my experience with OCD 

pure o gang. it can be so draining. sucks when you're stressed and it just pops back up

OCD is so much more then organization and constantly washing of hands, people who really went through it, know how dark it gets.

Small suggestion that helped me: call it “the OCD” vs “my OCD” It helped me distance myself from the disorder

The fact that she is talking about a very serious issue that she had to go through in her life and that there are people who are asking her to react to Lisa's dance thing makes me so mad. LIKE SHE WAS BRAVE AND STRONG ENOUGH TO SHARE THIS WITH US AND ALL SOME PEOPLE CAN THINK OF IS LISA'S LILIFILM. Speechless WE LOVE YOU CAMI STAY STRONG AND THINK POSITIVE EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OK LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH

Haven’t watched the video yet, but just wanted to say we appreciate you ❤️

Thank you for advocating professional diagnosis ❤️ As a psychology student it’s really good for people to know that while the internet is a phenomenal place to do research and find out more about self discovery, it’s imperative to get a professional for a diagnosis. Mental illness can so easily distort your perception of self and might end up giving a false ‘diagnosis’. ❤️ Thank you also for opening up so other can benefit from your experience and be inspired to seek help. 🙂

Cami I’m 5 mins in and honestly I really appreciate this. I do not have OCD but I have been struggling with mental health issues for so long and particularly this year... it’s good to learn about people’s struggles and it also makes me feel less alone ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks for this. I am 27 and have only just realised myself that I have suffered with this for a loooong time. Hope you guys are all doing good. OCD attacks the kindest most empathetic people, that’s why you gets so scared by the thoughts. Remember that your biggest fear is really your biggest strength!

All those asking her to react, please calm down and respect the atmosphere of the video here. Also, shout out to Cami for the wonderful explanation and for staying strong through all of this. More power to you!

The driving / hitting a pedestrian thing hit me hard, it's really nice to hear my thoughts validated. I have those thoughts regularly and it's terrifying, thought I know it's so irrational. I've always "known" (don't diagnose yourself) I had OCD but haven't wanted to spend the money for therapy yet. I will soon though! Thank you for making this!

I have had OCD since I was a child, and I only found out last year (same!) Before I really thought I was a crazy person, because my type of OCD is religious, but I was very happy after the diagnosis, and finally understood that I'm not a bad person. Thank you for sharing your story! It helps to know that we are not alone in the world, and that other people also have to deal with the same problems (in different ways).

SO GLAD TO SEE A VIDEO FROM MY FAVORITE RU-vidR 💕💕💕

Thank you for this. I relate to most of the things you said Repetitive checking, repetitive cleaning, Pure O, but im still undiagnosed at this point. Planning to get diagnosed and undergo therapy soon ❤ I hope we all make it OCD doesn’t define us. We will survive!!

Cami brings us dope music, vegan food content, K-Pop reactions, & mental health help. Your fave could never.

Aww dear Cami, the whole video I was like " I wanna hug you CAMI ☹️💕" ...

the thoughts I had with pure o were so traumatizing and upsetting. There is no way to rationalize with them even though I want it to make sense. It gives me a sense of control knowing what happened, even though I find it hard to trust myself. I don’t know what’s real anymore. Now I almost completely dissociate every day to avoid having to remember what happened. It’s like I was a different person then. I didn’t know how to relate to myself because the OCD was telling me such horrible things. Or if I was doing anything right. Now I am afraid to have any thoughts. My brain is silent a lot of the time from how much I detach myself via dissociation. Just terrified to live in my brain. I never knew what it felt like to feel safe mentally with all the illness. Feels like my memory is shot because I know how powerful my brain can be. I don’t want to turn it back on. I have been living like a robot for 4 years. I know I am smart and sensitive but I know how quickly things can go wrong for me. It sucks

Wowow thank you so much for posting this. I've been struggling with OCD for years but this past year it has been almost unbearable and completely taken over my life. When you say you didn't want to be alive anymore to just escape I felt that girl!!! If you haven't read the book Pure by Rose Bretecher, I recommend! Its about the authors experience with Pure O and really helped me feel a bit less alone because, as I'm sure you know, OCD can make you feel so fucking lonely and misunderstood. Stay strong chica

