He is on the same mission as then to reach the young generation for CHRIST, both of them see the problem and have been called by GOD to do something. Hope that helps God bless.
John was clear about telling your wife, withholding is not OK. But she is not to be where you get your masculine strength for overcoming the battle with porno. Also, disclosure needs to be about her needs not so the guy can feel better. Bad disclosures cause way more pain - there mostly half truths, with lots of denial, pathetic and irresponsible. How can he assure her of fidelity when he's an addict? He needs men who've overcome to help him stand. Also, men are not responsible first to their wives their responsible to God. When that authority structure is subverted a man is severely injured. He won't be able to walk let alone be able to fight for his integrity.
Agree with the “ache” agree with “get that validation from the true source” lost me with “dont. Blow the ship up with confession at home” that promotes Avoidance and hiding and the destruction is already happening - “be a man” and “blow the ship up” “face the lion” porn is a five alarm fire to marriages and family - this ending to your interview sounded like coddling and crushed the words of wisdom that preceded
I disagree about keeping it from your wife if you're viewing porn. That means continuing to hide it from your wife. She may also find out in the mean time. I find it very dishonest. And as a wife, I feel I should be the first to be confessed to. It is a sin against her also. As much as they say it's not about sex, the reality is that porn is sex (perverted, and mass prostitution type of sex though).
Joyeuse Steuernol Agree. Why is it that the main reasons behind keeping something from your spouse are always justified by "not hurting them" etc., living a lie, lying by withholding information that is left out, downplaying the sin, not confessing one to another especially in marriage when the two shall become one flesh....one mind, one body, one heart. The reality of the kept secrets or withheld information of those sins or not sharing the details has nothing to do with the one who was betrayed by their spouse, but the reasons are all on the spouse who committed sins against their spouse and have broken a vow before God and spouse. They are scared and ashamed and it is more about protecting their self then it is about God and about their spouse. This is even more sad because it shows that the spouse has never had the "one flesh" understood or living it out in their marriage.
Kayla Sobeck and Joyeuse Robinson: John Eldredge never said not to tell your wife. He said don't go to her first, but to a male accountability partner. Then bring her into it, or something like that. I understand both of your (Kayla and Joyeuse) points. The vast majority of men struggle with porn (including myself), and the vast majority of men that struggle with porn, hate it (including myself). Porn is death. It's fake, it's evil, it's disgusting. We know these things and most of us agree. Please understand this, you guys don't know what it's like to be a man (visually stimulated, very strong sex drive, a sort of physical sexual pressure during times of abstaining) living in the world today where sex is literally EVERYWHERE. It is shoved down our throats in TV shows, movies, even some video games, magazines, even many books, the internet, everywhere. You have no idea how distracting this is. It is a constant barrage of temptation. I am NOT saying that when men choose to look at porn, it's not their fault. Absolutely not, when a man looks at porn, he chooses it. I am also NOT in any way excusing their sin. However, as Christian men, we do NOT want to choose it, and we are very ashamed when we do. Sometimes that shame is crippling. Many times a man bases how or who he tells based off their reactions. For instance, Kayla, you say "This is even more sad because it shows that the spouse has never had the "one flesh" understood or living it out in their marriage", if you tell a man this, then don't be surprised if he chooses not to be vulnerable with you like that again. It is quite a serious accusation to say that he never understood the "one flesh" concept, he probably understands it perfectly but made a mistake! Who are you to claim what he understands or not? What would be your desired outcome from saying those things to him? For him to become hollow, or a shell of a man? Do you want a weak partner. He knows it's wrong, he knows its a sin. If he knows it and continues to do it, that is a different story than a man who hates it but struggles with it. Furthermore, do you think that it's any different than women reading the 50 shades of Gray books or other steamy romance novels? It is not. Porn exists for woman just as much as it does for men. No wife and no husband have ever kept 100% of their marriages vows. It's impossible because we're only human, and we all make mistakes from time to time. Purposely, and repeatably violating those vows is a different story. Withholding information from spouses is not a good thing, and shouldn't be done. I do tell my wife whenever I do it, but she is extremely understanding. She knows how much I hate it, and she knows how hard it is to avoid sometimes. I understand that a husband looking at porn is a sin against his wife. Porn it horrible, it creates unrealistic sexual expectations, destroys intimacy, and is a masculinity destroyer. Believe me, us Christian men, do NOT want to be involved in it. There are many reasons men look at porn, but all reasons cannot be solved or anything else but worsen by looking at porn. I don't mean for this comment to be snarky or coming down on you guys! But I just wanted to give you a Christian man's perspective on it. So, before you are too quick to condemn, just remember, nobody is perfect (including you and sins you've committed against your husband) and everybody sins, but Jesus has already paid the price for the sins of repentant sinners!
Joyeuse Robinson The sin is indeed against the wife, but first against God and then the self. And those areas must be addressed first. A man needs support and guidance to address this successfully with his wife. What Eldridge is saying does not come from a spirit of concealment or dishonesty but rather wisdom and protection of the woman. A shattered person can easily shatter another. He’s advising against that. His counsel is sound.
