Learning to be Autistic Ep.1 - Stimming! 

I've lost many stims too. But when you lose one stim, the energy still has to come out one way or another, so it subconsciously moves somewhere else. In the end the stim that stuck for me (because nobody gave me crap about it) was clenching and unclenching my jaw. Everything else has gone, and that's really sad. I'm trying to re-gain my stims too, as part of unmasking. I think the way stims are said to be 'repetitive stereotyped behaviors' really sucks. Stimming is just our natural body language. Everything that looks weird to a neurotypical, they'll call it stimming. But in reality NT's use movement to express emotions, self-soothe and sensory seek just like we do, they just do it in a socially accepted way, because they're the ones who decide what's normal and what isn't.

I wish I found out sooner that I was autistic. I've suppressed and lost so many stims that I enjoyed and it's probably had a negative impact over the years. I've recently started experimenting with "mild" stims in company of other people, but I have decades of embarrassment to unlearn and it's been a slow process so far. It makes me feel better when I see people like you making progress in finding out and embracing their true nature. Sometimes I imagine just running off to the woods and never coming back.

I never flap my hands or things, my stims are all very descrite, like shaking legs, or rubbing my foot against the other or roll my hair

For me it’s singing randomly or when someone says a word or phrase that happens to be in a song. I only do it in safe places, and when I’m in public, I will slide my teeth side to side to the beat to keep from singing it or interrupting the other person. Dancing in private, swaying in public. My eyes flit about which I don’t realize until I watched home videos a few days ago. Now I know why I always got accused of rolling my eyes when I was younger. It was always my moodiest family member who noticed my eye stims. That explains why though, she stressed me out so much because she was so harsh. Also, my nails. You know, how they’re so smooth? I love the feel of my thumb nail when I slide my fingers across it. Oh, I also bounce my leg like you mentioned! 😅 You know how you said you do a wiggle? My feet do that when I’m watching TV. It even gets a bit annoying to me myself sometimes! Anyway, these are all things I do compulsively when even realizing I’m doing them until I do. I guess that’s how I define stims. I created the teeth sliding one as a way to not get on other people’s nerves with the singing, but since then, it’s just as compulsory as the other things. Since I’ve become aware of the possibility of my being autistic, I have tried to ease my ever present pent up energy by testing out stims and trying to recover suppressed ones. Thank you for creating this series. I think it’s going to help a lot of us.

honestly ALOT of what ur saying really really resonates with my doubts and imposter thoughts, its really warming t ohear someone else finally put how i feel into words bcus i never can thank u

I air every intstrument, whether that be air drums, piano, violin, harp, guitar, sing lol I am a bit of an air musician u see lol

Just wanted to say thanks for making this. I really appreciate your real feelings on it.

This is really validating! I think I'm in an autistic burnout and I'm trying to figure out which stims work for me (I've discovered that rocking and weighted blankets are amazing!), but I've been having major imposter syndrome about it. Thanks for sharing your experience and for reminding us that it's okay to actively try to rediscover our stims ☺️🙏

5:35 I also like to do "Stim Dance" with music

My family and friends call this my happy dance. I do this ALL THE TIME. Mostly when I’m happy watching tv/movies, eating my favorite snack, playing games or doing activities I love. I just start my little happy wiggle. 99.9% of the time I am oblivious to it. 7:42

Great video ❤I was diagnosed a year ago and I'm learning so much about myself and I really like you're personally definitely going to subscribe

I didn't know my little wiggle is a stimm😮 My mom does it too (she's not diagnosed and I got my diagnosis fairly recently..) but she always calls it our little duck dance.😂

Youre awesome

I have two stims that I will leave here. The first is my own variation of hand flapping. I don't flap my hands, per se. Rather, i tense all muscles past my elbow and flap the entire half of my arm. The other is one that I've done as long as I can remember. What it amounts to is applying pressure underneath my fingernails. I'll use almost anything so long as it won't cut me, but mainly I will just use my other fingernails to do it (other items include papers, the dull end of my pocket knife, and certain spots on my wallet)

Hi i came over after hearing you on Rhys's podcast. Subscribed.

