Learn to Be ASSERTIVE with a STRONG PERSONALITY | Tips to Effectively Communication with Others 

speaking slowly seriously make a difference.... I was told by an old Army dog, "When you speak fast it because you don't think what you have to say is important. Slow down....because it is." I felt that.

Thank you! I was taught to be nice no matter what- this has made me a kind person with terrible boundaries. Working on it!!

I'm learning to NOT CARE about the negative reaction that may occur for standing up for myself. They don't care about backing me into a corner.

Wow I use the pretending to be someone else tactic and it works ! I visualize that I’m an actress in a movie and I’m filming a scene. In the scene, I’m self confident, assertive and picking up for myself. It usually comes naturally and allows me detach from emotions of nervousness and insecurity.

I learned that they also go after people who have qualities that they want, that they don't have and it's jealousy, not necessarily weak or hurt individuals.

I used to avoid being assertive in my relationship because I am from an Asian background and was always told to be obedient and agreeable. As a result, my boundaries were blurred and OVERSTEPPED too many times and each time to a different height. I have had enough now this is why I am here. I'm embarking on a new me

I have a few co-workers who stomp allover my boundaries and it's partly my fault because I allow them. Starting Monday, this is going to change

I was not an assertive child. But I am an assertive adult & I love it here! 🥳

In therapy i often heard DON'T BLAME YOUR PARENTS..THEY DID THE BEST THEY COULD!!! I dont BLAME my parents BUT they absoluteky trained me to be a frightened little DOORMAT so i finally entered 12 step, group therapy, years ago & learned how they CRIPPLED me & then how to OVERCOME the damage. Im 86 now & still trying to undo the emotional DAMAGES my parents & others did TO ME! Knowing that they were also damaged by their own DAMAGED parents doesn't help. Finally finding self respect & acceptance has helped the most! I'm much happier & carry way less SELF CONTEMPT now than what my parents left me with so, i see hope for OVERCOMING a rotten chilhood I have no kids to pass on the family SICKNESS to...thank god!! THAKS 4 YOUR HONESTY!!!

You are a gifted teacher! I have a whole family full of manipulative and toxic people. I’m usually the quiet one just observing the toxic behavior but never really knew how to productively handle situations. Keep bringing the great videos, you are helping in a big way.

With strong personalities that won't take "no" for an answer or have an obsession with being right, I tend to subconsciously avoid them cause they were always out to pick a fight, even if it's pointless. On bad days, I avoid these types of people cause I knew I wouldn't have the patience to debate with them. They'd make mountains out of mole hills.

I am taking assertiveness training at the ripe age of 60. I always believed that if you treated other people with kindness and respect that they would automatically reciprocate. I have found that to be completely false in 99% of situations. All that it does is get you used and you eventually become resentful of people. The way that I now approach this, is that I need to respect myself and live with myself at a much higher degree than anyone else in my life, so if they over-step my boundaries, I can live without them. I can't live without myself.

I am worthy 🙌💯

I'm fine with being rejected. Not everyone is going to be on your frequency. What I do find difficult is rejecting.

From a legit door mat - this has helped, but years of being controlled and dominated is going to take a while to fix, thank you xo

Talk about being hunched over - i was hunched over during my entire childhood being the Empath/Blacksheep of a family of Narcissistic Personality Disordered family of Snakes. It took me a very long time to understand what I was dealing with, as i am now 52 years old and feel that I lost too much time to find out the very sort of people i grew up with. Your video is so good on this day as i am not doing good today -- Your shirt though is confusing the heck out of me :)) Thank you for this Video !

Bless you all, we are good people. But it's time to stand up for ourselves and fight back ♥️

Not being honest with ourselves is undermining our self-respect and self-trust and therefore we are disempowering ourselves. When I realised that not asserting myself was actually lying I started to tell my truth. And after having told the truth I began enjoying the surprising effects my truth evoked in other people. Communicating the truth is fascinating. We must trust ourselves if we feel we are taken advantage of, we are taken advantage of. Tell the truth of how you feel and see what happens? It is fun.

