The woman kept going back to her husband not just because he was a narcissist, the principle cause is that she was trauma bonded. The trauma bond is dangerous and destructive. Understanding what this is imperative.
This woman companined about How brother interviewed her ( many of us did too ) however she was basically judging the sister and comparing her to her own situation of DV . ” i left after one child ” Why dident she do this and that . Everyones situation is diffrent . Stop comparing her to yours
Lady needs a speech coach. Comes across annoying, confrontational and even aggressive at times, no need being loud to effectively convey a message. The host did a great job interviewing 1 and 2 episodes by the way.
Not sure why Shaheen started with the “why did you interrupt”? If he didn’t we would not watch that confused lady. The lady can hold her own. Stop telling the host how to run HIS show.
Both sides of the story don’t need to be heard. She left her marriage because she was terrified of her abusive husband. Sharia law actively supports the abuse of women and should never be allowed to be practiced in the UK.
Having a child with a narcissistic is the worst experience a woman can go through. She is treated like a vessel that carrying a child . She is neglected throughout the pregnancy and afterwards . Her pregnancy was a trap on her . Obviously any woman will nit want to go through it again. But some women fear or worried about the first child , " will thd child be lonely all his life without a sibling etc... plus no financial and emotional support to leave the marriage
A wicked episode to unpack that series! A huge thank you to Oli for directing and steering this conversation the way that it went and a huge thank you to the guests - loads of gems to pick up on for each and every one of us. One of the main takeaways I feel is that a lot of significant issues within the south Asian community have been touched on and definitely will need to be explored. Looking forward to all future episodes! Keep it up SM Team.
Initially it did come across disruptive, however having watched it all way through I actually thought the host did an amazing job guiding the story and highlighting the main points. He genuinely reacted and was taken back by her harrowing experience. Victims like these need to feel heard and sometimes need that reaction from someone that's genuinely listening to them. There were points that couldve gone unnoticed.
I think the host did a great job in interjecting and steering the conversation in the right way. I also feel that the host was interrupting to protect the sister. Sister Shaheen made some very valid points and is very passionate. However I felt that she did come across as being angry especially at the start which comes across as unprofessional. Brother Emdad was a lot more calmer in putting his points forward and easy to listen to. Keep up the hard work guys
She came out strong and she was on point from the beginning. I’ve never seen this show before, but he was just talking over her, not letting her say her story and I’m sure he will let people talk as he did in this episode.
CAN WE PLEASE STOP SAYING THE BROTHER WAS INTERRUPTING, AS A PROFESIONAL THE SISTER SHOULD KNOW BETTER, THE BROTHER DID A VERY GOOD JOB SO WE COULD GET ENOUGH FROM THE SISTER. THAT SISTER WASN'T GOING TO JUST SPEAK ABOUT A 8YRS LIFE...PLEASE GIVE RESPECT AND CREDIT TO THE SISTER SAID THE BROTHER AND THE TEAM AT LARGE..WHAT HAPPENED HAS HAPPENED LET US HOLD HANDS WITH OUR SISTER...
Think the sister hit the nail on head with the comment about the aggressive father and overly loving mother creating the imbalance of emotions for the child which may have lead to narcissistic behaviours. I think she was wrong with the critic of the interviewer. There was alot of information to unpack and with the DV survivor having multiple kids, leaving and the layers of abuse which manifested a pause and clarity was required so the sisters story was understood. I understand the sister was passionate and conscious of the sisters vulnerability given both are DV survivors and was coming from an advocate mindset. Hope both are doing well InshaaAllah. Hope the husband is man enough to step forward and speak his truth. But we all know he won't.
I think the brother interrupting/ asking her to clarify helped me understand better what the sister was talking about, cos at times she was going too fast and not clear in what she was saying
@@Vixinafulright a man would not necessarily understand this. If he did, he would be quiet and let her get out what she needs to say. He is too busy trying to psycho analyze her. Horrible interviewer.
