Adjustments I've made as a female: no make up. And this one took bravery: I cut most of my hair off. It was really long. But it was a sensory nightmare for me. Short hair is SO much more comfortable to me physically!!!
Its interesting that our experiences can be so varied. I'm actually growing my hair out. I had it short-ish for a long time but it was so unmanageable and kept falling in my face. I don't like it too short because it makes me feel masculine and isn't a good look on me. It feels easier to me now and I can just pull it back into a ponytail if i want. The only thing I don't like is the way it feels when it's wet. So I always wrap it in a towel first thing and its not too much of an issue. ❤But anyway, I commend you for doing you your way! ❤
I also cut my hair off when I realized it was a sensory nightmare. I also cut short bangs to keep the hair out of my face. I already don't wear makeup except eye makeup occasionally for self expression.
I have come to terms, as a woman that I cannot wear makeup. I've tried, oh, how I've tried. But, nope! All I can think when it's on my face is, 'I'm wearing makeup, I'm wearing makeup', and so on.... Plus, of course I've got to wear those soft clothes! Thanks Chris for your honest and humorous videos!
finally i found someone who shares my experience😭 When I was younger I tried to tolerate makeup, but i couldn't stand the feeling of it - it felt like a foreign substance that would've make me to peel my skin off. And the lipstick... whenever i ate food or licked lips accidentally - it had such offputting taste and texture.
I identify with so much of what you are sahing here. Everyone in my life has mentioned I likely have autism. I kept saying no no till my oldest son is 13. He has autism. He was diagnosed at 2. We are so similar. He asked me if I am also autistic. I was like no I’m not. He then said no way he can be either then… then he laughed. It was a big ah ha moment. This is why I identify with him more than my other children. Our life experiences have been so similar. He’s amazing. I have started being kinder to myself like I am towards him.
Female diagnosed with ASD at 59. I hate eating in front of those I don’t know well. Must wear soft clothes and no matter what I do my hair is messy or wild so I just run with it.
Hi! Just turned 60. I can't believe some of the stupid things I used to wear to fit in. Panty hose? OMG! Glad to be an old fart and not care. No, actually I do still care but my FIRST priority is COMFORT. BTW, I'm picturing you LITERALLY running with messy hair😅
57 here. I no longer wear anything that encumbers me. No makeup, clothing/footwear have to feel non-existent, short cropped hair, no dangly or heavy earrings. Also, I’ll change clothes at least twice a day. I cancel things if my energy is low or I’m feeling overwhelmed. The bonus of being this age is not caring what people think.
Several months ago, I (33F) was fed up with whatever has been going on with me my whole life. I've tried to figure some things out myself in the past and came across some things like BPD, Bipolar, etc. and none of them fit like a glove. There were some big things that fit, but quite a few things that didn't. I'd kind of given up. But, having come across Autism and ADHD, which I ignored cause so many other people have said to me throughout my life, "There's no way you have it." I got incredibly curious when a video of an autstic lady popped up on my suggested, and a short of a man that didn't think he was autistic that ended up getting diagnosed -- I thought: WOW. All of this applies to me. I got curious and took one self assessment and scored in the middle of the autistic range. This prompted me to take the cat-q. 144. My sister has a new coworker that recently was diagnosed (he's in his early 20s), and I'd only ever felt like I really connected with someone I just met any more than a girl I was friends with in high school that was diagnosed with asperger's as a small child. My husband is very supportive of me talking to someone (a professional), but there are still so many people in my life that seem to not be taking me very seriously. Talking to a professional is also VERY expensive, much less even one that is experienced with women. There are NO professionals in my area that even see adults with autism (you know children grow up, right?). I just want to know. I want to know why it always seems like people expect me to be a circle with a circle brain and I'm a square with a triangle brain. When I say everything is too much, I really mean *everything.* I want to be able to accept myself more and know what I can do to make everything easier. Thank you (and other creators) for these videos and resources. Hopefully, I can find a professional willing to talk to me that I can afford. Edit: THE NEEDOH CUBE IS REAL. I just got one at Walmart a couple days ago, and as soon as I opened it... There's so much. Light touch and it gives in, quick taps it doesn't, you can mold it, look though it with all the bendy colors... GET ONE OMG.
