Love Is Blind's Clay Gravesande & Mom Margarita: The Untold Story | Dear Future Wifey Ep 812 

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I couldn't agree more.

Yessss I ABSOLUTELY agree with your response. It was sad to see him tell her No but I appreciated his honesty and transparency!

Amen

Yessss Yessss Yessss! The hard part is he did with millions watching a produced show that makes us unconsciously get into “fairy tale ending” mode. We also have sister AD that also requires some healing and growth that she mentioned. We tend to forget those moments we needed grace to grow from whatever the (______) fill in the blank moment was. Some might need to ask if they have unconsciously lost grace for men and how many moments we wished somebody broke it off with us versus take us through a rollercoaster that lead to more damage in the end. Clay has a lot to take responsibility for and I do think there was covering he could have done for AD before going to the altar. He is also sounds like the first in his family to work on healing at this level with no blueprint of how to do this. Mistakes will be made on the journey of designing a generation’s first blueprint on healing before partnership. If anything, Clay & AD with the help of Clay’s parents opened up a topic that many people needed to see that I hope results in more healing so healthier relationships can be birthed from it.

I don't think he was comparing the two men per say, but moreso the experience of having two "unpopular" social influences on his show... one being one that drove his revenue down and one who he hopes won't do the same because of the way people feel about him. I think he's pretty safe with this episode though. I hope so anyway.

Yes he is safe with this one. People don't have the same smoke for him as they did/do Derrick (if they know how the show LIB works). He made the right/smart choice. I was actually one who stopped watching this channel when Derrick was brought on. Clay brought me back. 🤷🏽‍♀ @@iamtheejlatrice

At all!!

6 in one hand, half a dozen in the other

Thanks for having Clay, no Comparison in my opinion.

💯

Yes, that part!

That’s the ideal BUT we have to accept that women are inherently and socialized to be more comfortable with being emotional, talking about our emotions, and processing our emotions. That is NOT a thing for men. Still. It’s the goal, but it is just not a social norm in our society so… while it can be a desire that a man will be that self-aware and emotionally mature… we also have to accept that those are rare men. And that it’s likely that a relationship or child will prompt a man to do that. So… I focus more on encouraging them to do the work. Normalizing mental health care in ALL forms and… raising my son to be emotionally intelligent

WELL said! 👍👍👍👍👍

Facts

I concur with your response! This season was a great learning tool! I as well appreciated his mother and the dialogue she shared, sooooo valuable!!

So true

Well said. I just hope that Clay's dad can come to an understanding of the entire situation. I think his input will resonate way more than Clay's mom input. Yes, his mother is stellar, amazing, all all excellence. However, Clay's dad needs to show up.

Clay and his mother blessed me 1:51:22

Everything you said to the T I agreed with!! 💯

You know Laterras already has it in motion😂

@@SymonnePatABSOLUTELY

Yep he be on it for sure@@SymonnePat

Totally agree👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

100%👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Thanks

Thank you Laterras for hosting this healing and safe space for Clay! Throughout the show Clay was open, honest and the viewers could see he had some apprehension about marriage. Clay with a pure heart and good intentions God will always bless you. I loved seeing the amazing support Clay and his mother shared. This was truly a healing conversation. Laterras thank you for being Obedient to God. May this interview increase your revenue and other opportunities to host healing spaces for black King! Seed planted and God Blessed it! 🌱🌳🙏🏽

THIS! THIS! It's the lack of accountability, deflecting and gaslighting for me. Like were you looking for screen time to boost your IMDB? It's giving inauthentic and disingenuous 🙄😡 Stop playing with people's hearts lest you end up on a T-shirt.....

Right..... I don't know why Laterras would interview this guy

Right,that’s the issue at hand, no one is denying the fact he needs to heal and that him acknowledging that is a good thing. But you knew your intentions going in, that’s the main point here, he did play with her time , using this show for healing essentially or to do dating differently… like you said , he should have used other things for this

Y'all should please rest

This is exactly where I am coming from. I am all for his thought process, but not for the venue he executed in because his decisions effect others who are there for the real reason of the show...and no one said he had to get engaged. He could have just done the pods.

The show is about being married or not . What about people that didn’t got married in the show. Stopped having your emotions on people kids . He didn’t feel like he had to be married at the time period. Do you how AD ll be with him after the show.