You did an amazing job. People who keep saying u were interrupting don't know what their talking about... I as a GROWN 34 year old women liked the interjection. I had the same opinions an questions u had. If she sat there talking for 2 hours, I honestly would have turned it off. Wish her an u the best on your journey.
I wish you didn't say "she should've taken the birth control pill" publicly. If even one of her children comes across this, they'd be heartbroken to think that because of some monster, they should not have been born. She is a wonderful mother and Allah is the one who provides. She is wise enough to know how to teach her children and the rest is down to them, so there does not need to be this generational cycle. Please, let's be mindful about how we speak of Allah's creation, as they were predestined to be here. I know the sister might read this, and I know you probably beat yourself up enough but as an outsider, whether relative or friend or anonymous youtube subscriber, the best thing we can do for you is to tell you to stop entering back into the fire, this is why we're harsh because sometimes a person in this situation cannot think rationally, especially a naive and vulnerable woman. We would have done it then and we're doing it now, and alhamdulillah you finally woke up. Accountability is the first thing. Your family has it's limitations, there's only so much they can teach you so we cannot blame them entirely for their conditioning. It has to be down to you, otherwise you will go on in this life thinking you're helpless and hopeless. But Allah, His book and His messenger are a good enough guidance for you. You're a hafidha of the Qur'an so the story of Firaun and Assiya RA should have resonated with you. I consider your husband to be a shaytan, he truly is a despicable creature and I have no doubt he brought out the worst in you too. These people tend to do so and they take pleasure out of it. But you, unknowingly, let him know that behaviour was okay, by constantly letting him back, regardless of the "love bombing" and pleading, and this is where you went wrong. Let's not throw around the word "r*p*" as it is a very loaded word, and a marriage contract entails sexual intimacy unless the wife is sick, menstruating etc. I don't think we need to add any more to his list of atrocities, because a husband has a right to his wife just as a wife to her husband. This is not about "rights" that women somehow gain in the West. Islam has already given women their rights, it's only cultures that withhold them. There's nothing wrong with a woman not going out to work or having a degree, many women live this way and are happy. The baggage comes strictly from culture and all the things people have added to the religion of Islam. I'm tired of seeing people misuse the religion when it pleases them but then act on cultural teachings when Islam doesn't suit them. Sister, neither your children, nor your husband belong to you, we all belong to Allah. Whoever attaches themself to creation will be hurt, as creation is finite and weak. All of this story is due to disconnection with Allah, as are many stories. I'm not south Asian so I can't relate, but I do think work must be done to detach the people there from the hindu traditions they've been conditioned with for centuries and attach them back to the deen of Allah. Forgive me if I said anything hurtful, and for the jumbled up words, I just think there's a lot more to be said but I also want to commend the sister for turning back to her Lord and freeing herself from this pain. May Allah guide all of us
We need Islaam knowledge. That is the culture rule, not in Islaam. We worman have more rights.i am 76 year. but till ì read the Quran in english. i was very shocked. We have more rights and should be respected in Islaam.Our Prophet Muhammad SAW respects his wifes help them with children and housework.if his wife is sleeping, he will not disturb her sleep.
He helped because he also had a message to deliver,these men need to contribute in the household and with the children ,because women are not told that they are helping the man financially when they work
After knowing the crime was real that he committed, you end with "we'd like to be fair here and hear your side of the story" seriously? What was the point of the episodes and interviews if you want to hear 'his side of the story' and be fair? As the sister said, the devil is the devil!
My views exactly, the constant interruption though needed to seek clarity, she answered the question only if u let her speak. Alhumdulilah it is a great content which I have tried to addres for many years. Well done to your team and the sisters. May Allah grant them ease ameen
The presenter your interviewing techniques were all good- you asked the right questions and lead the interview- your very respectful and elegantly spoken. Don’t see why people are picking on this and saying he interrupted her- don’t think the interview could have gone any better than it was. Well done to the presenter 👏
Emdad and Shaheen were very good guests. Please avoid getting the famous guests on (like m hijab etc). These two both added immense value. Shaheen is correct. In many cases the woman becomes the provider.
