I think this aloneness is also a product of recent societal changes. I heard someone describing how in London in the 80s /90s the only way you could be exposed to culture, events, information was basically to leave the house and go to certain cafes and bars where the kinds of people you wanted to meet would also be hanging out because that's how they were also seen/informed etc. That was your audience. Now, the Internet removes all of that need and those structures - and instead you are supposed to participate in virtual networks. If you go to a coffee shop in London now, its very unlikely you will know a soul. Then you add to that the pandemic, which has had an impact which no one has yet fully understood. It made us essentially very frightened of each other. My mum's generation has all of these skills and rules about social conduct which keeps them connected - like sending and returning christmas cards, returning invitations to parties by holding one yourself, joining church groups or local community groups, etc. I think they have some pretty good rules actually.
as someone who shares my life on the internet, I have the privilege of being able to find new friendships online relatively easily - thanks to those of you who were brave enough to reach out🫶 although it's truly lovely to get to know some of you this way, your comment really got me thinking: meeting people online is just such a new and different way to connect. we have no rules for how to build or maintain friendship in this (relatively) new post-pandemic internet era. perhaps the hope in all of this is now we have the agency to make new rules. my "rules" - 1) spend as much time in person as possible (with the good ppl in our lives) 2) text/facetime to check in with each other when meeting in person is not possible 3) setting healthy boundaries ... curious to hear others' thoughts on new "friendship rules" you find are helpful!
I totally relate to conversing 1 on 1 with people. Embrace it. It’s more intimate and you get to focus on being yourself and allowing the other person to do the same. But, you’ll become better with bigger groups the more you do it as well.
As a German … I really hope you can find some good German friends and feel like you belong here. There are a lot of foreigners in Germany, especially Berlin, so maybe there will be somewhere for you to be part of and be the version you want to be. I wish you all the best 🩵
@@tapiocapressyou'll do just fine! Maybe make friends through a language exchange app like HelloTalk. I'm from a different region in Germany, otherwise we could definitely have hung out. ;) Wish you all the best.
Making friends as an adult has proven for me to be nearly impossible ^^" But then again, even at school I was terrible at it. Always been doing quite well on my own though but sometimes loneliness creeps up a little
I’m great at meeting friends but so bad at maintaining friendships 😭😭 I don’t know how people can manage life and keep friendships once the class or job or place where they made the friends finishes…. I barely have any friends kept from different eras in my life which in a way, is beautiful to look back and remember the people I shared those experiences with…but I long for long-term connection (which I only have with my partner and family really) 😞 I have high school friends and friends from my study abroad but we literally go months or years without speaking and it’s lovely to see them periodically but not the same as having consistent support and connection
I feel you....having moved around so much for the past 10 years I really long for a community I can stay connected with. Is the answer settling down somewhere? or finding a way to build lasting connection online? adjusting expectations? I'm still on the journey to search for an answer...
It's super hard making friends once you graduate university 😔 but mostly it's because our thoughts holds us back. We self criticise and assume or project those negative thoughts of ourselves onto others.
Woah, this was so insightful and honestly quite eye-opening for me. I think you’re really onto something when you talk about struggling with the feeling that spending time with friends is fun, and therefore non-productive, which leads to lots of guilt and the feeling that that time was wasted. I’m really grateful that you expressed that so eloquently… and now it’s time for me to do some soul searching 😅
I spent all of 3 weeks in Beijing the one time in my short study abroad and I have never gotten over it... so, I thank you so much for these videos. I'm not sure if it's unhealthy or what but this is just the best, to see someone a lot like me living an alternate life lol.
Girl I feel you so much. I kinda have a lot of friends but unfortunately they all live really far away from me and that still can be lonely 🫠 but I do live in Austria which is next to Germany, so semi-close to Berlin. Never been to Berlin so if you ever want to go and discover the city together maybe we can meet up someday 😊
I get like that, too. Sometimes I don't talk to anyone but my little son for a week. I'm married with a son. But I don't have any friends. And my husband is very quiet. So I have a catastrophic lack of socialising. I've never met anyone like me in my whole life. For example, I would like to see a person with the same hobbies: reading, going to the theatre, gardening, painting, needlework, walking. But I have never met such a person. And to find a person with the same character and the same soul is not realistic.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this!! I had a period of time (especially when first moving abroad, away from fam/friends and alone) where I thought I was totally fine without friendships and just focused on my work. Turns out, it really was sooo so healing to spend quality time with friends, especially in person! As a fellow INFP who travels around a lot, if you're ever in HK again I'd be so happy to bring you to my favourite cafes!! :)
Great video! It is a lot more work to make and keep friendships as we get older (especially if you move a lot, like me). I think everyone is struggling to figure it out and some people are more brave than others and will put themselves out there. Looks like you're on the right track.
looking forward to the next video...possibly in thailand? i enjoyed the silly outro hahaha. sending love from singapore! btw if u are ever in sg, we could hang out and get coffee too :)
I wish you would be in my country and i could be your friend. I mostly like being on my own too. Currently i am unemployed and trying to enjoy every day until I get a job. I think you are such wise and amazing person
I feel like you belong to Beijing and not Berlin, but that's your thing to figure it out 😊 Have you been to Berlin or how did you decide on it particularly?
I definitely can relate to thinking time spent with others is a waste of productive time but it’s a great lesson to learn that great friends make everything better
As you get older, you will realize how important it is to spend time on yourself. Be it relaxing or socializing with others. Being productive all the time is not healthy, it eventually leads to burn out.
one big lesson I'm learning as I'm turning 30 is to work with myself instead of against myself. there's so much wisdom in what you said. thanks for sharing!
