Missed signs of Autism & ADHD in childhood 

What do you think about the suggestion of offering alternatives to unstructured social activities? Do you think it would be helpful? Why or why not? Also, comment 🥚 if you made it to the Easter egg at the end ☺️

Lol at staring at toy catalogues. My favorite thing to do was to spend hours looking at toy catalogues. I didn't even want the toys. I just loved the 'excitement' of it. I would do the same thing with any brochure, even one's that sold vacations. Christmas cataloguescwere a big deal too. 😂

I’m sure the reason I was “missed” at school are all the reasons you said - masking in particular. But at home, I know exactly why my behaviour was never identified as “different” - because my mum is Autistic, as well! She didn’t know it at the time, but I was learning all my life knowledge from her growing up, and being “taught” that the Autistic way was perfectly normal because it was natural to her. And she didn’t see anything different about me for the same reason! 😂

I also have huge memory gaps going from childhood into teenage years. I’ve been attributing it to the fact that those years were so traumatic with just trying to survive, fit in and being a natural target for most neurotypicals (children and adults). But it certainly wouldn’t surprise me if there was a general link to childhood memory and autism.

I didn't actually learn to read analog clocks until 8th grade. My teachers all accused me of lying because I had a high IQ but an English teacher taught me. I have dyscalculia and I also take things literally so when people say 6:30 I look for "30" but didn't find it and I remember thinking "where is everyone getting the numbers higher than 12 from?".

Social deficits in action: When you told me to grab tissues, I was horrified because I thought something happened to the cockatiel 😧

This video left me in tears as it resonated with me so much.I am 43 and newly self-diagnosed AuDHD. I was deemed shy, I set up scenes for my Barbies and Sindy's, I relied on my confident and loud younger sister for friendships in the neighbourhood growing up, but as I was reading way above my age I preferred reading quietly in my room. I was made to feel stupid because I couldn't learn and still don't know my times tables or do mental arithmetic. As a teen I went from running away from boys terrified and lost friendship groups from being that way to getting myself into trouble with boys. I played truant from school despite being a great student in all but maths classes and those related like physics because I couldn't cope as my exams yr loomed and took to drugs and alcohol. At 18 I met my husband who was also unknowingly Autistic. My two teens have gone through life being allowed to be just themselves at home but as parents we missed the signs in our own kids as we thought their behaviours were pretty typical! All four of us our now on a journey together learning about our ND brains.

All I’m doing right now is recalling my past and realizing that all those awkward moments were my AuDHD. My childhood was very traumatic. I don’t remember much. But the things I remember definitely are signs. Like my obsession with reading Steven King novels. Or listening to the same song on repeat for months. Hiding from my siblings because I just didn’t want to play with them. Building and entire underground city for matchbox cars. I, too, played with dolls until I was about 13 yrs old. I was very naive and terrified that I was different. But the need to survive the abuse overrode everything else. I now realize that the tantrums I got beat for having were actually meltdowns. I learned really early to mask. How about taking things literal. I called my mom once to ask how to cook spaghetti. She said to throw it against the wall and if it stuck it was done. So that’s what I did. I threw the entire pan against the wall. Going to dances and hiding against the wall. I started drinking at 14 to hide all my fear, to make me braver. I was so terrified of boys. Oh the joys of reframing the past.

When I was in school, I spent the whole day looking forward to being by myself and playing with m toys, video games, or whatever else I had decided to do after I got home. Being there was a chore.

This was heartbreaking to listen to because so often, we have vivid childhood memories because of trauma. And I can relate. I grew up on the other side of the world, but your slideshow in the end reminded me so much of my own childhood, and how I like to go through old photo albums to remember the nice things which would easily get overshadowed by the trauma otherwise...

This is the most I’ve EVER related to a late diagnosed autism video. I’m unsure of the ADHD part for me. Sometimes I think maybe but the jury’s still out. Thank you SO much for sharing your stories, Jenn. I’m trying to find my way and seeing I’m not a broken nt really helps.

I recently found a picture of me wearing an Arielle tracksuite in the very early 90s, my Mom told me I was practically living in it at the time. Arielle was one of my special interests, i felt so much like her, so misunderstood and different, from another world. And I also did a lot of building up for my toys, with pencils I layed room layouts for hours, changed my Barbies clothes and accessoires, until everything fit. When I was ready to start play properly it was usually evening and time for dinner.