Oooohhhh my word!! Every word, every example…just everything! I’ve had Pure O (I hate that name too! lol) that would come and go throughout my entire life. I finally found a therapist 7 years ago and she explained everything to me! I’m so thankful for people sharing their stories. I hate that other people go through this as well, but it’s also comforting to know that I’m not alone. Thank you girl!! ❤️❤️❤️

This honestly makes me feel so validated in what my OCD is. I constantly have thoughts of violence towards myself and have NEVER been able to drive, bike or do any transport where I have control. That’s only a minuscule part of it, but I related to that aspect of your video so well. I often convince myself I don’t have ocd because I don’t always have physical compulsions, especially lately. I’m always stuck in my own head, desperately trying not to think of these horrible things, but this has made me realise that mental compulsions can take many forms. I often repeat phrases or things in my head that I thought were obsessions, making me think they were just obsessions and not ocd, but actually just doing that could be the compulsion :0

im talking with my therapist about a possible ocd diagnosis and i really appreciate videos like these right now thank you

I'm studying Psychology in college and I've been feeling umotivated lately and I even thought about dropping BUT this video really inspire me a lot to keep going and I'll definitely read more about OCD now. So thank you Cami ❤

i love seeing people open up about their ocd and intrusive thoughts because i've struggled with this since the fourth grade. i've been to a lot of therapy and although i'm a lot better now than i used to be, intrusive thoughts are so hard and confusing and often tell me that i'm a piece of shit. so thank you for sharing this part of your life with us, i appreciate it

The little drawing that said “what if I don’t actually love my partner”, I felt that. I have those types of thoughts over and over again until I literally become disgusted of him

I have Tourette’s and OCD. I’m 32 years old. I’ve suffered from them for entire life. Actually nobody talks about these diseases and there is no therapist in my country is Japan. But my symptoms are gradually disappeared. Anyway thank you for you are sharing your story. I appreciate it.

I was diagnosed with OCD in 2021 at 25 so I’m doing research and listening to others story’s. You made me feel not alone by sharing yours because we had a similar experience. So thank you for this video. I’ll be making my own to spread awareness & share my story as well. 💖

You described this so well. I have had OCD for sometime. I have had the checking OCD, where I would check the door at night. As a kid, I feared about someone breaking into my house and killing me, but I don’t have that as much now. I now have OCD with me being badly afraid of getting a stomach bug. When I get physical/uncomfortable feelings, like feeling hot, stomach aches, heart burns, etc, I would have the compulsion of tightening up my stomach, and I would obsess over the thought of puking. I’m always thinking that I am going to puke, or that I should puke, and I just don’t trust my body. It is very difficult to see family because I’m scared of any uncomfortable sensations, and I’m mostly certain that someone would get me sick. So I can relate to this a lot. I know this topic is very hard to talk about, but I thank you so much for posting about it. I hope things get better for you :)

2020 ruined mental health. It brought us back to square one. I can’t function in society now lmao

You’re very brave, smart and kind. You cared enough about others to make yourself vulnerable and put yourself out there. That’s hero stuff right there. God bless you. ❤

Hi! I've been watching your channel for *ages* now, and I just wanted to comment on my knowledge of OCD, as my best friend suffers from it. My best friend (who I'm just going to call Sandra for this comment) always gets very triggered whenever people say 'omfg stop triggering my ocd' when a) they obviously don't suffer from it b) or when it's the context like 'cutting a pizza slice in the middle of the pizza'. This has (as a person who has an *extremely* bad habit of putting others emotions and thoughts before my own) made me engage in many many arguments and I also just was shocked at how many people don't realise that OCD is not what it is stereotyped to be, honestly, it's so very different from that (as the stereotype is really only one sub-unit of OCD). 'Sandra' comes into the classroom when class starts, and she has to grab her pen and tap the corners and centre of her desk in an 'x' shape (she does this about 10-15 times) and has to turn light switches on and off about 20 times. I have taken note not to disturb her whilst she is doing this process, as for her, if you disturb her she has to start all over again. I also am not sure as my experience happened when I was around 7 years old, but, I used to have an extremely bad habit of turning light switches on and off and closing doors and opening them, I soon grew out of it but looking at what 'Sandra' has, that seemed so very similar to what I went through. I did ask her about it and she said that sounded very like OCD, but because of these stupid stereotypes, I had no idea that that was what I was going through. Apologies if this doesn't make a lot of sense! I'm not the best person with explaining things but I'll check through this and make sure it makes enough sense that it can! thanks for reading if you do, and apologies that this is so long haha

