Leaving Mormonism | Why I Had a Panic Attack 

Good video. You are brave! You are Enough! And you’re not alone! There is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s hard going through this. I’ve had the panic attacks, same emotions through it all. I have grown up in the church. Take care You’re stronger than you think you are.

Wow! I have never seen such division in the comments. This is crazy. I for one and very proud of you. I left in 2020 and I’ve never been happier. Cults suck.

Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest and for sharing your story. When you described the moment you realized it wasn’t true, I felt like you were describing my own experience. Thank you for validating those feelings for me. Going through this feels so isolating, especially leaving such a big community that’s the only one you know. I appreciate you! 💕🙌🏻

Thank you for your vulnerability! It makes us all a little more brave to take charge and be ourselves :)

Do some of the still believing members in the comments not see an issue with their behavior? What happened to loving everyone? And I’m sure almost all of you have experienced some sort of hurt from someone in the church. Would it not be better to just humanize the people who leave, and see that their experience in the church might have genuinely been deeply harmful to them, and they’re doing this out of a place not of maliciousness but genuinely just not believing anymore? Sincerely, a recent exmember

so what did you replace it with that is getting you closer to god?

So you can’t live your religion and you’re now trying to get “likes” on the internet. Real impressive.

Leaving was one of the best decisions i made. I told my bishop point blank one on thing too when talking to him. I told him, "at first, i thought I'd be upset about losing the community id come to love, as i knew many would likely turn away from me. However, the past few months of being sick when members knew and having absolutely no one reach out, it showed me i am not losing a community, i never had one to begin with, and the one's who cared are still going to be here for me." The realization on his face when it sunk in i wish i could've gotten on camera. I followed it up with telling him i probably would've stayed socially a lot longer had people cared, but a mix of not believing and people showing me where they stand make it incredibly easy to walk away. Friendships and relationships shouldn't be conditional on your participation in a club, religion, or anything of the sort. If they are, they are not true relationships.

Well if your family won’t accept you for who you are 1. They are not real family 2. You are now part of my family 3. I LOVE YOU❤️💕

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability! It takes a lot of courage. ❤️ I understand your fears with opening up, It’s scary, but so important to live in a way that is true and authentic to yourself!

These websites and videos are a tremendous education. I dated a Mormon, and he wanted a woman he could keep pregnant. I was not Mormon, but I think he hoped he could mold me. That marriage would have been a disaster.

I cried. Thanks for sharing. You are a beautiful person and I'm grateful for your bravery and willingness to be vulnerable. I also feel soo much better after leaving. I don't feel constant guild and shame. The last time I went to church was when I had just learned to love myself and I saw how members didn't love themselves and kept doing the same things over and over hoping for a different result. I look forward to your future videos.

How do I like this like 100 times. Thank you sooooooooooooooooooo much for sharing your story. I know the fear of family is a strong thing.

Thank you. I told my parents I didn’t believe when ai was 15 or 16 but ended up going to church and trying to make myself believe for the next 4 years. I’m just now realizing how being raised in the church affected me. So, thanks for getting your kids out when you did. Better than not at all or emotionally guilt tripping them to continue to go. And finding community is still something I struggle with. I just recently started looking back into the church to try to understand my family’s perspective on our current society. And I’m finding I got some work to do on myself.

I’m so glad you made a RU-vid channel! I really appreciate you being so vulnerable and honest. It’s clear that you were so genuine through the process of leaving the church. This was so relatable for me!!

This wasn't a ridiculously long video as you said at the end. I want more. It helps knowing I'm not alone in this mental torture

Thank you so much for sharing your story despite how hard it must be for you. I’m in a tough situation with my beliefs right now and hearing other stories has helped so much❤️❤️

Following from your tik Tok!! I grew up Mormon (but was never baptized), came out as gay at 17! Support you fully and can't wait to see more videos!

Here from your tiktok. ❤️ Will watch later today!

This feels so real to me. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve been out for 8 years. It gets easier. I’m glad you are staying strong.

This was really well put together. Wonderful video, thank you for your vulnerability.

I hope you keep the RU-vid channel going! I have loved the TikTok community and like hearing something in a longer format!

Jessie, Welcome to the community! Thank you for sharing your story! We welcome you with open arms!

Thank you so much for your message. It is truly inspiring to hear these stories and that other people feel the same way. I found myself not being able to justify polygamy and the 14-year-old innocent child that Joseph Smith manipulated and violated. I'm sorry for what you've had to go through. You are a blessing to us all.

Great recount raw and real,keep going on youtube you will help others.

