A lot of these women are saying no one told them how hard it is. Thank you for showing us the reality of motherhood and that we have the ability to choose what's best for us.
Many women do try to tell these young girls how hard motherhood is, but they don't listen. They are too busy listening to dumb azz men. Oh well. Let them learn the hard way. 🤷🏾♀️
Lol 😅sooooo those f00ls Should have never gotten pregnant. Nobody had to tell me how hard it was. I figured it out while being a kid.😅 How do you grow up watching your mom family or friends Or people on TV struggle. Talk about how much money, effort and time it takes For kids, it's all you hear growing up. But u think your life is gonna be different, please.😅 a bunch of dum dums
@@Iamam313exactly. I can't even count the number of times ive seen a screaming child embarrass their parents in public. It never looked fun or easy to me
Let's be honest, even when both parents are involved or when parents are married, the moms usually do 80% of the work. The percentage is probably higher than that. These women are overwhelmed. I said to someone else I would have given anything to be a mother so it makes me sad to see this but I have empathy for them. I hope they get the help they need.
I'm sick of dusties never addressing other men, never holding men accountable for anything. I wonder if they keep the same energy of "0 sympathy" for men who are on child support.
I don't get how people have kids. Taking care of myself is stressful itself. Like omg I can't imagine. Plus sacrificing your finance, peace and freedom? Oh hellll no 😅😅
Pregnancy to me is a form of self harm. Just the optics that you the woman does 99% of the work yet the kids gets the guys name is enough to show me that it is a trap. I thank the universe for showing me that truth as a kid.
Preach 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽. Some of us little girls paid attention. The thought of pregnancy and childbirth was enough to make me opt out of motherhood. Add to that 20+ years of misery and sacrifice. HARD PASS!!!
Lol I've said this very thing! People didn't believe me. Not saying I'll never change my mind but damn it looks hard to be a mom. I don't wanna work that hard.
Loved seeing the support for her, but I can't stand men who treat a women's pregnancy or motherhood as a punishment for her behaviors. Its gross to rejoice in an "I told you so" that is not only hurting the mother, but also accepting a child as collateral damage for a women's sin. I feel the humbling of women with the fact of their pregnancy needs to stop. It's like some men just love that a single mom is hurting. They ignore her humanity and manage to smuggle themselves into the discussion. They are out of touch. The courts tell us which parent doesn't have to step up, something like 90% of the time, and it isn't women at fire stations.
I pray for whoever has children with men like that he's going to make her a single parent once she gets tired of his crap it he doesn't have children already
this. all of it. condoms split, birth control and plan b fails. we take the measures to protect ourselves and we still get punished with a pregnancy because we bare the stigma of original sin. some of us (like myself) have a child as a product of rape and are talked out of abortion with the promise of that "village".
Men won't stop bc children are their tool to opress women. So if course they are going to enjoy hurting their enemy. Why are women their enemies? Bc women are supposed to dominate them and they h8te that. They know the correct order is for men to work and provide for women and children. So, bc they are out of order, it is women who are supposed to stop getting pregnant.
Isn’t it obvious that men use their penises as weapons against you? And it is a form of domination when they inseminate you? Why are you even allowing males access to you? And for the previous commenter- who was S. assaulted - my heart goes out to you. ❤ Those people did you dirty and I hope you can get on with your life in the healthiest & happiest way possible. These guys are trash. Stop giving them babies.
As a childfree woman, I will never understand how people don't SEE👀 that being a parent has WAY MORE cons than pros, but people are so programmed to procreate to "keep the species going" that they do it anyway. All they think about is cute babies 👶🏽 👼🏾👼🏼👼 and those kodak moments when they hear "mama" or "dada" for the first time. They never think about the constant crying and noise, the sleepless nights, the sh*tty diapers, the sick children, the expense, the constant stimulation, the fighting, losing quality time and s3x with your partner, the constant supervision of those children, trying to find baby sitters, trying to get time for yourself, the loss of career advancement, the very real possibility of being left a single parent, trying to build a village of people who need to worry about their own families. All you young ladies better start opening your eyes and looking at reality. Children are not your accessories, your social media clout, or your appendage to the other parent. They are human being with wants, needs, desires, autonomy, and a mind of their own. Raising children is no joke. That is why many of us made the childfree decision.
I love you Destiny . I binge watch your channel daily ! The men on here are a gentle reminder to continue taking my birth control and avoiding them. ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY and gaslighting .
The judgmental men not only missed the mark, but also extrapolated like there was no tomorrow. She said she hated motherhood because she has nobody. She could be married and still lack a solid support system.
EXACTLY. I just wrote a comment that it's not their place to berate her and take joy in her suffering. They're vile for that. They can use her video sure but they best be talking to the men who leave women in this position. Better shut themselves up and talk to the right people.
The moat important question a woman can ask herself before having a kid is, if I have a kid am I willing to be a single mom? Because let's face it, nothing against us, but it's pretty much inevitable.
Tbh I always wanted children until I HAD A CHILD. Everybody has something to say and their breath stink and they look like 💩.I love my baby more than myself but I hate being a mother and being unable to take care of myself as well. It was like I was totally abandoned once I had a kid which is totally fine but I will never have another child and I always wanted a husband and kids. I still do but hell no I will never put myself in that type of compromising position ever again. The way woman are treated in general and especially after you have a child is disgusting and should be illegal.
