Loneliness & ADHD 

Never would I have expected dr. barkley to introduce himself as "your boomer barbie looking pretty in pink today" absolute legend

Having discovered that I have adhd so late in life... it can be very emotional to watch Dr. Barkley's such on point videos. I constantly have flashbacks of wasted and ruined life events and timelines.... which is such a big blur. All these things myself nor others could never understand, he explains with such ease. If only people could understand how in depth having adhd has on one's total existence would I fee comfortable even saying I have it.. For when I do... no one really understands what I am even saying.. They look at me like I am making things up. We isolate because its easier than dealing with the complete awkwardness of never really understanding how you fit in, in any given moment...with any given person. I now just tell people I have Executive Function Disorder.... just makes everything easier.

You are not decaying! You are BOOMING!

In my view, definitely a consequence. I was so ashamed of my so-called failures in life that I started avoiding people. Also, I have a very active internal world and get bored really easily so that's a factor in the other direction. I genuinely would rather walk alone in the woods with a good book on my headphones than with a tedious person. Undiagnosed ADHD has also trained me to believe that there's something wrong with me so I've spent a lot of effort trying to be more interested in people and trying to be more normal.

"This is the only channel where you can watch a boomer decay" GODDAMN LMAO Thank you for covering this topic. Learning how common this is with ADHD is healing in a way. Went through this very badly as a kid and it did a lot of damage. But getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult helped reframe the experience.

I've personally found volunteering to be a good way to reduce feelings of isolation. When volunteering, you're doing good in the world, which is very satisfying. It gives a sense of meaning to your life beyond the narrow confines of your own personal issues. And if you choose an activity that gets you out of the house and interacting with others, you get to meet other people who also care about the same issues as you. These relationships are often deeper and more meaningful than what you may get at other activities because they are built on a foundation of some shared values.

I became a little bit more extraverted after starting stimulant medication. The reason? People didn't constantly annoy me - I could tolerate small talk for longer and stay engaged. People made me less irritable. It's great.

I can be very social, very funny and I can also mask very well. I've a lot of empathy and can connect and understand other people. But God do I find the whole normal social interactions incredibly fake, especially around things like flirting/dating. It's so weird, it's like other people are playing a role as an actor, pretending to be someone else that they 100% are not. I see it all the time with people I know. I can play those roles too but it's incredibly exhausting. I like being authentic. Everything else just feels like advanced coping mechanisms that are draining.

AuDHD here - enough autistic traits to offset the ADHD sufficiently to make fitting in with other ADHD people problematic, and ADHD dominating the autistic traits to the extent that fitting in with autistic people is also less than ideal. And so the loneliness has been increased. In fact I'd go so far as to say I've just about given up on life entirely, there being no hope in any direction. The ADHD diagnosis has driven a tank through the china shop of my life. It was a mess before, now it's just carnage. It's not just anger that drives people away. ADHD/autistic emotional distance - that assumes that it is tolerated not liked, "put up with" and so remains cool and unavailable, until the relationship is given up on by the other. ADHD "intensity" scares a lot of people away. Always overthinking, analysing, reasoning out loud, running through imaginary what if scenarios, etc.

Diagnosed with ADHD at age 52. Never been good in making friends and maintaining friendships. I am 61 years old and have zero friends and are practically self isolated. Never could fit anywhere from childhood on. It is what it is. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Dr Barkley, be kind on yourself: becoming older doesn't mean becoming a ruin! You are still a sanctum of knowledge! Thank you for the "well-behaved" and consiserate ad placement, the absence-of being a modern plague... Thanks for voicing opposition to those "reversing automatisms", another modern plague I find very commonly in the French mind-setting. My kid is diagnosed with ADHD and it is heartbreaking to see the landscape of things to come. I'm not even sure his medication is the right one for him yet...

Thank you for covering this! I've struggled with adhd throughout my whole life (of course, nobody ever noticed it until I got older) and developed severe social anxiety during highschool due to being severely bullied because of my hyperactive symptoms. I wasn't medicated. This caused me to isolate myself out of fear and shame. I felt like I was a problem and nobody wanted me around. It was painful watching myself going from someone who enjoyed talking to anyone with a heartbeat to worrying about every word I said, but I thought it was for the best because the bullying finally stopped. Nowadays, I still struggle everyday with being around other people, but now I'm medicated and life has gotten easier.