Yeah they told you you didn't read your scriptures enough you didn't do this you didn't do that, the classic case of blaming the victim when they're the ones that lied to you. Think about this The Book of Mormon says that David and Solomon's having many wives and concubines was in the abomination to God and in the 32nd section of the Doctrine and Covenants it says that I justified my servants David and Solomon as to having many wives and concubines. It's really ridiculous because the missionaries will tell you that God is not the author of confusion. The priesthood is a fraud too David Whitmer wrote a book called an address to all believers in Christ and he tells us that there was no such priesthood in the church Joseph Smith just made it all up. It's very easy to research you can get a photocopy reprint of the original book of commandments and the revelation place date and time or supposedly the priesthood restoration took place is simply not in there, but you go to the doctor and Covenants the same date time and place revelation all this amazing restoration is there Smith simply changed everything so he just made it up out of whole cloth it's all nonsense.

I'm touched by your vulnerability. I'm so happy for you, and wish you well in your healing.

Thank you for sharing more of your story. It's always been interesting to me how people on the inside think that outsiders are only fake happy. Fake happy is something taught to the members, particularly the women in the church.

Very good. Thank you. I left also.

You are brave and beautiful! Sending love and peace your way!

I’m only half way through your video and I just want to give you a hug!! Despite the anxiety it causes, you did the right thing by making this video! You will be an inspiration to so many people!

I can relate to you as a mother, absolutely!! I started to take my babies to church, and it wasn't until my oldest was seven that something really bad happened to me because of some of the priesthood leaders in my ward, and I began to see a pattern of abuse that eventually led me out. I came really close to raising my innocent children in the church and if I had I know that I would also later have a panic attack, so even though something terrible happened to me it was worth it because it opened my eyes while my kids were young and thank god we got out. I was struck especially by what you said at the end, that members say people who leave feel better because Satan isn't working on them anymore and that people outside the church are fake happy.. wow!!! That's a very good example of abusive tactics; if you leave you're bad, no one will love you like we do, you'll never be happy. A healthy organization would respect everyone's choices and not demonize them.

You will find your new community in time ❤

Leacving any destructive cult can really be a major trauma. Its why we find so many Mormons who dont believe leave their names on the books and slowly just stop attending. The lds church is particularity nasty to people who leave. The LDS church is horrible and destructive, i guess thats why they call it a "destructive cult".

Thank you for sharing. That was my biggest shame was knowing I forced this "religion" on my children. They never wanted to go, they hated it. I let others influence me and felt like I damaged my kids in the process. It was so hard.

Thank you for sharing, I feel my story is very similar to yours. My husband left the church first and I stayed and tried so hard and was extremely devout orthodox Mormon. My husband was also extremely supportive while I was Relief Society President. To say those were some very difficult soul wrenching years is an understatement. Then I stumbled upon the many church abuse scandals being hidden and covered up by the church while doing research for school on child abuse. Then followed the church financial scandals of hiding and misusing tithing funds and breaking the law with their extensive shell companies and finding out that the top leaders of the church are more than financially compensated for their position that I was taught no one took money for positions in the church. It snowballed from there as I learned more about church history and the lies taught me my whole life. I felt extremely betrayed and that my whole life was a lie. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Everything I had ever done had been because of the church, every life choice and decision was influenced by the church and the lies taught to me. I left the church about 1 1/2 yrs ago and I still struggle sometimes, but I am so much happier and mentally, emotionally, and physically healthier. I’m also so grateful that my own children will not have to experience the indoctrination that I did. Some of my children are grown, but I am working on mending unhealthy teachings and parenting influenced by the church.

I love your content on Tik tok!!! Religious trauma is so real! Thank you for creating a RU-vid channel

Thank you for your video here. Hang in there, good lady. You are a hero! You were smart enough and brave enough to accept a scary and painful reality. You did the right thing, both for yourself, your family, and who knows how many others, like me! Your courage in making this video is an inspiring example of integrity. You are NOT alone. Many, many others are, and will be, walking with you. I am one of them. My best to you!

Thank you for allowing us on your journey to healing.

Great video! Wish I had the courage to do this. My wife and I’s shelf broke in October 2019 as well! We live in Utah too. We’re trying to find more couples like us. Would love to chat more!

My issue with the church is the foundation. I was taught Joseph Smith translated that BOM with the urum and thumin which was later proved to give only yes or no answers, NOT by using stones in a hat. My issue with the church is that there are language errors that were in Joseph Smith’s bible that ended up in the BOM which was supposed to be the most correct book. My issue is that there have been thousands of revisions of the BOM which is supposed to be the most correct book. My issue is Joseph Smith said the language that was translated was called reformed Egyptian which has been proven to be nothing more than nonsense and scribbles. My issue with the church is there never was and never has been any physical evidence of the golden plates and no one has witnessed the existence of the golden plates. My issue is there is no historical evidence of the people who came to the Americas that were in the Book of Mormon. I can go on and on...