Same! I'm super interested in all of this after seeing videos of adults realizing they are autistic I definitely can relate. I hope eventually I can figure out how to just be myself and not overload my schedule
I dislike eating in front of people I don't know, especially going out. It feels too intimate and vulnerable to me. But I love good food and eating out and socialising with a wine! But I also get anxious in an unfamiliar new place. So I'm always battling my wants and anxieties😆
I don't like eating with strangers, either. When I had roommates in college, I'd usually wait until they were out to cook and eat. Added note: But I do like going out to eat with friends so long as the place isn't loud or crowded, but it has to have a familiar menu (the choices can be overwhelming).
entirely fair. glad to hear others also still enjoying good food though 🤍 tbf for me food and cooking actually follow into my special interests, so i have a slightly easier time (though i can also just be too obsessive with it at times). anyway, when all else fails, i recommend focussing on that very aspect: this is _your_ food, _your_ enjoyment - handle it how _you_ please to get the most out of it. and, it just occurred to me.. it should always be fine to say something like "hey, interesting topic, let me chime in after i finished my food" or something like that (if the other people are too chatty 😂)
I got my diagnosis just six months ago, after years and years of recurring burnouts. I'm watching the second point on your list kind of teary-eyed, because I'm currently going through massive autistic burnout (again), on sick leave from work because of it (again), and very anxious about the future because my job can't accommodate me in ways I'd need in order to be able to work without burning out every 6-12 months. Not because they don't want to, but because my job, by nature, is not one that can easily accommodate ND folks' differing needs, flexible schedules etc... so I'm perpetually exhausted and wondering if I really need to go back to uni in my mid-thirties to find an occupation that would be more accommodating. Right now my exhausted brain can't even begin to think about what I could possibly do, I'd need to rest for quite some time to be able to recover and think about it, but in today's society it seems rest is not allowed.
I know what you mean! I’m in burnout right now too and it’s been a real struggle. It’s lasted for about 6 months now, so I’m focusing all my limited brainpower and energy on getting better. I also can greatly empathize with your anxiety about having to return back to work and be engulfed in an environment that will put you back into burnout fairly quickly. Do you have to go back to university and get a degree to be able to switch occupations? Maybe you don’t need to. What are things you are really interested in? What are things that bring you joy? I’m wondering if you started brainstorming a list (I know even doing this can be a struggle when you’re in burnout) you might be able to identify an opportunity. I would recommend figuring out a way to work for yourself. There’s so many jobs one could do. I’ve also found that us autistics, because of the intense passion we show for our interests, we get really really good at what we do. You’d have more control over your schedule and more importantly, your environment. Something to think about!!
I've been in severe autistic burnout for three years. Git my diagnosis at 57, totally done in from no one listening to me when i expressed my needs. I couldn't explain why I needed them, so I was just needy and difficult my entire life.
Consider being an independent consultant. I had a full-time job that didn't have much flexibility: international business development in a technical field. I burned out so hard (with physical issues from the stress) that my primary care doctor put me on medical leave for five months. That's when I got diagnosed for autism. It felt like a risk to try independent consulting. I set myself goals for building up a client base, and if I hadn't met those goals, I would have probably gone back to a "normal" corporate job. Luckily, I'm now advising companies on the same things I used to do full time, yet I have more control over my hours and work. While not making as much as a full-time job, I'm a lot healthier and a lot happier. You may be surprised what can translate into independent consulting! One more bit of advice: develop a sense of self-compassion. Accept that there are ways neurotypical people can push themselves -- rewarded in the corporate world -- that simply aren't good for you. On the other hand, you may have skills and abilities, especially if you have a special interest that lines up with your work, that are pretty dazzling to witness!
Thank you so much for these videos. I used to beat myself up so so badly for not being able to function as an RN. I know, completely insane choice for an autistic person, but I had no clue, was used to forcing myself to be tougher and tougher, and I was convinced I was just weak, and needed to find a way to be “mentally stronger” like everyone else. I used to scream and cry all the way to work (meltdowns, but didn’t know what to call them), cry in the bathroom multiple times during shifts, and could barely sleep before any morning I would have to work. Eventually I just broke and couldn’t do it anymore. I actually started working on the roof with my dad, and the physical labor was tough, but my brain finally got a break from the constant onslaught of everything that nursing entails. I finally feel like I can forgive myself for not being able to do what everyone else thought I should.