You sound so so so relieved to have put a name on it and i can relate and so wanted to say that i am so happy for you ! Not happy that you've been struggling of course but happy that you're finding help and answers 🤍

thank you for opening up about your experience and shedding light on OCD in such a real, educational, and research based way. I'm constantly cringing at people saying "oh I'm so OCD!" and throwing it around like it's not an actual disorder that people suffer (often silently) with

I´m very proud of the internet mental community for making such helpful content and of you for adding to it

oh man the ''what if'' type is something i experienced 2 years ago..it was litterally the worst.I fucked up myself basically from being a depressed(diagnosed)person doing drugs carelessly and one day it hit me and it just created those obsessions..''what if i am losing my mind?''and the spiral just kept going ...thankfully i seeked help and i'm much better when it comes to obsessions..Bravo for speaking up,it takes a lot of courage..i can only hope healing for you

i read "turtles all the way down" a few years ago and i didn't really understand what mental condition the main character had, it seemed very strange but I didn't bother too much about it. now with your video I realize the character probably suffers from OCD. i feel like reading it again with this new light now, it was a good book and now i'll have a whole new perspective. anyways, thank you for sharing your experience! i'm very glad to know you found something that actually helps you deal with stuff

i remember u struggling so much with driving! and the disassociating that went along with it sometimes. It must feel relieving to understand the root of this anxiety. thanks for always sharing your continued journey with mental health. It really helps me to remember there is no right/wrong in healing

Omg, yes Cami!!! I’ve been missing your mental health videos and mukbangs! So excited to watch 😭☺️

I'm dealing with pureo already 2 years now. Gladly, I'm learning how to manage it. Still a long way to go in my recovery journey, but I do feel understood now. I know how to react on thoughts, what's wrong and what's right. You seem such a nice person and I'm so glad that I found this video, we will definitely be okay, just need a little bit of time to understand what our brains want from us.😄 Wishing you all the best!❤️

Holy shit. The checking compulsion is 100% me.

thank you thank you thank you. this was the wake up call i needed to help me put the pieces together. i’ve been told for YEARS that i have “depression and anxiety with OCD tendencies” and was mainly treated for depression and anxiety, but this made me realize that my OCD is probably the main cause of most of my mental issues and i just didn’t know how to verbalize what was happening in my brain properly to get the right help. so happy that you made the connection and got help, plus were so kind to share your story with all of us 🤍 p.s. i’ve been watching you for so many years now and seeing you grow and thrive is so heartwarming 🥺

I’ve been binge watching stuff on ocd. (Will hopefully be looking for a diagnosis soon.) I just wanted to say I’ve really enjoyed this video! You have such a sweet and warm personality.❤ This video made me feel so so seen and heard and you talked about it in such an animated and relatable way. Thank you for fighting the anxiety to post this. 🥰

Thank you! This was a very clear, intelligent, and courageous presentation of an experience with OCD. For example, I found it very valuable to share your experience about the seasons when OCD doesn't show up and it feels like there was never anything wrong, even though it is an illusion and help is still very much needed. I wish you the best and thank you once again.

woah dude! been watching you forever and Ive been struggling with OCD for the past 2 years and went through the same therapy process with NOCD. that little app saved my life and im so grateful that you are brave enough to tell you story and shine a light on OCD. thank you for this

Such an important topic!!! So happy to see accurate OCD representation. I had a similar experience with not being diagnosed bc of so much misinformation and stigma

I’m starting therapy next week and I’ve had a feeling that I have ocd after I was doing some research. Hearing you talk about your experience is so EERILY similar to what I’ve been going through.

wow i had no idea that OCD was based on intrusive thoughts. Like duh. Why didn't I know that.. Thanks for educating :) I am so glad you found your therapist.. good luck with recovery

fuck. this hit hard. i deeply struggled with ocd on 7th grade through 9th grade and literally searching on the internet and finding out there was a name for it saved me too, i thought i was mad...