I was diagnosed "ADD" as a child and rediagnosed "ADHD" a few years ago. You literally just told my life story-including learning to play violin by ear and hiding the fact I couldn't read music by turning the page when others did. I also did that with Clarinet and Choir and was even able to "fake" my way into honors choir. Haha...oh man. Also, funny enough, I know you mentioned dislike of perfume, but I've have an INTENSE interest in perfumery since childhood. I can spend HOURS a day researching perfumes including the history, the composition, meaning of a bottle and/or name of the fragrance etc. For me I think I love it so much because I have a terrible memory and scent can sometimes help me sorta remember things. (The link between scent and memory is huge as we know!) I really enjoy your videos and feel less...odd. Thanks for what you do!

I absolutely adore that you started this video by talking about *not* resonating with every aspect of Autism or ADHD that you hear about. I recently saw your video with Orion Kelly and thought here is someone I need to listen to! "Adult-led structured activities" yeahhhh I mean, that's still my preference now. Don't be telling me I'm an adult just cos I'm 35 😂

I wanted to play with dolls until I was about 18+ years old. But my family told me that I am too old for these and I should go out with friends. (and still now I see advertisements of toys and just want them.) I can't believe that never someone thought about me having autism or adhd.

Omg, im obsessed with the original Little Mermaid. I adore that part where Erik said that love will hit him like lightning. It did, it really did. I was involved with boys at 13 and that was a huge mistake. When i meet my husband. I knew and he knew, within 3 months, we said it to get married. 14 years later, and 2 kids ( both neurodivergent), we are still happy. We both found out we have ADHD but me and my daughter have autism and adhd. Your videos are spot on. So spot on and i find myself saying ' yes, thats me' out loud. And saying yes with my head.

I didn't learn my times tables till I was in 6th grade, and then only because the teacher was so disgusted with me that she sat me out in the hallway and told me not to come back in till I learned those times tables. It actually took me only around 3 hours or so to remember them enough to get through 6th grade math. I'm still shaky in math and use a calculator most of the time.

Honestly, this whole video brings back so many similar experiences and memories.

I absolutely socially isolated myself in elementary school - I spent lunch freetime and every recess I could in the library, reading. Reading was absolutely my obsession, I would read instead of sleeping or eating or doing anything else I also obsessed over catalogues of dolls, craft supplies, and other interests, but didn't realize until you mentioned your behavior that mine was out of the ordinary, because you described exactly what I used to do

22:00 omg this so much I truly believed with all my heart that: - I could fly if I could just find some pixie dust - I could find Narnia if I looked in enough closets (this one was embarrassing at other people's houses so I preemptively came up with reasons why I'd be trying to get to the back wall in their most personal space lol) (but they didn't understand, it had to be done because what if that one had Narnia and I didn't check) - I was a horse - santa was real I *appeared* to grow out of it by the time I was 12 but that's only because I got better at checking closets 😂 it's so good to know I'm not the only one who did that kind of stuff

I turned my G.I Joes into professional wrestlers and baseball players. I wrote out stats, lineups and planned it all out but I rarely actually played all the way through it. I spent most of my time planning.

Ohhhhh yes, I was a major "weaver" in childhood and, you know what, even at 66 years of age, I still am. In a mass unstructured "party" or "church picnic" setting my gut is in a constant state like...like...well, picture yourself sitting in the back of a pickup truck, the truck hits a huge bump in the road, you go flying into the air, and right at the moment (the "apogee"?) of that flight, when your upward trajectory stops and the downward one hasn't yet kicked in, the breathtaking moment at the intersection of shock at your upward flight and terror at the downward one--yeah, it's like that, sustained. Where AM I, how did I GET here, and where is this GOING? Plus, am I supposed to DO something about it? (And if so, how awful is that, and if not, how awful is that, too!) In childhood, at recess time, as kids ran around doing stuff, I ran around, too, except I was running doing nothing with them, just running around to keep from being noticed that I wasn't with anybody.One day in 6th grade my teacher Mrs. Jones kept me in, a kind of punishment, to keep working on math problems I just "refused" to get right. So there I sat, struggling away at these impenetrable questions ("How 'bout this answer, Mrs. Jones: 147? No? Okay, how 'bout 10,000? No? Okay, how about 21 and a half? No? How 'bout..."), half-irked at the stupidity of the exercise and half-ecstatic that I'd been released from the prison house of recess.