I just love that you are the 'enemy of shyness'! It is so cute and empowering to see you filming by yourself in the middle of strangers! I love it, and I would totally be your friend 🥺
As a (mostly) introvert with a bad habit of constantly moving countries, this whole concept is so inspiring and terrifying at the same time. Need to try it myself 💜
Very relatable yes. I love the first lesson though. Especially since I think I don't need friends lmao. But we're slowly working on that. Being an adult and making new friends again is definitely a challenge not as easy as when we were younger. But it's doable. It just needs more work and a little courage to do things outside of your comfort zone.
Ah, as an INFP around the same age, I so relate to this - even the parts about having many friends from different stages in life and seeing them only like once every few years; only being able to hang out 1:1; and befriending former coworkers only after leaving the job lol. It's so easy to be comfortable in our own introversion and alone time (I love exploring places and eating alone too), but at the same time, friendships are so fulfilling and worth it. I find the maintenance of friendships to be quite difficult, especially for someone who's often moving around. With a nomadic lifestyle, it feels like you can only have sporadic connections (which can still be deep but you can't get too attached), but it's harder to maintain long-term hangout buddies. Still... it's up to us to make the most of our own situations. You'll find your own way in Berlin... I'm sure many would be happy to have your presence in their lives! Thank you for sharing, Evelyn ❤
love the bangs and courage ❤ I would really recommend the book platonic (it’s been a life changing source for me around the importance of friendship). Rooting for you Evelyn!
Adult friendships are hard. Beyond uni it seems we have less and less in common with each other, but that makes friends special! Also, if you visit the UK, say hi :)
You're so relatable and almost as same age as me so it hits harder haha. I find myself zoning out when I'm in midst of a group coversation and I do agree adult friendships are hard, specially to make new friends because you have to put in the effort to keep being friends regularly. Whereas I find myself as a low maintenance person and I could text any of my old friends anytime and we can act like the time between our last contact and new contact hasn't passed.
Kein - would be pronounced [kain] - like Calvin Cline - if you leave out the -L- I live in Potsdam - which is a city just outside Berlin, I went to Uni there - if you’ve got any questions regarding Berlin. I can research it for you on German pages. I’m doing not Lingoda but Duolingo - I’m learning Italian right now. I’ve been doing Italian classes for the past year and just finished A1.3. I go once a week for 90 minutes. Every level is around 100€ and lasts for around 12 lessons. You can look up these classes at the local VHS which is short for Volkshochschule (it’s an evening school) and Berlin has multiple. It’s a nice way to be among likeminded people.
I feel so related with your video!! Feeling like a second me out there. INFP, Chinese native, studied in US, majored in psychology (as interest) and economics (mostly for the job lol), love reading, love the sense of freedom (as compared to corporate life). And in reverse, I went back to US right before the pandemic and got stuck here, lol. So so so similar! I am here now trying to figure out what I'm gonna do with my life after leaving corporate, and at the edge of wanting to try youtube but with so many self-doubt since being an introvert.. So glad that youtube recommend your channel to me!! Keep it up :)
Hi Evelyn! Love from India! I was trying to get the 30day free trial from the affiliate link of epidemic sound- I don’t think it’s valid anymore. I’m only getting 7 days..
The hardest thing for me in making friends after 30 is that everyone I know has kids. As a single person with no kids I'm trying to find people who are walking a similar path to me in life and it's kind of impossible?
I think you generalized the part about not being able to socialize in a group. It definitely depends on the other people and your relationship with them. If they were more introverted or pulled you into the conversations, you might not find it so bad. Conversely, single person hangouts with some people might be tiring after a while too!
i've actually given this a lot of thought hehe...for me, interacting with more than one person at a time is super overwhelming because I'm hyper attuned to people around me, and feel compelled to ensure everyone is having a good time...something I'm working on:) but yes, the other people in the group definitely matters in the quality of the interaction. There are definitely people who are more considerate than others.
Your vids are a vibe. Thank you for showing up, creating and sharing with the rest of us. I’m an ENFP and totally inspired by your pattern of preferences! Keep doing your thing how you do ❤
I can relate. I do not have any friends except for one and she lives in another state. I am okay with it and really don’t want friends. I enjoy being alone with my dogs and hubby. I hope your kitty is okay. I was wondering if you brought her with you?
Im thankful i have a close circle of friends and cousin who will show up. We are all busy with our lives but coincidentally those who are adapting to sabbatical or taking a break off work are the ones who will rally together.
I relate very closely to this video. In the past couple of years, my lack of meaningful friendships has moreso been a result of me willingly isolating and instead opting to play video games. I had friends on Discord (and I actually still talk to them), but it didn't feel the same as being there in-person with someone. I've been trying harder to be mindful about this, and I've been able to make a couple of friends since the beginning of the year. It is difficult, but if you put in the effort and time, you'll find someone who you can connect with.
I like this video a lot!! Sometimes I feel same and one day I have realized that I'd talked to anybody for a week. Living in new city is hard. I got you❤
I was already too introverted and flaked on my friends too much, but then I had a baby and it got 100x worst. It is SO hard to have a social life once you have kids. And friends who don’t have kids have zero concept of how difficult it is.
I wish we could have met in Hong Kong! thank you for openly sharing moments of sadness and loneliness in this increasingly more connected and networked world (online!) a lot of my friends say that they're very 'i' or introverted, and that making friends is not in their playbooks. Trust in others when people can leave a relation so easily is also hard to contend with (in all our relations!) Sending good thoughts to everyone in this space, and hopefully, we can gather again.
thanks for sharing💗 I'm just beginning to learn building friendships is a skill that needs to be learned. good thing it's never too late to learn✨will be sharing the journey with you🫶
@@tapiocapress It truly us never too late to learn...! but also to build and maintain. I've always wondered how come we don't foreground these practices of love, relations and building friendships. Happy to learn along the journey with you Evelyn!