The two biggest adjustmens I've made (and my husband has made along with me) are the "I can eat the foods I want to eat, the way I want to eat them" (as long as I eat my veggies - dang those spouses for making us eat our veggies!) and "do what I enjoy/need to do" - for 30 years I fought fidgeting and playing with toys because I was told it was inappropriate, but now at 37 I have Needoh cubes and popper balls and I play kids video games and I watch what I want, even if its a "kids" show.
There have also been adjustments made in my family's lives too and I'm grateful for that. It's one of the main reasons that I wanted a proper diagnosis. So that I could turn around and give them a reason for my odd requests and behaviour. Because until I had that reason, I was just being selfish, awkward or pedantic in their eyes. What I was surprised to discover about myself, is just how much I made myself do and how much I tolerated before the diagnosis. I made myself so stressed out all the time from trying to be like everyone else. Things would really bother me sometimes, but I could see other people getting on normally, so I tried to as well. Now I cut myself a bit of slack. I still feel guilty if I need to take a few hours to myself and sit down quietly, but at least I do it (I'm working on the guilt side of it). One thing that does stand out. As the boss you are able to just walk away from a meeting if you need to. Even if I'd had my diagnosis when I worked, as an employee that would've been seen as high treason to walk out of a meeting! Sadly, I can't imagine that much has changed recently in that respect, and I hope I'm very wrong. Yes there are some great companies out there that would make allowances. But to most, time is money, and if someone has to take an hour out to recharge, that's money to them and that's all they care about. I haven't worn jeans for years now. Women's jeans in the shops these days just feel slimy to me. I prefer the old fashioned 100% cotton jeans we used to be able to get. For a while I wore mens jeans because they were okay. They didn't fit properly, but at least they weren't slimy, and they had actual pockets! I love your videos, they always make me smile. Thank you xx
I just came from watching the 'my autism dx journey' video and I have to say, seeing someone come from that understanding of themselves, a shame and despair based conception of being dx'd this way, into this sort of video talking about 'we's and how you've adjusted... it's really inspiring and awesome TBH. Good job, my man!
I love the way you describe your experiences. You paint a perfect mental picture! I screen record clips of certain things you say to send to my husband to explain my experiences with certain things 😂 the Itchiness thing and clothing textures and tags... they have been a problem since childhood. As a kid, I'd literally cry until I got sick until my mom would let me change. She thought it was a tantrum, looking back, it was my sensory issues because to THIS DAY, I will want to pull my hair out If my clothes are uncomfortable. Comfy clothes can get uncomfortable when I'm stressed about other things in general. And then the dreaded ITCH. YOU JUST ITCH SO MUCH. THEN THE ITCH SPREADS TO PLACES THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CLOTHES ANYMORE 😂 *brain swells, is the perfect description* 😂😂😂😂😂
I loved this. I always say that the benefit of COVID times was divorcing my "business attire." Does wearing heels make me a better accountant? Quite the opposite, my friend. And your examples of physical reactions to draining conversations are so very relatable. Thank you for sharing.
I'm still in the process of figuring out what adjustments I need to make. I suspect I have to do contract work, rather than work 9-to-5 jobs, and to have occasional week-or-two-long breaks. Also, I've been stimming more -- a *lot* more -- and have even explored possible new stims as well. As I've watched these videos, Chris has given me these weird "childlike adult" vibes -- I cannot help but suspect that, as I've been stimming more, I've been putting out vibes myself -- so one of the adjustments I've been trying to make, is to try to worry less about what other people might think of me! I'm sure there are a *lot* more adjustments I need to make. It's kindof stressful, trying to figure out how to make these adjustments and be unemployed at the same time, but it's also necessary as well. I don't *particularly* want to get another 9-to-5 that has me burned out after several months, only to be let go because the company burns out too (I've participated in several startups) or because my performance has dropped (sometimes combined with the economy dropping as well -- the software industry can be *rough* and *brutal* !). Also, and perhaps there's some irony in this, but I find business suits to be *particularly* comfortable -- *particularly* if they are tailored for me -- but the suits I want to buy are a lot more expensive than the off-the-rack mildly uncomfortable ones available at places like Walmart or Burlington Coat Factory. If I could find a machine washable and comfortable suit, I'd be seriously considering wearing one every day! (I've seen ads for something called the "X Suit" that looks really promising, but there's something about the real-or-imagined "shininess" of the material in the ads that makes me fear that the fabric is going to drive me nuts!)
