Message to Husbands on the Autism Spectrum: This Is Why Your Neurotypical Wife Is Pissed! 

ASD+NT Couples resources: --- Living with ASD - eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples: www.livingwithaspergerspartner.com/ --- One-on-One Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2019/07/skype-counseling-for-struggling-couples.html --- Group for ASD Men Struggling in Their Relationship with an NT Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-asd-men-struggling-in-their.html --- Group for Neurotypical Women Struggling in Their Relationship with an ASD Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-nt-women-struggling-in-their.html --- Online Group Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/10/mark-hutten-m.html --- Recovery from Cassandra Syndrome - Counseling for Neurotypical Spouses: www.cassandrasyndromerecovery.com/2021/08/recovery-from-emotional-deprivation-for.html --- ASD Men’s MasterClass: www.asdmasterclass.com/2022/02/asd-mens-masterclass.html Parenting resources: --- Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.autism-meltdowns.com/ --- Discipline for Defiant Teens on the Autism Spectrum: www.myaspergersteen.com/ --- Launching Adult Children with ASD Level 1: How to Promote Self-Reliance: www.launchingadultchildren.com/ --- Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Kids on the Spectrum: www.social-skills-emotion-management.com/ --- Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: aspergers-mystery.blogspot.com/ --- Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: www.high-functioningautism.com/ --- Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children and Teens with ASD Level 1: www.myaspergerschild.com/2019/07/parenting-system-that-reduces.html

Never trying to change him. People come to me for help often. I wanted to understand him. The more I learned about him, the more I was shut down by him.

You totally described me and my husband. Things were okay while I had children at home and lived near family. Then I worked with others and had lots of social connections there. Now I am sick with multiple conditions and unable to go anywhere without someone. I live with him but we hardly even speak. I’ve given up trying. I’m fairly happy in my own company and doing hobbies when I can. I’m dreading the day he retires and is home full time. His anxieties and moods affect me so much just being near him. I’m so sad and isolated. I have a couple of good friends who come visit me but he hates having anyone over. He has no friends. We have no social life at all.

Points to consider: • Empathy is the ability to feel and understand other people’s emotions. • Hand-holding is important for social support, and it can make us feel better. • Human beings are wired to connect. • Man is by nature a social animal. • Social behavior allows us to come together and do things that we wouldn’t be able to do on our own. • Social behavior is a critical part of our adaptive toolkit. • Strong social connections are facilitated by “synchronous brain activity” between two or more people. • There are both “emotional” aspects of empathy (i.e., we share the same feelings as someone else) and “cognitive” aspects (i.e., our ability to take someone else’s perspective on a situation). • We have the most complex and interesting social behavior out of all animals.

Autistic ppl have a very limited energy battery...it gets drained already all throughout rhe day from masking at work to tolerating all the sensory stimulis from literally everything...special interests is really a small part of Autistic ppls emotional need. ...by the time an autistic person reaches home..their social/emotional battery is already empty. ithink NT partners need to understand that autistic ppl may want to be emotional partner but truly this requires effort and neurologically.. everything during the day..drains the heck out of aspies..i also believe NT ppl should develop the ability to be happy without relying on anlther person. Perhaps they should have a special intrrst too thats not a human being.

I feel all of this as an NT wife but if ASD husband gets a phone call he masks and talks forever( usually other family members) it hurts and he doesn’t not understand but gets mad at me.

The fact that the majority of Mark’s video’s,whilst directed at AS men,are responded to by NT women,tells you all you need to know about social and emotional needs

My biggest frustration is in relation to our daughters. If I feel he is not connecting with them, that hurts me more than if he doesn't connect with me. The reason that is, is because they have explained and complained that they don't get what they need from him. I wish there were resources for them.

the validation you just gave me has brought me to tears and now i can't stop crying. I feel so seen right now

Thank you 💔😭. Wish I could share this and have him sign up for your class, but he’ll shutdown. Thinks it will mean there is “something wrong” with him if diagnosed. I don’t understand his thinking or logic, our child was recently diagnosed AuDHD. What is he really thinking about our child? Our child is such a blessing and is putting in the work for a great life. A diagnosis was a relief and gave him some understanding to his life, and he’s getting services and accommodations.

I’m curious as to why an autistic man marries when it’s not for emotional needs?

So true Mark, wish there are better matching for couples… Appreciate what you are doing in this field. I remember how my grandmother beat up my grandfather after his brain stroke, she eventually accepted the circumstances and dropped her resentment. I had an ex that left me for an other guy while studying abroad, which was a fear of mine, had a lot of resentment for years but eventually forgave “us” and what a relief, it is a much better place to be in. How can our NTs forgive us ASDs and move on somehow without so much resentment and anger?

Oh my gosh this explains everything I've been going through since I retired 😮

This explains Even More, Mark! My mom developed Crohn’s when she was in her 50’s, and she was Sure it was due to the amt of stress she lived with. However, there was also a genetic aspect, as her sister (my aunt) and I both have MS. The stress could have definitely played a part in activating that autoimmune response.

I want to understand why my spouse can't say the words, "Id like to spend some time with you!" And yes I let it be known I would like to hear those words.

Thank you Mark for this video! For the first time in a long while someone gets it.

One more thing to note: When ChatGPT came out, Dad was hooked…he loved having conversations with a bot! He spends a lot of time conversing with it apparently. His ASD wife doesn’t seem to care, but my mom Would have!

As far as getting my emotional needs met and my specifically interests, near the beginning of the pandemic I intentionally made the issues of family my main ‘special interest’. It’s a challenging thing to get better at unilaterally, when your ASD challenges or impairments are viewed as flaws to be fixed, instead of lifelong challenges needing loving, patient input.

Except if your nt wife is an empath ...then her emotional needs are a 20.

Dear Mark, Shalom from Jerusalem, Lowell

I appreciate these types of videos. It gives greater understanding from both sides. Thank you.

😢😊thank You!

Thanks!

I am convinced he is on spectrum…. I want to join the class but how do I know for sure he is on the spectrum? Is there a test he can do?

What do I do if I criticised him badly not knowing he has asbergus he blocked me while he went overseas will he forgive me I can’t get to him I APPOLOGY send as I got some messages through but does he have to capacity to forgive??? Please help

This!!! Thank you!

Thanks

Thanks!