Wow... I totally resonate with what you shared! I did the "pulling the chair" joke-thingy to my friend when I was 14, thinking people would laugh like in those prank videos that went viral at the time. Those videos did not show a person could fall so hard spread out like a starfish and hurt themselves at the start of a math class (I'm still deeply ashamed). I didn't know spending multiple hours in a row adding pretty things to a wishlist and never buying them was abnormal, but it's definitely my adult version of when I circled toys in the Sears Christmas catalogue. I have been obsessed with reading (mostly romance) as far as I can remember. I have also experienced limorence a few times, but it might not be correlated. I was travelling alone for the first time, a couple of months back, and noticed that not only my personality but my accent was also heavily influenced by my entourage. It happened in both my first and second languages. I didn't know masking could cause unvolontary identity theft 😂 I'm joking now, but it was pretty unnerving at that time I got on ADHD meds (serotonin) a few months ago, but I quickly realized something huge was still missing. I'm not sure what to do about this, nor whether a diagnosis would be helpful or hurtful (or even useless) in my situation. I'd love to learn more about other people's experiences!

"I'll do by best but I'm not making any promises" - story of my life

Omg the cockatiels! I was the same! I have diary entries talking about getting enough money for a bird, I made papers for my parents and talk to my friends about it! Even once I got them, i talked to my friends about them always. Even once I got them they were my life! Bird were also (and still are) a way to talk to others. I remember going to to a friends house because I knew they had birds and I thought that they would then be like me and we could actually be friends because they would get me, but then when I got to their house, they never shared my enthusiasm for their own birds and I felt even more alienated.

This is resonating big time..i played with my dollhouse until i was 15 i remember making a computer with a cd rom slot out of cardstock for my dollhouse and it had little CD i could stick in the slot, my dad even complimented me on my creativity on that one

These stories of yours have lit up so many memories within me. I didn't play with toys the same way either, I voiced the characters in my play as well and preferred alone-play. In my teens I started producing notebooks with NFL stats and records and standings in themas the seasons went on (still have them), including having to track down newspapers after the weekend to make sure I got all the scores and records correct (there wasn't internet back then). I kept those records going in notebooks for myself from age 17 till I was 28. I really enjoyed (and still do) working out potential playoff scenarios in my mind without having to rely on announcers to inform me. Friends along the way told me that I had an encyclopedia like knowledge of the teams and records. Wow, great video. Thanks for the memories, mine and yours, lol.

I was born with the severe Kanner type autism in 1951 parents first thought i was deaf later when my hearing tested they thought i was retarded .When I began talking echolia .i did learn to talk but it was hard to communicate . I had tactile problems as a child and a low tolerance for pain .I cried a lot .I have always personified objects .I still do I didnt fit in at school and was kicked out of second grade .I spent years in a mental hospital .Menninger Children’s hospital Later I went to a regular high school and graduated . At Menningers they has a school so I got my basic education .After getting out I lived with a family and I got a full time job I had 22 years .I have severe noise sensitivity which developed when I was 9 and got worse with time . YOUR LIFE SOUNDS REALLY ROUGH. YOU WERE SHAMED SO MUCH AND YOU TRIED SO HARD I WISH WE COULD SPEND A DAY TOGETHER ID LOVE TO KNOW YOU BETTER . I was diagnosed with autism when i was 40 it was like being forgiven Industrial strength absolution I want to tell you more

I have a 17 years old daughter that I never took her to be diagnosed. What I'm noticing is she can't make friends and she wants to have a group of friends. Her classmates are ignoring her. Also, she looks a lot younger for her age also dresses up younger for her age and she didn't feel comfortable in he her body even thou she is doing a lot of sports. she can get abessive about stuff. what is worries me is I don't think she knows how to communicate with kids. breaking my heart to see how hard she tried to make friends or socialize. How can I help her

I am on the waiting list to be assesed and this video definitely gave me some hope. The only thing that gives me so much doubt is my childhood before I went to secondary school. I wasn't bullied and had the same friends for 8 years in primary school. I knew I was weird but at the same time tought everyone must feel the same. I remember being 5 years old and trying to keep my hand still bc children would make comments about it. I remember being very weirded out when other children where playing ''mommy and daddy''. or them thinking I was weird bc I just wanted to put the toys down to make them look good instead of play a story with them.

Yes, me too. I look back, thinking, would it have been better finding out about my autism when I was 25, maybe 40, or maybe even 50? And the answer comes roaring back to me each time: NO. The outlines and coordinates of my life back then, set up on the basis of my thoroughly "masked" life, could never have corresponded to this discovery. I'd have had NO idea how to place it, process it, what to stop doing, what to start doing, and most of all how it could or should interact with my professional life. For me, despite the pain and scars (yet thankful for the survival skills gained), I suppose I am grateful enough, on the whole, that the discovery came in late life (yes, I do consider 65 late life). In a way, it's kind of the icing on the cake. Despite the sufferings, life did develop into a mostly tasty cake. And now I've got some special icing on it that just "makes" it.

