Guruji , i am suffering from mental illness and i enjoy singing bhajans of lord krishna and ram but i constantly ask myself to question the lilas of god and i develop a fear that i will forget god. The one whom i am relying upon . Please guruji guide me.
You sing bhajans,but still thinking about your own satisfaction that's why u r developing fear . For a moment,just do things only for his happiness,u will find the answer.
This is because of the ignorance. Lila is the drama that god does for us. The god realised devotees take part with him. Without the lilas, the jiva doesn’t have a way to mediate on god extensively. And also, if you get a thought that you think is not good, that is because of the attachments in so many material things. You are the soul, so just reject the thought. Attach the mind to guru and bhagwan.