It does the opposite for me. It saddens me because I would have given anything to be a mother. Realizing I would never have children of my own broke my heart. Adoption is not an easy or cheap process. I've never been under any illusions about motherhood. It just makes me sad.
Marry before you carry doesn't mean anything. The worst part is planning and still ending up raising the child alone. I'm married and still don't want any children because of this.
"Marry before you carry" DOES mean something in the legal sense. Stop trying to make women feel better because they volunteered 🙋🏾♀️🙋🏿♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏼♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋♀️ to be baby mamas.
@@Childfree334how does it make a difference when men can be ordered to pay child support regardless of marital status? Marriage may benefit women don't have much money but if you're good, marriage is a liability.
@@RepentImmediately How does it benefit women to have babies out of wedlock? Granted, marriage does not stop a man from leaving or abandoning his family, but at least a woman has legal recourse if he does. She is entitled to half the assets, property, pensions, and any death benefits and insurance. Baby mamas are entitled to NONE of that.
65% of the Black kids are born to single parents. WE NEED TO TAKE A TIME OUT FROM HAVING SEX. SINGLE MOTHERS/NON-EXISTING FATHERS ARE DOING UNBELIEVABLE DAMAGEBTO THE COMMUNITY.
That black guy at @11:40 is such a worm. He's blaming the woman when single motherhood is caused by men whether you marry or not. All he's telling you is to leave bm alone bc that is the only way to prevent being a single mother.
I grew up in an impoverished, single family structure, and... IT AINT FOR ME! Childfree. Marriage Free. Thats MY best option. Do what's best FOR YOU! CHOSBETR❤
I wouldn’t recommend motherhood unless you’re naturally nurturing, and your dreams are to be a mother, and even then, tread lightly. I wouldn’t recommend motherhood to myself again in these times, I have one, only and thanks to God 🙏🏾🥺💛 Children and motherhood are a complete blessing! But it’s not for the faint of heart. Also, singleness is a blessing. In fact, if any read the good Word, the apostle Paul recommends being single. Shocking! But makes all the more sense for many of us, as these are crazy times😔
It's not about lack of nurturing skills. Women are built and trained to be nurturing. The problem is women are not financially supported and are not able to nurture bc their time is spent away from their children bc they have to work. Or they become angry bc the father abandoned them with the hard labor of raising children and they end up poor and in welfare. It's not about what the mother is capable of. It's the men who aren't doing their job.
@@biblethumper8088 I hear ya, and the points you make are valid, so I don't want to take away from those. However, not all women are naturally nurturing, for clarification, to the degree needed to properly love and raise children. There are varying degrees and levels of nurturing care that we innately possess and can display, not necessarily that we are lacking. I would make the claim that the way our parents raised us has a great deal to do with our ability to love, care, nurture (I guess you can still put the blame on men here, since our fathers caused our mothers lots of grief too, and I wouldn't not acknowledge that it greatly relates). Yes, a relationship with a man who is not mature and plays games (not naturally nurturing) will exacerbate the condition of women's mental health in detrimental ways that will diminish the quality of the nurturing care she is able to give, a nature vs. nurture effect, and this is why we have to be very careful. The point I was making is to give a warning example to mainly young women, since they are the most vulnerable. We may think marriage and motherhood is what we want and we can take on, but the reality can be starkly different. I am woman, and I love being woman, and I would never want to disparage my fellow women, or any part of womanhood, just speaking on a reality that many women go through, or may not realize could happen to them until they're in the situation, because that's all they knew. Women possess an innate nurturing disposition, because we are made in God's image and He is love; however, many situations can come into play that can cause a woman to not be the nurturer a child needs, including not having a supportive partner. 💗💕
@@BellaVidaMercy I don't have a problem with you discouraging motherhood, but it should be accurately stated that men are the reason why women aren't nurturing. Taking cre of children is stress, and single mothers are distressed 24/7 for 18+ years. We acknowledge that males become violent when they are stressed, but somehow women are supposed to endure it and become robots?🤨 No!!! thank you for clarifying, bc most times when stories come up like this one, we automatically jump to the mother not being fit to be nurturing, but it's mainly bc the woman is left single. And no woman can do it to their best ability when they are placed with the sole burden. So I would recommend women not being mother's because women aren't capable of being single mothers , which most men will make you one, verses saying women aren't built to be nurturing ( although I know you clarified that). If we don't point to the problem, people will be confused on what the solution is.
@@BellaVidaMercy another note, I feel like being a mother is more about being a manager verses a nurturer. Most women are good managers . That's why most businesses and organizations have women in management positions. Men take the leadership titles while delegating all the important work to women. If you examine any agency or business, women are the organizers and run things smoothly.
it will never not sicken me how men think it's okay to put it on the woman to "tell him to use protection." Sir, are you not an adult? You should be using protection regardless! If you don't know both yours and your partner's STI status and whether or not they are on a reliable form of birth control, you should be wearing a condom, PERIOD. Yes, she is also an adult and should also be making good choices, but let's be real and recognize, both from statistics/polls and from personal experience, that a majority of cis dudes will go in raw and damn the consequences for YOU, and it's never "why didn't he wear protection??," it's always "why didn't she make him wear protection?" it's unequal and it's sexist and y'all know it. And just the self-centeredness and audacity of dudes to completely disregard our health and our well-being for their momentary pleasure.....it's gross.