Here from TikTok. Love your content! It's hard to find people that are willing to sit there and address individual topics related to Mormonism. Good luck on the rest of your recovery!

Leaving the church is very deliberating!

Thanks for sharing your encouraging story! Stay strong! 👠 I began to wake up from the Jehovah's Witnesses by reading about Mormons and watching videos of episodes entitled.."I was a Mormon". Then John Dehlin's excommunication was broadcast on television. I started following him and I noticed a ton of similarities between the JW's and the Mormons. This was an eye-opener for me!! After that I got the courage to go to RU-vid and look up.. "Why do people leave the Jehovah's Witnesses faith"...that's when I really started waking up! I became obsessed listening to all ExJW stories on RU-vid and the FEAR of the "so called" apostates that we are taught to detest started to become a different reality, they are just people telling their experiences when they were an active JW and why they left. So all the stigma started to dwindle. Then I branched out and started looking into Seventh Day Adventist, Scientology, Christadelphians, The Brethren, Christian Science. I started noticing the parallels between all the religions, and it runs deep...no questioning, no doubting and everything comes from the top down. The rank-and-file are just the followers with no personal self, no individuality. After you wake up and start seeing these things it can take a toll on you, especially if this is the only thing you have known all your life! It is really tough! The phobias and fears, can mess with a person's mind. Now I see why a lot of people resort to suicide, it is scary but the good thing is there's help!! The internet has played a big part in all of this! Now I look at people as being just human beings trying to do their best, trying to deal with all the stresses and anxieties in this world. I can now honestly say that life is better on the outside! 💯

Here from TikTok 🖤 you are so brave to be starting a RU-vid channel about this major issue. Thank you!

I left around the same time as you, it’s a very difficult process. We got this ❤️

Thank you for your so honest and personal video! These transitions are never easy so pat yourself on the back for courageously doing it. Congratulations! And congratulations to your husband as well. He sounds like a very loving and good man.

So much of what you said resonated with me. Mormons just can't conceive that their lives are making them unhappy. The shame that was piled on me by the church made me so unhappy. I'm so glad that you made this video. I hope that you will make more.

My family also doesn't know I'm not straight. I admire your courage.

I felt this. I left after watching escaping polygamy too, just a few months ago. My husband left right after me. Thanks for being open about this stuff, stay strong. ❤️

What a brave woman you are! I had a horrifying moment too when my daughter came home from Kindergarten and she was really upset that her teacher must be really bad because she was "drinking Coffee!" -- --I told my best friend who was also a Mormon (but I was in WA State and she was in Utah at that time) about it, and she said, "What are we doing do our kids!?!?" I was just sick for weeks after that. I left the church a few months later after reading about "the gods of Eden" and how all the so called "gods" like Enlil Jehovah were just manipulative self appointed deities (I call "Ass Souls") for people on other planets that didn't know any better.

Good for you. Everyone comes out feeling better.

Proud of you! Here from Tiktok! Thank you for your honesty! ☺️

So glad you are telling your story on RU-vid!

You are so brave! As someone who has EXTREME ANXIETY I can totally relate to your story. I think you are incredible for being your true self. It takes a ton of courage to come out and state who you truly are. You are an amazing teacher for those who need help 🙏❤️

As a fellow Edmonton myself, thank you for sharing your journey❤️

you are so strong

I live in Taylorsville and you totally can vent to me. I became inactive when my daughter turned 2. Which was 3 years ago.

whats different between mormonism and satanism? nothing they both go against god true teaching

Hello from tiktok

If you have your name removed does the church send you a letter saying that your children are no longer sealed to you?

Your deconstruction is very similar to fundie Christian Protestants. Why would god tell Moses to slaughter the Midianites, but keep the young virgins for yourselves (Numbers 31). Same with the inhabitants of Jericho (Joshua 6). Kudos for asking the questions and hope this sees you well.

I didn’t turn to Oreo’s or Twinkies. Lol I found Angry Orchard on tap. Really helped with the anxiety.

It is scary when there is no iron rod to hold onto.

People who aren’t strong enough to live their religion will grasp any excuse to leave. Prophesy is coming true. Even the elect are being deceived.

You're awesome! Stay strong! I like the music you selected for your channel!

Thank you for sharing, in Ephesians it says we must expose the false gospels, and Mormonism is number one!!

Your husband sounds like such an amazing person! Im glad he was supportive of you and your journey. Its really hard accepting all the stuff the church has done to everyone.