"What about what AD needed from him?" I asked the same...BUT, that's what AD needed to asks herself. Or, recognized that she needed him to pour into her.. her weakness ... her shortcomings. She "may" have did so. But, it was more towards "he's listening to me" He's fulfilling me or validating me that I'm a supporter of him. Because she want him to see her as such, etc. You know the "One" But, she need something too. She did not share her fears so that he could pour into her. He did more sharing then did she did. I only remember her mentioning about his time with her (I could be wrong). He's not there due to "work" In other words, "Is he really working or does he want to be here with me?" AD should have halted going to the alter. She was doing well being a listening ear. Encouraging him, etc. With that said, she should have said, "Clay, I love you and I want to marry you, too. But, I want what's best for you and me. If you need time to heal from your childhood exposure to marriage, heal. I will go with you to therapy, etc." You know something like that. Because to "me" that's shows love. You want what's best for the person. You want them to be the husband or wife they desire to be. Don't say, "I got you. I got you." AD constantly said. But, when you get married. And, things start to happen within the marriage. You become a different person. Point the finger "He change" He didn't change "you" did. He kept telling you. Your response was "I got you". Don't let your desire to be a wife, fear, insecurities and ego get in the way of you showing true love.

In marriage, we need grace, let us pay attention to that first AD needs to go before God and ask if Clay is a part of her purpose before it's too late !

This.... Why did he go🤦🏼‍♀️

I agree. He was coddled throughout this episode. Where is the accountability? Don’t drag women to hell with you on your ascendance to healing. It’s unfair to leave a trail of bodies along the way where women have to pick up the pieces, emotionally, mentally, and physically mostly on their own where it counts.

I think Trey is responsible because he came on a show about marriage. He made a decision to come on this show so it is his fault, my opinion. He is a man he could have told her NO before he took her to the alter, that is called RESPECT. AD told him it was okay but don’t embarrass her at the alter. He stated that he didn’t come on the show to get married. It kills me how people only think of themselves and not how their actions affected other people. I don’t understand how he had to hurt families because his family needed healing, that don’t make any sense me. I understand that everyone make mistakes but we have be responsible for our actions and not blame anyone for our decisions, that is when the healing begin.

@@gladysflournoy4555 I am trying to understand why are people so negative toward Clay. He is not the first person to say no at the Altar. The first season their were five couple that went to the altar. Three couples said no at the altar. Giovanni couldn’t handle when Damien said no to her because she tore a piece of her dress and threw it in his hands out of angrier. She then ran out of the church running down the road. Her mother had to run after her and she fell on the ground in her wedding dress. The fifth season two guys said no to their fiancé and which was Paul he told Micah no and she continue to date him afterward. But no one tore these guys down like they are doing Clay. Those guys all called off their weddings at the Altar. I know it was other couples who said no but I missed watching some of the seasons. Leave Clay along because he is being honest about the impact his father may in his life as a young kid with his father’s infidelity. You do know a this young man looked up to his father. Atleast he is getting help and dealing with his childhood trauma. AD is absolutely beautiful and has an amazing body. However, she is acting as though she has lot of options now but the reality she has to deal with the same men or her choices before coming to the show. Nothing changed the dating arena is the same. I like what Clay is doing he is seeking counseling and continuing to work hard in his business. It was an excellent interview with his mother on the Tameron Hall show on Friday. It was good to see them being interview by Tameron Hall a journalist. AD going on Jennifer Hudson show is not the answer because she was engaged for ten years to her son’s father and she didn’t marry him. He wanted to marry her but she didn’t want him. Also she is now dating Common a habitual cheater. She can’t give anyone any advice on relationship. AD perhaps need to focus on her intellect and not her amazing body. Everyone is very aware of that and we all know looks fade and life happens. I pray God’s blessings over AD and Clay and that he healed them both after this experiment. I pray they take the time to know themselves and learn each other. They are a beautiful couple together and hope nothing but favor and blessings for them both.🙏🏽🥰

⁠@@selenacarr8104first of all the show shouldn’t have recruited him after he told them severally that he had to plans of getting married. He himself should have insisted he wouldn’t come on the show cos he have no intentions of getting married, lastly he could have told her it’s a definite NO to marriage so they won’t need to go to the altar. Just cos other couples went to the altar and said no dosent mean he should have done that to AD too and keep in mind in early seasons all the engaged couples that are being filmed had to go to the altar else they would pay a 50k fine. It’s different now so there’s that too

Truuuuue I think it’s because he expressed his doubt the whole time told that makes people upset but tbh I’m more upset with AD for ignoring the signs why didn’t she love herself enough to realize she deserves someone a 100% sure? But then again life is imperfect so this is both their first lessons that many people watching have already learned

EXACTLY!!!! 🎯🎯. Bc at the end of the day… LIB cares nothing about who finds love… it’s about ‘good’ TV. And making an educated, well spoken, business minded , handsome, successful Black man the villain….so be it!! All the hype, good or bad, keeps LIB a buzz. And that’s messed up. This is why 1st season married couple, The Hamilton’s, didn’t watch… they know this show has lost its integrity …or is now finally exposed.