11:18 I partly agree with this but he seems to dismiss that there are married single moms or women who got cheated on by their husbands or men who do a switch-up when they find out that the realities of parenthood is that it is backbreaking work that makes you spend money instead of getting paid for the work. Are there women who have kids irresponsibly? Yes. But are there women who tried their best to make sure to do all the right things (i.e. marry before carry, have a husband with a stable job, make sure the spouse wants to have the baby too) and then got let down by their partner. I have two friends who experienced getting cheated on and abandoned by their partner in their SECOND PREGNANCY! And they were both married, and the guy was an okay dad before the infidelity! You're gonna tell me they should've chosen better?! They seemed like they made a good choice until the guy thought he prefers a new 🐈 instead if taking care of the family he already has! You're gonna tell me that a man would propose to a woman witg words like "how about you leave your education and career to bear my children, ruin your body because of closely successive pregnancies, then I will leave you for someone new while you are jobless and pregnant and have to take care of a toddler? How about that? And I will not pay child support bcs I gotta support my new family? How about that?!" You're gonna try to convince me any woman will say yes to that proposal? GTFOHWTBS. "Choose better" is sometimes not an option because you don't know what kind of person you marry until push comes to shove. Putting the blame on the women because they couldn't (((choose better))) is overly simplistic and deflect the responsibility from the men who also have to be responsible for spreading their seeds or whether they want their seeds to be spread at all. It takes two to make a baby, and each should take their responsibility in that equation. Women, don't open your legs to anyone? Well men should not tap it if they ain't gonna wrap it!
I never wanted a baby and was convinced I wasn't getting married or having a baby. My oonie, ow!! Then i got married at 36 and decided I wanted a baby at 37. To this day people are still shocked😂 Having my son was the best decision of my life and I do most of the work but I like it that way. However, it is exhausting 😫😫😫 it is isolating work too and creates anxiety, but man the joy I get from my little guy🥰 I would say marriage is waaayyyy more difficult for me. I'm very much a free spirit , but everyone's path is unique. Being married with kids is not the only way to live, there's so much more to us than being spouses and parents.✌🏾
A mother hen can have 20 baby chicks and she'll be happy with her baby chicks following her around Because baby animals require less They don't cause her parents severe stress like human children do A human mother could never survive with 20 babies at once because human babies are extremely needy and need constant attention and required diapers , no animal needs diapers I believe human babies were designed by nature to be difficult for a reason but humans we went against that reason which is why we have overpopulation, pollution , overcrowding too many people and not enough resources and the violence is getting worse in society because lots of people are stressed out with no healthy ways of coping
Your logic is on 10! 💥 Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I agree with your observations, your illustration, your logic, and your conclusion! 🧠🫀🙏🏾🩷
They absolutely do stress !! I had a dog who had a puppy mama was a neurotic mother lol she was stressed when the father played with her baby and her baby LOVED her father and had a personality that was JUST like the father (also my dog) I had to put her in her crate to allow the daughter to bond cs she would attack him every time he got near her 😂😂😂😂 bearing in mind they lived together before and after the puppy 😂😂 that taught me so much 💯
@@femdivinemind7777 no comparison to humans, no financial mental and emotional cost to the animal parents either , animal parents never have to worry about their children being S-assaulted r@pe abused either, but sometimes that happens inside the home of human parents
Overpopulation isn't real but orchestrated by greedy men. Limited resources are caused by greedy men hoarding them. These greedy men shuffle people into dense areas stacked on top of each other so people think there is overpopulation. Hoarding resources forces people to work. If you just look at Google maps, anywhere in the world, you will see that there is plenty of land for people. You will also see how jam packed cities are. But I get your point and agree that we need to stop reproducing, bc the men are evil.
@@daysoftheboo they have to worry about them being eaten lol and hurt and taken away and harmed in general - they stress too was my point - the stresses might be different but they definitely do
Soooooo these people talking about “how did you not know???” Are we in the same world y’all??? The internet is NOT OLD it’s still NEW AF. these convos are happening because we ( everyday women) JUST RECENTLY got voices to talk to each other via TikTok and insta and be open amongst each other. Everybody momma and grandma were not able to be THIS honest. So YES there are plenty of people still indoctrinated or had their babies BEFORE these conversations became mainstream
Reading is fundamental. There are plenty of books about this topic and women giving their anecdotal experiences to inform you all. But evidently y’all don’t read. And it took an app from China to get you to understand the world. 🤡
I agree. The people who say 'Don't y'all have the Internet?? 🤪' are so childish, and I know they're gen z or millennial. I say this as a proud childfree, single woman, who is millennial but also empathetic and sensible.
You can be married and still be dumped with children I don’t know why people think just because you’re married. You can’t be dumped with children you can be!!!!
