LIMERENCE: Should you go no contact with your LO? 

I had (have) a disconnected mother AND a now deceased alcoholic father. I learned of my limerence just about a month ago. Having a word for it, and expert advice for it, are great help now. 🙏

Thank you for these videos. I tried to get my LO to meet in person for 15 yrs. He never did. In retrospect this is what fueled everything. He kept me going with those crumbs and compliments but never wanted me to see who he actually was. Now im in heavy withdrawal but ive maintained NC about 2 months now. I can only pray someday to be free of this.

Your videos on limerence are the best description of how I'm feeling, thank you for sharing your wisdom.

That's true, every time I obsessed about someone ( not really knowing them) once I got to know them and they showed me interest I was no longer obsessed. "NOT KNOWING " them was exciting, not the reality 😢

Limerence is result of serious wounding in your childhood or upbringing (rejection / abandonment) - and so sounds like a nearly impossible thing to overcome. But I like how you said that sometimes stone cold turkey is not going to be the way. I just had a nice evening out with my LO (first time in a couple of years) so that I could tell myself it could be done. And I did not call or text the next day to say it was nice to get out and do something again, I simply decided it was better to not call and confirm anything, and treat it like nothing special at all. Just take it for what it in reality was, just regular friends going out and nothing more. And expect nothing more going forward. Maybe we will go out again in 6 months and maybe never again. I'm going to stay busy with other things that make me happy and try not to think about the LO at all even if we just had a good night out. I'm not going to ever get them to be romantic or sexual with me unless they decide to. Not my main concern.

3:18 deep connection not met 6:18 whatever the person does or does not to serve our fantasy 6:49 like an addiction, from really happy to really sad, roller coaster 10:15 in the choice of no contact, catch yourself to not project this to new person 11:20 they became the vehicle 12:29 no contact while at the same time work on yourself 13:17 controlling the time when you are allowing yourself thinking of them 15:21 reality and getting to know them in real life can be a cure

Thank you! In addition to No contact, you also mentioned “reality” is the antidote, it really is. Especially when my LO is my co worker, sometimes the competition at work is just too keen for me to have Limerence, the competition will bring me back to reality.

I usually go no contact and work on my issues that led me to limerence. I don't see it as helpful being in contact and it prolongs the feelings for them.

i thought I just have a special way of falling in love, this video came for my soul...

I've only just discovered your channel, and I'd like to express many thanks for sharing about this topic. I'm on a healing journey, and your channel is by far the best that I've found on this. I look forward to watching and learning more.

Thanks for this. I really need this now

Can't thank you enough , going through exactly the same situation

My Limerence started when my handyman asked me to an event (where all his friends were gonna be there.) I thought he was just being friendly but What was weird was he kinda persisted at the time even though I declined a few times. That said, he kinda made it clear that he wasn’t trying to hit on me. It was mixed signals for sure. I was so confused. I didn’t end up going to the event but After a few days I started thinking about him. It feels like coming down on something.

The best session I have heard about Limerence. Thank you so much for your very structured way of presenting this huge problem. Discovering your chanel today and looking forward to listening to you again on your next themes.

These vides are gold! Keep up the great work!

Ive just recently learned of this subject of limerence & i think this is a Brilliant study & acknowledgment. Finally there is a break through in this field of the mind & heart ; its very real & such a relief knowing the root of the damage has finally been discovered. Im curious as to what percentage of the population is entangled in this web of chaotic pain. Just guessing i would say 1 out of 3 people are suffering with this illusion of limerence. Its a maze in the rabbit holes of our lives & sadly most have no clue what { limerence ,} is, so many thanks !!!... to all the hard work of researchers & counselors delving into this topic. ♥️💯🎯

I have now listened to 3 of your videos and am truly impressed with your wisdom, maturity and the way in which you see and think. Thank you for coming ijnto my energy field.

@Evita: Thank you for your gentleness and the way to explain limerence and how to reduce the addiction

Brilliant explanation.. Thankyou ❤

Thank you. You explained it so well and I find it extremely helpful for my healing ❤

I had a disconnected mother in my childhood, which led to those feelings of insecurity and limerence (good to finally have a word for it). For me, it's a bit more tricky as my LO is my housemate. As there's no option to move out for a while, I prefer the option to be realistic, put them off the pedestal, and get to know them better and see their real personality, character, traits, etc. Thanks for the thorough explanation and the tips.

Spot on all this Evita. I went the gradual withdrawal. Over 5 years after spending 3 years in dualiu. 😉😉 Doing much better and starting to do stuff for me.. only thing is I still imagine being admired occasionally and hope to see/ meet them just to see what they were really like and what they wanted . I have found like you said that I have transferred by limerence onto different people while going through it. A difficult path but feeling better. Thanks for your video really spot on !!!