Joseph Smith went against God and broke the commandments, he committed adultery. I am so happy that you have left the LDS church, I left three and a half years ago. I am very grateful that God removed me from the Mormon church, and that I am now in a biblical church, worshipping the biblical Jesus. Glory to God. Thank you for sharing your experience, hopefully, an LDS will hear your story and will be encouraged to leave the Mormon church.

Powerful story. I'm personally a Christian convert to Islam, a Muslim. But I love comparative religion and studying the different situations people from different religious backrounds go through on all ends of each spectrum. Right now I'm reading TBofM and... it's such a bore to read! All that pops out is "And it came to pass.."😅. May God bless you and your own!

Good for you!

Well, I was an investigator and I went to the Mormon church a couple of times. It was only for 3 months! I discovered many things wrongs in here (Adam-God doctrine by Brigham Young, Joseph Smith’s Polyandry, the priesthood denied to the black people, false prophesies, 0% evidence for the Book of Mormon, the big fail in the Book of Abraham, loooong etc) I am a Christian and all I can tell you is that the Christianity is so much different from the Mormonism. I invite you to read the New Testament by yourself and discover who Jesus Christ really is! You look like you’re a brave women and a beautiful person. Please be strong. 🙏

Glad i`m Australian and religion means fuck all to most of us

The great apostasy is very real indeed - I for one don't feel sorry for people who see NO need to hold fast to all things which are GOOD. Life is already hard enough; but it becomes all the more difficult and meaningless when you abandon God. We are commanded to be perfect. In a scriptural sense, perfection means without error. Problem is ... most people never put themselves in a situation where error can be constantly detected. Avoiding all error in the spiritual realm is the achievement of perfection. It doesn't necessarily mean "without flaws." If it gives you panic attacks because you were sick one Sunday and couldn't attend church ... then your priorities are messed up. Perfection means to be WHOLE in every way - Having a panic attack means you take something far more seriously than you should. If you have only a half gallon of gas, but you need to drive 200 miles, then more careful planning is what you need. The best way to approach life is surely with a full tank of gas and NO panic attacks. How? Get your priorities straight.

believe in jesus for forgiveness of sins. read the bible. no need for book of mormon

The church isn't for everyone. Hitler, Putin, etc. don't want the blessings of the church. In my fathers house are many mansions.... You will be in the kingdom you fit and will be the most happy.

High Demand because : Don't smoke, drink alcohol, no tattoos, no fornications, adultery, back biting, pay 10% of your tithes and some for fast offering, dress modestly, don't swear, no breaking the law of chastity, even petting is not allowed, no watching porn. Plus, you will be called to serve various callings sometimes to render your services in the church. If you don't like to do what is required of the Lord's church, you are free to leave the church. Plus, you can find all the reasons that you don't want to continue by feeding your heart and mind, through various articles, youtubers, ex members, church history, high leadership abuse and etc.... I know most of the church issues, almost everything you mentioned. But still, I KNOW THE CHURCH IS TRUE, The Book of Mormon is true and the prophet Joseph Smith is a true prophet of God. God gave him Priesthood authority and others to establish God's kingdom here on earth for the preparation of the Saviors Second Coming. You put too much faith in men, that when you see their weaknesses exposed and scandals, you immediately leave the church and throw the gospel that you learned under the bus, because it requires so much work. Well, just choose a church that suits your needs, but be careful in helping tearing down God's Kingdom. The Gospel is perfect, men are not. Anyone that abuses it's priesthood authority, will be held accountable before the Lord. Many are wicked members of the church, they are good at pretending, but the Lord knows their hearts, when the Law Of Consecration kicks in, that's one of the TEST, will sift out true followers of Christ. Many will fall away. Look at you, you already fall away, due to the influences of the unbelievers and ex members. As long as you obey Jesus Christ, I guess, you only want terrestrial glory.

oh the drama......get a life.....

Monumentally shallow minded and immature in the extreme.

you didnt have a panic attack your trying to get attention by making up stories

You have a crazy mind. Your thoughts are not safe.

its not a big deal i left and dont go anymore and nothing happened so you left so what you want a reward your overreacting people leave all the time and they dont need to make a you tube ch get over it and move on waaaaa

the spirit that says its true is not an angel its a demon he dont want you to leave. and moroni that joseph myth saw was a demon too not an angel. that same angel is tormenting him in hell according to cory the guy that went to hell and saw jospeph smith there. and he didnt even know who jospeh smith was until he told his story and people told him. the guy he describe is joseph smith. he saw an golden angel with a demonic smile mocking joseph in hell and made him preach while people cuss him out.