Why did she keep going back to him? It's a trauma bond, I did the same thing, I kept getting back with him, and the same no one around u understands or able to support u. When you are a victim you don't see the abuse untill years later, my story is just as shocking as the one being discussed. I tried to commit suicide twice but no one cared because he always made me look like the wild one, the crazy one and manipulated everyone around me that he was the victim of my madness. I am going through therapy, and finding help through social groups to pick myself up, but the sad truth is I still am not in communication with these family members who supported him.
I totally agree with the host about interrupting the sister, she was all over the place, that was because she had so many years of abuse and only the relevant things cropped up and that was what she was telling, as for Shaheen saying that this sister was having children, I totally disagree with her, the years of abuse put that lady in a situation that she couldn't fend for herself, if she could she would've left years ago! so stop blaming her
Still not sure why she had 5 kids with him? This is the mentality of our mother’s generation yet I see this mistake repeated. Brother - can you do a show about why educated women ignore huge red flags? The whole red carpet in fact?
Not only educated women ignore red flags, some or a lot of women,educated or not, ignore red flags ,probably because of shame, no matter how educated a woman is, she will still be asked about a husband, so she might ignore the red flags just to be married and say I have a husband
As a Somali alhamdulillah we dont look down of divorce or divorced women , i see divorced women getting remarried every time . I once met a muslim woman from india who was being abused and she told me could not leave because divorce would bring shame to her family and her younger sisters would have lots of trouble finding men to marry them. Lets wish the sister healing and lots of kheir for the next chapter of her life . May Allah subhana wa taacala forgive her sins and give peace , those judging please remember she has gone through alot of trauma , have some compassion .
Salam sister that’s good to hear! I here there is a lot of divorce left right centre in the Somali community however we have standard in our south communities and try to avoid divorces 🙏
@@EnamHussain-rb6sq I have already said there is divorce in my community its not some great revelation for you to mention it again , Islam allows divorce whatever your communities so called ' standards" women dont have to suffer because of cultural considerations instead islamic rules supercede culture if you are indeed a muslim. Also why do men in your culture ask women for dowry and you are muslims while in Islam men are obligated to pay dowry ? please stop defending a culture that is very harsh to women which is how this sister ended up in a such a diabolical situation in the first place
@@EnamHussain-rb6sq divorce is a standard, your standards seem to not be working for you,your standards are cultural,excuse my language but your standards seem backwards as heck too
Again enjoyed this episode, really like how u take feedback well (to the presenter). Genuinely glad u had 2 guests who spoke well and explained ur questions quite well. Yes i was a little taken back regarding "taking the morning after pill" simply because in the bengali community its very uncommon especially 15/18 years ago to actually walk in the pharmacy and ask for this, also men going to buy contraception, im not backing anyone here just stating facts that in those days it was shameful whereas now everyone is more open minded. Please continue ur show 😊
Please can you touch on Benefits and Financial Support for the DV in the uk? The Tories ‘Benefit Cap’ - has a direct bearing on keeping the abusive husband as he is working therefore Working Tax Benefit, qualifies the household for full Housing Benefit. This way the sister can look after the kids with her children tax credit and benefits. Otherwise, she will have to work minimum 16 hrs (4 days per week), - you can see the mother then has to put them in childcare. So this Sister just hang on there to be a mother.
Morning after pill is not halal according to most opinions too, so its not as easy as going out and ending the pregnancy. Islam first. Children are a barakah end of day.
he was not tough on her please i think he did a good job he did seem like he empathized. People are soft nowadays people have to hear these things its real life situations regardless of culture or religion. Its horrible he asked questions we all wanted to know and nobody should judge her situation just take and learn from it as she did.
Reading some of these comments shows how not much has changed. Hijab, burqa or no covering are all inadequate for some of you. Diversity is best. I liked having a non hijabi on for a change. Don’t drive her out.