You provided for me some new angles to explore so thank you. I have had some success in reducing the grip that limerence has had on me by reducing the amount of fantasy surrounding the LO. By taking a hard look at what thoughts are actually feel more "real" than extraneous "window dressing", I've removed a lot of the fog that makes it difficult to see a way out. It took me to a place that made me feel I had more agency.

This is so accurate

So good. So helpful. Thanks so much. Would love to hear your wisdom re: limerence with one's therapist.

Fantastic video, it all makes a lot of sense, I have limmerent out of fear of abandonment. I have told the person my feelings , they are live a long way away and if course I have 'chosen' soneone who is therefore unavailable...I realise what I done! I have had relationships before...I think this isn't the first time I've been had Limmerance though! All knowledge is power!!

@Evita thank you so much for your gentle way of explaining Limerence my LO is a priest! How I got to this place is very complex but I am trying to look at him and interact with him as a normal person.

Que maravillosos videos, muy agradecida por su sabiduría y la manera tan terapéutica de explicar esta terrible adicción, soy alcohólica con cinco años de sobriedad y en mi quinto año he tocado fondo con la Limerencia, aquí estoy con mucho dolor trabajando en mi interior y llorando el duelo de mi infancia dolorosa... Que Dios me siga dando fortaleza de superar todo escape de mi realidad 🙏

Por desgracia en mi idioma no hay vídeos de este tipo, pero con las bases de inglés que tengo te entiendo bastante bien. Llevo más de 6 meses sin mirar su perfil, pero no es suficiente. Nada que logro sacarlo de mi mente. En mi caso no recibí amor por parte de mi papá, solo maltrato físico y verbal. Espero tus vídeos me sigan ayudando a superar esta condición tan dolorosa.

Thank you so much for this! I just found out there is an actual term for what I'm doing. Unsafe childhood, and found out only 6 months ago, at age 56, I have ADHD. Does limerence occur more often with people with ADHD? Now I know what I'm getting myself into, I can soothe myself, or at least be rational about being irrational. :) I really loved the way you explained this. So clear, calm and reassuring. It still has to sink in a little bit, but I always feel so empowered if I understand ME. Thank you.🙏🏼

you are godsent

I definitely suffer from this or shall I say suffered now that I am becoming awakened to it. It’s crazy what the mind can do when you are deprived of happiness and affection. It’s like when your feeling negative and you tell yourself to think positive but all you’ve done is created a fantasy instead of confronted the negative emotion.

My god. I’m becoming limerent with Evita.😂😂😂The woman of my dreams.

I fell into dark limerence in january but due to childhood trauma i am quickly discovering i have my own ‘quiet’ cluster b problems…i of course broke up with a hissy fit, with immediate regret coming on as to maybe hurting someone with similar traumas 😢

Here's another song for our obsession What A Fool Believes. Doobie Brothers

I went no contact about a year ago. There was no other way. Blocked him everywhere.

It's not that easy because sometimes the other person denies , blameshift and gaslith you saying that yes, there is connection. Specially in family

Thank you Evita for this very interesting video. I’m obsessing over a person for now 6 years ( yes !)and really thought I was crazy. That’s great help to put a name on it. I was a neglected child and really feel this addiction with high when we get in contact and low or depressed when I try to quit. I have a question though. I’ve been in reality with this person from the bigining. We had intimate relations every now and then. He kept rejecting me and in 6 years I ´ve been at 99 % the only one to initiate contact. Is that limerence or just stupidity ? When I fo for no contact ,l really feel depressed and keep chasing him on social médias. Is that however the best thing to do ?

I realized around 13 I can only love those I don't "love". I either obsess over them or I care "just enough" to want to be with them and treat them well. But I still don't understand what love is at 45 yrs old. It stinks.

No contact itself isn't enough, at least from my experience. It actually got even worse over time.

Brilliant I thought getting of coke was tough definitely no contact and stick at it

I am actually friends with my LO. I played a sport with him for two seasons. We grew up in the same neighborhood and would run into each other throughout the years. We also have lots of family connections and mutual friends. I got to know him better And liked him more. And I told him and he didn't answer my text. I keep wondering what I did wrong and have been having a hard time shaking it even after that.

Thank you Evita. When try to meet the LO in reality, what if we are co workers and they will always smile and sweet at work, it is hard to meet the real them. Any suggestions?

It doesn’t help when the LO gives you physical items. I can’t even bring myself to look at said items in fear of triggering myself neither can I throw them out because I hold such a high value for them. 😢

I can't tell if I'm in limerence or just dealing with an avoidant or both. We dated off and on for 1.5 years. Very intimate conversations, dates, intimacy, etc. Have expressed our love for each other, but he just couldn't commit. I'm having a difficult time not thinking about him and while I'm in NC, I still miss him terrible even after not seeing him for over a year (he's military) nor speaking with him for over 5 months. Is this limerence?

