My Biological Daughter, Whom I Gave Up at Birth, Tracked Me Down with Her Adoptive Parents' Help ... 

Do people just not understand the meaning of 'closed adoption' anymore?

All the commens criticised OP seem to ignored the fact that she was a child too, a child who was robbed of her innocent and childhood. 12/13 years old is the time you explore curiosity about the world to hang out with friends, ... Not carrying and pushing out another human being. These people made me sick.

...so OP, who as a child, was not only raped, impregnanted, and forced to csrry the child to term by her parents, has to show the child, a 19 year old, she birthed, grace and understanding, but should simultaniously expect none of thst herself given her own trauma

Don’t really blame OP, if you were SA’d and that resulted in an unwanted pregnancy, adoption is the best option. If her daughter can’t accept that, than that’s on the daughter. OP has the right to not want a rxpe child in her life and she didn’t even get an abortion. The child still ended up having a good life.

I fucking hate how some commenters are mad that OP doesn't want her daughter in her life. Like? She didn't even consent...

Story #1: Despite what Redditors think, "trauma" does not give anyone a free pass to infringe on someone's boundaries. The fact that this all happened _during the pandemic_ makes the bio daughter showing up at OP's home, uninvited, even worse. And her reaching out to OP's brother and being rebuked, and still not getting the picture? Adoption issues or not, 19 is old enough to understand when you aren't welcome.

People don't want SA victims to interrupt unwanted pregnancy, then don't want the former kid, traumatized for life, to not have contact with the reminder of the worst experience she had in her life.

The commenter pushing their own agenda as an adoptee is really disgusting.

Story 1 how terrible that first commenter telling op to basically getting over herself and think about her feelings.

"She's just a child." At 19, I didn't go hounding off after people who obviously wanted to be left alone, especially not to the point of banging on people's doors in the dead of night during the holidays while yelling. Girl sounds unhinged. 19 is old enough to get a tattoo and vote, she can start acting like a damn adult. The lady said she wanted to be left alone, multiple times, you leave her the hell alone.

ST1 Disgusting that commenter is telling op to essentially get over herself, the girl has been told not to contact op, that op doesn’t want a relationship but won’t stop her having a relationship with OP’s other family minus the one brother, the girl has stomped several times over OP’s boundary.

Story 1: It’s tragic and I feel sad for Op. As a child she should never have been forced to go through with the pregnancy. Telling Op to just get over the trauma is just cruel. She had her innocence and childhood robbed. The daughter needs to take a hint and understand it’s nothing against her. Story 2: Screw the homophobic parents. Good on Op for rescuing her sister.

No winners in story 1. Everyone suffered becsuse of OP's SA'er and parents

I see where Op is coming from in the first story. Biological daughter is pushing Op's boundaries about not wanting to see her. Those who are trying to pressure Op into seeing her biological daughter is disgusting.

Wouldn't the daughter ever wonder that her birth mother, who was SA'ed and was a literal child at the time, would have good reason to not want to see the product of that horror?

I seriously hate the comments supporting the adopted kid. No sympathy for the oop

I'm disgusted about how much the peoples in the first post were only thinking about the girl but not OP... Probally just because they see more stories about adoptions than what OP went through, ignorant people. The girl needs therapy and OP just need peace.

19 is not a child.....get out of here with tharlt bs

NTA We are not in Disney people , honestly, the adopted parents are 100% AITA

the commenters in story 1 are insane - this was a child, barely in her teens that was sexually abused and forced to give birth - she owes no one anything

A young relative used to say he had 3 moms - his birth mom, his God mom, and his mom. His birth mom was SA'd and decided to give him up for adoption. She included a picture of her but did not want a relationship. Her wants were respected.

The audacity of commenters to fight with this woman

This reminds me of another similar story, where a boy was grape by an adult woman and she got pregnant... Years laters, the child reached out to him asking to be apart of his life, but he didn't want that as it brought brought bad memories... Everyone in his life, family included, basically told him to get over what happened to him and it's not her fault 🙄. He never posted a update iirc

That young woman is going to show up on her "Father's" doorstep, be invited in, and be SA's herself. That man has shown a taste and a preference for his own family members, what's going to be tastier or more preferred than his own daughter? Also, I'm getting the vibe that there a Lot of adoptees in this thread.

That kid needs support from someone outside this mess. No, OP is not obligated to any relationship, EVER, but the person exists, and the way they're handling it seems like they're trying to disavow she ever existed at all. She needs an outside person to intervene and take this away from OP's plate. OP has no obligation at all.

Its so weird and jarring to see people trying to convince her to cater to a spoiled entitled brat. Yes, she is spoiled and entitled when she came to OP's house during a raging pandemic. Asking someone who was raped as a child whether she will forgive her SA'er and other absolutely insensitive questions. And OP's parents and the girl's adopted parents are the most vile people.

