I am sitting here on my balcony actively pursuing a quiet moment. If you know me, these are my favorite moments. If you really know me, then you know that pretty much every time I wake up, I hit the ground running - so these moments can be pretty rare (something I could get better at 🤪). But this morning was different...
It has been one year since the release of the Look Up Child album. ONE YEAR 😳 I don’t keep track of dates. I’m a ‘here today, gone tomorrow’ type child but super present because of it. I was given a gift yesterday that reminded me of how special today’s date is. I started my journey with the record coming from a place of uncertainty - not sure if I was wanting to remain in this industry. There were parts of myself that couldn’t help but change in order to fulfill the demand of all that is required. Now, let me take a brief moment to pivot by saying, I became so off kilter that I began to see EVERYTHING as a demand. It came disguised in all its cruel ugliness as this measly word I wish would die called “expectation.” (The invisible bully in my corner 👿) Expectation is not always a bad thing, but for this girl of whimsy, I was drowning in its defeat. As we began to write the record, I questioned if I could stand against its unearthing & unrelenting dominance. There were moments I was so sick on the floor of the studio. I didn’t think a world like the one I’m in would be possible to survive. There were many factors, but as I spiraled, I began to see the light. Interesting how those two worlds hold hands, yet when we see someone spiral, we are quick to save. 🤔. Yet this spiral was different. It was one of beauty, of release, of fortitude. I found myself taken over by creating. Oh the gift of creation!! It stuns me. The more I find myself in that space, the freer I become. Expectation gets really quiet there, crippled by the art of a free spirit, a boundless endeavor. What I thought was so far lost and gone in myself became more and more revived. This record changed me. It brought me out of an arduous forest of muck and mire into a field of lilies covered in gold. You all were there, all along. You may have not known it, but you were. Your stories were shown to me before I was told them from your mouths, your letters, your posts. He showed them to me. We as a team wrote, and I could hear them as we penned. To see these stories come to life in the flesh after my spirit was being prepared - an intricacy I couldn’t weave if I tried. THE STORIES. I just keep running back to them. Day in and day out. They keep me focused on the small things. The small things are truly the BIGGEST of things. I hope that if you have heard this record, you have heard your story tucked away somewhere in there. I’ve heard mine. As I hear them all together, it makes a sound only fit for heaven. All the deepest gratitude as I sit in silent awe. 🙏🏼
19 авг 2024