I'm living this, right now. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 70y/o. It informed SO much of my personal history. The loneliness part: My husband died of cancer about 4 years ago. Since then, three of my friends have died, leaving me with just one friend, who lives across town. I don't drive, and never seem to have the energy to get out and get on a bus, to find a diversion. My income is just enough to get by, anyway. BUT - my little dog is my constant companion, and our personalities are perfect for each other.

YES - its VERY appreciated that there isn't commercials in the middle of the talk!

You are right, loneliness cannot create ADHD; it may be a by-product of having ADHD in the 1st place. Thank you. My son has ADHD but also: emotional self-regulation/control - and lots of old/new friends.

i always doubt when something is claimed to ‘cause’ adhd. i immediately mentally translate it to ‘makes adhd persons existing symptoms more outwardly noticeable’.

My heart breaks reading the comments of those with ADHD here. You also remind me to be more patient and forgiving with a close family member who has ADHD. Thank you for sharing. I hope you will all find a support group online or through therapy groups (insurance will pay for) or "Meet Ups" in your area. You are not alone. ❤

People hate people having emotions. 😅

Difficulties in education, family issues. After education, difficulties finding and maintaining employment, problems with social relationships, poor finances , comorbid mental health problems, possible physical health problems, worse undiagnosed ADHD, not including other neurodivergent conditions, underachievement.

Maybe I am broken, but I am not alone and broken and thats pretty rad. The most remarkable thing for this kind of content. It makes me legit weepy when I hear someone explain to me what my life is like and get it exactly right. Virtually no one in my life "gets it" and finding someone, and maybe even a community of someones, that really "gets it" is a HUGE deal to me.

Given the loneliness epidemic we’re in, this work and getting it it is so crucial 🙌🏻🙏🏻

Causes it yes, I have always been a social misfit, I have lived alone, except for 2 failed marriages totally 10 yrs, Im now 62, I wish I had more friends of family, and am introvert so need alot of quiet time, but am a solial, polite, kind, but lacking in skills, and do get alot of rejection, misunderstanding, and now have lost my confidence to hold a converdation, and prefer to listen than talk. Im so very sad, tired, and in pain.

I am 54 and only recently came to understand I have ADHD. While I have been fortunate mine is somewhat mild, it is clear my life is so much less than it could have been. But I try to remind myself that the quality of my current life is what matters and that I hopefully have many years ahead of me and can lead a bigger, better life. I hope everyone like me who is coming to this realization later in life can figure out how not to be discouraged. I am trying to keep focused on what I can do to make my life better.

Thank you for your clear views on this very important subject, Dr. Barkley. I have known for about a year that I have ADHD, and yesterday I got the Diagnosis. I am 53 years old, so I can relate very much to what many people with late Diagnosis say about „ lost lifetime“. Yes, Indeed. And yes, always having been „the weird one“ / the outsider my whole life has lead to a lot of feelings of loneliness. But it’s like Dr. Barkley ( and others say) , it is THE FEELING of being alone that is awful and at times unbearable and much more. Currently I am trying to find out how much of this comes from society… We keep on hearing that it is not good to be alone, that it’s not healthy etc… Being alone is not trendy…. But as matter of fact, it can also be good. The older I get, the more I enjoy being alone, without FEELING alone. but it’s not easy, it comes and goes. „I LOVE BEING ALONE BUT I HATE FEELING LONELY „ is a quote that kind sums up what I mean. … Thank you so much for your great content, Dr. Barkley. 😍🤓

20/10 intro

Dr. Barkley, thank you so much for everything you do, and for this RU-vid channel. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was four, about 25 years ago. The way they tell it, I was with a psychiatrist for a few minutes, and the psychiatrist said "Oh, this child has ADHD." I also have several comorbidities, including ODD, several anxiety disorders, and depression. I watched one of your lectures years ago on RU-vid, The 30 Essential ideas every parent needs to know, and there's something you said in that lecture that I will never forget: "Friends forgive your distractibility, your forgetfulness, your working memory problems, and even your relentlessness. They will not forgive your anger, your hostility, and the quickness in which you emote to other people." And just now in this video, you mentioned children with ADHD are often friendless until second or third grade. For me, I made my first friend in the fourth grade. It's so interesting listening to a lot of your lectures and videos and hearing my own experience told back to me. Thank you for making all of this available to us, even in your retirement!