100% agree. But if a man is asking you to have his child... he should at least ask for your hand in marriage. If the pregnancy was unplanned i can understand not wanting a shotgun wedding
15 years I was married and SINGLE. He ended up cheating on me and leaving us. All that sacrifice for nothing?! Nope! I found ME when he left. Of course he alreadt tried to beg and come back (and is currently trying to Hoover me) but I refuse. I love my life now!!! I get to experience relationships that aren't romantic in nature now because before, he only allowed me HIM! I don't have to tell anybody where I'm going or what I'm doing anymore. Don't have to validate my spending. Ladies, choose yourself before it's too late! These kids don't give a damn about the sacrifices you make, nor does that man that you think would NEVER!!! When has a man NOT treated you bad or cheated?! It's never going to last forever so I have a 4 month honeymoon policy. Enjoy the beginning of a relationship and then BOUNCE NO MATTER WHAT OR WHO IT IS!!! Fun!!!
11:40 I’m sorry but he completely missed the whole point of the mother’s video. I salute all parents out there, especially single parents like myself we are doing our best don’t ever doubt that.
I don't understand how theses people didn't know raising child is hard in this internet age...but how? I see only pure egoistic mind from that woman. To raise human, parents should be egoless.
@jewdy8915 My friend told me once that people who don't own property, don't have money to pass to their future kids should not be having kids! You are only creating a slave to the system and more suffering otherwise.
I wish women would talk about their thought process and what they were really thinking when they got pregnant. That's way more important to share. And would help way more people.
As a former therapist, patients with BPD are the hardest to work with. A lot of therapists won’t even take on a BPD client because it really requires a special skill set. And the children of BPD parents that I met suffered immensely. I feel such empathy and compassion for this mom. I also encourage her to seek out other options if she’s unable to care for her child. Kinship adoptions and open adoptions, in some case, may be better overall for both mom and child.
I'm genuinely curious 1) Why are BPD patients the hardest to work with? And 2) Why are you bringing this subject into this conversation? Is there any link to it? Thanks in advance.
@@cassiopee26 The woman in the video mentions she has BPD and it seems to be part of the reason she’s struggling. Motherhood in general is extraordinarily hard, but compounded with BPD can be sometimes impossible. I also mentioned it because a lot of people in the comments referenced her BPD, but didn’t seem to have an understanding of how much it can impact one’s ability to parent. And to answer your first question, BPD was originally called “borderline” personality disorder because it identified individuals who might be experiencing a mild form of schizophrenia, and appeared to be on the border between neurosis and psychosis. BPD clients often have intense responses to perceived slights, have difficulty respecting boundaries, often threaten suicide or self-harm to get a therapist to respond, and can become aggressive or hostile with their therapists. There are lots of articles that explain BPD, but here are two that address why it might be difficult to work with BPD clients. I hope that answers your questions. psychcentral.com/blog/why-do-therapists-stigmatize-people-with-borderline#3 www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/my-side-the-couch/202203/3-reasons-many-therapists-don-t-treat-borderline-personality-disorder?amp
Are you serious about "nobody told us"?? What is the internet for, where is your logic at? Maybe yall should not have any children if you can't do a simple soul search on such an important question.
These people are COMPLAINING …after being on this planet for multiple decades, and never opening their eyes to look around and assess the landscape before laying down to breed. 🤡
I am soooooo very proud of this young mom for being so vulnerable because the A$$HOLES of the internet will have her thinking she is the worst human being that ever existed! And for the ignorant brotha talkin' about "marry before you carry"??? Um I WAS married for 8 years! That piece of paper DOESN'T mean SHYT!!! NOTHING keeps someone from leaving-PERIOD!!! And at the end of the day, mothers are still left with the majority of that responsibility! And while my kid's dad is still somewhat in her life, he doesn't co-parent with me so at the end of the day, its still me. So I KNOW how this baby feels and PLEASE remember-that it is OK to NOT be ok!!! Be honest about it and then move into a space of seeking help and support. But it is soooo very important for us to be honest about our feelings! Sending love and blessings to her and ALL parents who are actually being parents out here!!!! WE F@CKING ROCK!!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉👑🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽😁😁🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
I can only have so much sympathy but I'm definitely gonna need the men to be quiet cause you know for damn sure they're the "nice guy" sort, got something to say yet nothing to really show for it. This is not your conversation, you talk to men about pulling their weight so their partners don't end up like this, that's your place.
How much of this is actually bc people cant actually afford kids in the American culture? I always said i wouldn't even consider children until i could afford hired help. In my Latin whole family helps but my very americanized family is spread out all across the country and into their own lives. I would never get that kind of support. So, i KNEW raising kids in this country would be hell without $ to supplement what American culture does not give you, a true support system. I mean im latin but even i have asian friends and in their family's home country everyone middle class and up has hired domestic help. Its just our American culture that makes even the most basic shit something you have to pay an arm and a leg for.