Great video. Btw, I think you'd be a great character in Dr Who

A fellow song repeater! When a particular song strikes my fancy, I will sometimes listen to it on repeat for days straight. A few other stims of mine: - Probably related to the song repeating, I also have this internal auditory stim where I will frequently replay a song in my head and tap my foot or hand along with it. It's sort of like having a song stuck in your head, except it's voluntary and pleasant. - I rock my desk chair back and forth, particularly when I'm intensely focused on something. Sometimes it will reach the point where I suddenly get really dizzy and realize it's because I've been rocking back and forth without noticing that I'm doing it. - I assume this is some sensory thing, but I constantly keep my legs crossed when sitting in any chair. Doctors always ask me to uncross them while taking my blood pressure, but I will often recross them without noticing while they're still talking to me. It just feels strange not to have them crossed I guess.

oh this is very relevant. Thank you.

I call it my Happy Wiggle Dance. I'm 49 years old, was late LATE diagnosed (this year!), and do my wiggle whenever I get the happy urge. But I too stopped for many years. I'm sorry I did. I delight in it now and don't feel embarrassed at all. Here's to hoping you have many years of Happy WIggles!

I’m sorry people bullied you for it. You deserve to be happy!!

What's weird is that I kind of get a visual stim from others' physical stims (if not annoying). Kind of a stimming by proxy.

Thank you , I totally relate to your video

hey um i need advice.... so i've been stimming really intensly my entire life. my mom assumed i was pacing and swinging from side to side because i was in pain, because my process of learning how to walk was a lot different from most children (most kids first walk on all fours, then sit and then stand up, I immediately stood up and then learned to sit), because i didnt get enough oxygen during birth apparently and i walked a bit different then other kids so she though standing in place was painful for me (she wasn't wrong exactly, except both standing and walking used to hurt my spine until i learned a different way) and she never put much mind to it, but the thing is there's an array of other things i did. here's a list: - wagging my leg so fast my friend said i was "vibrating" - jumping - making weird noises - "crunching" my throat (i tense it up and it makes a scrunch sound) - biting the inside of my mouth to the point where there would be blood and swelling on my lips - ripping off skin from my mouth (painful, i don't recommend) - biting my tongue - biting my nails - the hand finger thing - swaying from side to side or back and forth - making bubbles with spit (got called retarted for that) - dancing to non-existent music - singing very loudly in public spaces and not even noticing (my friends thought i was flexing and called me annoying for that one) - reopening wounds - punching my wrists together (when happy) - spinning - hand flapping - finger things, lots of them - walking in place - pacing - singing or reciting recent tiktok audios - saying "meow" (i hate this one and i dont know how to stop) - repeating people's words - repeating my own words - walking in circles - singing a tune gerard way sang in one video clip that i saw in a "mcr funny moments" video (mcr is my chemical romance, gerard way is the singer, they're a band, clarifying in someone doesn't know/pos) (yes, they do get that specific) - saying rice, beans or generally repeating tics of popular tic youtubers, because i stim by repeating other people's words and when someone says one so much it's just stuck in my brain forever - doing a pop with my mouth - probably like 80127489479429482 more/hj so yeah, but the thing is, i developed socially like any other child would in my situation i think (my situation being: got bullied a lot which i think impaired my social skills) and i have a lot of friends (admittedly, only one friend i really spend time with and like 3 that i trust) and i don't necessarily hate being in a social setting aaaand i don't have sensory issues (that i know of at least) so i'm just very lost. my mom thinks it might be adhd and i agree but untill i get asessed there's this huuuge speculation spiral i'm falling down that maybe it's autism, maybe i'm just making it up. anyone have the solution? someone had a similar problem maybe?/lh