This is GOLD. A guide to become assertive that I, and probably everyone, intuitively already knew how to do. I've been doing this, and although sometimes I feel a bit of guilt making someone, who 100% deserves my aggressive assertiveness, feel bad, it still feels better than letting someone step all over you. I just need to work on shaking off that guilt because some of these people have no guilt when they're being blatantly rude. I don't know why I care how they feel when they explicitly show me that they don't care how *I* feel. Egh. 😟

✓some people fear standing up for themselves because of a lack of self-esteem. They fear being assertive will make them seem bitchy. ✓u are always teaching people how to treat you. ✓if u don't know how to set boundaries, you are always gonna attract manipulative people, abusive people, people who are going to use you, arrogant people. Emotionally abusive people can smell weak people. ✓Know your boundaries. Know your standards. Know when someone is trying to manipulate you. When you feel like you are being taken advantage of, you are being taken advantage of. ✓Any abusive person can smell fear. So, practice speaking with confidence. Don't show people you are fearful inside. ✓Be ok with saying "No, I can't do that." ✓You are worthy to tell someone: "this isn't okay."

Great point about slowing down the mind and thinking positive, loveful thoughts before we say something we might regret. That way we are not hurting ourselves or the other person.

My fear is that i feel the person will not hear me out/ dismiss me or respond egoicly and aggressively redirecting blame to me and refusing to be accountable . When you know someone's character as a human, in your mind you can narrate how everything will go down from past experiences. And leaving is not all the time possible

I recently opened my own business and realized how bad I am with being assertive - this was a weakness that came out of the blue and one that I had no idea I struggled with. I'm so glad I came across your video because you just put everything in perspective and helped me understand exactly why this is happening and how I can work towards improving myself. Thank you so much for giving me assurance and confidence that this weakness, can to be overcome :)

Found this video b/c I’m dealing with a manipulative coworker. Thank you for the insightful tips!

My fear? Not wanting to punch their lights out

Wow, I didn’t even know I needed to hear this. But I did. Thank you ❤️

What I love about Stephanie is how she can communicate her message in a neutral way. She talks about "persons". She never mentions Male or Female. A lot of other channels who speak on these same topic will always portray the female as the victim and use stock images of a woman with her head in her hands - for example. As a male I've been matching Stephanie for years. I really appreciate that neutral aspect to your videos Stephanie. You are clearly aware that your topics can apply to any human regardless of male or female. Thanks and keep up the great work!!! ❤

I did it last night for the first time and it felt amazing!

This was such a great video for me to see today. I had to set boundaries and assert myself last week. Boy were you spot on, the minute I said no, my heart rate jumped. The next time I am in that kind of situation I hope to be able to feel more relaxed. I will try to remember my body language like you suggested and sit or stand a little taller.

I listen to every one of your vids at least twice. There is so much truth, in such a compressed format, that I am afraid Im missing something while Im thinking about it. Very well done. Thank you for these.

I want what you have Stephanie ... A clear mind, so I can navigate my way through this world swerving the manipulative abusers, and rebuking those who need it. 💯

This is such a great topic. More on this topic would be awesome. This is real tough for me. Alcoholic rageaholic father, and controlling manipulative mother. My father is so disrespectful to his family but especially the females. I don't tell him anything because I'm scared of his anger. I don't tell my mom anything because she's also a narcissist and will not respect any of my boundaries

I have co workers that isolate me because like you said they noticed i was a very insecure socially anxious person, and now its hard to change their opinion of me. So how do i change that? I feel that if i do become assertive i will be attacked right back because its not a common thing they see in me.

Thanks you 😊 I feel so empowered as I set healthy broundires with those who have been crossing mine

Exactly. You can Always tell when the frustration is coming in.

I have a hard time being assertive and setting boundaries with my boyfriend because he is very defensive and sometimes threatens to leave me. I'm highly codependent on him and he knows it and uses it to his advantage. He even gets upset with me for having any emotion towards him thats negative. The other day I told him I was upset that he was violating my lease agreement by smoking on the deck. He told me he was fed up with ME, left the house for 3 hours and threatened to go to his sisters. That took a lot of courage for me to just tell him I was upset. Its a very toxic relationship and Im trying to find the strength to get out.

Fake it till you make it has helped me so so much with my confidence. When I get nervous or embarrassed it shows all over my face because i'm a chronic blusher. I just let it happen, stay calm and know its something I can't change. I love my sensitive self. Thanks for the tips on the slow talk! You are an incredible coach :)

I agree with you completely. I'm older and I can assert myself, but it's been a life long process. You have to be willing to do the work and pay the price. I don't think you can be a grown up and worry about having people's approval all the time.

I was raised in a home where saying “no” meant someone might suffer or lose out on basic needs. Therefore, today, I have almost no ability to set boundaries and tell someone “no”. I subconsciously assume that by saying “no”, I will make their lives more difficult, I will place the burden on them, it makes me a bad person. So it’s a lot of years of unlearning this behaviour. Thank you for this video, one step at a time! ☺️

This was so helpful to me! I've been wondering why manipulative/abusive people are the only ones that seem to cross my path, and now I know how to fix he way things have been. Thank you! ❤

I just love how you always get the message across so clearly.