I will add. I think no one told them how hard it will be (A lot of narc mom's and female family members are that vindictive, ask me how I know) but NO ONE mentions there is no village anymore. It's not the expectation for someone to physically take my child and take care of them. I just wished I had someone to call and ask questions and help me mentally survive. The times I was sick beyond being able to take care of myself and laying on the bathroom floor, having to put my son in there with me, with not help. The times I was so exhausted from work, cleaning, carrying the whole mental load and people telling me to deal with it, yet not holding the father of my child accountable. And the fact that most men check out on all levels except for having a "dad" title. I love my son dearly but I will warn anyone who wants children, especially women, you are going to go it all alone, all of it.
Great conversation. Thank you for having this platform so people on both sides can express themselves and help others consider the extent of their options.
I am a mom of 2 1/2 year old twins. I am a full time step mom of an 18 year old special needs kids. It's a lot, but I am unbelievably grateful that I have a support system. My husband is 100% present. My MIL helps a lot and so does my mom. My brother is mad I haven't move them to toddler beds so they can have sleepovers at his house. My dad said no way until they are 5 lol. I know I am not the norm and I do not have the strength or energy to do it all on my own
I agree w your papa, don't ever let them stay overnight somewhere til they can speak and know what/where the no-no areas are located. Sad n pathetic i know but keep them safe even from "family"
@@sheilamiller8390 I don't have to worry about that with my father and brother. I am sorry you have dealt with trauma that has caused you to think like that. My dad said they can't come until they are 5 because he doesn't want to deal with diapers and wetting the bed
@KiaShakur I have family that was touched on my black side, my German side doesn't play that. My mama was a stay at home mama til I went to high school. My sisters and I have never experienced the trauma, but it's very prevalent, sadly, on my papa's side. Unfortunately, the black community does Not protect its children properly, even from their own. I say this as respectfully as possible, it's your responsibility to protect your children til they can speak. That is awful your papa doesn't want to help his daughter change n watch his grandkids, however, I understand it because those are NOT his children to change them stinky diapers.
I never felt like this as a mother, but I was raising 2 grandchildren until this June. I was very happy to support thei morher, my daughter, regaining custody. I understand.
@@ambergraham103 When I say dudes, I’m referring to the father! When I say don’t hurt the bby, I’m referring to NOT physically, mentally, emotionally hurting them etc and or Yourself… Honestly, We have Soo many resources here in AmericKKK.. We do…. Postpartum Is a form of depression that goes undiagnosed.. Overlooked… She’s definitely giving postpartum. With No support system? No Help? Yea.
@@ambergraham103then let them be neglectful. Many women are doing it alone and are abusing their children. Women weren't meant to raise children alone and that is why they should be given to the fathers. Women aren't gods.
Oh boy oh, boy, I have some thoughts. So the second guy who stitch the video came off as incredibly misogynistic to me. He was constantly blaming women for everything that goes wrong in a relationship. Where is the accountability for the men? He said that women should be more careful before spreading their legs? Yeah sure, but what about the man who baby trap women with the very intention of getting them pregnant and derailing their life goals. There are men who secretly remove condoms during sex. What about them? He talked about how she was isolated and that’s her fault? As if there aren’t narcissistic, abusive men out there, who are the ones who isolate their wives, or girlfriends from their friends and family. It’s OK for men to just walk out on women after getting them pregnant because it’s too hard for them now? He doesn’t seem to wanna talk about any of that. Also, ladies. Remember, society is always going to judge us, no matter how we choose to live our lives. Childfree women are seen as selfish. Women who have just one kid are criticized for not being real women still. Women who have multiple kids, but go back to work or criticized for not being good mom’s and staying at home with their children. Stay at home moms are under appreciated and their work is not seen as real work just because they don’t get a paycheck for it. So my point is, we women are going to be judge no matter what so we really just need to stop caring so much about other peoples opinions and just live our lives.
Just like the lady in the first video, I also have BDP (Borderline Personality Disorder), and it is one of the reasons I don't want to have children. It is a very serious mental illness and managing the symptoms is hard enough. There's no space in my life for something as big and life altering as having a kid. I have enough challenges as it is. BPD already limits my life experience to a certain extent and it brings me enough pain. Why would I want to make this even more painfull and limiting? No way!!!
I’m not sure how ppl don’t know how hard it is when we see women in our family or neighborhoods struggle. I knew it was hard since I was 12 by seeing my mother raise me and by others around me. It baffles me how ppl didn’t know how hard it is to be a parent. That makes no sense. At 12:00 ladies these males are telling u to abort them Why ARENT you listening. It’s crazy how black women rather struggle with kids than take birth control.
Before Finding Princella I thought the village should consist of the fathers being there too. Now I know that’s all a lie. We need villages of WOMEN. We do EVERYTHING
This is so sad. I was lucky enough to be exposed to how hard it is to be a parent, single or not, from teen years. I can’t judge or expect that everyone knew this too. Compassion for struggling parents. Think twice, everyone.
11:15 and most definitely 11:40 my mother was trapped in an abusive marriage for half a decade before she started having kids and still ended up leaving and raising four kids on her own. sometimes you don't really know somebody until they have you where they want you to be. so for them to go off like that on her and told her to take 100% of the responsibility that it was 100 % her fault knowing it takes two to tangle and two to make a life long life changing commitment together; yall exactly the reason why tired, drained and destitute mothers are afraid to expose their real feelings about motherhood. y'all really don't know how powerful and effective manipulation and coercion could be especially on those who were abused and mistreated growing up. and addd to that societal norms, cultural practices, familial pressure, sexual assault etc its not as straightforward and easy as they think it is.