I have many stories as well, aside from getting in trouble in school for being a clown and talked too much, I did a lot of mischievous thing. One day my dad took me to church, knowing how I am, he sat me Dien and explained how I shouldn't talk in church, to be quiet abs to listen. He said I was a big girl now. My mother dressed me so pretty, with a barrett matching my cute outfit. Well, in the middle of the sermon, out of the blue I stayed to scream, as LOUD as I could. I didn't say any words, i screened notes, just because I could. Oh myyy, my father took me home. The church which was about a small block away from home, we walked, abd I really felt that he walked so fast, that I was flying in the air, because I can't remember my feet touching the ground!!!😂😂😂

Such a great video! I related closely to several of your childhood stories. I felt a warm sense of not being alone in the world. Thank you.

I always observed what the different groups were wearing, and I changed my style every year trying to fit in with a different group in high school. I was a jock one year, a prep one year, a freak one year, and a goth one year. I didn't really fit in with any of them, and I spent a ton of money on clothes.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD/ASD about a week before my 45th and I relate to a lot of what you spoke of, definitely a boy though and it was completely missed with me as well despite being involved with mental health services since I was 13. Boy or girl it gets missed so often because "professionals" make up their mind as to whats what very quickly, believe they know it all and have rather large egos so will never admit they are wrong and don't actually know whats going on so never look for real answers.

Oh wow! @18:10 This happened to me almost verbatim! I was told by adults on numerous occasions that I was excluding myself and needed to change my attitude and make an effort to fit in. I remember feeling confused about it.

I find all of this very relatable. Especially the slow maturity development. Mine was complicated by not conforming to my gender role (they’re nonsensical) and PDA that was misunderstood as rebellious. Also, obsessing on a particular subject to a dysfunctional degree.

Whoa Nellie i would stay up late at night looking at all the items in the American Girl catalogue and i didn’t even have an American Girl Doll, i just loved looking at all the stuff and reading the descriptions and wanting the stuff and i was not a child but probably a teenager

I recognized a lot of your story, in my own life story. @22:02, I was engaged by 19, and married by 20. Owned a home by 20, then kids after 26. But, everything has been unraveling for years, and a small part of it is the auDHD(as far as I can tell) in me. It causes so many interpersonal issues.

Goes unnoticed, or sometimes it is cowardly dismissed. The other kids sure notices, they can spot it a mile away an will immediately question it. As an adult I usually notice it and that’s how I recently came to realize, after seeing and hearing myself just been recorded on video.