This video is extremely validating. Thank you for making this! Although I haven't been officially diagnosed, I exhibit many behaviors associated with OCD and it's always comforting to hear others' experiences. I also struggle with driving-related OCD, which doesn't pair well with the driving-related PTSD I've acquired over the past few years from accidents. I frequently picture myself getting into horrible crashes, cars rear-ending me, being pulled over and arrested (I've never been pulled over or arrested) or hitting someone while looking the other way. I also have been a nail/cuticle biter since I was a kid, which is used to cope with a wide variety of obsessive thoughts I have, from potentially cheating on my partner (me: I would never... brain: or would I??) to all the responsibilities I have as a freelancer. I could go on but I'll leave it at that. :p My final thought: Healing is possible!

Cami I have only watched the first minute of this video but I am already so happy you are talking about this. The exact same thing happened to me. I’ve been dealing with OCD for years and always believed it was just being clean and like you my OCD spiked in 2020 leading me to research and finally be diagnosed (was diagnosed literally 2 days ago). I just wanted to tell you that you’re not alone, and that I and many other people are here to support you! ❤️

Ok Cami please please don"t mind the ones who are asking you to react. I know you might eventually do so when the time is right but the most important thing is that you had the patience to explain all of this , thank you so much and wish you all the best.

I’ve struggled with these thoughts from the time I was about 15 it then stopped for a few years and didn’t seem to bother me anymore and then vamped back up around 9 months ago and it came FULL force and targeted my relationship it’s been a BATTLE but im working on seeing a psychiatrist and to seek therapy for this because it has been debilitating I feel you on the finally getting clarity on what ocd is and then realizing that this is what I believed I had sending love to anyone who’s experiencing this disorder ❤️

thank you so much for informing me and many others, Cami. I had no clue that OCD was this complex!

Wow. I'm shook as hell girl. Thank you for posting this video overall, I didn't really understand the subtypes and holy shit, I fully deal with the checking OCD and I have been wondering what the hell it was and why, so I'm really glad I saw this. This is just another push in the right direction for me!! Oof 🤯

I have OCD too! Glad to see someone else I can sympathize with

Thankyou for making this video i am struggling a lot with my mental health , I recently discovered i have maladaptive daydreaming disorder and watching your video made me feel like i am not alone in my journey towards mental health❤️

Oh myyyyy!! I’m now thinking I might have Pure-O.. I think I’m going to figure that out now LOL.. but thank you for sharing.. definitely opens up the doors for more discussions.. and very proud of you for opening up 🤍

I cried hearing your story of Pure O, because that is exactly how I feel. I know the tools to help me ease my OCD and anxiety but it is very hard to sit with the discomfort especially when it is about harm. The thoughts disgust me and make me cry of fear of ever coming true! I know I have to get help, so it is nice to hear other stories of people thriving and living a better life.

It's good to hear that you really consult for a therapist. It's the most important thing to do, self-diagnosis is very harmful.

Okay so I’ve been thinking I had undiagnosed OCD for a whiiiiile. When you started talking about your intrusive thought patterns, especially with hitting a pedestrian, it was like you were describing exactly what goes on in my head. It’s so reassuring to know I’m not crazy omfg.

We missed you!! 🥺🥺❤️❤️

Very informative video. Love all the personality you inject. I’ve been struggling with germaphobia and limerence in the past few years. I’ve gotten better but I’ll keep NOCD in mind. Thanks!