NTA. No one has any right to force a relationship between a rape victim and the result of it. Thats retraumatization all over again

So glad OP hold her ground like... people in the comments? they're delusional and wanting OP to revive her trauma.

Story 1: Commentors really pissed me off. I’m so sorry for the Op and the 19yrs old.

I totally agree with op not having anything to do with the daughter since she's a result of SA and my heart goes out to victims of it.... I was one myself.... I know it's probably trivial, but the "young woman" is still a person. Addressing her as "something" instead of "someone" just seems to be diminishing to me.... She may have had a great life, but she never asked for the circumstances of her conception. While she definitely shouldn't be harassing op and her husband, I feel like she was definitely done a disservice by those meant to care for her(adoptive parents). No one should be lied to like that for the greater good, it always does more damage than what it was intended to prevent. Just sharing a bit of empathy for the her, even though she has presented herself to be a bit of a menace. She is probably hurt and confused about a lot in her life as she matures and no amount of "good upbringing" will curtail that... She needs and sadly should have been in therapy from the moment she was able to understand....

What's wrong with the commenters undermining OP's trauma? They are no better than OP's parents.

2nd OP is great for helping her sis and shouldn’t worry they way she did at the end. Sis now has 2 supportive guardians/parental units, she’s survived direct conflict with the enemy and she has her first gf. Other than some almost certain heartbreak OP’s sis has the core of what a young woman needs to build a beautiful stable fulfilling life. Not to candy coat it just seeing the glass is half full for sis at worst. Far too many young queer people have less. 😢

Story 2 Conversion camps are often @buseive and might end up unaliving the kid, if they don't drive them to ending it themselves first. Parents like these, of course do not care what happens to their kid, they only care about looks and results. If something happened to the kid, they would milk the drama for pity points while secretly thinking the kid deserved their fate.

Doesn’t matter, if you give them up at birth they have nothing to do with you, you may hate them but they have no reason to hate you, I see no problem with what OP did, especially since she was assaulted

😮 whew. That's rough.

The first story is just horrible OP had every right to not want to see her and the 19 year old also has a right to see her bio mom but not at the expense of bio mom. But her seeing bio mom will not heal trauma it could open more wounds what she needs is therapy not pushing basically a stranger to spend time with her.

Story one, don't blame OP for her choice, l was twenty six when this happened to me only it was a family friend. I kept the child & today l wish l had not he had made my life a living hell!

At 19 she’s “just a child” except she’s not she’s a young adult and should be expected to behave like one

S1: I feel bad for op and that daughter the whole situation is F*cked. it would be a nice thing to do for that child to raise her but the situation behind the whole thing it’s also clearly obvious why she wouldn’t have the capacity to do so. that commenter telling her to basically get over it is wrong It’s a complicated issue the daughter and op are better off just living they’re lives separately to best of they’re abilities. and you never know it’s not likely but possible when the daughter grown they could maybe at least have a conversation about why op felt how she felt at some point and maybe come to an understanding or something idk. and if not the daughter should just take that and live the life she’s ben given that’s all she can really do. But man is this situation f*cked. op isn’t a bad person for feeling how she felt and doing what she did trauma can do that to you.

Hi! Adopted kid here. Those reddit comments were absolutely infuriating. OP was a child and a victim, the subject of horrific violence. I understand far too well the pain and longing, the idea you might not be good enough, the sense of alienation. None of these are an excuse. I was an utter shithead at nineteen, but I could never imagine acting like this.

To the advocate who kept explaining to OP that the path of least resistance was the best , and the other who kept insisting the 19 yr old was a child, and OP was being cruel to a child she bore and gave up at 13 , enough! Stop piling on more trauma onto Op. She is just starting to live a healthy life and was being stalked and harassed by someone who is unhinged. OP , I hope your life and your family have a wonderful happy life.

S1: some guy going on and on about how cruel it is. Like no 13 and SA mental health. I'm sorry........ adopted people no. That woman is probably hanging on by a thread for a normal life. she's currently high risk pregnant. NO. just leave her alone. She did enough having to deal with the forced birth. Her parents are disgusting people. The adopted parents are disgusting people. The only person who isn't at fault here is the kid. But honestly, her parents should have took her to therapy and a shelter so she understand when people from that say mental health issues they'd probably come close to suicided so many times. There's so many people at fault here and it's time to get an RO on both parents and kid. Somethings deeply wrong with that girl and I hope she gets help. Because maybe some day if she wasn't pushing it she might have got that meeting but trying to be annoying and forcing it isn't how you get things. Had she did therapy and worked up to this meeting. So many things and ways she could have went about "maybe" getting that meeting or vid call or anything.