Totally relate to your video. It's funny that there's so many things that I felt I "realized and accepted about myself" (is the way I've thought about it) in my 30's that were just traits of my adhd or autism. I am a twin, born two months premature, and spent those first two months in an incubator at the hospital. I feel like that was probably good enough conditions for my prefrontal cortex to under-develop. Also my mom is undiagnosed ocd/hoarder with a lot of trauma she never unpacked. Back to my point- I realized that "I deeper than most people do," is the way I described it to myself, and once to someone I was dating, but they turned it around to make it sound like I was looking down on them. I just meant when things hurt, they hurt so deeply, and when I do get upset, it's blinding, I don't know. I could never explain it my entire life up until then; that I cried often because, "I don't know," when I was a kid, was really that I didn't feel understood and I was frustrated. and then the feeling of disappointment or fear from crying just made it worse. When your family bullies you for just being yourself, it forces you to put on a mask that you wear so long, and protect for so long, that you believe it is yourself until you have a meltdown. I did find what you said about the mall funny. I definitely don't like slow walkers or people who just stop in traffic or shoulder push you, or cough in your face at the mall. But for so long, if I wanted to go into a store and the only person in there was the person working, I would not be able to do it, because I did not want to talk to them at all. It wasn't until I was with other people my age and we were at the mall and I would see what they would say to the workers and I could have a comfortable dialogue and expectations from the conversation without a spotlight being put on me. One thing I've noticed about myself recently that probably has been a thing for a lot of my life, is that when I'm with a group of people, and I'm not engaged in the conversation that's happening, even though it appears to be a group conversation, I will just up and walk away. And I now get that it's seen as rude but something else captures my attention and I'm gone. I never really thought anyone noticed since I wasn't actively involved. Adjustments I've made- realizing that just because there's an expectation to be social at an event, doesn't mean that I have to be. Stopped calling people "friends" that aren't, and not attending every social invite. Eating the foods that I like- most of the time- I am in a relationship with a NT and we still switch off making dinner on weeknights and all meals on the weekends so I have to eat food that doesn't always make my senses happy. I don't always finish a meal if it makes me feel icky, though.
Thank you for sharing this! I don't have an official diagnosis, but I have come to realize that I am definitely a high masking autistic woman after getting an ADHD-I diagnosis over two years ago and hanging out on Neurodivergent RU-vid Channels since. I am also now ill and disabled from MS. In large part, because of the constant burnout. Now that I am ill my ability to mask is almost nonexistent. I had no idea how much brain power it took (plus physical energy) until I started having cognitive issues. I am currently underweight due to digestive issues (an unfortunate cascade from the MS). My sensory issues are all more pronounced with food and everything. I have no appetite. I really need to just eat whatever I want. I've been doing it a bit, but you just gave me permission to really step up the self-care around some of these sensory issues that I've been slowly coming to terms with. Thank you!
I’m glad this was helpful and autistic burnout is no joke! What you’re describing is almost exactly like what I have had when in burnout too. (But without the MS, which sounds really challenging.) You never realize how much you put into appearing “normal” until you understand that those feelings aren’t normal, and then it’s almost like everything becomes a bit harder after. I’ve read it is common after diagnosis to experience burnout just from this, so with all your challenges right now, it’s amazing how you’re giving yourself more permission to just do what you need to do. I hope the sensory issues improve with those adjustments too! I also have a video that’ll be shared tomorrow about food and how complicated it can be for autistic people - would love to hear your thoughts if you catch it. Thanks for sharing your experiences 😊
@@ChrisandDebby thank you so much for your response. I will definitely check out the new video. I really appreciate your sharing your experience. Informational, funny and helpful. It's so important to realize that we aren't alone in our struggles.
My therapist suggested that I make some adjustments, mainly because I am masking at work, the same way you did. I’m not quite comfortable to disclose to my coworkers yet. For other things, I don’t go to any social events and I usually get food delivered so I don’t have to go shopping
I also really hate eating in front of people, because I am very particular about the way I eat food. I definitely feel a bit uncomfortable when I'm at lunch eating around people.
LOL my Grandkids and I have changed 'sorry' to 'sorry, not sorry' when it has to do with doing what is best for ourselves. On the food... I ate the same thing everyday for almost 3 years and once I stopped I have never had it again and I'm OK with that!
i feel like i was able to do all of this without a diagnosis. i just observed myself and figured out how to maximize myself. I learned that i needed to break things down into bite-sized chunks, strike when the iron was at least warm. of course i never expected as much as running a company.
last time i went to one of those giant club stores i pretty much had a panic attack and never went back. but now i'd mostly rather stay home. but i'm old. and have no friends.