It's SO crazy going through your entire life having these intrusive (and honestly, insane thoughts) and just thinking they're totally normal?? I was just diagnosed at the end of last year and the more I talk to other people about their OCD the more I'm like, "oh well, I guess that thing I've been doing/thinking for my whole life is actually not normal whatsoever"

We love you cami 💕 thank you for using your platform for important topics like this 🤗

This is such an important video! I remember you talking about your driving anxiety. I’m so glad you’ve found help and opened up since it can be so hard to even admit that we sometimes need help 💛

Same experienced. I experiencing OCD since highschool but I only knew that it is actually an OCD just today. It really affects my life every single day and I can't control it and I'm very anxious everytime.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE GRATEFUL FOR A VIDEO THANK U FOR EXPLAINING IT TO EVERYONE it’s so hard to tell people why i have OCD when they only have this stereotype in their head

I wish I had gotten help for OCD sooner too. I have compulsive spartanism and it really came out in the pandemic too. Thank you for this video

we missed youu

Gurl love you. It is so good that u take therapy and inform us from ur OCD and explaining us how it is. I guess the therapy will not fully heal it bcuz it is an mental illness but can u do deal and live with it in peace. Me myself have PCOS it is not an Mental illness. It is an hormonal disorder where i have many little cystics in my uterus which blocks my Menstruation and which os the reason why i gained so much weight. And people think that i gained weight bcuz i would eat to much and do not move at all the stereotypes of obese people and that I just use the PCOS as an excuse bcuz nobody knows about that illness. And which i have to mention before i got surgery i was rlly active did sports at least 3times a week and ate normal like everyone else i was not overeating or binging but still gained every year 10kgs since puberty. At the age of 23 i got surgery and lost 50kg ( 100lbs)i have still 20kg (40lbs) to go but my pcos blocks me but i try my best to lose more and not gaining it back. And my period comes now often not like the normal case just every two months but better than not at all like it did when i was obese. What i want to say os good luck u will make it and thank u that u informed us. Love u and i look forward to more of u in the future.😘

Wow this video helped me so much! I’m doing therapy for OCD right now and I think the main one I struggle with is pure O and it’s a NIGHTMARE! Thank you for helping clear some things up 😊 this is such an informative and beautiful video 😊

My OCD manifests itself mostly in intrusive thoughts about harming myself and others, and also obsessive counting. When I was young, I thought everyone counted their steps, bites of food, etc. Originally I was diagnosed with anxiety so getting the proper diagnosis helped me so much.

Omg when you said "You just made up that memory" I gasped!!! I thought I was the only person who did that deadass. I always tell my partner, especially when he asks me "Haven't you already locked the doors?" after I've already checked twice, I respond with "I think I made that memory up... I'm not sure. I have to check" and then go and check again... for now the third time and sure enough it's locked! But I can't help the idea that I think I've fabricated my memories.

I’m so glad you’re talking about this on RU-vid it’s very misunderstood & many people need to learn about it. I was diagnosed at 8 years old but your situation is SO common. Keep learning, getting help, and sharing!

i am feeling proud that u took ur tym n talked abt this i hope ur video helps others too

thanks for posting this personal stuff Cami, helps a lot of people I think

Thankyou for sharing your experience! It can help alot of silent sufferers out there!

OMG the driving ocd one 😭😭😭😭 I felt crazy thinking I was the only one, I feel so understood right now

I FEEL SO SEEN!!! My ocd used to scare me so much when I was younger but now I’m able to finally control the intrusive thoughts and I don’t have them that much anymore 🥰

Been struggling with OCD too thanks for bringing up awareness on it

This video really helped me, just got diagnosed with OCD and didn't even know till this video mine was part of Pure O - Thank you for making me feel less alone :)

Thank you for sharing your insight. A lot of people get confused about the actual disorder vs plain habit. When it's more of a routine, it's habit. When it gets destructive and affects aspects of your life, it is a disorder. If you are unsure, you could always seek professional help. Remember, the first step is always to acknowledge the presence of the problem.