I know my LO for 1.5 year now. We meeted up in person a lot. Texted a lot, she rejected me a couple of times but remained friends. A week ago we went on vacation together for 5 days. Sleeping together but that wasnt the big issue. She started dating somebody quite serious. And she was texting with him a lot, and when we were on vacation that other guy booked a vacation to the maldives with her and she rubbed it in my eyes. I couldnt even enjoy this vacation.. im at a point that there is so much more damage and pain that i even dont care about the relationship anymore. After the vacation i said that im having some private problems and told her to dont text me and leave me alone... so im in nearly 1 week NC. Is this a wright thing to do? Or should i do it different? Ofcourse im ruminating everything and also a lot of grieve so this is a hard ride atm. But if i keep contact up it will only take longer... im in pain and nobody knows. Its a lonely ride

What happens if he’s in the social eye and you want to not see him or find anything out but it’s unavoidable and it’s so painful

What if limerence is happening over someone in a long distance relationship and meeting is impossible?

Hey, Evita, you said infatuation over someone you barely know, mine just recently has been about a friend I know quite deeply, she went away on a trip, around this time it started, got really bad, I'm confused though, since I do know her well...

Going through limerence phase since 1.5 year

How can I disconnect from my lo and assure myself that I am not moving to a new lo and concentrate on my life? Is this even possible?

I've had a limerent object from the age of 13 to 19 , he rejected me and I somehow moved on too . In 2022, I've gotten limerent with another person in 2022. Now, there's this marriage thing going on with my first LO. IDK if I should go with it or not. Our families want us to marry. I'm afraid if I get limerent again with this person because i completely moved on with him. Also, my heart is aching to leave this second LO with whom I'm currently involved with.

what to do when your LO is your best friend?

Thank you for this video. I have a question: does this mean that limerence is a reflection of not just us being unable to connect emotionally with another person, but us not being able to let someone in and welcome them? Thank you!

I excepted reality...I see his many imperfections...Im aware of that. But we are in some kind of connection...and he is avoidant...he doesnt have feelings for me or he doesnt want to talk about it. Im not sure where we stand, where we are...that makes me to think about him whole day

Question. So I'm limerent for a co worker, which means I cannot completely go no contact. We work at a store and have intersecting shifts often. And it feels like the solution would be to simulate no contact the best I can in the situation. But the reality being an antidote section at the end...this person has expressed desire to get together outside of work which I imagine is a terrible idea for "feeding" the limerence. But "getting to know them" you suggest can also break the spell. Thoughts on this?

My LO wants me in the friendzone . I’ve had to state that I’m lucky I have lots of friends and it’s hard to keep up with them . I’m going cold Turkey but if she wants a bit more than just friends , I’m there for her . She knew from the start I was into her and not looking for a new friend .

I am a bit confused. Limerence is only when you fantasize about a person that is actually not part of your life (like a fantasy boyfriend-girlfriend) or can limerence be also too much fantasy about your current partner?

I am obsessed with a man and I don't really care too much with his negative traits. I still like him. It is like my brain is ignoring those bad traits of him. This is so awful. I wish it is so easy to dislike a LO because of how rude, ugly, or stupid he/she is. In fact, even if he pushes me away, I am still forcing him to answer my messages and calls and act as if he didn't break up with me. I feel so bad right now. My heart feels so heavy but I can't stop myself. Should I focus more on thinking about how bad he is? I am confused whether what i feel for him a true love or just limerence? They say that when you're in love, you can suffer and ignore everything just to be with him/her, but what I do now is I am forcing him to stay with me. Will it become true love if I let him go?

What happened when you accept realitie but the other person says that yes, there's connection, they love you, and it's your imagination and gives you breadcrumb. In family sometimes they say there is connection when it's not and they blame you to leave

So... what is a family constellation?

Is it my ego or subconscious thoughts making me obsessed

Need help, its killing me

people can say what they want i know him #jk

Hi I have a QUESTION!! I identify with everything about Limerence, except the fact that I know the person very very well and we had a romantic relationship. Does that mean I am more of an obsessive instead of limerant?

That’s what I thought excatly with my crush who blocked me after talkin for 2months n I was too obsessive for him eventually got blocked after begging and pleadin, but I’m sure if I knew him little bit better my limerance would kind a fade away cause it’s lack of info. Now we are in 2 months of no contact the first month was just terrible month of grieving now it’s better but I am somwhere trapped between wanting to forget and wanting to hold on in to it.❤️‍🩹