My adjustments are 1. I became a widow. 2. I got rid of my family, who viewed me as the family burden. 3. I eat only when I am hungry, usually once a day. 4. I sleep when I am tiered.
I've made massive readjustments to my life to try and accommodate my autistic needs, but I think your tolerance and energy wanes as you get older (I'm 64) to the point where it feels nigh-on impossible to earn enough to live on. Whatever I try, however much I trim down my life, I'm permanently exhausted. These are great suggestions though - I wish I knew about them forty years ago. I think it's incredibly important to do these things when you're younger to avoid the permanently burnt-out feeling that results from a life without diagnosis, or very late diagnosis, and of not understanding your neurodiversity and giving priority to your needs.
The part about adjusting your management role caught my attention, and I'd love to hear more about how you manage people. All of the content from a Google search on how to manage as an autistic are tips for NT managers to help ND employees. Corporate America recommends meeting schedules that don't feel sustainable. Do you have scheduled or ad hoc one-on-ones, are there formats that work well for team meetings or do you handle the coordination over email/Teams/Slack, that kind of thing?
i remember being chided, sometimes by the very same people, both for eating too slowly as well as for allegedly gulping down too ravenously.. like, which one is it? though the slowness was less chided and more like beheld with amusement but of course that had to be brought up at the table in a conversation with me, so now i had a conversation to follow which made it even harder to keep concentrating on finishing my meal 😫 as for adjustments i made recently, i am listening more to my body when it comes to overstimulation. big thing for me is that when it's a beautiful summer's day i want to go outside but sometimes i'm still recovering from something (like two weeks ago i went to summer festivals on three days with only one day in between, and i absolutely loved it but it took me over a week to recover) and then i just have to accept that, no, i won't go outside or even be on my balcony when the sunlight and the sound backdrop is just too much.. sometimes i just go for a walk at like 11pm when it's thoroughly dark and mostly quiet. still struggling with all of this though, but that's bc i also have a couple physical ailments and am recovering from 15 years of misdiagnoses and all of which that entails.
So, im not diagnosed with anything. But what you speak is thr truth of what ive struggled with throughout my life and see if my sons life. But what ive learned from these vids is listening to myself and forgiving myself for being that person who doesnt go to the work night out (just happend this last week) when i have had a very hard week, ive got period pains, the house has been a nightmare because the new floor that was supposed to take 3 days took 2 weeks and the chaos in the house over those 2 weeks completely sucked my battery. It doesn't seem to matter to a lot to me it seems. "Ive learned to be kinder to myself" is what you say and I think thats what ive learned for me and for my children too❤
You’re right that getting diagnosed isn’t necessarily the most important part - understanding yourself and being patient and kinder to yourself really is. Figuring out what works specifically for you is what matters most…and it sounds like this is having a positive impact on your family too. Thanks for sharing this!
I end up eating with my hands a lot when it might not be appropriate for an adult. I long ago learned to not care about the looks, I'm a sloppy eater, I can't help it. Bring on the napkins! I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one, thanks or sharing.
Here in Brazil autistics have special rights by the law. And people are aware of that. One of the major adjustment I did is to, when I am at a store, or dinner, I ask :"could you please turn the music off, or turn off this light, or turn off the air condicioner" and I say "I am autistic". So usually I have my special need respected and done. I realized that they do can switch somethings just because of me, if they want to, even though there is a lot of other people at the place too.
I just gave notice at my job bc it is killing me to work at a desk 8hrs a day 5 days a week. I have to people a lot and be on a construction site and am expected to work in a filthy job trailer that is dirty and chaotic with a superintendent who is basically sitting on top of me frequently chewing his nails. It SUCKS! I asked for accommodations and people say the right thing but nothing changes. Fortunately I am able to make the choice to quit and pursue a different field working for myself.