Thank you to the lady on the panel she was corrected everything she said And exactly correct on how the host was over talking talking over her didn’t seem sympathetic as I mentioned earlier thank you and I’m glad we follow now that I know he won’t do that anymore because it was getting annoying. Thank you for helping. Thank you for helping people.
Brother really good work on the show. 2 bits of feedback brother, As the next topic can we look at situations where brothers are exploited and abused by sisters. I believe its only just to show injustices brothers are going through. I.e sisters cheating, brothers being exploited, crisis of masculinity. Also we have to give our community hope, I appreciate misery sells, but can we look at positive role models and good news stories in our ummah so younger brothers and sisters can have a positive outlook and tawakul in allah.
Thank u brother Allah rewards u for doing this show it’s vary uncomfortable to listen that kind of story bad u did great job keep doing this those kind of man should be exposed for the sister do everything in Allah way and don’t lose sleep what people say bc talk is cheap and free so don’t give a them focus on ur beautiful kids raise them right and live ur life ur family should put u first the should blive u help u if the don’t ur brave woman u can do this let me tell u sister the best revenge live a beautiful life Allah protract u and ur kids be safe remind ur self of Allah every day nothing goes wrong in ur life trust me and anyone stopping u for living keep ur self from them as far as u can
It is very important the family must support your daughter.not let it go under the carpet.if you don't help the daughter or sister, don't get support from the family they are coward.
Brother I thought the interview in part 1 & 2 was fine. What are they going on about ? But I wish you had stopped this sister from talking. Also was term is gas lite. ?
I'm not sure this "advocate" has the wisdom, empathy or understanding to do what is required to genuinely support women who find themselves in these situations... I find her very very judgemental...... I don't believe that she has fully healed herself from her experience, to be able to help others who are navigating theirs.... She's still in the "angry" stage of healing herself and has to complete her own journey in order to attain the empathy and compassion needed.
Pls can you guys expose who that guy is cause if you don’t you are accomplices in his Zina and Crimes. What’s worst is that his working for a reputable Muslim organization as the Sistar his X wife said. His already committed Zina with another married women and also to expose her so her husband knows and most importantly that this criminal doesn’t get away and keep on abusing women and his role in the organization. Shame 🤦🏾♂️
The lady saying people are slandering her because of comments needs to take responsibility and stop being the victim in every aspect. She was publicly slandering her own family, who was continuously trying to help and get her out. It's sad when there are women who have no support at all from their family right from the beginning and other women want to jump on that bandwagon when they had continuous support until their family get exhausted. The true victims in every aspect are the children who were bought into this toxic marriage, not one but 5 innocent children, by the decision of both parents. I agree with the lady in white regarding her having so many children, this is something people struggle to understand. People should be careful when they bring children into this world and take full responsibility, Sorry no excuses and making yourself the victim, children have no one but you, they are babies and the trauma they had to endure is so sad and parents need to protect them and not bring them into toxic and violent environments. We have a choice and must take some responsibility and not blame everyone and anyone. Having said that I empathise with the the lady in the other parts of her story, she was married to a disgusting adulterer, not adding to his other disgusting character and the women in his family that encourage and support him and put him on a peddle stool are a disgrace too, they complain when it happens to their own daughter but don't mind if it happens to someone else's, sick. Emdad should have his own podcast, he is so wise. If not then please make him a permanent guest.
The sister said a narc can't change however if they have the ability to see the horrible traits they have then there's a possibility a narc can move towards changing themselves
Narcs never change , even the best psychologists in the world say they can never get Narcs to change , you either accept their bullshit or leave them there is nothing even best therapist in the world could do to change a narc
Well said brother we are conservative and I as a sister, wife and mother do not agree with the sister’s comment. Subhanallah we need to follow the Quran for guidance rather than running to equal rights. Allah (SWT) clearly highlights the rule of a man and a woman within marriage. Ya Rabi guide us as Ummah
Thank you for question. The part where sister said women on the older generation were sacrificial lambs, I don’t agree with that term. Yes I agree they lacked support and education both dunya and akhira from the community. I am all for our dear sisters going to work and educate themselves but let’s not use that as an opportunity to find equality to men. Men are the providers and maintenance of their families and any man that coming short of that due to circumstances beyond his control should allow his wife to support without feeling his ego is bruised. It’s very important to have women educated as they are pillar of the household. From the moment they conceive, giving birth and to raising them. Men should learn the Deen well and understand the rights their wives have over them. No doubt in my mind that we have both men and women in our communities that fall short and we should speak up and get support without fear of community shame or stigma. We ask Allah (SWT) to guide and protect the Ummah.
