Life Will Break Your Heart - Kate Bowler @ Aspen Ideas Festival 

Oh Kate. You have helped me so much. One experience recently was driving home every evening from the hospital where my husband of 38 years was in the icu for pulmonary embolisms secondary to treatment for lymphoma and really needing to hear your voice. I listened to your ted talk each evening on my drive and it got me home and I was comforted, I laughed and cried. How can I ever thank you enough. You are so precious to me, friend who I will probably never meet.

Lots of shame guilt w/chronic illness Thank you

I just love this woman!!!!

Hi Kate, I have only recently come to know about you and your story. Thank you so much for your ​heartfelt and much needed honesty about the seemingly growing lack of sincere care and concern by those we hope might offer us this when we are faced with unbearable suffering. ​If I may share this: During the long and painful days of grief that followed the sudden death of my youngest son (36) and my youngest brother (52) three months later, I came to loathe the following three things that people most often said to me. "How did he die?" My internal response was always, "Why does that matter?" "Soon enough, ​(​or in time) you'll get some closure." Right. Because somehow, this mother (me), who birthed her child, breastfed him, cried with, laughed with, shared triumphs with, missed beyond words in his absence​s, worried and fretted over, and mostly loved more than anything else other than his older brother, can suddenly stop loving her child. "I just can't imagine what you are going through." Again, my internal response: You are right​. However,​ I would be extremely grateful if you could prepare me a cup of tea and listen to my heartache for a brief period, because ​right now that is my most pressing need. The sweetest and kindest things that truly touched my heart were all ​the simple gestures or unexpected acts of kindness​ offered. Each one of them carried me through some of my darkest days, and they still warm my heart to this day. One such incident that still stands out in my mind is that of a friend's husband, who, seven months after these losses, joined me for lunch at a ​food place with his wife. ​At that point I had not seen him but I had seen his wife and I had shared several calls and emails with her. They live 2.5 hours from me. The wife ​at our lunch date was trying to be cheerful. I didn't need or want to be cheerful. I had hoped for more and I needed more. When she slipped off to the washroom, he (a doctor) reached across the table, grabbed my hand, gently squeezed it, and simply said, "My God, Lee-ann, you've been through so much." I immediately burst into tears. ​Tears that needed to come forth (as we mourners often suppress them; it's incredibly draining to weep continuously), and once I let them flow, I was ready to be more cheerful. What I didn't require during my days of grief and grieving: ​Questions - most were inappropriate. Letters/emails telling me how hard it would be. The well intended advice​ on how to get over it. The offer of books I already had. The fixation of trying to fix​ me or make it all better that​, ​as you well know, is so ruthless and demeaning but never more so, than when it's placed upon the suffering. The abrupt change in conversation when I brought my late son into the conversation. I truly can't think of anything that is more cruel to the griever. What I think I've learned: A mothers love never ends. Death ends a life but it does not end a relationship. To better appreciate God for what he is​; not wha​t I'​d been told or led to believe. ​An incredible appreciation for each new day and especially the ones ​that are free of immense suffering. That our broken hearts mend as well as they can ​and in their own time. That there is something more rich and more wholesome in those who have been made brokenhearted by life's unexpected and hard hitting curve balls. That not everyone ​who is hit by these hard-hitting balls will or can bounce back. T​hat being truthful and honest is more than being truthful and honest - it is the deepening of love and understanding. ​There's more and I hope the book I am working on, which was initially only intended for myself to try to reconcile some of my suffering, guilt, anger (sometimes rage) and all else, will offer more. Wishing you ​God's blessing, strength, courage, grace​, love and patience and all else that may be needed today and each day forward. A fellow Canadian. ❤

Beautiful, poignant and wise. Thank you

She's brilliant

When was there ever shame for getting sick or not avoiding trouble. That reeks of the prosperity gospel. The fact that we all suffer, we are all dying a little everyday but we choose to poke holes in the darkness of this existence is testament to belief that there is something deep inside us that gives us power to overcome circumstance. It is in those moments that we understand that we are all connected , the universal power of the unknown love we feel transcends all fear.... part of the great mystery... being transformed one tragedy at a time..... shalom

Oh Kate! Love that you mentioned Dorothy Day.

I was a Physician Assistant for 39 years so hearing the professions as 'just a technician' was hard to hear. But I agree that calling someone on the phone to give a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis was wrong on many levels. I am sorry for that Kate.

very well done madam . Thank u all very much

23.50👍 Kate👍 and ❤️ You're a JOY to listen to. So much TRUTH. SO VERY GRATEFUL FOR YOU, TO YOU. If , for a moment we could stop the "traffic" globally, and people just hear your fundamental message. Then carry on with their lives. .... I think things might be very different, very fast. 👍

Thank you for sharing this conversation with Kate.. she is a wise empathetic Teacher. 🩷🙏

❤️

I’m curious what cancer she has.