As an almost middle aged person who’s lived with BPD my whole life, we have to learn to cope with emotions on our own and not subject our loved ones to the extremes we experience. We can do this by changing our reaction behavior every time we are triggered until over time it becomes the default way we react. I learned to separate myself from loved ones when I’m splitting. Found value and self worth in how capable I am to love, be present and have empathy for others. It is truly unique! I Learned to never abandon myself by strengthening my personal boundaries and holding people accountable for treating me kindly. Always treating others with kindness to set the standard that is healthiest and the least triggering for me. When you want to lash out, please consider not validating the stigmatization about us. We are the ones we must never abandon. We are the ones we must always favor and love in the amazing way that we do. You can do it! One day at a time. Don’t give up. It gets easier to do over time.
@@88yaz88 It warms my heart that you found this message helpful. Learning about BPD, it’s symptoms and defining characteristics is useful to understand where we need to focus our healing. For example the core difference between us those with out BPD is our fleeting or lacking sense of self. That’s what makes us need others and create unhealthy attachments. We have to create our own sense of self and hold it down no matter who we are close to at any time. It’s a life times work in progress but like I said, it gets easier to do over time. Eventually people notice how good we are at loving ourselves and it’s inspiring to them. Let’s use our trauma to change the cycle of abuse that caused it. I have a list of values I follow everyday I’m happy to share: Defend happiness- when we are feeling defensive are we defending something that causes unhappiness? If so find the happiness and defend that instead. Love is always greater than fear, love enables choice always, choose love in all your actions- we will always defeat fear with love. Nothing is stronger than Love! We should never act upon feelings of fear or we will loose. We are not loving if we don’t enable choice. If someone want to go we support them to leave to be truly loving and un defeat able. In the face of loss, we can always find things to be grateful for- nothing is permanent so we have to accept that, and be grateful for the time we had. Trust that there will be more to come and be ready to continue that cycle of gain and loss.
I work at a mental health ward as a mental health caretaker and I find these videos informative and contextually valuable for my work. The challanges and ways of coping with symptoms and expressed behaviour that are described by people diagnosed with these conditions influence the way I relate to and care for patients in my profession.
My mom is a caregiver and I send her SBSK all the time and she uses these videos to teach the people around her about the perceptions of her clients and it is EVER so helpful
Caring for others biologically primed to manipulate, psychically abuse and mentally abuse others is like placing your head in the jaws of a lion and saying play nice.
@@heresjohnny602someone has to do it. If someone is committed are they just supposed to be left there for life or what lol. Obviously you’re really pissed about this subject but that’s their job.
"Nothing you ever feel is wrong. You feel that way for a reason and it's important to understand that reason." I love this quote. It's something I think I've been aware of but haven't been able to phrase.
@@felipefioravanti6690 For me it's a way of examining my thought processes and where certain maladaptive behavioral patterns come from. When someone expresses fondness of me and wants to be my friend I have the urge to demonize them and push them away. If I ignore that feeling I don't fix it. If I examine why I'll realize I have deep trust issues stemming from my childhood. That's my interpretation anyways.
As someone thats been living with BPD for 30 years, with patience and understanding from those close to you, meditation and mindfulness activities, it does get better. I still have episodes, but now recognize them as such and know they arent my permanent truth.
Mindfulness meditation needs better marketing because it is something that everyone can benefit from on the same order of magnitude that exercise helps folks
meditation has helped me beyond what I thought possible for my own emotional trauma, still working at it sometimes, but it definitely gets better and better. May we all be kind and helpful to eachother and learn how to embrace each other's pain with gentleness and equanimity and skill fullness. Thich nhat hanh's videos have helped me a lot too
My ex had this but she left me. She was so beautiful we had a deep connection and I still love her so much. Our breakup was sudden, she just decided one day that she didn't want to be inlove with me anymore. I could see how she struggled, I gave her all the love in the world, she couldn't accept it, she tried so hard too and I love her so much for that. Man life's unfair I just wish I could go back in time and stop the people that hurt her. I didn't want to research bpsd while with my ex because I didn't want to see her or treat her differently based on her condition, I tried separating her from it but now I wish I understood more whilst with her. Life goes On I wish it went on with her but it's not. All I can do is send her all the love in the world and hope she lives a good life.
