My ADHD and BPD diagnosis (stigma, reactions, shame? ) 

I'm glad you've managed to find some peace in having your ADHD diagnosed, women especially are so dismissed when it comes to ADHD so I'm happy you'll be able to get some help to navigate it ❤️

Thank you SO much for this video. I watched all the way through and clung intensely on every word. I've been struggling trying to figure out what was different about me for my whole life, desperately trying to find words to explain what was "wrong" with me since I was 11 (I'm 18 now). I thought it was depression and anxiety for a long time but discovered neurodivergence and knew that it had to be more than just depression or anxiety because ADHD and ASD traits just seemed to fit so well and make so much sense. I got evaluated for ASD and ADHD but they said even thought I had all the traits it was actually just my personality and they slapped another anxiety disorder label on me which felt wrong because the anxiety has always been secondary. I was never anxious as a kid and I know that that's not what I really am but my masking to try and conform to expectations has forced me to develop anxiety as a means of protecting myself from rejection. My emotions and impulsivity have been so intense my whole life and I've felt crazy my whole life because nobody ever understood why I was acting so "hysterical" all the time but every word you've said here made me realize that I'm not crazy and that I'm not alone in my experiences. I feel normal. I feel believed. I feel like I can maybe be a real person again. Thank you a million

Just randomly found this.. and tho I highly doubt you’ll see this let alone respond- or that anyone will.. I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO JUST TELL ME ITS NOT JUST ME. I’m having one of those days where I feel like if I don’t find someone to talk to/ relate to & feel like I’m not just completely nuts and this is all In my head, I might actually go insane.. this feeling is INTOLERABLE! Yet another day where I feel what I can only try to describe as “hyper” & jittery on the inside- (literally feel like my insides are shaking) but yet I feel lazy, bored,& annoyed. I can’t sit still or focus- but yet NOTHING is interesting,& there isn’t anything that I want to actually do.. so I’ve spent the past couple hours going back & forth, walking in my backyard seeking some sorta stimulation- standing there aimlessly looking at my garden I once got so much joy from- then just walking back inside either standing looking around for something to do but annoyed by all the everyday chores around me, or zoning out in space😣long story short: 39 years old, I’ve struggled forever- 1st time I remember SH’ing and having to speak to someone I was 9.. but I come from a period where a lot was unknown.. kids didn’t really get diagnosed with mental/ neurodivergent disorders often, kids who showed certain signs were seen as just seeking attention- being needy- being bad, etc and the way most people handled it (or at least my parents) was to ignore it.. the idea was like “she’s just dramatic, don’t worry about it..OR- she has those cuts because she just wants attention so let’s not give it to her & she’ll stop” No one heard of or talked about BPD (& professionals who did wouldn’t even consider it for a minor) in terms of ADHD , when more was learned later on & more people knew about it- it was thought of as something that impacted little boys, and unless you were a young boy running around in circles bouncing off the walls- it wasn’t even a consideration.. when I was 19 (20 years ago) I was finally diagnosed with BPD. Anyway to the point, here we are all these years later.. much of my BPD symptoms I’ve learned to manage very well.. & most of the typical bpd traits people think of I’ve learned to maintain control over. BUT😣 over the last couple years or so, I’ve felt like something else is happening.. Sure, I’m not that out of control emotional disaster- in a rage- girl anymore doing all these destructive things & reeking havoc everywhere lile I was in my younger years.. but I’m not ok. And everyone thinks I am.. but it’s different reasons now that I guess I didn’t notice much before because the other things were so much bigger. & I can’t quite put my finger on it. & when I attempt to communicate my “issues” with my family/ loved ones, I feel like it’s made light of.. “oh you’re bored, everyone gets bored… oh well if you’re so bored why don’t you clean up- things are a mess.. how can you be annoyed that you’re sitting there doing nothing but you don’t wanna do anything, just get up.. well lots of people get interested in something & sit there for a while reading/ watching it or whatever- I’m sure you weren’t actually doing that for hours/ days … well everyone forgets things” I can’t make them understand- and I don’t even know how to explain it. I know everyone forgets things, but do they literally forget to call their kids doctor- take their child to the dentist appointment- forget something scheduled.. do they drive to the grocery store & forget what they need- do they friggin drive & forget where they’re going!!! Do they forget to shower . Do they forget to eat! Do they feel like they’ve only been sitting down for 5 minutes researching something but actually it’s been hours- & they forgot to even drink something so now they’re dehydrated. But mostly I feel like after so much hard work to become more emotionally stable, all this practice etc , getting to a point I can pump the breaks on anger & whatnot to where it’s not even an issue, years of being a good parent - only to now I find myself getting so frustrated over small things BECAUSE I CANT EVEN HEAR MYSELF THINK! It’s the little things.. it’s when I’m doing something & one of the kids asks a question or needs somthing, it’s as if I can’t hold two thoughts at once. & it’s getting worse and it’s making me snappy, & I’ve never been that way with them! More & more I’m having to hault everything , stop and explain “please give me one minute baby, one second to gather my thoughts” because I feel like I can’t even hear what they’re saying - it’s a bunch of scrambled noise in my head ,& not only can’t I process what they’re saying/ doing- I’ve also lost complete track of what I was doing… it’s interfering with my ability to parent, to be a wife, to manage my home.. and then every night I have this sinking awful feeling that I’m just ruining everything! & the guilt I feel that I can’t even seem to manage regular everyday tasks , or from getting overwhelmed just by one of my kids trying to tell me something, or when my husband’s telling me about his day & it’s as if someone hit a mute button and no matter how hard I try to focus the words he’s saying aren’t going into my dam brain😣 I mean- what is happening!!!???? I’ve rambled so much I’m not even sure if any of this is cohesive at all & makes any sense.. but what I wanted to get at is- Is it maybe possible, does anyone friggin know, that perhaps all this time I’ve had bpd AND adhd.. and maybe before my bpd symptoms were so big, so distributive- that I didn’t notice the others 🤷🏻‍♀️is it possible that over time, as the severity of bpd decreased, adhd became more prevalent or something? Is that even a thing? Because I legit feel like over the years as one set of issues kept improving, these other issues grew. And I don’t understand how I could be at 39 years old- have all these other traits/ symptoms all but dissipate , only to have other issues start to become debilitating! How is it that I’ve gone from a “0 to 100 person” to just a “regualr” person (no one in my life today, unless they’ve known me longer than 15 years, has ever even seen me very angry let alone in a rage. They’ve never seen me or known of me SH’ing, they’ve never seen me in a bpd episode, etc) but yet now it’s the most ridiculous things and I’m overwhelmed - frustrated- or annoyed. Why is it that I can’t even seem to keep my home organized because it just feels so bla & boring that I can’t seem to make myself do it. I don’t know what to do with myself or what’s going on with me! All I know is, this is not my usual borderline symptoms- and it seems to only be getting worse. I haven’t even brushed my dam hair today, but yet I can’t sit still linger than 5 minutes I’m sorry . This is so ridiculous. I guess I needed to vent like a dam nut job .. it doesn’t even make any sense .. I’ll leave this for like 10min just in case by some chance someone can make any sense of this, & then I’m a delete it because.. well.. it’s embarrassing