The reason he received so much backlash is because AD mentioned in her post interviews that they spoke and she asked him to not embarrass her and go to the alter if he’s unsure. He told her if they got to the alter, he would not embarrass her. That’s why she was surprised because he said he wouldn’t say no at the alter. According to AD she even told him, it’s ok if he wasn’t ready. 🤷🏽‍♀️

That may have been his reasons too. Oh I’ll add one, promote his airbnb 😂

Yep!

Yep! I they love their narratives. Villians, baby faces

And he was / is upper middle class.

Now we know !!! Good for him for transparency

I feel people don’t have an issue with it if they feel it’s genuine.

Where's the accountability?!

I don’t think anybody is downing him for sharing his emotions.. I haven’t seen that be anyone’s issue

Agreed! Great comment!

@@vazyvas4712 exactly the issue is how he told her no at the alter. That was very calculated. People will say that’s the show bs even if he told her at the alter the whole song and dance he did before telling her was wild.

my thoughts exactly, it’s the fact his intentions were never to marry in the first place. He could’ve picked a different show or something 😂

Right because neither him nor his mother even knew what show they were on. 🤦🏾‍♀️ I mean Clay knew but you’re right, he had zero intention. AD was a pawn but I hope that a man finds her value.

And at that moment he should have been honest with her and allow her the choice to walk

Sometimes, the wait is the blessings ❤

A question like that is NEVER hypothetical. While it would have been nice for him to just come right out and say "I don't want to do this", we cannot dismiss the fact that he told her over and over through his questions and concerns that he did not want to do it. Had she not talked him off the ledge almost every episode, it may have ended sooner. This season was very educational.

No, they're not. This is what our grandmothers and great grandmother's HAD to live through in order to survive. Some people celebrate the length and never consider the quality of marriage. Notice how many traditional wives are NOW divorcing their husbands because they realized they were duped. Show me a faithful, loving, caring marriage that's weathered some seasons that DON'T include infidelity, side babies and or STDs where they're still crazy about each other after 20+ years and THEN we can celebrate 🥂🥳.

This! 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

The whole marriage was not a shame! Let be real they had kids. There was some love there some partnership. It's not every second and every minute the man was cheating. Just because Netflix decided to zoom in on his parents marriage doesn't mean it was all that bad. 23 years still means something!

What prodcast did you just watch? Because I saw no celebration of 23 years of cheating. I heard her say a celebration happened after the truth was revealed and the family were able to speak truth and accept apologies. She stated she was given the okay by our heavenly Father to leave yet she stayed another 12 years, and for that she paid the price. I don't watch the show they are referring to and today was my first time being introduced to them, however I can tell you based on this conversation , they are okay. Mother has done the work to heal and God rewarded her by allowing her ex-husband to finally render a heart felt apology, she might not even know she needed.

@@lovebug6388 My parents have been married for 40 years. No infidelity, side babies, or STDs. Not perfect but no b/s. My dad respects my mom’s personhood and my mom respects my dad’s leadership. She got the first and best of everything. They worked as partner (equal but different) and now retiring with enough to live a healthy retirement and reinvest half their savings for us 4 daughters and their 9 grandchildren. Just to give insight, each of their girls and our families will inherit 1M each. My grandparents have a similar story. They were both sharecropper’s kids. My grandfather allowed my grandmother to finish college/get a career. My grandfather supported her throughout her life and later in life went back to college to accomplish his dream. I and other of his grandchildren actually graduated with him. Even in sickness, the last 7 years of my grandmother’s life, she was bedridden, unable to talk, walk, even eat without a tube. He cared for her at their home, never put her away in a nursing home. We, as his legacy, did the same for him in his last days. There’s true love out there…outside the bells, whistles, and material expectations, in spite of egos and shortcomings, People that commit to each other and the offspring they produce for life. Weathering life together and building a legacy for their future. Yea it’s troubling in today’s dating scene. But some of us can’t deny the power of love when you’ve seen in firsthand in your life.