This is a safe place so I’m gonna drop my shame, thank you for making me feel less alone. A big reason I dropped out of college was because of parking, specifically in the parking garages. I’d leave class multiple times just to make sure I turned my car off, locked the doors, didn’t hit the cars beside me, AND that my tires weren’t flat. During my night classes was brutal because I was convinced I’d get kidnapped but I had to check. I went to cc on a Big 12 school campus, the trips were not short or easy on my already poor physical health. Watching this took a weight off of me thank you

Cami I just love you! Please know that you are such an inspiration to so many! Thanks for being so honest and for talking about mental health.

Thank you for posting this even thoug it was hard for you!❤

I'm 20 and just found out I have ocd... And until doctor's brought it to my attention, I didn't even realize the stuff I did was because of my ocd like bruh

You're so beautiful, I've suffered from OCD for a long time, seeing this video I could relate in almost every way, I think although it can feel difficult at times to try compassionate detachment toward my thoughts, to try observe and witness my thoughts with compassion than engaging with them, but I completely sympathize cos OCD can feel very distressing and tormenting, but well done for having the courage to make this video well done xx :)

“Nothing can be loved or hated unless it is first understood.” ― Leonardo da Vinci.

I’m glad u shared your experience with us, I’m proud of u, u did great and I appreciate your hard work 🥺💗

You are a gem! I'm the parent of a 27 year old son who struggles with OCD. He oscillates between wanting help and believing he can manage on his on. God bless you for sharing your story because it's also helping loved ones who are seeking solutions.

thank you for posting this Cami. I know you will help a lot of people with this.

I think I have tourettic ocd and I’m making a lot more connections to ocd than I thought I had. Thank you so much for making this video. You’ve helped me realise a few details that create a stronger link for me ❤

I struggle with OCD as well and a relationship with Jesus Christ has helped me so much! God Bless you Cami!

I hear you girl! Thanks for opening up and being vulnerable. It really helps.

I was diagnosed at 17 but I know is been there since I can remember...trauma and other things can really mess you up, it’s so incredibly hard to deal with, I have pureO too, besides other types but the disturbing intrusive thoughts never stop to impress me... I hope it gets better I’m 30 now and with time, therapy, meds (if you actually feel comfortable taking them) you can actually live with the disorder and be functional. But it’s important to be prepared for relapses and anxiety crisis. Never lose hope, you are not alone in this and it’s really nice to know that we are not the only ones. You are really brave Cami, thank you for sharing your experience! Much love from Costa Rica. 🐱

Second, and so happy my gurrrl cami is back

First off, thank you so much for talking about this and opening this discussion. I struggle with a lot of anxiety and don’t think I have OCD but sometimes I have similar patterns to PureO in regard to love or romance. I have the usual “what if I drove off the rode” thoughts but I’m not sure if they stick as much as someone diagnosed with OCD. My more severe patterns with love come up every few of months. I’m in a 4+ year relationship and randomly when nothing is wrong I find myself doing the whole “what if I don’t actually love them?” “What if I’m lying to myself about loving them” “what if I don’t even know what love is and I’m just so used to being with him that I think it’s love??” Or then there’s “what if he’s actually just annoyed by me I annoy him he’s might not actually love me” etc etc. And it really fucks me up because I spiral into feeling guilty for all of those questions because I DO LOVE HIM but my brain is like “how do you know that???”. Idk if this is OCD at all but I feel like it may be connected in a way. Luckily my boyfriend is very understanding and I’m able to talk to him about all of my crazy doubts and he’s helped me overcome them a lot. Yes I do love him I also haven’t had these thoughts in a while but when they do come up they really hit really hard.

I love that you don't just share your experience but you educate us as well. Thank you, love u.

you're so brave to speak out ! love you

Cami, I used to watch you all the time like 6 years ago when I was vegan! I haven't watched you in a while but I want to say thank you so much for posting this. I know how hard it can be to talk about OCD specifically the harm OCD and the..."morality" parts. I have had OCD for as long as I can remember and I too struggle with these types of OCD. I came on here after having a bit of a breakdown because of how disgusted I was with my OCD. It was comforting to see you someone who I used to watch all the time talking about this. I respect that. Thank you, and I wish you continuous improvement.

Thank you thank you thank you.