Maybe True Horoscopes For Dinosaurs and Friends  

Your Horoscope is True!
Aries: You will order a slice of pizza and it will taste like oven cleaner.
Taurus: Your winning streak of Tic Tac Toe will come to an end by a make-believe rabbit.
Gemini: You will be dared to rub your tummy and touch your nose while standing on one leg, but you will fail to rub your tummy.
Cancer: You will miss out on tacos because you thought taco Tuesday was on Wednesday.
Leo: You will eat too many TV dinners and your underwear will smell like fish-sticks.
Virgo: You will leave the bread in the toaster too long. Way too long.
Libra: You will bring a rubber ducky to a pillow fight.
Scorpio: You will be pushed around the supermarket in a shopping cart and left next to the potatoes.
Sagittarius: A squirrel will steal your shoe laces, because he says you owe him money.
Capricorn: You will lose your TV remote, and miss the next episode of Ancient Farting Aliens.
Aquarius: You will forget to wash the shampoo off your head, making you look ridiculous at the library.
Pisces: You will get lost at the supermarket looking for the tomato soup that's on sale.
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