Also for the latter to make a last minute comment something about baby daddys not wanting anything to do with their child but yet still having to pay child support; cs only takes up 20-30% of your net monthly income and even then, y'all not doing the actual hard job of emotionally, financially ( most of the time) and spiritually providing for your kids. Even though he made some ok points, it's clear to many of us that he completely missed her fucking point and just talking straight out of his own experiences and feelings
For the brother blames her for getting pregnant. She didn't do it to herself. In this time, abortion is not an option for many women. I pray for the woman/women who has to parent his kids.😢
The ‘ you marry before you carry’ phrase always makes me laugh as if there aren’t divorced mothers or even married ones for that matter who don’t struggle doing it all by themselves lol these men make me laugh yikes
It's a deflection used bc they know they are bad men, so they try to act like only unmarried women are being hurt by them, but all women are hurt by men.
I don't care. I still believe in "marry before you carry." I would rather be a single mother with all the legal rights and protections that come with marriage than a single mother whose only right is a pathetic amount of child support, if she even gets that. Women with the "it doesn't matter about marriage" mindset are only saying that because they foolishly volunteered to be a baby mama because the sperm donor wasn't going to marry them anyway.
@@Childfree334 you should never want to be a single mother, with or without marriage. Even married women aren't protected. Alimony works the same way as child support. If the male doesn't work, you get nothing. If your name isn't on the deed or any assets, you get tied up in court fighting for something you didn't secure yourself. This system is definitely rigged to protect males. Protect yourself from men, bc being a single mother is. Nightmare.
Perhaps. But there are plenty of Brads/Abdul’s that will drag you through legal hell to enforce custodial rights and TAKE child support from you instead. It is a lose/lose for women, but y’all just keep playing with your lives 🤦🏽♀️
I’m sorry for making all these comments but the man who said he don’t sympathize with her or whatever he said I don’t care how do you get pregnant it’s still two people involved he should be taking care of the baby and so should his family!
Great video as usual. As a pet lover who has a beautiful and sweet Cane Corso, I was quite upset with the first chic who said she took her dog back to the pound when she and her ex-boyfriend broke up. You don't just return a dog who you agreed to care for like he or she was a piece of clothing just because you broke up with someone. That's cruel as f*ck!! You knew you didn't want that responsibility before you took the dog in... boyfriend or not 😡
I was looking for this comment. I run a rescue organization and one of the questions in my adoption application is what happens if you and your partner break up - who gets the cat/dog and why? As well as a lot of other questions about "it" they have to give up their pet. There's a way to weed these kinds of people out. Unfortunately, most shelters and large rescues just hand out animals to whoever shows up, like this chick and her boyfriend. If anything, the dog would have been a loyal companion to help her get over her anger and hurt from the guy leaving. She was too cruel to not even realize that.
She is not wrong for bringing the dog back to the shelter. Dogs stink, are neurotic, and needs lots of attention and training. Your comment about dogs is not better than people who say women should just keep the baby- that the males have long since abandoned- instead of getting an abortion or putting the kid up for adoption. People should not be forced to caregive for animals or humans they do not want. It's very telling and male-identified that you're more upset with the woman than the male who abandoned the dog and didn't even try to make sure it was in the home of someone that wanted it. You are either male or very male-identified.
My mom shouldn’t have been anybody’s mother, she was terrible at it. I used to be so angry at her for the way she neglected and treated us and herself, but as I became a woman and a mother, and how I loved being a mother, but I hated being a single mother it’s very traumatic and I don’t wish it on anyone❤ my mom was married. My father is her husband. He did absolutely nothing, but left her with four children and went and had children by someone else.
So, you obviously can see that your father was to blame. She was still a single mother with no help. So if course she wasn't her best. Don't blame her, blame your father. You already know what stress she went through bc you are a single mother. I'm sure your not at your best either. You obviously have neglected your child too bc you are at work away from them.
Some people know and still choose .like common sense comes with even having a baby so I don’t wanna hear women not knowing how hard mother hood would be especially if you not financially or mentally in the right space . Or completely fulfilled yourself before having kids
If there were any prerequisites or any basic consideration, being given by women, there would not be teen mothers, and there would not be mothers under 25. There would not be mothers on the street. Yet here we are.😂
I was programmed since I was young to believe that my purpose as a woman is to go to school get a degree, get a rich husband and then have a child. I went and joined the military, when the urge for children came I went and got a dog, I love my little fur partner, but I imagined that with an actual human being it would have been much much harder. I am now married and my husband and I decided that no children is perfectly fine until we are actually ready. And yes there is such a thing as being ready to have a child.
There is no preparation to being a parent. You have no idea what kind of child you are creating and the needs it will have. People can give you advice and promise support then leave you hi and dry. I was a 21 yr old college student pregnant with twins and my family told me they would disown me if I aborted and I could rely on them for help. My ex told me the same. He left me in the hospital to deliver alone and my family told me after the twins came, "You made your bed now lie in it." All that promised support was just talk. I cried a lot in the bathroom . I made itand my sons are well and thriving now 26 yrs later. My lesson for you is if you decide to have a child think about life without any help and see if you can or still want to do it because for women, that is a very possible risk.
