can't go with you." Three wise statement I would hear from wise elderly folks passed down to my parents and then on to me. Still rings thru till this day and for generations to come. Thank you for continuing to enlightening our community. VE4L!!!
When I was in school I learned early on not to trust people. As a kid I was constantly bullied couldn't rely on anyone not even the teachers or principals but as soon as I defend myself I got in trouble. So the only solution I came up with I separated myself from everybody. I often found the most isolated area on the playground or the least populated table in the lunchroom. And it worked, I never got into a fight after I started doing that. Unfortunately doing that from middle school through High School made it very hard on me to make friends and I still struggle with it today. It also makes talking to people very hard. I have been trying to get myself out of that mindset but with the world as it is now I wonder if I should bother.
@@nobody-hr1lo not exactly sure I believe in God. I mean a lot of things in religion I really question not sure what that makes me. I do believe in a higher power and an afterlife because the thought that we fade into nothing once we died is a very depressing thought.
Love being able to articulate this to point to others. But not always easy to do. I feel like just dropping some people that don't get it, the link to this video. Thanks good sir!
This is so damn true. I wasn’t an overly popular kid growing up, but was well known as someone who wasn’t going to put up with bullshit. My friends who I can trust are defined by just a few things. 1. Does that person check in when shit goes sideways? 2. Will that person show up when shit is happening? 3. Will that individual drag you back or talk you out of making a mistake? 4. Will that person be there to talk to when things aren’t ideal? 5. Is that person willing to cover your ass when you need assistance, even if it’s a split second emergency response? 6. Can I trust that person with my life? If I can check yes to all, then that person would be in my circle. How many friends do I have that I can say are part of this circle? Realistically I’ve got 4. Despite us having lives of our own, I can talk to any one of them at any time about anything, and if ever I found myself in deep shit, I can count on someone coming to help get me out of the hell hole. One is literally a lifelong friend I’ve known since birth, another since growing up in San Antonio because both our Dads retired from the services there, and the other two are friends I’ve known since right before High School. The latter two, one is currently a Corpsman in the Navy, and the other is an Air Force Veteran. It’s important to surround yourself with the right people. Quality over quantity all day long.
100% true. Realistically you are only going to be able to maintain, develop, and get closer friendships with no more than 4 people if you have a moderately busy life with some free time like everyone else, especially if you and them all do not have the same job and have different lives. This is why people need to get it out of their head that being popular is far more important than having a few close friends. Those 35 friends you have 9 times out of 10 will not be there for you and have your back and most likely aren't going to be great people you want to talk to when you need a friend to talk to, because the sad truth is they either aren't true friends and most likely are shitty people, or they don't *really* care about you because you two are stuck at a constant roadblock of developing because you don't have the time or energy for them. It's sad but it's true. Just because you hang out with those 35 friends or talk to them occasionally does not mean they are "your friend," because that is more of an acquaintance than a "friend."
The overall message is fantastic. Great breakdown. Seriously. Especially the “You are.” That said, I work (& spend most of my life) working in teams of people. That roster changes depending on the gig. Many are great people, many are opportunistic shit bags. I never give any of them an opening to betray me. Ever. Some have tried. They always fail, because I focus on me. I do the best I can in every situation. Morally, ethically, & yes, pridefully. Focus on yourself. Be the absolutely best person you can be, & no one can fuck with you. Self-mastery is the most important thing to focus upon. Period. If you master yourself, you have won the battle. The war will never end. You are your own worst enemy. That said, the only people who I have ever felt betrayed by are people I’ve let inside the bulwark. Family. Spouses. That’s just par for the course. Suck it up. They are as fucked up as you are, but those relationships are worth the risk. Also, getting off the soapbox, whatever happened to you producing alcoholic drink alternatives? I think it might be important. Maybe not, initially, lucrative, but maybe blog on the subject. Maybe?
My dad told me before I was even in high school that I would have 5 real friends in life. He must have had a lot of expectations for me because I don’t have any friends.
