Hey! You're not alone with this. I don't have adhd (not that I know of anyway) but I can relate to a lot of your experiences especially the part about not being good enough and feeling less than. I've honestly felt that way my entire life. In school my classmates would always be faster than me at literally everything. Learning, writing, typing, doing assignments, homework etc. It really pissed me off because I was slower at all those things when compared to my peers and I didn't know what to do about it. I always felt that I couldn't measure up to anyone else and live my life the way I wanted. I too also have truama but its more recent in my case and its from a high demand "religion". Its annoying because when I tell people about my truama which isn't often they might invalidate it and tell me I didn't "try hard enough" when I tried all I could. Don't let anyone invalidate your truama. They don't know what you went through and how bad it was, they're only trying to bring you down. Also you're a man and the societal norm is like you said "pull yourself up by your bootstraps". That's flawed and unhealthy to do to yourself but sometimes you might not have much of a choice. Men need a more open space to talk about the shit they've gone through but unfortunately that's been stripped away. Now men can only push through those emotions and hope they don't die in the mean time. You mentioned that you're sensitive to smells and patterns. Little things like dropping something bothering you. I'm like that but at a lower volume. I don't know if your adhd causes that it probably does. But there's something else that might do that its called being a Highly Sensitive Person. (Sensory Processing Sensitivity Essentially the things you described could fall under that category of being more emotional and sensitive to your surroundings. It might help you find the answer you've been looking for decades. Hang in there, don't let life catch you off guard.
Hey Brandon, I stumbled on your videos because I'm trying to navigate the move from Windows to Linux and I saw this upload on your channel. I'm so sorry you've had these struggles, you seem like such a genuinely good person and I really wish the best for you. I also hope that you stick with the RU-vid thing because you're great at this and if you can find the right audience I can see your channel being huge. Keep up the great work! 👍