You sweetheart. Thank you so much for posting this. I have the same diagnoses as you and feel ya on so many levels. You rock and this made me feel less alone in this because I've had a lot of hate regarding my being open about my mental health issues . You're so right about the stigma BPD has on society that it gets uncomfortable talking about it because if you're open about it, people look at you sideways. Plus the info provided online talks about the outbursts which gives the impression we get all emotionally disregulated and ragey all the time when that's totally not the case. It was really hard for me to take the backlash of people's opinions about me when I opened up about it but thing is I don't regret it. It's not my fault and I never asked to be traumatized and neither has anyone else for that matter who struggle with BPD and having the ADHD (I also have CPTSD and fibromyalgia) so life is interesting to say the least. Thank you so much for posting this. I don't come across videos discussing having both at the same time. Thank you and don't apologize for the long video. I enjoyed it fully and it did help me out. ❤️

Congratulations on getting your diagnosis! I’ve recently been diagnosed with ADD and autism and it’s such a relief. I’ve literally had therapists tell me in the past that my mental health issues were my own fault because of substance abuse issues and other self-destructive coping strategies that I literally developed because of my ADD and autism. Being disabled and not knowing it can feel like your being gaslit your entire life and it’s such a relief to finally have your experience validated. I suppose that’s one of the reasons why having undiagnosed neurodivergence can actually m cause trauma disorders like BPD, because you go through life constantly being misunderstood and judged for something you cannot change. Your channel has helped me through various stages of my life and I am genuinely so grateful for people like you who are not afraid to share their mental health issues. It truly does make a difference, especially in a world where mentally ill or disabled voices are often marginalized or silenced.