Agreed. I haven't watched many more at all after that. The pandemic had some good shows.... those 2nd seasons got into the hype of society.

Another GREAT show birthed out of the pandemic - DEAR FUTURE WIFEY! Standing the test of time!

Yes they want paid partnerships now smh they seen how well Lauren did and immediately wanted the clout. But Lauren and her husband are one in a million.

I agree!

I really like your comment!

I agree. He thought AD was going to date him after the show even though she said no, he did not believe her and took his chances. Date her after the show, want the wiffie ways but not put a ring on it.

exactly.

Yes and AD needed help too and will be a great discussion. She wasn’t ready either.

My exacy sentiments.

I’ve watched people swear they were ready for marriage on that show and be the absolute worst ones on the show!! Who is truly ready for something like that when the process is so intense and unnatural… It’s unrealistic to think anyone is “READY” to marry a person after 4-6 weeks of knowing them. It’s a risk either way!

It’s him making a statement saying that he tried to get out of it

@@user-kx1sl8wd1s oh and don’t forget he went into it thinking “I’m not going to get married” and that’s exactly what happened

Nothing wrong with healing. Stop engaging with folks when Y'KNOW you need to heal. At some point you have to break the cycle of hurt people hurt people, 🙄 sit yo behind down somewhere and be still while you heal.

He deserves grace but not another chance with AD. Everyone should be able to heal without hurting others in the process.

But what you think, he didn't know he was gonna say no? It was heartbreaking because I really thought he was gonna say yes🙏🏽🙏🏽💜

He should have been did that! Why go on a show like that knowing you damaged goods? Seems strange to me.

Ladies, ladies. A man will lay with you and leave his broken-ness and residue in you! Even when he knows he Doesn't want you. Your body was a toilet for him. He preyed and conquered you!

And that's the culture that we are living in. Wanting the "happy ending" then flaging then when it don't work out

I think what people would have preferred is that he not come on the show at all knowing fully well he’s not ready for marriage. I also blame the producers for literally pressing him nonstop to be on the show even after he repeatedly told them he didn’t wanna get married

Thank you 🙏🏽

Exactly 3 weeks is crazy and you could tell they wouldn’t have made it.

Period

I love this comment ! I think we forget at times that black men are also human who have human feelings and are living life on earth for the first time like many of us. We all make mistakes that we have to learn from , none of us are perfect

Right!

@@whereshamegoestodielet’s not forget that he’s gotten his friends to bash her.

⁠@@calikeisha365 I’m curious…what evidence do you have that Clay is responsible for his friend’s posts?

Completely agree!! I don’t think there was anything wrong in doing that interview with Derrick. Keep listening to the holy spirit

I think AD had a lot of love and understanding. She just felt like he led her on to let her down.

Oh yes I agree AD was very understanding. I think it's sad that they didn't end up on the same page even though they planned to be.

Exactly!

Love mom for the win.Mom likes AD for her son.AD was all in.I think both of them are ready now for each other.Don't let that woman go to far.God had him and AD to meet for a reason. If she's single go get her

And what I mean was the show was therapy for him.

@@shesavedbytheKing Yes, at the expense of AD.

Thank you!!! That's what I keep saying...lol

I don't know now my RU-vid friend...what did he do? 👁‍🗨👁‍🗨 lol. Let me get caught up

Because someone actually got hurt. Someone’s heart is not for entertainment

An "experiment" at that...plus A.D. signed up for that possible outcome

Facts

I looked for this. I hope Clay checked his best friend,bro and sis bc they were outta line. I love Clay and AD. She really spared him bc any other woman would have cussed him and the fam out for that. AD speaks well about Clay and his family so for them to say she got a sugar daddy and not in real estate was trash. I hate when fam and friends insert themselves between 2 people. If Clay had a 2 percent shot of a chance to get AD back his family ruined that for him.

I sincerely believe that he came on the show to advertise his business. Further, he is speaking more about his business and profits. I believe he is attacking AD cuz it makes for "good TV". No woman 'wants' to be his mother. I wld assume you want a marriage where you are not being deceived. I love his mother. But the reality is 24yrs of deception and teaching your kids to cheat is not a life many 'want'. Stay in therapy... not on podcasts promoting jet skis..... Sorry, not sorry. He knew exactly what he signed up for.