OMG that gag at the broccoli. I know that was physically painful... I go through the same thing except I can't Even put it in my mouth if I know it'll hurt me like that. That's just horrible! I hate my veggies too but there are a few good ones I love and don't even need butter or seasoning. I can eat a can of whole kernel corn straight without complaint, but I can't do that with most veggies. things with horrible textures I might like the taste, but still impossible to eat solid onions and jalapenos. bad textures need to be powderized or liquified I'll never eat it. You couldn't beg me to do it if I was starving at 85 pounds. Honestly, I'm just happy with a bowl or two of bland ass tasteless white rice and I love it... I could live off rice. It's my safe food. Honestly, most of the adjustments I made for my autistic self weren't even done by me thinking about them(They happened more subconsciously and gradually than me actually thinking about them(like most of my decisions, I know they're good for me, but I haven't really put the puzzle together completely, which is why I can present as extremely spontaneous. I have put the thought into it but I really can't access Why all the time.)).
What brand is the sweatshirt?? I have such a hard time finding the thin, loose tshirt fabric hoodies. They're not listed in the Favorite Comfy Clothes. Need to know. Please!!!
Great sharing of your work and life lessons. Thank you! Wonder if you follow Cal Newport's podcasts, or have read his book 'Slow Productivity'. Is the message helpful to our autism community? (my adult son has profound autism).
just recently finding out im autistic, only really had problems with food when i was a kid, except beans and mushrooms those can go extinct idc, my parents almost made me a "clean plate" kinda guy. i never quite clean the plate but ill just leave scraps, i find it hard to leave the table without finishing even if it made me sick
Omg ive always been a messy eater and its so embarassing. Like i cant help it 😅 sometimes its cause i eat too fast or take too big of bites or whatever.
People can be really judgy about the way a person eats. I eat really slow and i am particular in how i eat my food. The main thing i get told is that i eat like a child. I mean, seriously, concentrate on your own food!
How did you discover you were autistic. I was diagnosed adhd in 4th grade. However by adulthood the diagnosis changed to bipolar 1 with psychotic features. At 40 years old no treatment has stayed "working". A lot of the behaviors or situations you described fit me to a T.
My story is similar to yours in ways. I was diagnosed adhd around 10 years old and then was diagnosed with a number of things throughout my adult life. With each new diagnosis, I’d dive in and figure out ways of living that medical experts said would work. Well, nothing seemed to work. When Covid hit and governments started setting sudden and drastic limitations, my world was turned upside down and I started full speed down a path of utter and complete shit. Meltdowns, hopelessness, dark dark thoughts… basically bad stuff. During this time, my wife Debby started to do her own detective work and got organized with her observations and started researching. After about 2 years, she was confident it was autism. None of the other so called disorders seemed to check enough boxes. *A side note: I got lucky though with my wife Debby. She’s got an MS in educational psychology and has been working with neurodivergent children and their families for 15 years. Most individuals don’t have a Debby living with them and working around the clock to help figure out what’s happening inside. Her next challenge was getting me on board to the idea that I might be autistic. That took about a year. I rebelled after my first asd diagnosis, but was left with little else to do but face the writing on the wall after my second diagnosis. Being officially diagnosed with autism as an adult can be challenging because many therapists, doctors, and other medical professionals aren’t adequately trained to look for autism. They don’t understand it. They are relying on outdated research and biases that can prevent them from seeing what’s in front of their faces… autism. If bipolar isn’t ‘feeling’ quite right and doesn’t seem to answer questions about why or how your brain and body are doing certain things, get in with a medical professional who is good- one who understands autism. If you’re interested about how this might look, feel free to email me!
@ChrisandDebby well I appreciate the thorough response. It doesn't totally make sense for me to be bipolar because what I experience or identify as mania is an anxiety induced panic that won't subside until resolution is found, Not the happy on top of the world feeling I've been told mania feels like. I couldn't describe what happy feels like. It's either depression or nothing at all. I do find strict routine comforting. Some of my behaviors have been described as hyper vigilant.
May be a help, may not. May also already be part of your… experiences? Unsure what word to choose here. But I often cover my mouth immediately after taking a bite to make sure my mouth is clean and if I need to chew some to be able to accommodate the oversized bites. Not particularly self conscious about chewing, but the lip licking. Particularly came up this week because salads are just. How do you not get messy having a dressed salad??
Ok, so.....question to any who can answer. What can I do if I can't make some of these adjustments? Like, I can't just take breaks whenever at work unfortunately. And as much as I would like to avoid groups, I just cannot. If I do, then I start to severely lack in other things because unfortunately, the world operates way too much on group settings. So what can I do to adjust for that? Any thoughts?