Great stuff. Social interaction and isolation has always been something I struggled with and getting my ADHD treated with meds has helped me realize how much of that came from the emotional dysregulation of ADHD. I'm working on finding a healthier balance between being alone and being with others so it's useful to gain more clarity about what the literature says about the relationship between social isolation and ADHD, especially since there are so many misconceptions about ADHD on the internet.

Can't be lonely if I have these video to watch lol

If I had those who love me, if any, to spend more time with them, I'd not feel lonely or good therapists with audhd knowledge available. Truly appreciate the advertising being off in the middle of the commentary. Thanks

Dr. Barkley you are a treasure. Thank you for generously sharing your knowledge and expertise. I often feel more hopeful after listening to you.

I would agree loneliness is a byproduct of ADHD. After a lifetime of being misunderstood and kind of shunned by people I find being with animals is far more beneficial. Who else is going to love you unconditionally and love you for your flaws. People are just plain mean and intolerant. I will live and die with my cats thank you. 😂 But good and informative video.

It helped me to think differently and facing my fear. I was lonely because I didn’t want to be with myself. When I finally accepted that, I started to accept myself more. It made me less lonely and happily alone. (To some degree, I feel both, but the sad part is shorter by every day). It feels good and relieving to have a brighter perspective.

2:39 pm March 20, 3024 Tremendously helpful. Particularly the idea that teaching people more skills doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to use them at crucial points, that was profound for me. Increasing interactions in circles who already accept you, amazingly helpful. Being careful with self disclosure was another great point. In general this added so much to my understanding. I took notes on my computer while listening. God bless you and thank you so so much.

Thank you for your content about this. I find hanging out requires more and more executive function and planning as my friends and I get older.

My individual and anedoctal case - 2 years ago I went through a bad period of depression and in particular loneliness like never before. It was the first time that I truly noticed symptoms that I now realize, after lifting myself out of depression, were ADHD. This is how I reached my ADHD diagnosis - persistence of the symptoms that could no longer be explained with depression or other known co-morbidities.

My social environment was always crucial for how I felt around people and to what extent I wanted to engage in social situations and activities. In elementary school, I was a popular kid - friends with everyone in class and I was easy to get along with. After we moved, I was surrounded by completely new kids and people, so it became enormously difficult to find my place... People didn't show much interest in "the new quiet kid", didn't give me room to engage and talked over me in moments where I was actually proud of being able to add something to the conversation... 16 years later and nothing really... changed? I still feel lonely and especially misunderstood when people don't pay attention to me when I show signs of wanting to participate. Even with friends it's like that from time to time... I'm just really sensitive about these little signs, when people don't show enough interest or engagement towards me. When I start to talk and they begin to rush me or have other things to do. I notice how my subconscious makes me automatically distance myself from these people. Like it's not worth putting my energy into them. Why even bother when my presence is not appreciated? I'm so tired of always fighting to be heard. My introverted type of adhd doesn't make it any easier.

While this it's almost certainly correct, there is also a bit that makes sense in less strict terms. Before i realized i have AuDHD, I always considered my unwitting isolation at certain early life period to be the thing that removed opportunities to have healthier life and find more like-minded people, practice more communication in natural conditions. It didn't cause my disorders, it reduced the opportunity to adapt better at the time when it would've been easier.

Came for the education, stayed for the delivery - of both your intro jokes and education 😂

Thank you very much for this video!

thank you for this video

Amazing as allways!

The beginning was hilarious. Keep on the good content!

You have such a great sense of humor! And I love your Barbie pink shirt! 😁

Loving your video's, please keep them coming!