I got dual diagnosis (AuDHD) recently. I'm a 40 years old female. I also have child trauma. Even though I got this diagnosis, I am still confused a bit if my trauts are from trauma or neurodivergency. I don't think I exhibited traits that ND women on youtube tell us. I didn't have much accessibility to toys when I was little. I think I had 1 barbie-like doll. I sneakly stole a ciuple of my brothers' small dragonball figures, then I spent a loooot of time creating stories with them alone, also day dreamed a lot. I felt I was a little different since kindergarten, but I had no clue. I was just a shy girl, yet run around n got lost in a large park, made my family freak out multiple times. I collected tons of beads and eratic bands in different colors because it was the thing within my classmates in my elementary school (grade 4). I did it to fit in, then obsessively collected them. But I didn't lined them up or anything like autistic child would do. I was good with sport and drawing when I was a child/youth. I obsessively threw a basketball against a wall, making stories and imagigning practice and play. I used bamboo broom and hit against a freshly painted steel beam outside of my home, obsessivly. I didn't know it was bad. Later my father freaked out on me because I damaged the paint so bad. As for the music instrument, my parents put me to electone lessons (I dunno what's called in English countries) because their neighbor whose child was also my age started taking lessons. I had hard time reading the music note from the time I started (3years old) to my parents had me quit (11 years old). I just couldn't play while looking at the notes. I didn't like practicing and other people hear or see me playing, so I barely practiced in front of family at home. Then when I was 14years old, I raised my hand to play a piano for an orchestra competition within my junior high school. Everyone looked at me with 😳😳 faces haha. I had no idea if I could play because I didn't play electrone nor piano much 😂 My only best friend like my 2nd family played piano a lot every time I was at her house since we were small. Sometimes I learned small bits from her on piano, but nothing like people who learned piano can do. So, somehow I spontaneously (?) thought I could play for the school orchestra. 1 week in, I didn't even open the note 😂 All classes practicing singing and I hear piano with it. My class..classmates were practicing and I was frozen in front of the music note 😂 it was a damn difficult song to play, so it was worse for a newbie lol Music teacher was prob like "Oh boy", so he sent me a piano teacher. We had less than 2weeks left till the concert. Every day I went to this teacher's house and practiced. that was when I realized that I rather needed to memorize all to be able to play. She would yell at me to look at the note, but I couldn't, because I could never figure out where I was playing and reading the note was painful. I hyperfocused memorizing and play. Once I could play all, I could shift focus a bit to changing strength hitting the keys. Teacher explains emotions and scenes stuff but I couldn't get it, so I just followed what i was told to do at certain notes. I also practiced at my best friend's house. On the competition day, my best friend happened to be my page turner. As I was playing, her turning page was distracting me She said "This is where you are now!" and I said "I can't look at it! So I have no idea where I am!!" Long story here.. well I was able to accomplish this random challgenge I took on. Throughout my life, I struggle with socializing. I am comfortable 1-1 interaction, but it's depending on the person I interact with. I can be perceived as rude or blunt. I don't notice what I say can be too straightforward, or unnecessary to say. Anxiety and low self-esteem were always in me. That got worse as I got older. Moving to a big city for university was a torture. I lived in a dorm where 100 girls lived, and I cried for the first 2 weeks, feeling alone and isolated. Super slowly I started getting used to a new school life and got some friends. yet I felt different. I got multiple awkward situations or even close call of sexual harassment because I don't have no sense of flirting. And if I like someone, I don't know how to express. Starting a new life again (working full time after graduation) was a torture again in the early 20's. Then other symptoms like impulsiveness, depression, ourbursts started. I also struggled with sensory processing. Taking notes at work meeting was always a disaster for me. I couldn't understand instructions. It took me super long time to do tasks compared to others at work. With all the struggles I had, I pretended everything was ok. 2010, I moved to Canada from Japan (after my impulsive actions), stress took over my life. Age of mid 20's and 30's passed here, not realizing what I had been dealing with. Now I am more aware that I am sensitive to some noises. I understood why It triggered anger and yelled at my partner not to tap spoon against cat bowls to drop wet food etc. My attention deficit and hyperfocus was becoming worse. A few months ago, I found a wonderful therapist. I had lots of grieving to do and learning towards healing now. It takes time. I am on ADHD meds and antidepressant. That is helping me as well. I have been off work and not socializing outside my home. maybe that's why I don't have anxiety and instant rage as much as used to. but I'm sure I still have all that. I am learning self-compassion, acceptance, and (C)PTSD through books and resources (youtube, articles) that ny therapist has been providing me. lots to absorb, and not easy to change behaviors and accept what I don't have control of for things I don't like about myself (ND). but I'm trying :) I am glad to have found your channel. I learn a lot from you and other ND youtubers. wow I told my life story in this comment lol sorry for the long letter!

same but I stopped playing with dolls early. Over a year ago I was searching for informations about autism, just because I was curious about it. I never would have thought I could relate so much to it. I always felt there is something different with me. I didn´t get a diagnosis yet but Im pretty sure.

A bunch of things I can relate to, and it makes me think back of things that I've more or less forgotten about (partly by choice, I guess.) Very vague memories from my first kindergarten, what I do remember is that I made no friends, I don't think I interacted with anyone because I didn't understand how to. I was there for a year maybe? Then the next one, that was for sure a year (and I was 6 yo). I made no friends really, but I guess I interacted more with the others. However, the only thing I can remember about the other kids is me thinking they were strange or stupid, I really didn't get why they liked certain (very normal) things, and I felt different and stuck to myself a lot. Looking back of course now I see that I was the strange one in that context...

Great topic! I often reflect back to my childhood and ask how could my teachers miss this? I have my theories and your explanation is one of them lol. BTW, I love the photos you included at the end of the video! 😊

Yup. The look back as able w few memories and faint images unbelievable - why why why we’re not folks educated enough or saw something ??

Yeah, thje life review has been both amazing and gut wrenching

I feel the struggle with math so much. In 3rd grade I just could not catch on to multiplication no matter what I tried. I used to get grounded for failing my multiplication tests, my mother quickly realized that grounding me from going outside, tv & the phone didn’t phase me, I was happier left alone with my books. She ended up taking my books after I failed a few more. That led to me reading the whole Bible cover to cover & a good portion of the dictionary bc those were the only 2 books she couldn’t take. She claimed I was too smart to not be passing the multiplication tests. I was always punished if I made any grades less than a B. A’s we’re preferred & I definitely caught an ear full if I did get a B. This was individual papers, I don’t think I would have survived getting anything less on a report card.