I have to eat almost everything with a knife and fork. I absolutely hate touching any kind of food that isn't bone dry. Except bones. I don't like touching bones. I also never really thought about my eating habits like that. I have what I call "battery food" that is just whatever I could get for under $2.50 a meal for food at work and the --kids meal-- of some kind of chicken and some kind of potato and\or veggie at home and everyone thinks it is weird that I am able to eat the same thing every day and not get bored. I spend next to nothing on food and am able to maintain a healthy weight and athletic performance. And yet, people look at me like a space alien. Sorry had to rant.
why did you eat raw broccoli... that seems to be why you do not like "vegetables" give it a roast, with lemon and garlic at the lest. for example... people thinkt hey like meat.. but very few people are eating raw unseasoned meat. good it ...with seasonings and dips. people seem to ACTUALLY like seasonings , dips, auces, marinades... and guess what... THOSE are made with vegetables. gotta change that frame of mind about veggies.
I like my food pretty: restaurant style, haut cuisine. My partner is pakistani...the presentation of most of the dishes make me wanna puke. All mixed up in one bowl is my food nightmare. I don't like touching my food, worst if greasy or sth. I always eat pizza with fork and knife. With eating i am always checking if i am Knigge. And always afraid of people staring at me.
I was diagnosed at 45, and I made a few adjustments too. I gave up my career to find remote work from home job options, and stopped shopping in stores. I have my hair cut very short now, I let myself follow the rule that “fed is best,” and I don’t shame myself for loving the things that I love, even if they’re seen as “silly” and “childish” by others. I’m starting to learn to be happy, sometimes. It’s hard! But it’s time to live my life for me now, not the fake persona that I thought everyone else needed/wanted/demanded that I be. Thank you for your videos, they articulate SO MUCH so perfectly. ❤
Thanks for letting me know. I appreciate that. It’s funny, because hearing the sound of my own voice makes me irritated and uncomfortable. 😂😂 I’m really really happy you like it though.
Every single time I watch one of your videos, I feel like you are my brother from another mother. All of the things you talk about here are the same struggles that I have. And that feeling when you hit the jackpot and go to the movies with your wife and you are the only two there... Magic.
Oh that jackpot is one I’ve only had a couple times but yes, complete magic 🙌 Glad to hear that these videos are connecting with you! It’s been so helpful for me to also hear how many people share similar experiences and characteristics - makes me know that we are not alone on this! Thanks for being here 😊
autists dont like being perceived- especially when eating. its so nice to watch Chris talk and stim with his needoh. Chris, you are such a nice combo of serious and silly. you have given yourself some nice accommodations. i wish I could have the accommodation of just watching Chris and Debby minus the brain and eye pain from Steve and his antics (although the dog taking the carrot is cute and clever).
OMG eating in front of other people! Sometimes I’m quite ok with that, if I’m with ”safe people” in an environment I know, but other times I’m so conscious of how I’m eating, I do all this masking to make sure I look normal, I overthink it in every single detail. Ahhh, pure nightmare! I’m late diagnosed ASD and it was like this for me since I can remember.
The only way I have managed to eat a decent variety of vegetables is by a recent discovery of super greens powder that I add to a glass of water and down like medicine 😂 It also keeps me constipation free!! Bonus!!
Oooooh checking out those shirts, thanks! An autistic friend just gave me two hoodies that don't fit her right, score! I will admit the friend thing is a little harder to implement when most of your friends are also autistic because *no* one wants to leave their house 😂😂but your setup sounds pretty sweet!
Hi Chris, thanks for the videos. FYI, vegetables are not mandatory. They're not as healthy as we have been made to believe. (Research carnivoor: www.youtube.com/@KenDBerryMD, ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Q-SqwlqBKdY.html).
Ask for the vegetables, just pretend it's not really food. Try not preparing it in any way whatsoever and eating it with your fingers as if it were just extremely flavorless chips that you are only eating for your body to feel better. As you said letting go of expectations is extremely important, and always expecting food to have certain flavor or to be pleasurable to a certain degree can be as stressful as expecting yourself to perform at certain levels at all times
Soft baggy clothes, comfortable shoes are a must. I no longer go to friends'houses, they come to me usually. I order my groceries with Instacart and pick them up and i get Blue Apron. I also use Doordash alot. My family tries to get me to socialize more but i just don't want to. Its uncomfortable and exhausting.