I just turned 45, have ADD and just started Ritalin a few weeks ago and on top of that i have severe trauma brain, CPTSD/depression/anxiety... i used to have so many people in my life, it feels like i'm still in isolation since the pandemic, it never ended for me. And i really don't understand why/how it happend honestly. Bad stuff happens to me, no control over that. I must have been a terrible person in my past life. Even now if i tell people around me how i feel, it doesn't help. Seems like people just really don't give a F. I've been trying so damn hard, and i just keep falling further down the dark abyss. I just don't see a way out anymore, well yes 'THAT' one but i'm not doing that. I've done the meds, therapy... what else to do... pffft

Always enjoyed your content hope you continue to post.

Man its so nice to see your channel taking off!!!

Dr. Barkley, thank you so much!

coming back here when i’ve published my own research article ❤️

Thank you, Dr Barkley

Thank you for addressing this topic.

Dr. Barkley... please keep up your outstanding work... don´t you dare stop... ever...

The connection between poor emotional self regulation and isolation - This has been a big realization for me this year 🖤

Dr. Barkley, you are the best. Loved the intro!

this makes so much sense. Diagnosed in late 40s. It is easier not to have to deal with other people but more importantly (for me) is the isolation allows me to get to that place in my head (hyperfocus) of deep creativity, problem solving, productivity and emotional regulation. I crave solitude and it is harder and harder to find.

That`s awesome. Thank you.

Thanks alot dr Barkley.. Iam watching you from Egypt.

Thanks for your great videos. 🇦🇺👴🏻

This topic couldn’t have come at a better time

I do notic and appreciate the blissful lack of ads or ad reads. Ads are cancer. Thanks Doc

Thank you sir!

Thank you thank you thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏💜💜💜💜💜💜

10/10 intro

Glutathione is a redox buffer that regulates ATP production in the mitochondria. I have been using liposomal glutathione for about 20 months now. I "suck" 2 - 4ml in the morning and I find that my REM sleep is greatly improved. I awaken after 7 - 8 hours of nutritious sleep, usually after an imaginative dream. This makes me less autistic. My brain feels more creative and energetic and I can talk to people. I'm trying to spread the word, I want people to study this simple treatment further.

Thank you once again! Your talks always help me understand and although I get sad about the struggles I’ve had, understanding is helping me move forward. I have many positive relationships, activities, etc in my life now, but I do grieve for the loneliness and self doubt I felt as a child and the struggles with some major relationships in my life. I was diagnosed at 73 so there’s a lot to debrief😔 I am on Bupropion, which helps, and I am very active (sports). But I definitely minimize/manage my social relationships. I have a supportive husband, but I do feel alone with my ADHD.

Why are these intros always so funny 😭

Haha love your sense of humor!

This channel / podcast is best around. Ahdh rejection can be difficult, especially pre 20s.....it's a real issue. Learning to have the confidence to look for good people, relationships, and friends helps. Everyone has flaws, and knowing you're a good person is important. Get out there and find social groups that fit. Disgard toxic people and work on keeping the good ones. They are everywhere. Keep most inner thoughts, inner. Count to 10 if not sure.

Wow this is very interesting. I don't feel loneliness now, however when I was younger I always felt alone. I'm the only girl of 2 other siblings, I started playing golf at 8 because my parents told me I had to pick a sport, so I chose golf. I was able to hyper focus (i was a 4 handicap at 16) on the sport and I was alone! I loved every minute of it. I've always been the black sheep of my family so I always figured that's why I felt lonely.

You are the best boomer ever

Interesting articles.

I self isolate. Sometimes I’m clumsy and/or forgetful. Avoiding most people and using alcohol to cope has worked okay for me.

Looking great today Doctor

Phone phobia can be another symptom of adhd practice makes perfect but it never truly goes away. However I have heard of great neurodivergent actors who role played with trusted friends calling each other up regularly to help them relax more on the phone

Also as a kid i was rejected alot. I think because i talked too much. Girls would say bye ! Bye! Untill i would leave. My aunt and my uncle and cousins left me to go to the museum all piled in a van with other family while i stood crying in the living room at 5 years old. At 6 my mom left to go with her boyfriend that was my father's nephew. Now i have no friends. I have my 2 kids. That's all i need.

I suspect that isolation and loneliness indeed could result in brain rewiring that could exacerbate aspects of one’s already existing ADHD. I agree with Dr Barkley in that loneliness most probably doesn’t cause ADHD in people who do not have ADHD in the first place.