Absolutely just amazing and incredible to see you flourish like this Claudia.

The end of this video made me so happy! Yes! You're gonna thrive!! You are so kind and passionate and you're making a difference!!! Go get 'em!!! You deserve the world 💖 i had too many thoughts to write down but here's a couple things lol It's so weird that our doctors don't always tell us our diagnoses, i had that experience too. Nobody told me they'd diagnosed me with C-PTSD untill i read my discharge paperwork after a 15 month inpatient stay??? Like that would have been nice to know so i could understand what was happening guys. Surely we should know what illness we have as soon as possible 🤣 I also related a lot to everything you were saying about ADHD and feeling different as a 'gifted' child and while in treatment. i did DBT and still felt like there was a lot of things that weren't really covered which I'm now figuring out are probably autism. Pretty weird they missed that. I'm hoping to get diagnosed soon but i feel a little scared about the assumptions made around autism and the stereotypes. I don't think there's too much stigma around it but I definitely had some ignorant assumptions until i started looking into it seriously. Anyway i loved this video- it's so great to see you smiling. P.s. I'm so down to go on some rollercoasters, I've been desperate to go to Thorpe park since the beginning of the pandemic! Sending huge love 💖💖

From my experience at school it was the children themselves (not all) who were the cause of most of the anxiety I felt. Admittedly, everyone's stress levels were elevated but any differences between children would be jumped upon and exploited to keep people down, ridiculed and ostracised. For example, being interested in studying would meen that you were dismissed as being a 'boffin'. Looking different would stand you out for scrutiny, etc. It probably comes from a narrow mindset and a combination of wanting to be in the 'in group' and potential jealousy. I guess it's a lack of empathy, which needs time and experience to develop. We can all have empathy when the subject is similar to ourselves but not necessarily when we don't fully understand or don't like the subject.

I’m getting assessed for adhd but I’ve always thought I had bpd. I felt like I was doing too much if I want to the gp I’m thinking of going privately to get assessed. Trigger warning if you can’t handle anything suicidal don’t read the next bit. When I struggle in the morning the way I motivate myself is to say ‘I could decide to kms today, it’s always an option’ and it gives me soo much relief! What’s crazy is with splitting you don’t realise you’re doing it. I’ve gone to private therapy (psychodynamic). She was helpful but I couldn’t manage the emotions.

It’s not that you don’t have depression or anxiety- it’s that it’s not a separate diagnosis in of itself. Those things come with the territory of having BPD.. so, depression wasn’t THE issue- it was a symptom of the issue.

The correct term for bpd is elevated mood.. true mania IS exclusive to bipolar 1, despite common misconceptions.., you can experience brief states of hypomanic mood with bpd- but not true mania. (& I didn’t truly understand the distinction until I started witnessing 1st hand what my best friend goes through).. but yeah- I’ve had conversations about that with many people over the years.. because Ive always known deep down these periods/ moods/ moments I go through are NOT bpd .. it’s a separate- completely different feeling. It’s not just “elevated mood” that I get, it’s not my BPD. It’s different. And now that other symptoms & traits are more noticeable since my bpd symptoms have greatly reduced; I’m pretty sure I also have ADHD. It sucks if I’m correct and I’ve gone 39 years without being diagnosed or validated; but.. I get it. It simply wasn’t that understood in my younger years. Everyone who thought of ADHD thought of boys bouncing off the walls & disrupting the class… And although I absolutely had my moments of being hyper & whatnot, I was a very well behaved kid-& I always made good grades. & when that all began to shift in my teen years, symptoms from bpd was so severe/ noticeable that other things got overlooked or attributed to that

I have adhd autism and bpd and im sick of how intense it makes me talk loads and annoys people and I have to take a break from social interaction cause of it lots xx

The end of this video where you said you've changed and become more powerful really reminded me of Defying Gravity from Wicked. 'Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.'