Do you like alfredo? I just saw a video where they put cauliflower in the mix and it looked delicious. I disguised certain foods when my kids were little so they'd get proper nutrition in ways like that. Me, I'm a foodie, and I like a lot of different foods, but I'm really averse to a lot of grease or really salty food.
The food thing is very serious. You don't have to eat vegetables, or anything else that disgusts you. It's your body, your choice my friend. Vegetables are disgusting if you ask me. If anyone shames you about not eating them, make a deal with them: You'll eat a plate of gooey over cooked broccoli if they'll eat gooey overcooked plate of dog sh*t. 'Cause that's EXACTLY what it's like. Teach them EMPATHY! ;-) Great channel!
Thanks for the comment. I enjoy reading your thoughts. I actually like eating some vegetables, I just forget to eat them… fairly often. But some vegetables are gross… really gross. And if they’re cooked so that they’re slimy, there’s no way I can eat them. And shaming is not good. I’m lucky because now nobody shames me into eating anything. Debby never shames me into eating or doing anything, especially since my diagnoses. She tries to get me to eat vegetables because she wants me to eat healthy. She’ll come up with funny ways to get me to remember, but she’s never upset or forceful about it. And if I decide I can’t do it, she’ll just tickle me.
I think the thing with vegetables , and food in general, is that different textures/tastes feel bad/good for different people. The trick is to find the combination of food that works for you. Some people love crunchy. Some people love soft. Neither are wrong. Just gotta find your thing.
If I'm with strangers I tend to wait until they aren't looking to take a bite of my food. Otherwise, I eat very carefully. I hate getting anything around my mouth or on my hands, the texture gives me anxiety and napkins are never enough to get it off, also it's weird to keep excusing oneself to wash your hands all the time so I just avoid messy foods. I was so proud of being a clean eater as a kid, but my family were more upset that I took so long XD
I'm not germophobic, and I'm always the go-to person when it comes to cleaning up messes, but I cannot stand having anything sticky or goopy or whatever on my hands and around my mouth. All I can think about is getting it off.
Does anyone else prefer standing when they eat? Is that my ADHD or Autism lol Also - It would genuinely changed my life if I NEVER had to go to the grocery store again AND if I NEVER had to prep a "main" meal for myself. It's not that I don't cook or don't enjoy it at times and don't make some yummy dishes, HOWEVER, having to think, plan, shop, and execute THREE meals EVERY SINGLE DAY?!?! That's where a lot of my spoons go and I sadly don't have the money to just buy all my meals ready made (and frozen meals are horrible on the digestion) womp womp
Regarding clothing, I've adjusted to wearing comfy clothes (for the same reasons mentioned in the video) in all black or all gray because I find wearing colorful clothing distracting and anxiety inducing. [also, Dx w/ ADHD at 36, Dx w/ autism a year ago at 38]
I gott my diagnoses this year I'm 41, i have autism level 1 and adhd combined form( i don't know the correct name in English, I'm from Sweden) I have medication for my adhd and for me it's working great, I can focus, and i can sit down with my wife and just talk about feelings and hard stuff, and i enjoy to spend time with my children without being restless and inpatient. And i just love your videos great work.
Those are GREAT adjustments ♥ I'm really trying to implement those, and it is a difficult journey. I'm finding ways to soothe myself other than food. I've recently watched your video on visual stimming and now I'm watching kaleidoscopes on YT 🥰 they are really helping.
I had trouble drinking water, so I put a flavour in it (hydro-lite). It mostly works if I remember to do it, or bring my bottle, or that it exists. I figured out that I hate capsules, so i just empty them under my tongue instead.
One my most recent adjustments is around the social stuff, I was being pushed to be more social or putting to much into the social at work or outside of work that it was a big overload. I have started trying to find time for me to decompress and just doing less social things so that I don't get overloaded. BTW I love you NeeDoh Cubes.
That’s an adjustment I made as well and it’s really helped. I don’t enjoy socializing with a bunch of people. I never have- just did it because I thought I had to. Life has been a lot easier since I’ve cut back on the whole socializing thing. Do you have the Needoh Cube or gumdrop? Which color? Those things are the best!
@@ChrisandDebby I have seen you fidgeting with them in your videos and decided to pick up a set myself to see if they will help me as I am I always looking for things to fidget with
Don't be a fool 🤣Recommending completely idiotic fad diets to people that will kill them in the long term...Without any basis in science. You should be ashamed.