Sounds like the insights of a healthy Empath to me 👍

Can you do like a sample script of what to say when people are stepping over your boundaries? Like some good examples? I’m terrible with words when I’m caught in my feelings :(

Thankyou stephanie🙌 this was so helpful. I recently had two conversations where I had to bring some truth to light and now wish I had said certain things differently. Because I tend to speak fast. Now If nothing else I guess I can be minded of my new tools💜

Love your points on setting boundaries and being confident as a part of being assertive. Knowing how to be assertive at work and in life can be really helpful to improve communication and collaboration. Cheers!

I love your voice !! you are well spoken and articulate and annunciate nicely which makes you very easy to listen to..... not to mention you always have a positive position or spin on every topic thank you !!!

Thank you so much for all your video’s. I’m trying to learn to be more assertive and not be taken advantage of . I don’t want to be a person that fears confrontation. I left my toxic, abusive narcissistic relationship. I don’t want to fear anymore. I want to learn how to set m boundaries. Thank you again for your videos

I LOVE that example of playing someone else. I used to do it and then I keep forgetting and each time I forget to do it, I feel like people walk all over me. Very good advise, Steph. New subbie!

Hi Stephanie my name is Michelle and I came across your videos and I just love them I think I have a connection with you because I like your style of coaching great work I think this is my first video that I responded to of yours but I've been watching a lot today I'm subscribing to your Channel thanks for the great content.

What you're doing is amazing, you cannot beleive how much you've help find my self again.

Thank you so much for your videos - I’ve always had a tough time standing up for myself and setting boundaries and you explaining why and how to view that differently has changed me already. I can’t wait to love myself like I deserve. Thanks again

Communication. Practice, practice, practice. Thanks

Ive striggled with doing this especially around insecure abusive weirdos who try to project their insecurities in retaliation.

I agree people fear being assertive because they don’t respect themselves enough, therefore they aren’t used to being respected by other people 💪✊

Wow! This is one of the most helpful, practical and genuinely direct to the points tips on assertiveness Ive ever heard in youtube. Thank you for sharing your knowledge Ma'am. You are the answer to my question. 👍🥂

Excellent video! Really needed to hear this - it's not easy, but a continual work in progress!

Thank you soooo much for sharing this, I feel empowered after watching this! ❤❤

I have no problem telling it out. I can put the intensity I need. I can break up & wish good luck. I just struggle with same thing all over again. And it's the same story all over again. To someone that had an unstable family. I want something/someone stable.

Yes i dislike asserting myself because I normally overreact and get 2 emotional. Normally when i act emotional that relationship is over. Now I just take a pause react and let the rest fall sometimes i let them get the rude version of me lol.. This is key when running a business

Thank you !! I'm listening to this to learn how to fight off a stalker-like person who's even managed to cross my physical boundaries a few times. (He'd place his hands on my hips randomly during encounter. So traumatizing!!!) I became frozen each time and wasn't able to respond correctly each time that it'd happened. It is really frustrating and even traumatizing. I guilt tripped myself multiple times for this but I realized this is entirely on him and not me. Going to apply your tips to beat the xhit out of him !!

I feel like people that take advantage of you aren't always toxic people. I'm very agreeable and always willing to work the others and I think this presents an opportunity to others to maximize what's best for them. I don't think they even do it conscientiously but people just naturally push for maximizing their opportunities and don't realize what it's doing to others. Speaking up isn't my problem so much as learning to speak up in a way that is calm and effectively communicating my needs. I don't feel like I have low self confidence but we live in an age of people being crazy sensitive and I always feel like if I speak up for myself that the other person will just completely withdraw.

Thank you, so much ...being assertive w/confidence instead of being emotionally reactionary to people who behave assertively at family gatherings with an audience because they feel the empowerment of their supportive family members around....I would never want to upset a family function or having children see anything inappropriate...That’s where you have to bring out Intellectual swords of how things that were just said to me were not ever going to be tolerated ever again, Because I ALWAYS come to your homes with respect and kindness and I command, that my husband and I to be treated the exact same respect ...Thank you....( Husband Family)

Hello Stephanie... Thank you✨✨.. As a young girl/ tween/ young adult/ now 50.. I still haven't found my assertiveness. I"ve tried / my anxiety go"s sky high.. This is a wonderful way to stand up and speak.. Sincerely Tanja

Thank you! Your videos are amazing. The content is full of wisdom.