Perhaps we should all read “How to win friends and influence people”. by Dale Carnegie. Not really. There’s not a solution to the loneliness. It used to hurt, but I prefer it now, because it’s easier.

11:50 ... To quote Star Trek - Boy, you're a real comfort! One person's condition is another's personality. Well that's what I'm telling myself.

oh, wow- i visit his spot, too. glad 2 doctors disagree a bit because it offers a peek into how to disagree with someone, who may be a colleague and it not need be aggressive in tone...thanks for the example. you are both fighting the good fight...

I also wonder how drastic the effects of technology and adhd have impacted loneliness in the modern day. A lot of us with ADHD really tend to get sucked into online stimulation that doesn’t always provide real value and it can even worsen some things like processing emotions when we are constantly distracted from it.

People can say what they'd like about decomp. You rock your putrefaction. 🤘 I can see why someone might think ADHD could "get worse" over time when someone is socially isolating. I'd counter that with the ADHDer simply not needing to mask, then either losing some ability to mask or just losing the will to mask their symptoms when around people again. As well as probably losing some social skills due to disuse, that seems inevitable in this circumstance. But it's not like these skills cannot be learned again. The brain is neuroplastic, few skills are lost forever. If the people around you are patient with you and have some degree of empathy, re-learning social skills is far from impossible. It seems like the article is conflating extended social isolation with developing a post-traumatic form of ADHD. Sure, ADHD can (and often does) come with developmental trauma. But the base brain of someone with ADHD functions very, very differently to a neurotypical brain to begin with. We develop differently, too, of course. But neurodevelopmental disabilities aren't acquired, as far as I know. Trauma is acquired, though. I don't see how it is possible for "rewiring" of the brain to cause a brain to lose significant function in the prefrontal cortex. Physical trauma, say bludgeoning to the head? Sure. Purely psychological trauma? No. It seems more likely to uncover symptoms of undiagnosed ADHD that were present earlier, but not recognized for what they are. My POV is all anecdotal. It seems applicable, here, though: I've been in near covid-comparable isolation (no exaggeration) since roughly middle school. I'm 32, now. School was an awful experience for me, largely because of the social side. However, I'm autistic, so I wouldn't expect my experience to apply to more straightforward ADHDers or people who've been, uh, well-socialized in their formative years. Just. Weirdos like me matter, too. Even anecdotally, not as part of a data set.

Lockdown was very lonely. WFH still is!!

interesting stuff

You can tend to avoid social situations because you can't keep up socially, and it's embarrassing. I was never too talkative, I just couldn't keep up. I did not have these constantly cited "emotional regulation" issues. I am bothered by this endless referral to symptoms I don't feel I have. I have executive function deficits (despite IQ in the 130s, graduated sixth of 771 seniors in high school, magna and suma cum laude in college) that always leave me socially confused. Adderall helps but does not cure this problem. But my adult kids love me dearly and I love them dearly, too, so I don't feel lonely.

IMO, many initial situations can lead to Comorbid disorders , that’s the nature of a psychological response in interpreting for recovery of a presented situation. I think that one could show similar characteristics to attention deficit however by definition, ADHD as a diagnosis would not fit. It’s an interesting view of the article that ADHD can developed as the result of loneliness by isolation (or any other situation). So then in other words, the view point suggests that ADHD can be a trauma response \?/ Am so grateful for your contribution to understanding ADHD Dr Barkely.

Thanks doc'. Have you considered doing short versions of these topics either on TikYok or RU-vid Shorts? Even if 17 minutes isn't that long it's like forever, for a teenager with ADHD that could benefit from knowing more about this to better understand themselves.

‘Boomer Barbie’ now that gave me a giggle. And yes, I really appreciate no advertising in the middle of your videos. Thanks for all you do 😊

„Journaling“? That’s funny. I know a lot of people with ADHD … one of them told me, that owning a huge collection of (frustratingly unused or semi started) journals, is a great way to diagnose ADHD itself. 😂

Hahaha that intro was hilarious 😂❤

Thank you for your considerate placement of your ads!