When I was at mental hospital at 15 for 3 months I developed a close friendship with a 17 year old girl with BPD (and OCD). She definitely had her anger outbursts from time to time but it didn’t really affect me because I knew it was nothing personal or intentional but of course if someone is affected by behavior like that, that’s valid too. But for me it wasn’t too bad. I have had angry outbursts like that when I had really bad agitated depression before. I once broke a glass window by banging my head during meltdowns so I think I can really understand what it’s like to have all those feelings inside of you that you don’t know what to do with. She was one of the sweetest, most empathetic, caring, attentive, bubbly and loving people I’ve ever met. I still think about her from time to time. So for anyone with BPD, know that there are many people who don’t just see your for your BPD.
what she said about only being able to calm down when she comes down from a 100 level until it goes down and when someone says "Woah chill out" is 100% relatable I don't have BPD but I do have autism and is completely and physically impossible to control feelings and to "chill out" it upsets me when people say it because we want to "chill out" and we are trying to and sometimes beyond our best but we still can't control it and other people just don't see how hard we are trying and we prob are trying hard then they want us to. ur not alone we totally understand u ❤
Lol! This is the funniest thing I have seen all day. Try looking up NVC (non-violent communication) strategies. Helpful strategy to take the habitual judgement out of the language patterns we inherit from our culture.
I was diagnosed at University when studying to be a psychologist. The psychiatrist in his diagnosis expressed concern at my choice of profession. I ripped his diagnosis up and carried on. I went on to work with abused traumatised adults and children. My BDP gave me the gift of knowing and understanding my clients and having ‘unconditional positive regard’ for each and every one. I grew to love, appreciate and understand my condition and see it as a gift in order to support my clients to achieve their own potential. I would never give up my BPD it’s my drive, my passion and my source of love. I control it, it no longer controls me.
If you have a link to your business it might be appropriate to share it. There seem to be a lot of people with BPD in the comments, and they might be well disposed toward talking to a psychologist who truly understands what they go through.
My wife had impulsive bpd for most of her adult life. She went on to make a full recovery using bpd therapy, combined with my home brew methodology based on entraining. We found perfect peace and a bond that most people won't even dream of. 🙏
Hannah, thank you so much for your vulnerability. Putting yourself out there on the internet and being open about your deepest struggles is heroic in my opinion and you have impacted so many people with this video. I have ADHD and a lot of BPD traits and this felt so validating to watch. Thank you a million times :)
Not only do these videos educate us about the different conditions and disorders, but through Chris, they also teach us how to appropriately treat and respond to people suffering from these conditions. If I meet someone suffering from a certain condition, I may be afraid to hurt their feelings in any way, unintentionally of course. I learned that if you struggle to make the appropriate response, you always ask them first what to say or what to do for them or if they need help. Like when Chris asked her: "what would be the appropriate way for me to respond to that?" I find it interesting that he asked. This taught me something.
Hannah, you are absolutely beautiful! And the way you describe BPD is so SPOT ON! I'm proud of you for having the strength to share this on video because I know it has helped more people than you know realize they may have it, or learn how to cope with it better. You are amazing!
The reckless driving really shook me! I wish her all the best and to get better, but I don't think she should be allowed to drive - she mentioned this as being self harm, but being reckless behind the wheel is also very dangerous towards pedestrians and other drivers.
My daughter has BPD. I really appreciate this episode. I'm so proud to be a Patreon supporter of this channel. I feel like the messages that are spread are SO very important for people to understand.
What a beautiful human being. Thank you for sharing your story, undoubtedly it’s going to help so many people. I have been struggling with how to help someone with BPD, and you’ve helped me to understand some of the mystery. ❤️
ive watched this video at least five times at this point, and it has helped a lot to understand my conditions and what i go through on a regular basis and im glad i can finally leave a comment to thank you guys for it. having someone else speak about it in such a open way helped me so much to understand that im not necessarily a bad person, im just someone who needs some help. thanks hannah and thanks chris.
This young woman is so honest and self-aware. I really respect how much she has shared with us!! I hope she’s doing really well. I have a relative who exhibits all of the signs of BPD. She has never been diagnosed. She has also never been honest about her struggles. Instead she mistreats people and then tries to pretend that it never happened. Because of this, I used to think that it wasn’t possible for BPD people to have that kind of self awareness, but this interviewee proved me wrong!!
I have bpd and everything she said is me to a t it was crazy listening to her because i was hearing myself my wish is that everyone could understand what bpd is and how we try so hard to control it but sometimes it is very hard
This is very healing for me. My family was nearly broken by a relative with BPD. She refused to get help for it and it destroyed her and another family. I think people who admit they have BPD and get help for it are heroes. I hope this interview helps remove the stigma against this disorder. It will prevent needless deaths.
Abuse is abuse in any form. Everyone is responsible for their behaviour. It is great she can acknowledge her negative behaviours. I hope she gets the help she needs so she can have as normal life as possible.