Paper dolls! I had a couple dozen of them, and designed clothes in colors I liked to replace the “fashionable” outfits they came with. The only paper doll I left intact in the book it came from was the Princess Diana paper doll that I saved babysitting money to get back in 1982. I played with dolls to a very late age, also. On my 13th birthday I decided that teenagers don’t play with dolls, and I ceremoniously put all my dolls in the trash can, except my favorite who was the scruffiest since I’d gotten her at age 4. I can’t remember what happened to that one. I excelled in school (math, reading, spelling) and was in the Talented & Gifted program until high school. At that point, the social pressures sent me into constant anxiety and I skipped school so often that my mom called a police officer to come to the house to talk to me and get me “scared straight”. It didn’t work, and I dropped out halfway through my junior year. How does a girl go from a 4.0 GPA to dropping out with a 1.5 GPA in less than 3 years and nobody thinks it’s anything other than “teenage rebellion”?? Parallel play constantly. I hated group sports but excelled in gymnastics until I grew too tall & curvy (I went from 5’0” at 12 to 5’8” at 15). At school lunch & recess, I found a shady spot and read books, or played by myself on the swings. I had a younger sister but she’s NT and I hated playing with her. She literally would beg me, and is still bringing it up resentfully at family gatherings nearly 50 years later. She excelled in sports; her 3 kids and 2 grandsons past infancy are all sports nuts. Since my parents got divorced when I was young and my mom often dumped us at grandma’s for the weekend (and she was busy with watching tv so it was minimal supervision), I joke that I was raised by house cats. I’ve always been crazy about cats and liked dogs, probably because animals are so honest - they literally cannot lie, and their body language always tells you exactly what you can expect.

Your Little Mermaid story breaks my heart...and is so similar to my own childhood. I was sure I was adopted and there was a zipper somewhere I could unzip and let my true self out.

I'm ADHD and self-dx ASD, and my ex-roommate and I figured out she was ASD as well. I have a Lot of memories from my childhood and she has like None (ie very few).

Watching this helped me let go of about 40 percent of my lifelong guilt. I always felt guilty for wanting to go home and be alone.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. My anxiety and behavior during unstructured social interactions (school camps, lunch breaks etc) was very similar.

I loved this video. It was fascinating. I am amazed at how many similarities there were in our childhoods. We had many similar experiences, and many similar struggles.. It is certainly comforting to know why some of those things happened. I was really hard of myself as a child for my inability to fit in and do the things my peers were doing. Thank you for this video.

I barely remember my childhood. I think part is because we weren't present we were lost in our own world. But what I remember was quite like you described yours. I made a lot of stuff instead of playing or imagining stuff.

I also had the Quints dolls! It made me obsess over the proper sequence of colours - pink, blue, yellow, green, purple 😂

It's so interesting. I went though many of the same things as a child. I thought they were the weird ones and I was awesome. After I became aware of my Autism, it is very interesting to reexamine many things about my childhood. I t is almost like looking at it through an entirely different set of eyes, and I see why some of the other kids reacted to me the way they did.

The Suzuki method for violin is based on playing by ear.

I had insomnia so i did a lot of reading by nightlight and also spent hours gazing into the mirror w a cloth draped over the lamp to dim the light

Knocked the wind out of me with the thing about being naïve and less prepared for social activities with peers but being more prepared for learning and understanding other things on an adult level. I read almost 24/7 as a kid, mostly fantasy novels, and I avoided spending time with peers, preferring socializing with adults or relatively younger kids, on the flip side I often quickly picked up complex topics and made conceptual connections others in my peer group - or even older kids didn't recognize. But I've never really known where to put my hands - how do other people figure that out???

There is nothing more lonely than being alone in a crowd. A neurodivergent child sitting in the school yard watching the other kids play might well be having a great time, while learning how other kids behave. If forced 'to join in', then that child will feel all alone. And yes, I think it is high time that if a child has to go to school, then that child's needs should be respected and they should not be treated as if everyone is the same as everyone else. Yes, I can totally relate to the type of playing. It's funny to hear someone describe what I did. My mother worried that I didn't treat my dolls very well - didn't cuddle them and pretend they were babies, hahahahaha!

I have very few memories from my childhood, and I have huge swaths of time and can not recall for the life of me! I've been curious if this was an autistic thing. The memories I do have, I remember every last detail. I remember my 2nd birthday party down to the smallest detail. But I can not remember a single thing my entire 4th year 🤷‍♀️

So much of what you said was exactly like what I experienced.

My dad was not emotionally available which I desperately needed but now I know why; he is autistic. And I think he did better at giving me gifts always based off my special interest, because he understands what it means to have a special interest and how that’s the only kind of thing you ever want as a gift.