Story 1: I feel so bad for OP, despite the agreement she made with the foster parents to keep the r*** baby away from her, they decided to break that rule. OP doesn't even feel safe in her own house, I hope everything works out for the kid but she's just too persistent, give poor OP a break😔

Man, reddit really messed up here.

Closed adoptions are *closed* for a reason. This should have never happend!!! I feel for OP, forced to have a dangerous pregnancy, and birth. I know I will get backlash, but a child that age is not fully grown yet, making a pregnancy and birth potential deadly, a abortion should have been an option, how horrible that is. I am against abortion, it's murder, but in this case the pregnancy could had resulted in 2 deaths: OP and baby, they are VERY lucky ❤ However, again, a closed adoption is closed. Is there not any law that could be in favor of OP?

Story 2: conversion therapy not only does not and never has worked, but it is insanely traumatic and one of the worst things you can do to someone. Absolutely disgusting

The comments on this story were disgusting. I hope OP doesn't let any of them get to her.

I get both sides of this story. The OP's parents and adopted parents all suck. They need to be held responsible for all of thia mess.

I hope people realize the trickle downeffect of their policies because with roe vs wade overturn many more stories like #1 are about to happen....this could be your sister, daughter or yourself.

Story 1: Bio daughter got her bio father's tendency to overstep boundaries and disregard the agency of OP. NTA. She doesnt want contact. Leave her alone. A restraining order would be in place. That girl needs to move along and get on. She has two parents. Or go find her bio dad if she is that desperate to find out where she came from

Abandoning a child is just as bad as r@pe

I believe that cases like op, the closed adoption should be sealed and ops indentity sealed to prevent trauma happening again. Also people like op should have legal leeway to sue for finding her when she wanted nothing to do with her first bio kid

Reddit is a delusional place, 1. My husband Does not open my jars in the kitchen redditers verdict: leave him 2. My Parents are Fighting with each other over me for a week, because I flunked in my exam redditers verdict: go NC

Mom is not an ah but she's wrong for telling her daughter she does not love her as much as her other kids Daughter is not an ah but is wrong for disrespecting her mom's boundaries and letting emotions lead her rather than being open minded Both sides are wrong for not analyzing the other person's POV but neither are assholes. Mom will never know what it's like to be put up for adoption, daughter will never know what it's like to give birth as a kid to your rapist's child. Overall none of them are evil, they're just victims trapped in a situation, neither asked to be in.

She's half of you too.

Story 1: those commenters are self righteous, even after the update most still had the same attitude. Apparently you have to deal with trauma in a specific way according to these people, otherwise you’re “spiteful”. I wonder how many of them would appreciate that kind of advice if any of them went through the same thing op went through?

Honestly, the whole thread of this post's comment section is gross, and I am STEAMING. -- OP wasn't even a teenager when she was assaulted, and forced to give birth. Holy f-ck. The fact that they have more sympathy for the child who was adopted out, and had LOVING PARENTS is wild to me. So f-cking wild. 19 wanted to meet, OP said no. End of. OP is under no obligation to give this girl any sort of closure AFTER she showed up at OP's home, and demanded to see her.

The first story's hard because I see both sides but you have to do what's good for you and your family sadly the daughter clearly needs mental help plus screw those parents

Be brutally honest. Cruel to be kind

This story #1 is horrible.

ADULT WOMAN NOT A CHILD, KID,BABY, BUT A ADULT WOMEN

Being pregnant when your young is traumatizing and changes literally everything about your life. This poor girl was lied to her whole life and just wanted answers and closure, yes she was emotional, she was a teen.

4:20 "...and funny enough, I experience a little bit of what you describe doing to her." Can't imagine why. Who wouldn't want a gem of a human like Go_Kauffy in their lives?

Story 1 sounds fake. Like it exists just so people can be hostile to an innocent woman (the daughter) while (falsely) having an excuse to claim they are not morally bankrupt. OP changed her story multiple times to exaggerate the daughter's wrongdoing, while downplaying the cruelty and utter disregard she had for the daughter. A lot of what comes later sounds unrealistic, and shouldn't be taken at face value. Then she ends it by saying she plans to move, turn off her phone, and stuff like that, even though she said it seems to be over, which makes those extreme overreactions nonsensical. Also, she just had to slip in a bunch of political commentary that had no reason to be mentioned, even if they really did occur in a conversation with daughter (Though that conversation itself sounds unrealistic, and just so happens to be crafted exactly so she can be painted as some radical). Plus OP is an admitted socialist, who most definitely believe lying is justified if it furthers their own agenda. This story doesn't pass the smell test. Sounds a lot more like a vehicle for political grandstanding, with a side of excused hostility.

Unlucky.