The first time one experiences a close friend moving heaven and earth to help one out in a time of need, one will raise one’s personal standard permanently. That feeling is more valuable than almost any other. Love your content, thank you.
Everything's changed man.. if Mr. Popular had shit ton of money then he would make all the 24 friends in his life feel trusted & reliable at the same time. (Which shouldn't happen) but it happens & Mr. Shawn cannot do that since he doesn't have money. So, you do the math now.
My circle is as small as it gets 😭 Lol, dude we ALL go through these perception changes as we mature. We start as kids wanting to be with each other always, as young adults we pushed apart a bit, to assert independence. At mid age you'll find we drift apart again perhaps the strongest distance we'll experience and the most truly independent we are in our life's. Then ... And on the very beginning of this phase... Sonny lol, as aging adults we find comfort in each other like we did as kids. In this phase.. politics , ideology , rightousness don't mean shit.. we value Life because we are soon to loose ours. I guess I have only this to offer: everything you said is true... And also... When we have moved past the social rift we are experiencing right now, it's gonna feel good good good to you guys to open the circle back up without fear and taste the full experience of life! I got a taste of that for a minute in this country when I could confidently approach any American without prejudice and extend a hand, learn alot, make a friend, and most probably find someone who has my back just as an American despite cultural and political difference. Those that served in the military know exactly what that experience is. I felt the most American in those moments.
Last year when I became the victim of a hit and run which resulted in the breaking of both of my legs, my arm and intestinal evisceration which could have resulted in death... I found out who were really my friends and family. I was always there for them time and time again without fail for the people who revealed their true selves. Now I only give that energy to my real loved ones, everyone else is just an acquaintance. I have since then recovered from my accident thanks to God. Maybe Not at 100%, but at least now I can walk and drive normal like I used to. I’ll take not being able to run and jump over almost having my legs amputated or even worse dying.
I've always kept my friend circle small, and most of the guys in the circle have been my friends for decades. I draw a very clear distinction between a friend and an acquaintance. Acquaintances are many, but friends are very few.
you know at 56 growing up was having lots of friends .... now I tell my son at 14 keep your circle small ... less burn time on the heart , less stress on the spidey sense and on the grey matter resting on our shoulders .... HENCE THE NAME GREY MAN . cheers from western Canada sir
Remember being in a car accident a year back and got hospitalized due to it. Fortunately no serious injuries, but still needed to stay for two nights. That really helped me to see who my true friends were. They would come and see me or call me and ask if everything was ok. They would help me and make sure that i'm all good when i got out. All those fake friends wouldn't even make a fucking phone call to ask if i'm all good. So no need to invest any time to them. But for those true friends, i would do the exact same thing and they know it.
that moment you realize you have no friends after watching this video, kind of went through that whole got used up by fokes and burned out on friendships, i'm not that social to begin with have asperger's syndrome so I don't do well with social interactions.
I don't comment on many youtube videos, but this is a message more people need to hear. If you don't have at least one friend that you can call in the middle of the night and their first question is what do you need as they're putting pants, you don't have any friends. The key is, you have to be that friend as well. I'm fortunate enough to have three.
I'm 70, and still have two friends left alive. They are blessings. (And one pet lunatic who calls me up from the loony bin because he has no one, and take his calls because I feel sorry for him. )
@@rayward9265 If you were younger I would advise you to lose the guilt AND the looney because he will impede your life's path forward. But at age 66 I get it. I have one also but I seriously limit the time.
I have a few people I talk to regularly and hang out with now, but there are only 3 or 4 people I truly consider "real friends." I have honestly barely spoken with most of them over the past 15 years, but if they called me today and needed help or vice versa, it would happen with no questions asked. Guaranteed. We all have families and are scattered around the country these days, and maybe haven't kept in touch so well, but I trust them all implicitly and know they are rock solid. Those are real friends. There is a difference, and I don't think most people realize it.