He didn't say to keep it from her. He said not to go to her FIRST. Big difference. If you go to her first you are going to deal mainly with her hurt rather than the issues behind WHY he is viewing porn. Disclosure of unfaithfulness should be done in the presence of a counselor to ensure further hurt isn't inflicted.
Manning up? When do we man up to the fact that we are men and place shame where it deserves to be. Row on row of men are being accused of inappropriate behaviour an forbid even rape but nobody asks "why is this happening?" I rather deal with sex than violence and greed. The reality is not a spiritual battle because perfection has always taken care of it self, it is a battle of eyes an ears. If it's their to serve rightfully with all respect there would be no shame or disrespect attached to it. I tell you it is in my nature and I stand by it. Respect is served not made to shame. Sorry, the world is it's own worst enemy. Woman will to be respected but they do not will to understand men, men will to fit in but they do not will to understand themselves. We will rather choose the cheap root if it profits us then the one that serves an saves us, is it no wonder that our roles have become so blasphemade...yes, blasphemade. Sorry, we get what we serve but it does not mean that it served us.
Do not keep anything from your spouse!!! God gave you an accountability partner....YOUR SPOUSE! You do not hold anything ...ANYTHING from your spouse. That is unbiblical!
Kayla Sobeck , listen carefully to what is being said here. "first, not your wife, but to a trusted friend, counselor..." it's not withholding from a wife but rather protecting her from am onslaught of fear, emotion, pain, and distrust. I'm in full agreement with this counsel. the bible says "confess your sins one to another..." a man and wife are partners in every aspect, but should not provide each other's identity. i totally hear what you are saying here, but disagree. i think after counsel is sought, forgiveness is given, then a spouse is to be informed in a loving and healthy way. otherwise, it can cause far more damage, irreparable damage to a marriage. God bless you!
Brian Edwards I do understand completely what and why you agree and are saying as well. I do agree with seeking counseling with a biblical marital counselor that focuses on sexual addictions and sexual intimacy in marriage, that also both spouses agree on together to be counseled by separately and together. Identity? I'm not sure on exactly what you are meaning by Identity. First if our identity is in Christ then humility and honesty spoken with all truth and in love is evident within that individual. Identity as within the marriage....well there is the reason of scriptures being very clear on marriage and the identity of the two individuals who leave their father, their mother and hold fast to each other (the man hold fast/cling to his wife). They now are not two different individuals, but now are of "One Flesh". One body, one heart, one voice, one in thinking....etc., They become ONE FLESH. One being and not two separate people anymore. The husbands body doesn't belong to him, but to his wife and the wife's body doesn't belong to her, but to her husband. When it comes to sexual anything, this is God's sacred gift, His display of unity and Christ and the Church, the intimacy (or taste of what awaits for us in heaven - the mystery) (I am not even close to explaining all of the beauty sacredness of sex within a marriage and marriage itself is about) So, I'll wrap it up with just these things to consider also. I do understand if a spouse is not safe to disclose sins of this nature to because of history of or tendency to abuse or violence, anything that has safety in question. That is very clear that a spouse (man or woman) should consider and appropriately choose to confide their sins within a safe place with their counselor. If a spouse doesn't ever listens to the other of past sin and or is a non supportive spouse who shames verbally for the sins in general, and I'm not talking about sexual sins but sins of any other areas, and acts uncaring or punishes them by words or childish manipulation tactics then yes, a counselor needs to be there when this is disclosed. When you say the spouses should not provide each other with each other's identity , explain this in depth for me so I can understand better where you are coming from. But if the marriage and the spouses together are not having toxic sin back and forth to one another and the marriage is otherwise healthy, then disclosing a sin to your spouse, and the questions asked by him or her, no matter how in depth or hurtful they may be, needs to be answered and that spouse needs to be humble before him or her and confess. If this would feel for the spouse who committed the sin, "comfortable" to speak before a counselor with their spouse to disclose his/her sins, but the full truth no matter how shameful, hurtful, scary, or consequential it might be, needs to do so with their self centered safety of emotions stripped and brought down to the other spouses level of fear, pain, betrayal etc., When your married you are naked and do not feel shame. No matter the pain behind the sin or the shame you feel because of your choices. Being responsible for your actions and words are not easy sometimes, but full truth disclosed is necessary for recovery and healing on both spouses hearts and minds and relationships with each other and God.
Brian Edwards The bible also says a global flood happened and that Exodus happened. Neither did and it has been proven. Just live a good life and do what's right. That's all you need to do.
RED S7VN how good is a good life? You can never be good enough that’s why Jesus came. Jesus died so that we can live life with him in eternity. Don’t confuse his gift of grace with your want to be a good person. That’s the thing you will never be able to be good. Through Christ you are made a saint. Not sure who proved the flood or exodus didn’t happen. Last I checked many many religions and historians recorded a world flood occurred. Just an observation. However the crux of this conversation is you need Christ and nothing else.