I love the videos that you make and appreciate that you are trying to be inclusive by inviting this woman. However, as a Christian, I think it is morally reprehensible for this woman to condemn the previous guests for having more kids and to suggest that she should have taken the pill to prevent pregnancy. Wow, that's just evil. Just because the husband was bad doesn't automatically mean that the kids are going to turn out bad as well. They have a mother with strong religious and moral convictions! Isn't it beneficial for the Ummah at large for Muslims to have more kids? I'm sorry, but I'm sensing a lot of individualism from this woman, and individualism is what brings society to the brink of extinction.
She said probably that to avoid that the children would suffer along with the mother.As a Christians as well, I think her reprehension is coming from love and worry for the future and safety of those children.
From my pov, it's not so much about individualism as feminism (ie man-bad-wmn-victim hate-man-sympathise-wmn blame-man-unaccountable-wmn - any deviation from this formula is prohibited in the Feminist religion)
@@isabellopes890 Taking a pill to terminate a pregnancy is evil because it ends a life that begins at conception. So you as a Christian should know better.
@@OrwellsHousecat Feminism originates from too much individualism. When everyone is looking only at themselves instead of looking at the collective at large, I won't comment on her any longer I have nothing nice to say about her.
Great story. Please do take my advice on board for PR interview training. It’ll make your videos much better. Everyone else will just point out the negative without any practical solutions. We all need to work together to assist the most vulnerable.
Thank you @Kinikiko, we’re glad you appreciate and benefit. Also, you’re always being objective and supportive, doesn’t go unnoticed 👍🏻. He does strategy. SM Admin team
@@KiniKiko I do strategic design, I actually was considering the legal profession, it’s too competitive, it’s not worth it for people like us. You need to be rich and have family connections. Thank you for your support. The Host
@@Silentmajority-podcast Why did you invite a woman who dresses like a tabbarruj hojabi? Her awrah is all showing and clearly clearly is a professional victim. Probably a feminist.
Affair and twosome happen mostly in SOME Bengali men from London. This is what London men have confessed themselves to ladies from outside of London. That is absolutely disgusting. May Allah SWA guide us all to the straight path, Ameen.
I feel sorry for that young woman and everything she went through and I wish her all the best, I watched both episodes and I can’t help but point out the hypocrisy of what you said about adultery and how bad it is as I’ve seen videos on here about Muslims with more than one wife , that surely is a form of adultery, also the rape of hundreds of children at the hands of Pakistani Muslim men who had wives and children , again adultery and grooming just like she was groomed and rape , why do you not condemn these men ,and if you know someone is doing this to young girls why do you not speak up, you condemn a fellow Muslim for hurting a Muslim woman but don’t condemn those that rape children,as I said double standards
I don't understand out of all the countries in the world the guy in the suit picks on Saudi Arabia. SubhanAllah. and only brings negativity about the country which is not even true because I live in saudi arabia. The host says this guy knows what's he's talking about and he is the expert haha what a joke but we can truly see he has no clue. Allahu Mustan'an
Brother emdad seems like a good father and husband. A young head on good shoulders. Men 25 years older don’t have this level of maturity. His parents raised him well.
Since the host bought the lady to the studio and opened the can of worms-(bought this conflict out in public)-host is going to be held accountable infront of Allah for exposing this private story unless he gets the other party on the podcast to know about his side of the story...be responsible!..and dont sell us a story just to appease your female viewers....Be just even if its against yourself!