The older you get the smaller the circle will become. I'm old and getting older, but I'm still here Shawn. My old dog is slipping through my fingers, I can hardly breathe. The knot grows tighter every day.
Proverbs 18:24 New King James Version 24 A man who has friends [a]must himself be friendly, (A)But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 22:24-25 24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, 25 or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. Proverbs 27:5-6 5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses John 15: 13-14 13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
I have a bunch of acquaintances, great neighbors, and family. Thats all I want!! I would rather watch my nephews and cousins play ball than hang out with friends who are going to get me in trouble or cause me more stress. I have ran around with a few different groups over the years but I rarely hear from any of them anymore or them from me. LIFE GOES ON!!
So I'd like to add a little bit to what Mr Ryan here is saying I agree with everything he says here 100%, but one of the things that I think about is who's really going to be my friend after I die. And what I mean by that is who's going to be the friend that comes over just to make sure that my wife and my kids are okay and bring a toy and if they're struggling whether it's something small like moving a piece of furniture and taking 15 minutes out of their day to do that or helping my wife pay whatever rent or mortgage we have at that time for that month are they going to be there then they're going to bring a toy to my children and help teach them and be a positive role model in their lives really step back and take a look at that and ask yourself the same question after that you'll understand who's really a friend and who's not I was taught that if you have three good friends true honest friends you can consider yourself a very lucky man and with those three friends you can accomplish anything if you work together you can take over a fucking country if the need arises God bless Mr Ryan and keep speaking the truth
I remember when I was younger and in school everyone telling me how once I graduated everyone would go off and do their own things and most friendships would soon disappear. And it’s crazy how true it is but also it’s amazing see how your true friends stick around. Right after high school I joined the military and for the first time in 5 years I get to see one of my high school friends and can’t be more excited. Loved your video man keep it up
I have 1 friend... she’s my best friend too, and most importantly girlfriend. And I’m totally fine with that. Other people I just say hi too but I don’t consider them friends.
If they get a room, they’ll only have an hour and 45 minutes together. By those standards, Shawn either has a lot of stamina or he is really serious about keeping to a schedule. All jokes aside...great video. Keep it up!
A have a few acquaintances but I count on one hand the number of real friends (and I would say all of those are people I served with in the military) who don't even live anywhere near me these days but I know if I needed to talk or had an issue I could call on any one of the them to at least be there with advice, an ear or, if local, a hand without question. For the most part I don't think civilians really understand that level of friendship over knowing a lot of people. Not to say that it doesn't happen, because obviously it does, but I feel there are more out there that haven't found that same bond.
Interestingly introverted theories.. quality over quantity is a factor, variety of shared experiences is a factor and consistency of character is a factor.. people have kids and free time decreases drastically, people get married and need to have adequate interpersonal time with their spouse.. people work with others, eat meals with others and can vary occasions to maintain friendships outside of a small family circle.. being proximity to someone doesn't denote their importance to you- focus upon them, listening to them, intention to protect them or value them more than some distraction; these are much more telling than distance between the physical. I agree that over focus on diluting allegiances is a shallow habit, yet codependency forms when tight knit bonds are overly depended on. In truth, relations are dynamic and require constant balancing. Having fewer relationships means less practice balancing priorities. Limiting relationships begins to reflect diminishing hopes of positive interactions, like a protection mechanism for those who fear emotional vulnerability. People need thicker skin, not pre-emptive distancing from potentially challenging circumstance. We need the courage to welcome others in, yet we need to maintain reasonable boundaries for varying personalities and capacities. Thank you for the video, yet please understand that smiling is more important than negative planning.
Building confidence/trust absolutely takes time, which is why I support LONG engagements. We need to see people across a breadth of experiences and with a broad range of people (including family) to get an accurate read on who we're claiming to want to spend the rest of our lives with and with whom we're planning to have kids (if you choose to have kids).
All my friends I just happened to work with , sometimes 7 days a week. Since I retired things have changed. My friends circle is even smaller. Another great video Shawn!
