Losing a Favorite Person with BPD 

It does...😢what should we do? 😮❤

Felt that.

@@MyAngelAlfie Well, I always just waited it out and tried not to do something stupid in the meantime. Eventually, the pain subsides.

That can also be descriptive of what a neurotypical partner with even an average amount of empathy feels like when devalued over time and split on by a pwClusterB: dying/crushed, heart broken, and nothing makes sense. The partner can also spend months to years trying to understand what that relationship was and/or in therapy processing what happened and how to fix their own issues bc the experience was so painful they do not want to repeat it.

​@@jessluck6583Going through something similar.

I’m sorry you went through that. I actually experienced the same thing with someone when I was like 15, but the crazy thing was they were only 11. They were my best friend but they had SOOO many problems. They’d call and message me multiple times a day wanting to talk, and I also have ADHD and possibly Autism like you, so I also like my alone time and stuff. Not to mention social anxiety, so socializing was very draining for me a lot. But they ALWAYS wanted to talk and we’d end up talking for like an hour or more, and whenever I didn’t talk to them, they’d somewhat accuse me of stuff but mainly just kept accusing me of hating them and not actually liking them and that I didn’t wanna be friends or something. I really did enjoy their company and having them to talk to at times, but again I usually just like my alone time more often, but they never believed me or tried to understand when I tried explaining it to them. I tried being open with them but they just didn’t believe anything I said. I know someone might say “oh but they’re only 11”. No. They were VERY mature for their age, like they smoked weed and did so many things no 11 year old should EVER do. I hate to say it but people like that are dangerous, and they were definitely not safe to be around because they were also EXTREMELY clingy and seemed to have a favorite person a lot, me being one of them I’m pretty sure. After learning about BPD, I’m almost very certain that I might have it bc I have almost every symptom so I’m trying to look for a diagnosis. It’s just that I struggle with the favorite person thing bc I have trust issues and don’t let my guard down easily, unless I’m able to relate and connect with someone a LOT, which doesn’t happen very often. But when it does, I can definitely relate with having a favorite person. Bc that’s exactly what it feels like. I’m terrified of having a FP bc I know I likely won’t have them around for the rest of my life and the thought of losing them sounds like my worst nightmare.

There is alot of stigma surrounding BPD I am happy your able to use this to spread awareness! :)

I'm sorry for your specific experience with a specific person/people. I hope you find the healing you are looking for. BPD does not equal abuse everyone is different. 85% of people with BPD reach remission in their life. MANY of us find healing, many of us are not abusive and build beautiful lives and create lasting relationships including apologizing when were wrong. Statements like " JUST ONCE i would like for SOMEONE with BPD to apologize" further stigmatizes the disorder. Stigma serves no one it creates an environment that makes it difficult for ANYONE to heal including yourself. ANYONE can be or become abusive. This is a very specific example you are using to outline an entire population of people. Spreading awareness is not playing the victim it is spreading awareness & education to help others relate and seek help.

Keep in mind that a lot of Narcissists can pass themselves off as BPD well. A lot of people with BPD are overly obsessed with you and your feelings, not their own. If they're making it all about themselves all the time, I don't think it's best to trust whatever they consider themselves as.

I had the same experience with my last relationship. The girl was misdiagnosed bi-polar but I have had several people in my life who I lived with that were BPD and recognized it almost immediately due to the inability to apologize or accept personal responsibility for simple mistakes. It is such a unique way that they argue that it stands out. After that they just confirmed it over and over and over. She even claims to have apologized "countless times" for things she has never once admitted despite being caught red handed three times, let alone apologized for and it is extremely frustrating. I don't know if this is a memory issue due to the BPD or just another lie but it is a large part of what destroyed our relationship because there was no conflict resolution. Now she has rewritten our entire history and made me out to be a monster when I never gave her a hard time until at the very end when she was lying about serious issues and I just couldn't take it anymore. She justified avoiding me and isolating behind that event while splitting me and the relationship. e She also used her parents to blockade me and prevent me from seeing her or attempting to talk to her in person even though she is 45(she still lives at home). She roped them in with lies and a staged scene she used to create the fight that led to our breakup too. It was a mess at the end. Now she has even refused to admit that she staged the fight despite the things she said to me and did to set it in motion during the two days prior. Knowing the circumstances makes it easier to handle but it still hurts and it still makes you question things. Like did she ever love me at all or was it all just another escape from reality she was using to avoid her pain? Anyway, I am just amazed at how much your post reminds me of this girl and understand how frustrating it can be. All three of the BPD people I know has this trait too. That and the tendency to lie about it to avoid accountability and any blame. One even came to me and told me she must have done it because she was the only one who could have but that she didn't remember it. Maybe she didn't remember but it was the closest I ever got to an apology from her. It is brutal.