Cus clay is a clown. He told his mothers business to a stranger and the world on national tv and didn't give af how that would impact his mom so he don't sure dgaf about AD

He went on the show to get on tv and get “Social Media Famous”. Now all his trauma and everything can still be true but the thing that people don’t like about him is the fact that he ALREADY KNEW he wasn’t nobody’s husband right now! At the very least, it was a selfish move because unless he and AD had an agreement to let this play out on tv so they BOTH got what they wanted, he wrong for even signing up. Talmbout he scared he gonna cheat cause his Dad cheated….boi bye! 😂😂

UPDATE: Seems like the producers are the bad guys! 😂😂

Same Here! Only saw him when he was on the Sherri Sheppard show 4 being the run away groom 😳😳

Don’t be fooled sis don’t let the fact you think he look cute blind ya. He’s been super contradictory in other interviews.

Girl his ex has spoken. He hasn’t changed lol but seems like he can easily swoon yall with that six pack and chocolate skin 😂

@@amandaslay6045 lol facts

Everything!!!!!!!

For sure!

Yes!!!

She is such a blessing

Right! And even though she didn’t SAY it, I feel like she didn’t think they weren’t meant for each other at that time! Also, people leave the most important factor in a relationship of any kind and that’s GOD! When you listen to Him, you will never go wrong!

She is not his type outside the ponds . And that’s okay !!

It was said in the episode that women go to a wedding when getting married while men go to a funeral. This message is heavily portrayed in society and in the church. The men have a PhD in the qualities of a wife but they are clueless in what they should be as husbands. Women look forward to marriage more but it is also our group that files for divorce more as well.

@@trinaesther1388 we file for divorce more often because we no longer have to stay in abusive relationships. We no longer have to stay for the side chick, side babies, STDs, lack of parenting, lack of income, lack of emotional availability, lack of support, gaslighting, deflection, financial manipulation and all sorts of shenanigans that our mother's and grandmother's endured. Also, males will stay and drain you of your resources even when it's really bad. Once they find what they really want, they bounce "suddenly" leaving the woman devastated and blindsided.

@@lovebug6388 I agree

That's my thing! Why healing wasn't the focus between 25-30, there's never been a healing period? until he went on a show to embrassing himself and a woman he didn't want! When will men get mature enough and tired of using women and heal before dragging a woman in his mud!

They love blaming stuff on editing. That gets on my last nerves

Thank you!

He is in therapy he said it a few times even said he is staying away from dating till he where he wants and needs to be!

@@tomicamiles3659 clays words contradicts clays actions. You can see by his ongoing antics that he needs to COMMIT to a good therapist, and he hasn’t. His commitment to therapy needs to be stronger than his commitment to social media attention.

word!!!

The timeline is crazy but the timeline wasn't a surprise and something he found out in the pods. He knew and could have opted out of participating.

Maybe it's a generational thing but I couldn't comprehend what trauma he's trying to heal from. Could you please enlighten me?

Based on my viewing & understanding, the trauma was seeing the man he loves & respects the most dishonor the woman (mom) he loves the most. Hence being mom & dad relationship. Most times we don’t notice we pick up our relationship style from what we witnessed growing up.

​@@eveshalom3534 ok got it. I didn't watch the show. Thanks for the clarification.

I still think he is full of shit. He wants what he is getting right now- attention.

He had never seen the show before & they picked him….He didn’t audition

It’s an experiment damn

if you watch the interview you will get the answers the questions you just posed

Both of them are on the show

@@DearFutureWifeyI know! Just finished watching!👌🏾

Absolutely!!

That is the point of the show tho. Watch previous season almost everybody went to the alter. The last 2 seasons are the only times when we see only 2 couples at the alter. They were was heavy pressure by production to make it all the way

That’s the entire point of the show lol. No one would watch the show if they made a decision before the wedding day.

@@MaKaylahLetsChatPodcastthis!!!!

Only one other couple went to the alter and they were beyond boring. Im sure they had to. They aren't going to waste the money they spent on the venue and show. Clay is the first one to say no at the alter. AD went on a day with Matthew after the show was over despite the lying he did on the show. She has some work to do as well.

I'm so tired of this thought and feel like it's just new ppl that never watched love is blind. That is literally what the show is about. This is the first season that ppl dropped out before. Other seasons you had to be at the altar...and many ppl have said no