I ended up with anxiety around standing up for myself because I kept encountering people who didn’t respect my boundaries and would either become confrontational or just ignore my express wishes and it seemed impossible to be heard until I exploded in their face and demolished the relationship entirely. Like, the sort of people who you cannot associate with AT ALL unless you give in to them. I’m slowly surrounding myself with new people and working on the anxiety around making my feelings and wishes known.

I have many great ideas and i can express my opinions with people i'm comfortable with but never in crowded places. My anxiety never shuts up and because of my ADHD i struggle with talking slowly. Also i always get passionate with my ideas this results in me talking faster than usual, sometimes causing stuttering. At this point,i will start with smaller steps and i started to notice that no matter how different your opinion is from others, it doesnt matter because you only harm yourself by not sharing it. The technique of faking until you make it works in first steps. I am still trying

i feel overwhelmed allready by watching this,being assertive…i have no clue,but i do get taking the baby steps and every time you say no and yes to something you do wish to see is a win for me at the moment🙂

That was very good for me. I was raised by a narcissistic father and was trained to not stand up for myself.

Thank you for this video. Didn't realize how much I needed this

A lot of useful advice. I subscribed on the basis of this one in particular. Perception is everything. I am socially awkward and on the spectrum so direct eye contact is difficult, and I want to speak at a thousand miles an hour in one breath. What I think I 'can' do, besides the theater part is say 'boundary', when someone is going beyond what I find comfortable. It is defending yourself without being perceived as difficult. I think that's another thing, I get paranoid about what people are thinking when I should be focusing on self-growth.

This is unbelievably helpful. Thank you so much. 🙏

I have stood up for myself at work and it has helped out

Hey I just wanna say I have struggled with drug and alcohol addiction since I was 13 years old I have been in treatment 3 times. I religiously watch your videos every morning or more and this has kept me sober and clean for 1.5 years thank you for making these videos they are seriously life changing ❤️

I’m going to be assertive here and firstly say I love your content. I just wish your videos were longer 🤣 So much wisdom!

One thing I learned is to be a 🦈,but be a nice shark to the people that are good to you,the others that are toxic, they see the real shark, invest in yourself and take care of yourself, and don't count yourself short have confidence in yourself, treat people the way you want to be treated,you will know these toxic people, just cut them out, great video Stephanie,be aware of these toxic people, just say no and walk away from these people.

Sooo helpful as a teacher. I deal with abusive students and this is so relevant

Shark example was really good. Sharks smell blood, they go after the wounded ones.

Yet to finish the video but every word uttered by you is so valid for my situation. This despite the fact that you nothing about me and yet you are understanding me more than the two psychologists I told everything my situation and my need to be more assertive.

I'm able to be assertive mostly when I'm upset or angry. No one sees me as someone that can be spoken to any type of way. I usually do not respond to everyone's remarks. I do this because I can verbally attack/strack hard to get the person off my back. But for the most part I'm not easily to approach or one just not sure how to take/approach me. Most of my expression are in my body language or facial expressions. Some people think I'm mean. I'm a serious person, and don't care much for small talk. There are people who have to respond to everything or every remarks. I'm not argumentative. I just don't know how or good at being tactful or descreat. I would love to be more socialable and easy going. I'm an introvert.

I liked this information, and particularly where you said and I am paraphrasing, that just because your assertive behaviour didn't appear to work on the abuser, it doesn't matter. It's important that we did it the best we could for ourselves.

This reminds me of my father. He's very friendly but when you get to his other side. Ya better run for your life. Haha! I hope and pray people will love themselves first no matter what.

This is an area I struggle with, my emotions always take over and I make situation worse! learning how to handle myself differently but its so hard, learning all the time, thank you for your videos, much love xxx

You're the best Stephanie!