I am sorry you all suffered from a person with BPD. We do indeed have (to an individually large extent) a contorted perception of our emotional surrounding. I don't understand the lying (girl's thing?) but we perceive we not act but react to something which has emotionally come our way already or will "certainly" come our way. So if someone then shows angry or hurt confusion, we might not understand that our distancing doesn't seem a logical consequence to you, too. Or that we break contact "for your own good". Timely communication is a must, from both sides. But that entails the BPD person has to be fully aware of their condition and has to know what triggers them or what makes them uncomfortable.

Those watching this be careful of the toxic frames this bpd lays out. When your favorite person leaves”,is a very vague statement, that implicitly frames the bpd person the one who is left. This gives a vague air of victimhood to the bpd something they thrive on. For those watching this the victim is the person in the relationship with the bpd. That person was pushed out at some point during the push pull value/devalue cycle, when the bpd continually breaks personal boundaries and threatens implicitly to discard you for attempting to set healthy boundaries. A bpd abuses you and continually breaks boundaries and then complains how bad it hurts them when their victim leaves.

Yup

If we are going to get it right, then acknowledge that most people with BPD don't intend abuse--they are trying to meet their needs in the only way they know how, it just happens to be immature. You wouldn't call it abuse for a two-year-old to need lots of attention and reassurance from his mom, or for being scared of not knowing who they are or where they fit in the big, scary world without her. It is like someone with BPD has arrested development in this area at a young age.

@@nse712 yeh but they’re not 2 they’re just acting like it

@@nse712 when murder becomes man slaughter a death has still occurred, an injured party and a responsible party, and yes they do intentionally hurt others, because they don’t do it to others in the circle, so they are fully aware of right and wrong, that’s why they can’t use it in their many court appearances.

Are you going to therapy?

Sorry no remorse for you. You flipped out on them and lashed out at them. Called consequences and is an adult thing soooo 🫡

@@tugnormoustuglicous1303 if you knew the reason for that, you wouldnt post something so ignorant that it belongs in the stoneage

Hope she stays and ya'll accept here.

Many different reasons that fear of abandonment is center stage we can prepare for the worst by leaving first, or convince ourselves your all bad because if your all bad we can leave and avoid that certain abandonment. We can spare you and give you the life you deserve because we feel like a cancer in peoples lives and dont want to take people down with us. There are SOOOO many reasons but the ROOT is that fear of abandonment.

Why it’s so difficult to Apologize to the favorite person if the borderline patient did a mistake or cheat on her partner ??

No you should not suck it up you are a person to you can understand which is noble of you but why should you suffer for someone else? It’s a 2 way street you need to find someone who loves you like you love her it’s horrible because I’m going through the same thing and I don’t think I’ll ever open up like I have but I live in hope that good things happen and maybe we go through this to understand that there is a love that knows no bounds and we deserve that because we gave it to someone who couldn’t comprehend it even if we understand BPD it can never be an excuse alls that does is enable

I think it comes from their huge trust issues, they're scared of being hurt again (past experiences/ trauma and stuff) that's why they selfsabotage and try to push that person away and create distance, so they don't end up being hurt. Since they have that fear of abandonment at the same time and also kind of that co-dependency that got desrcibed in the video, I don't think they actually want to lose that person. They're just terribly scared they get hurt. Hope that could help^^

When we distance ourselves or push away a FP, it is like the difference (for me at least) between getting a leg amputated under anaesthesia and numbing painkillers instead of getting it torn off your body by a shark or something. The emotional spot is kinda numb(ed) when we distance ourselves vs raw bleed-to-death pain. Losing the FP is like a giant claw rips your belly open and yanks out heart and intestines and everything attached. You're left with excruciating pain, empty, hollow, and asking yourself every single day why you are still alive.

Mine started dating another guy 2 weeks after our 2yrs relationship ended. She pushed me away most of the relationship with the splitting.

It's just a scale. I read from a therapist that borderliners are failed narcists.

a lot of ways. self harm and identity insecurity is not occurring in npd. Narcissists are unaffected by others opinions of them because they feel superior not inferior like BPD. In some ways they’re opposite but of course theres some overlap in cluster B personality disorders namely covert narcissism of self pity. In that way depressives and anxious people are narcissists though. You can read the DSM if you actually want to know.

Healthy egoism is the term I'd prefer 😊

​@@lennardschneider6847nothing healthy about untreated pwbpd