When I was in elementary school I began to hate recess because it was a time that I was reminded that I had no one to play with anymore. My cousins that I had been close with got peer pressured by their new friends to abandon me, and I was terrible at making new friends. So I mostly sat by myself, which left me as a target for more bullying. Then I realized that when I didn't write down my homework and forgot to do it (because I overconfidently thought I would remember without writing it down) I would be given detention to get it done, but I wasn't otherwise penalized for the late turn in. And since I also found it less stressful to be inside in a quiet room than out on the playground, I began intentionally not doing my homework at home and just going to detention every day. However, this did not endear me to my teachers. And I was already known as a troublemaker by some of the teachers because most of my earliest stimming behaviors involved being noisy in class. 😅

I just want to keep this comment short after making a super long comment on another of your videos. Thank you for sharing, I have to say i relate to almost everything you shared, at points it was soooo similar to my experience that it felt surreal! I have forgotten many parts of my childhood but as you said, most of what I remember is related to a negative experience :/

I won that 5th grade dare essay contest, too! I still remember how awesome the ball point pen they gave me as an award was in its special box 😂 It had the BEST texture and rolled sooo smoothly so I could doodle even better while the teacher was talking. ;)

I hated those church youth trips too. I just entertained myself by listening to Marilyn Manson with the preacher's daughter. I found oddly entertaining and ironic. lol I actually stayed with the younger kids for several years after i was supposed to transfer to the youth group because I didn't like being around kids my age.

P.s. did you do a part 2 of your autistic traits about 2 months ago. Have seen part 1 but can't find part 2. Thanks for taking the time to make your videos and the funny short ones. They're great and the shorts are really funny😅 (humourous funny, not weird funny!🤨)😀

Subscribed just because this video resonated with me so much

I know there's little point dwelling on regrets, and obviously being 'diagnosed' in the world I grew up in would probably not have been advantageous in any way. Nevertheless I do feel a little bit heartbroken that my parents both died without knowing that they didn't do anything wrong. They were both quite accepting and didn't treat me outright as a problem or a failure on their part, but all the dreams they must have privately had from the time they had a kid really came to nothing. It'd have been less bad for them if they'd at least had a reason, and also my paternal grandmother was very obviously autistic and if my parents had known what we know now forty plus years ago, they could have helped her live her true autistic life better. She was extremely isolated but I think overall happy. I just wish I could have had the type of intimate, autistic conversation with her while she was alive that I'd be capable of now, but certainly wasn't then. After all, I'd be opening a conversation with my Nan by saying "Nan: do you think you might be a crazy psychopathic weirdo like me? No offence but you seem really crap like me, the kind of person people are fine withdrawing from them." Whereas now it'd be all "do you do this? Have you noticed this? I think this is hilarious; I think this is outrageous. Wow you're just like me." But back then, she'd have been as totally unwilling to 'open up' as I was, because she'd gone eighty years of her life just thinking people were all crazy and irrationally misunderstood her most when she was being her most sincere and supportive with them. Ach! Yeah no point in regrets. Tell you what though, when I look at the school reports about "must learn to not only focus on the things he finds interesting - society depends on us conforming to certain standards, not on us being eccentric individuals" or "I can't pretend to understand him but he's fascinating; he could do well if only he changed" etc. etc. I do feel a little bit sick. That was a kid in total distress and they knew he was in total distress but it was just assumed that someone with a brain must be capable of being normal, so if they're not, that's on them. I dunno.... would I have preferred a childhood in which I was micromanaged by appropriate adults 24/7 and taught to embrace society's values first and foremost and enjoy consuming product and getting excited for next product? Probably not. But instead of detention and verbal dressings down, it'd have been prison and watch lists lol (this is info-dumpy and rambling enough..... so no separate thread for songs.... but your mermaid story reminds me of the song "Bathysphere" by Smog. "I wanted to live in a bathysphere". Not an autism song, I think. A good song though!)

Whoa 😮i can’t remember barely anything from my childhood.

Ha! You got that closing from Noel Fielding. I like. :-)

I have so many memory gaps. It's frustrating. I didn't pretend well as a kid and that was very hard when I had kids and playing when they were little.

I often wonder what it is like to have a "normal" brain. I just feel so different than others and how they live their life and how they interact with society.

Oh wow, you reminded me of my childhood. I had a jewelry box I found in the remains of my grandmothers old destroyed house. I think it was a fire, but i can’t recall. I wrapped it in pretty lavender paper and i made multiple paper dolls And drew all kinds of clothing for them. I was in my teens and still had them and I’m still distressed that i lost the box in moving so much as an adult. I only remember play itself when playing with my brothers because it was expected. I couldn’t even imagine to properly play with my daughter, but i used to write fantasy stories.