22:42 that future fantasy isn’t always true just look at the internet about how kids are traumatized because their parents said no about something they want them claims their parents didn’t talk to them about why they said no or respect they wanted to get/do something that wasn’t in the benefits of them.
I really feel her. BPD is enough on its own, especially with the lack of support … adding taking care of other people can make life feel impossible. I feel like my mom warned me and I took it personal. 😂 Tell the girls the truth! Even if they don’t listen, they will understand if they hit this point, as opposed to feeling bad.
You can marry before you carry and it can still be a terrible situation--- Also, I don't see these men who responded to this video with stitches say anything about accountability with the man she laid down with to have this child. ESPECIALLY, the second guy-- he only mentioned about child support nothing about actually being there and assisting with raising their CHILD. I'm sure he couldn't wait to spew his opinion over the world wide web. -_-
It seems like everyone is ignoring the fact that she has borderline personality disorder. I've had friends with BPD, it is a very difficult thing to live with. I can't imagine being a parent PERIOD, let alone with a personality disorder that made my emotions swing all over the place. That poor woman.
He’s saying it’s 100% her fault when it took two people to make that child. His part of this video was absolutely disgusting. That’s why he hid his face the whole time.
I AND my sweet daughter suffered from me being an exhausted Mom. A child deserves the care of the village. I wish I had known her dad was going to flake and my family was going to be unavailable. Looking back, I see there were signs that they wouldn’t be there. I try not to reprimand myself too much for not knowing.
I am going thru the same thing and there are definitely days when I wanna give up but my little man makes it all worth it. Wish there was some way to help other moms!
Once it's out of womb EVERY RESPONSIBILITY around the kid CAN be split with the father. Also, you don't really need to be told not to put fingers in the electric socket when you're an adult, but can't by the similar virtue grasp the paramount crushing minimum 20yo all-encompassing no break responsibility of having a child???
I really wish when we have such a discussion that mothers would speak on this more. It seems usually all those who decided not to have kids are the ones rushing to the topic. The kids are here now, what solutions are your offering this mother, smh
Thank you for these videos I’m glad to see I’m not alone. I never seen myself as a mother and these guys will actually get mad at my decision to not be a mother. I have a dog and she’s allot I can’t do kids. I’ve seen my family and friends struggle and that let me know I’m ok with my decision. Seeing these videos make me glad I chose not to cause I know that I don’t have the patience to care for a child so instead of neglecting my responsibilities I just say no all together to avoid going through that. I feel you are guaranteed to be a single mother. I have a family member that is married and a single mother so that’s that.
You DO have to PLAN before you have a child. And plan for what could happen if you have to raise your child(ren) alone because anything can happen. Your huuussbbaandd can die, turn out to be gay and leave, get a divorce, etc. I went in the Army then went to college to make sure I would always be able to financially support my children alone if I needed to. God blessed me with not 1 but 2 fathers who are completely in love and committed to our sons. I am forever grateful for this. I would not have had children if i felt they wouldn't be good fathers and if I didn't think I could do it on my own if I had to. You do have to seriously think about what you're doing BEFORE you have child(ren). NEVER HAVE A BABY FOR A GUY. EVER. HAVE THE BABY BC YOU WANT THE BABY AND HE WANTS A BABY. NEVER HAVE A BABY TO KEEP A MAN. IT NEVER WORKS. I hope this helps.
I'm a 42 yr old woman and I'm child-free.. I am sooo happy I did not make the mistake of having a kid. Parent hood is NOT fun, that's why I knew I never wanted to be a parent. It can be a VERY regretful decision. If you are unsure if you wanna have a baby - watch these videos first.. A great dose of birth control.. 👌 And people wonder why a spouse or support people leave the parent (who is mainly the woman) - it's because raising a baby is STRESSFUL, and they can't handle it. Especially if that baby is born with physical and mental disabilities, and it requires so much money to support them. And the medical prices are rising.. It's not cheap to take care of a baby. 😣
People are speaking with this victim mentality talking about how much they worry about feeding their baby as if they didn't know that humans need food to survive. People jump into bed together with magical thinking that it won't result in a pregnancy if it wasn't their intention.
Not a smile and thank you for everything being the final reward 😂 whoohoo gratitude 🙄 so worth riding my literal life for… I’m grateful for me walking tf up before it was too late I’m grateful God never put that burden on me too.
also i notice a lot of these responders completely ignore the fact that she said it's especially hard for her because she has BPD. She's not just talking about being a single mom (hard enough at just that), but a single mom with a very serious mental illness. that one responder around 16:00 is right that we have a society that isolates us and makes it way harder to raise kids, but her mental illness very much DOES have something to do with her struggle
i honestly get confused when women say no one told....um ma'am. Did you not have a biology class that showed the screaming women during the birthing process. Have you never seen your own parents struggle. Your friends parents? You yourself was a child! Was being a kid easy?? Did you have siblings?! What part of parenting looked easy?? Youve met other humans right? Which part of any of that seems easy??!