Stephanie I came from a family of weak people namely a single mother home that can be passive aggressive and will tell you the answer they think you want to hear and made me an extreme people pleaser - and caused great frustration for me with once I grew up - why were people so negative towards me and I was trying so hard - so frustrating. I very much lacked that positive male role model. It took a long time - here I am a 6'2 inch muscular guy but inside I was so weak and the type that wouldn't hurt a fly - just struggled for years with a personal mismatch. I finally started doing sports and serious physical training which helped my confidence and I still workout to this day and love it - I did struggle in high school with lack of good advise on how handle situations at practice and on the teams as far as competitive sports. I finished school and got a degree and started as a consumer rep then gravitated to being a long time Sales Pro. These positions had me heavily interacting with people and I had to learn some assertiveness from how I carry myself to how I speak to others and still be myself. I have and still use the idea of a Character Actor who is smooth and assertive as well as a consummate pro form Jack Lord, James Bond, or smooth talkers like Billy D Williams or James Earl Jones etc and it does help to put it into practice and then for it to become more natural - plus it's fun. I am never mean or will ever use foul language or demean anyone but I have learned to stand my ground when needed. I am still a very kind and intuitive person (I match people to products by reading their body language and vocal tone - I know they are going to buy before I even have them sign the contract). I however, since I was about 20 years of age have taken heavy negative feedback and been considered intimidating from fellow students, fellow team mates, teachers, supervisors, co-workers and customers until they get to know me and talk to me. My read is they get intimated and feel they need to be loaded up for bear to deal with me. I guess they assume I am big and mean and have bad intentions or worse they feel the need take down the biggest and strongest person in the place to boost themselves. This has happened since I was in my early 20s at Bars and Clubs where I am challenged to fights from guys I don't know or had any reason to be in an altercation with (so ridiculous) when I am there to socialize - even at age 55. My party and heavy drinking days are long past and I avoid Bars and Clubs. I am a caring and down to earth guy and learning to be assertive makes me feel much better about myself and realizing I have value and what I say is worth hearing and to be ok with telling people the truth and how I really feel is such a positive feeling for me. I have been doing well in general but I still struggle with it and want to always learn more. Relationship wise I used to and still can attract super aggressive and manipulating ladies who want to take advantage of me. Thankfully now I know better and am more selective about who I will get involved with. I respond much better to ladies with a kind and caring heart that are intelligent and conversational as well as down to earth and appreciate me for me. I am underneath it I am still big softie.

Excellent presentation of very important info! thanks!

Thank you so much Stephanie! You're inspiring me as well for my own selflove channel in german ☺️💕

Excellent mind makeover presentation. ☺️

Thank you Stephanie for all your amazing videos. God bless you

Stephanie I love your videos. My journey into self love is starting to pay off. I am starting to feel like what I want and what I need is more important than not upsetting some random person. When I was going through PTSD I didn't want to have relationships because I didn't want to be taken advantage of. Now even though I feel the old feeling that I will be alone if I repel everyone out of my life,I have decided that my journey RIGHT now is about loving me, and experimenting on what makes me happy and what is acceptable. I no longer feel like there is something wrong with me because I am asserting myself and saying what I need. I love this stuff and I am loving who I am becoming. I am surprised at the fact that I am genuinely starting to love myself. I never thought it would happen....I hoped it would. I guess that falling in love with myself is something I have spent my whole life trying to achieve and now it's actually going to be real!!!

I click like before I watch💕 Another wonderful video

This is profound insight thank you

This video gave me a lot of great advice and I want to say thanku. Its encouraging to listen to someone who understands and articulates so well.

Thanks a lot for your video! Your informations and tips help me right now.

Accommodating and considerate to my detriment. I've come to learn that it is not my strength but weakness. A few times I've taken a stance after debating within myself and communicated it thoroughly, I have found it very liberating. Still in gym though. I'm work in progress. Not easy.

I never learned boundary setting as a child or teen, married a narcissist, and stayed married for 21 years, learned to set boundaries but not great at it, the narcissist said I didn't need him anymore like I used to and we got divorced. He noticed I learned how to set some boundaries and he didn't like that at all. I am still not great at boundary setting but learning more and practicing each day. What you said in this video is so true about narcissists being able to tell who can set boundaries and who is incapable and they choose a spouse or romantic partner based on that.

I should imagine for a minute that I'm Klaus Mikaelson from the show "The Originals"....never controlled or manipulated and vanquishes all his enemies. Of course vanquishing everyone that tries to manipulate me could get me in a lot of trouble as well.

Thanks. Many people have walk away from work, school because of the Abuser, Crooks, Manipulator. They failed to set boundaries in their life.

Stephanie. Thank you for such vital and wisdom rich advice. I wish you were around a few decades ago. You could have saved me a lot of pain and suffering. Blessings to you.

Very well said! Thank you for sharing! 💓

I had a nasty experience before in amusement park, I was with my little brother waiting in a line, then two teenagers cut the line and took our place with intimidating behaviour. I was just a tourist who felt so shocked and felt very ashamed of myself for not standing for myself, that happend before my little brother eyes :(