When i was little, I'd play this game i made up with my cousin and brother called planet e. I insisted they have a dog on that planet and i couldn't be a dog unless i had 2 pony tails for ears. So i spent hours searching my grandmothers house for rubber bands to put my hair up. Meanwhile they played without me. Once i got my pony tails and declared I'm now a dog! I didn't want to play anymore. I was just happy to finally be a dog.

I wasn't able to figure out right and left till I was around 13, and even then it was only an embarrassing incident that jump-started me into nailing the concept down.

Im 45 in January. This whole video is so relatable.

Jenn as I reflect back to second grade. I could not understand how my speech therapist did not find it odd when I hid under the table. I told my old childhood friend of my diagnosis, and she told me that she suspected that I had Autism since 2nd grade😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲. What the heck, she already knew 🤦‍♀🤦‍♀.

Most of this video was so relatable! 💚 Except the being interested in people/bands/boys part. My special interests were dinosaurs, dragons, ancient myths, castles, minerals, wild animals... average little girl, nothing to see here. 😅 I was never daydreaming about having a husband and kids - but I drew many blueprints about how our house and garden would look like, if I'll eventually have a family of my own.

I don't have time to expand on everything but what stood out to me the most was; I basically played "dress up" with my toys and video game/D&D characters the same way you played with your dolls. I would stare at walkthroughs for video games instead of playing them; I still watch speedruns over and over. I think my ADHD wasn't recognized because Im inattentive rather than hyper; and my mom probably didn't think my autistic traits were unusual enough to get checked because... we had a lot in common. It turns out all my elementary school report cards say I didn't pay attention or get along with others but nobody put 2&2 together because I was so smart. Gee, you think the autistic kid might be a savant with adhd? What are the odds of that!

I can't believe you said about pulling the chair from under a girl at school I Done the exact same thing I at school 😢😢 omg

Does anyone else feel like although your in 20s 30s 40s etc that you didn't actually grow up

Omg everyone telling me to kiss my first boyfriend, what horror 😂

You looked so cute as a baby and youg girl and you are still a pretty lady. Thank you for sharing your autism/adhd experience. I am too and my daughter is also. We are what they used to call aspergers but things still effect us. Autism is such a spectrum for sure, adhd and some other things also, are too.

As a child my head was always cocked to the side in group photos. I always wondered why.

I still take a minute sometimes to say thetime from analog clock

We could have been good friends as children. I loved making clothes and accessories for my Beanie Babies and American Girl dolls. I always thought it was pretty typical play, but I still struggled playing with other kids with the same toys. This is the first I've heard it explained this way. Daniel Tiger (the preschooler show my kids watch) has some good teaching moments for parallel play with one the autistic characters.

You are so relatable and funny 😂

I spent as much time looking at catalogues as playing with my toys too. Still do at 46. My special interests have never changed. I also used to build elaborate set ups for my toys instead of actually playing. I think the strangest thing I did for play was use pipe cleaners to build marvel characters as stickmen toys= Like all the characters.

Amen... so much the same.

Commenting about the childhood loss of memories, I have definitely struggled with this issue, I have large portions of my childhood that I have forgotten, from early childhood (2-3 years old) to late childhood (10-12). I have also noticed I have memory issues now, I mostly forget emotions-ladden situations. I think it's because of a mix of autism and maybe trauma ?

I was in gifted classes, and always excelled in math until I got to Pre Algebra in 7th grade. I just couldn't get it for some reason. I almost failed, but I later passed a calculator based course in college without a calculator. I have never been able to figure that one out.

I like the pics. You had a genuine American childhood.

You are so entertaining! A total natural.

Hmm forgetting most of childhood typical w autism???!- relate

I can relate to almost everything you said, even the mermaid fantasies!

Having heard it all and being in some pretty similar "not acceptable social situations", in sum, NT grown-ups suck. They're bad and rude to kids. I've heard so many stories of kids being mistreated by adults (being myself in that position as a kid as well) it's revolting. Specially in school.

I could never read music either, and I could never really learn to play. I tried to play guitar and learned a few songs, but I would get frustrated really easily if I couldn't learn something quickly. I just never had the patience, even though I desperately wanted to be a musician.

Holy crap! I used to make clothes for my G.I. Joe toys!! Then stitch them by hand. Also we would draw or make up our own characters, cut them out and play with them. My favorite was I guy I created named “TNT” who had a gun that shot dynamite. Pretty cool, eh? I’m 49 was recently assessed for adult autism. My feedback session will be on Jan. 15th!!! Wish me luck, though I’m pretty sure I’m already autistic.