Everyone there needs therapy.

talk about no win situations. ultimately situations like this will continue to be an argument for legal A. and of course, in the girls childish delusions, now she has some real mind destroying reality to cope with. should be interesting over the long term to see what that does to her sanity. bet she'll need therapy after that one. which should be done no matter what

Wow, that daughter is unhinged, but I guess that’s what happened when you are raised Abrahamic and can’t free yourself.

Hello op 1😢

What's seems to be lost is that both OP and the biological daughter are both victims of the SA. While Op does not owe the biological daughter to be in her life. I can understand the daughters want for closure. It is OP decision and a difficult one at that. Op doesn't seem to still be in a dark place and justifiably so while no one knows her trauma it has nothing to do with showing someone her compassion who is a victim of the same man? I agree with Op not seeing her daughter as they seem to be two broken people just one is better in hiding the cracks. Hope they both find their peace.

I like how in story 1 OP automatically associates religion with cult. Op had made up her mind long ago that she didn't want the child, but still made a post on reddit claiming she wanted advice. I think in reality she didn't get SA but instead got into a relationship with someone, regardless of whichever cult you are from you wouldn't keep a PDF file around your children if you are an adult would you It's sad how people can't see through the terrible lies of others. Nail in the coffin has to be when she said that one expects the cops and medics knew, in reality that would be the talk of the town as you can easily tell if someone was pregnant especially if they are young. I don't know why OP has to go through the process of lying to defend herself from the "thing" she made and is also responsible for

Religous nuts are the worst .

S1: I get she’s a child, but seriously? Would op ever come with her to meet her bio dad?? She is sheltered and delusional. And entitled.

Maybe I'm being too tired and too unsympathetic, but childhood trauma stops being an excuse after a while. Inbefore anyone tries the "oh so you support child SA then", no, nor do I have to to make this point. I think the third comment or whatever it was hit the nail on the head, that what OP was doing was "understandable, but cruel". Just the same way a drug addict who became addicted due to childhood trauma is screaming at the top of his lungs to some random children passing by, is doing something that is entirely understandable (he is high, he is frustrated, he got there due to childhood trauma etc), it is not at all good, laudable, or something that should be enabled by those around him. I feel the exact same way here.

Her biological mother is crewl but it is her choice not not want to meet her child and she has to go thru therapy and understand that some people have this view point it will always be cruel no matter ur choice she never ask to be born but u dont get to change the out come which is that its cruel and guess what its cruel either way .

I keep hearing that the daughter was "unwanted" like it's ok for her to be put down for it It's not her fault They're acting like she's evil She is hurting I 100% understand why OP doesn't wanna have a relationship with her but she has not fully healed from what happened. There is a time where you CAN get to the point where you overcome trauma. I have severe trauma and mental illness and I'm slowly overcoming it There is a point where it won't hurt or trigger you like it did before but YOU have to do the work to get that way OP has not done that. She doesn't have to have her in her life but she should have been a lot nicer. You can hear the bitterness in her voice. She needs to go and heal. She refuses to forgive the father and by me saying forgive, I'm not saying that the man shouldn't suffer consequences because he should. She doesn't have to have him in her life or deal with him at all. But she needs to let it go in a sense that she needs to accept that it happened, that it wasn't her fault, that the way her parents did everything wasn't her fault. That the parents weren't fair in lying to the child. She's taking it out on the child. She's not being honest with her emotions. She refuses to deal with this part of her life. I'm not talking about having a relationship with the daughter. I'm talking about her fully FULLY dealing with it. She refuses to. She won't be able to get past it without forgiving the father Talk to the adoptive parents. The daughter is broken. She's hurting and wants to reach out and wants to feel wanted. What would you do if you were told by your birth parent that you weren't wanted or that you were going to be aborted. You don't think that affects her? The adoptive parents have their part. Never should have lied. But her saying she's a communist is exactly why she's the way she is. I'm gonna get hate for this but having dealt with the community for years, from what I've seen, there is 0 push for forgiving the ones who did you wrong This isn't for the ones who hurt you This is for you. If you don't forgive you CANNOT fully heal. Again she has no requirement to have a relationship with the daughter at all. She has never fully grieved her childhood. You can't heal if you don't fully grieve

When she said she's a "socialist" and "anti capitalist" all my sympathy for this commie went out the window. Go to North Korea and see just how find and dandy a socialist country is.

OP is TA, it sucks what happened to her but come on, think about how she feels, especially with how you now have your own kids, I’d feel like crap if my parents did that to me, though it seems others here too have a disturbing view

Story 1: Poor daughter, she deserves better than having op as a bio mom. Hopefully, she gets in contact with her bio grandparents so she can have more family in her life who will actually give her a chance.

Op realizes that she deals with this extra person then she no longer has a monopoly on being a victim

Gay

OP in story 1 YTA the child didn't get to chose who her parents were it wasn't her fault you were SA'd you were harsh on her punishing her for something her father did don't blame a person for something their father did