“It’s nothing to do with me. It’s just the computer”. XD XD. I love this SO much. Wow!! 👍🏻💻 You’d be an AMAZING companion to the Doctor. I think the 9th is my favourite, in retrospect. You’re passionate and smart and detail oriented and funny and interesting and amazing and strong. The doctor would LOVE you to have you around and you’d be an amazing team together. ❤️❤️❤️ Wow Claudia. Your speech at the end about education … I FELT that. And you say that you feel so powerful now. 🙌🏻 Even from before when you were struggling but speaking the truth, I could see that you are someone who is meant to be here to help this planet heal, to shape it into something better, to break curses and make a new world. You are calling it in, I really feel that. I’m so excited for you. I agree with everything that you said. “It’s not family pride that matters, it’s the family members, bc I care about people” 💯 all the way. You are a world changer, a transformer, a light worker, a truth warrior and so much more.

I was diagnosed with BPD 5 years ago, then ADHD as well only just the other day. About to start my ADHD meds, hoping that it will help that side of things a bit better! Thanks for your video Xx Edit: I’m relating to every word you’re saying and I’m only 7 minutes in!

I’ve have been diagnosed with both Bpd and adhd in later life and your video thank u I’m trying to understand xx

So, it’s actually not uncommon at all for the patient to not be told about their BPD diagnosis.. & it just depends on circumstance- sometimes it’s the provider & their personal belief about it/ ways of doing things- sometimes it’s the patient & depending on their personal circumstances/ severity of specific symptoms/ etc.. but the reason is because for some- knowing that actually worsens things… Again, we’re all different& our experiences , our set of traits, the severity of those symptoms, etc are different.. some people learn about their diagnosis and it’s helpful.. they become more self aware, they want to gain control over it so they educate themselves & put in the work etc.. and for some it makes things worse.. for me it was kinda both- I went through a rollercoaster with it. I remember my initial reaction was relief.. lile “omg it’s not just me- it’s not in my head.: there’s a reason, there’s a name” & hearing that- & recognizing myself in the criteria & symptoms was validated and helped me not feel so alone. Howvwr that was extremely short lived! Literally like a day or 2. And then it went to denial- & anger ..”I don’t have that! They don’t know wtf they’re talking about.. that’s nuts” and totally pretending it never happened- refusing to go back or do treatment- etc. and then came the worsening.. I spiraled into despair & self loathing- and I felt completely hopeless! In my mind, it was like a death sentence.. it was like ok so, I’m fkd. ( & also during this time little was known about BpD and it was highly stigmatized!) so i developed this “screw it all” mindset- and things got way worse before it got better. Alcoholism, drug addiction, attempts, dangerously sleeping around, etc etc So .. yeah. I know it seems like how could they not tell someone, WHY would they not tell someone., but there’s a reason for that. And it’s because for ALOT of people- knowing that diagnosis makes things worse

Dunno about the UK therapy system much, but many therapists in the US will avoid the "bad" diagnoses like schizophrenia/BPD/etc. to prevent stigma (despite this leaving the patient w/o a way to access tools/help specific to the condition)

Claudia I wondered if you could do a short video about your driving lessons and revising for the theory test please. I would like to start my lessons soon and the thought of it makes me anxious. Hearing about your experience could be really beneficial. Thank you. 💜💜

I was very sad when i firsr only got adhd diagnosis becouse i felt i had also more but then i got bpd diagnosis later and were happy

Already got me by the way speaking quickly. 😂

thank you so much for this 💕

Thank you for your videos.❤️

I've had BPD as my diagnosis for many years. After 6 years if really great BPD therapy and still struggling and having relapses everytime I got stressed. To months ago I got diagnosed with ADHD. I find it really hard to separate BPD, trauma and ADHD - and knowing when it's BPD og ADHD making me hard to regulate myself. Wondering if the ADHD might be the reason for BPD being my response to trauma - because my brain was already wired to be impulsive, having trouble self regulating. Do you take medication for you ADHD?

do you agree that BPD has to be caused by a traumatic event? since, as a child there was never one specific event that disturbed me, more of a collection of things, was this the case for you also? looking back at what I can remember of my childhood, I recognise a lot of BPD traits since about 9 years old... at what point did you realise there might be something diagnostically wrong with you? hope this wasn't too intrusive of a question lol! love you xx

Someone needs to get on the DCMCU 😎

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excuse me is ADHD comorbid with other mental illness