Interesting! I'm 65, totally new to this topic, never diagnosed, but became concerned because I keep seeing so many with ADHD with notable severity and the boys with concurrent dyslexia, and before about 10 years ago, I never once saw a child that really disrupted classes; most were highly attentive. I was shocked to find it was my life being described. I had always ascribed my issues and difficulty in social situations to having been brought up in socially isolating circumstances (different religion from everyone at school; different race from everyone at church), but in truth, even before that was imposed on me, my first grade teacher scolded me memorably (picked me off the floor) for not paying attention. Also, I have been told about other children who had been forced to be the odd guy like that taking the bull by the horns and becoming leaders. I have coped reasonably as an adult but have had trouble achieving much. Some research has shown a correlation between prenatal exposure to electromagnetic fields, such as from cellphones, and ADHD, anxiety and other disorders in children, and that might account for the sudden onset of this in Japan.

For example, i dont care birthdays, and i know only five (my kids etc). I am timeblind, and all my friends are sad i am not congratulate to their birthdays. Leads to loneliness.

I very much appreciate boomer Barbie! Love your sense of humour😄😄😄

🙏🏼

I have always felt socially isolated, very often lonely.

Agree! I think what might have confused the author is the effects of screen time, because most lonely people turn to screens - to occupy their time and to provide at least the illusion of face to face interaction (nonconfrontative, as well). Online people are talking, sharing thoughts and feelings, etc., even if it's just through their vlogs and channels. Conversations are held and broadcasted; interesting lectures, too. RU-vid is big for a reason, and it's not just Covid. We know screen time can be overindulged to our detriment (not just dopamine issues). A recent study apparently found a direct correlation between amount of screen time one spends and the amount of deterioration of one's executive functioning. Whether it's a valid study, well-designed, with a sufficient sample size, factor controlled, etc., I have no idea. But I do know this: when my doctor told me to hide in my house and stay away from people for about two years (because I take serious immune-suppressant medication, and Covid was rampant), I turned to the screen for human connection (or the illusion thereof), and over time my executive functioning has tanked hard. I truly believe the two are correlated. Now if I can just figure out how to regain what executive functioning ability I once had.

I wish there was more in-depth discussions and/or research abt social deficits that aren't so idk.. related to outward hyperactivity? I don't snap at ppl and I don't ever recall getting angry at some friend (I've never tried to be friends with some "drama" type person but choose very chill ppl). When I am interested in someone as a friend this whole "not remembering" and "attention drifting away" deal is also somewhat irrelevant as it's easy to pay attention then. I have lots of "autism" typical difficulties like missing cues, challenges with sarcasm etc but the way those come and go depending on how overstimulated I might feel plus how improved I seem to be now with wellbutrin only verify that for me adhd social symptoms are much more varied than what's usually referenced. Other than eye contact which is always painful I can now remember to say "hello" and "goodbye" almost without thought. Idk I feel left out by the narrowness of the difficulties discussed and at the same time the experiences of AuDHD folk don't reasonate with me on a deep level as to me everything can be explained by ahdh. Social performance is like a high function of the brain and I don't see how an executive function disorder won't affect my ability to do this song and dance at every level and not just by making me not pay attention and that typical stuff. Should I expect that with more research our understanding will broaden or is this matter pretty much settled and I should look abt AuDHD? Ideally I'd trust a clinician to bring it up themselves if they see it leading there but considering how many of them missed my ADHD I'm just not leaving my life entirely up to them ever again.

I see how loneliness could worsen adhd, but I agree that loneliness likely is not causing adhd. Loneliness is often a main cause of depression, and many symptoms of depression and anxiety overlap with adhd symptoms (impulsivity, worse emotional regulation, executive function issues, restlessness, etc), which means that the symptoms that overlap with depression and anxiety would worsen, but that’s not necessarily the adhd worsening, only the symptoms that are present in both adhd and depression/anxiety disorders are.

Going on medication made me question whether I'm actually an introvert like I've always thought. I'm like a completely different person, but not really because I'm very much myself, just more comfortable and outgoing. I don't constantly overthink everything and try to mask as much.

I trembled at the mention of “organizing groups”. 😅 There is a problem with the organization part. Initiating yes, keeping up - well…