At least we can see where the deadbeat dads are and where the involved dads are...👀 I swear, though, I'm a single-mom and even my "family" isn't around. The same family that pushed me to have a kid, taught me I'd be a monster/devil if I had an abortion, are not around. In fact, they literally left me to finish raising my sibling along with my own kids so they could go do their own thing. I'm totally alone, always have been. Everyone flakes, doesn't help, are adding their crap unto my plate, etc. I've given up on people, especially family and those who claim to be friends but are just needing another "mom."
If more people used critical thinking skills, many women wouldn't find themselves in this situation. Ultimately, it's up to us because we choose who we sleep with and who impregnates us. We can also choose contraception like birth control or condoms. If someone doesn't respect your boundaries, they're not the one for you. Take my family, for example. Some knew they weren't ready for kids, yet still brought them into unstable situations. We're harming our children by not using the critical thinking skills we have. Women, protect yourself. No one else will. Guard your mind, body, and spirit. Don't let others pressure you into things you don't want. We have resources like the internet and advice from other women, yet some still make reckless decisions.
I’m not a mother but I can tell you, being mentally ill makes it hard to take care of yourself. Unless you go through and completely recovery, I wouldn’t recommend mentally ill have children. I went through recovery for mine but I can’t predict how well I would be after motherhood; and it’s one of the reasons why I am childfree by choice.
When i had decided on getting my sterilization surgery done, my mom said that her n dad tlked abt it wen i was outta the room at the time and, my dad said "i think she wld be a great mother". My mom replied tho saying "would help with taking care of the child?" and my dad said "no" and my moms like "well there u go" and my dad completely understood beforehand on why i made tht decision tho. Cause parenthood is hard asf! and I didnt want too be in a situation where i couldn't handle it on my own or even with a partner. Growing up i was bullied n i did things tht i still regret too this day and Im emotional asf and i have anxiety n prblly other stuff i don't know about but throwing a child into the mix of all my inner turmoil that hasn't healed or may never heal isn't fair! So i made the choice of having my tubes removed. Also raising a child in this society and economy today is prblly 10x harder now than ever. Ive had ppl with kids tell me "don't have kids, its not fun". I look at them and say "no kids for me ever bcuz its hard n with today's world its only going too get harder n worse". Personally its hard enough for me as it is, i don't like the way this world is going, im struggling to be self-reliant and it amazes me that i even made it to this age (im 26). I don't even know if i'll make it too 45. but yea only bring a child into this world if u know 1000% for a fact u can do it/handle it and can afford all of what it takes too raise one.
I just watch this video and it had me crying tears I kid u not . She gonna be alright I feel her pain so much I’m a single mother of 2 boys and I feel u .
Not some . Every women knows kids is no joke and for people to play with growing a human like either to trap a man control him or whatever I don’t wanna hear the complaints yall single moms be aggravating 😂
Women can't trap men. It's impossible. Men impregnate women and then play victim to feel like women are chasing them. When in reality, none of you males would be spoken of if you didn't trap the woman with your worthless poverty seeds.
Y’all both play reckless games with each other !! Grow TF UP. Instead of taking accountability you BOTH continue launching social media assaults and get nowhere. Grow TF up.
I try so hard to tell the childfree women around me to stay that way. Dont go into motherhood with rose colored glasses. These men beg for children and 95% of the load is on mom. U lose ur friends, yourself, your peace of mind. Its not worth it.
That one guy sounded pretty bitter even tho he spoke some truth regarding bad decisions getting u where u are. But that would be living in the past. U can only learn and move forward to find "happiness"
Who cares? People need to know the truth. My children know I didn't want them, but they are still loved. They also know not to have children. Id rather them know the truth then suffer.
They get pregnant then demand help or for people to care like nah you wanted that responsibility I don’t get it these the people who will argue abortion
I just had a "friend" actively try to get pregnant by her bf of less than one yr. I have a 7 yr old and am in a 9 yr relationship. I had a stillborn a yr ago. This girl doesnt even know how far along i was or the gender of my baby, but swears she will call me when she needs help now that she's finally pregnant. My 7 yr old doesnt even know her name. Im going to return the favor. U figure that ish out YOURSELF. i definitely wont be available. Shes never evn asked how i was handling the grief.
Saw a man on twitter teaching men to DETACH from their women after they fall pregnant saying you've done ur part, let her do hers! And thousands of men follow his teachings! He added that men MAY provide resources, saying men who treat women like queens get disrespected. It's risky giving these dudes children.
Only have children that YOU want.🙄🙄🙄 Basically, these women allowed other people to tell them to create a whole human being and be responsible for at least 18 years. You aren't very smart if you do this for anyone other than yourself. I'm glad these stories are coming out bc women really do just allow anyone to run their life.😳🙄🙄🙄🙄
Ms! If you ever read these comments- dry those tears put on your big girl panties! It get better- it gets easier! Take care of yourself- trust god- you’ll be fine❤❤❤❤
If i decide to have kids ill make sure to be prepared to do it alone. Im saving up for future college funds and everything. But right now im busy enjoying being cf.