@@tn420animations9 Life won't be normal, that's for sure. But it doesn't mean the situation can't be improved. You can reach out for help and try to work on yourself to better manage the distressful emotions. It is possible, having BPD doesn't mean you're doomed!!!! Healing is possible, having better, more balanced relationships is possible, developing skills for crisis tolerance is possible. Therapy helps tremendously. Those people who told you that don't know what they're talking about. Don't lose hope.
I would rather not love as well. It’s hard enough to love yourself when you have BPD, and sometimes not opening yourself up to hurt is safer. It’s not the most adaptive, but it’s protective.
this video deeply resonated with me. when she said ‘when I love, I love hard’. I have ‘Love Hard’ tattooed on my fingers for that exact reason, as someone with BPD i think we are the most deeply loving people, and sometimes extremely misunderstood. Appreciate this alot !
@@wenoswatchlepignoufetanche1773 Where did you come from with that comment? Personal experience? "No reason" is a fallacy & quite actually the opposite, BPD is genetic and a majority of the time based on complex trauma. Your comment is the epitome of what I said by extremely misunderstood...
Deeply loving and also deeply hateful as well just like Amber Turd completely broke down Johhny Depp limb from limb with her emotional n physical abuse. Not to mention the false allegations and character assassinations.
I just want to say you are a good person to make these videos to help people understand what is the reality of life for the unfortunate people who are living with their problems.
Maybe she doesnt have this but some people with Borderline also struggles with finding purpose in life. They dont know what career they want to pursue, they dont know how to enjoy life and feel very lost
I am so happy comments are back on these. I first want to say that she is beautiful and articulate. Secondly, I struggle with this disorder among many other things and It is one of the most difficult things to handle. I am 31 and relationships with people are just so difficult that I am alone. After the passing of my mother and brother within these past two years, my BPD and other illness are always on high alert and just about everything triggers. And the couple of close friends I do have had to move far far away......so now I am truly alone. sigh
Wow. I’m sorry for your loss. “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”. Proverbs 18:24 I pray you find comfort in Jesus. In Him we have EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3)🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I have ADHD with fluctuating moods and omg i can totally relate to her. I hope she continues to be awesome cause we know how hard it is just to survive in a society that doesnt understand Thanks for sharing your experiences and feelings. You arent alone in your struggles and hope that one day, you will realise that you are awesome. Plus, you are soooooo pretty btw, like actually. Both personality and looks
im so so so so SO proud of her, and everyone living with bpd, i know its NOTHING any of you want, and im so sorry for all the hurt you go through, i wanna be a psychiatrist, im still in school but i'll get into medschool soon and then be one hopefully, i will help everyone, no fuckong discrimination of any kind, you all are amazing ppl and like she said,, u need some help and hopefully i'll be able to provide this help for as may ppl as i can. i love you
Thank you both for doing this video. It really shed light on my past with an ex. I was formerly married to a man with BPD & found many similarities with her descriptions & my ex’s behavior.
I am so tired of losing friends because of bpd everything she described was so on point I feel heard but so heart broken that more people dont understand bpd
Thank you for sharing. I think you explained BPD better than anyone I ever heard. Please know that you are worthy of love. Learn to give yourself that love and approval. Find peace.
This was a really helpful video. It really helped me to understand what to say to a person when they are experiencing extreme emotions.. That you can fully understand, validate, be empathetic, but also say this is not okay, let's look for a better solution. Thank you. I just hope that you will eventually be able to say those words for yourself, to validate yourself, because it will always be very hard to get that validation from others at the level that you might like or feel you need. You are the only one that can truly give yourself that validation. Forgive yourself completely, be gentle with yourself but also tell yourself that you can find better ways to deal with it. Oh and I very much understand the physical sensations that go with the emotion, and that hurting yourself can help. I would recommend acupuncture as a healthy alternative for this. Helps release the physical pressure or sensations. It helped me a lot
Didn’t know you made a video with someone with BPD. I got diagnosed not that long ago, the 2nd time I got admitted to the mental hospital do to a crisis moment JGFFJYTFJYTFJTYF anyway yeah BPD is difficult and confusing and it makes you feel like hopeless and making u constantly wondering why you have to be this way. Anyway, to all y’all peeps with BPD out there, we can do this, I believe in us
Hey great videos bringing this out into the open. It helps people understand their loved BPD. However, one thing needs to be addressed. Abuse and denying it is abuse and “explaining that it is not” “You’re not intentionally trying to hurt people in your life” We really need to hone in on this- it IS hurting people, weather as a coping mechanism or not, it is proper and real abuse to the recipient. It’s the saddest thing about this condition. The fear of abandonment is the biggest driving factor… bpd’s somehow need to reconcile that abusing and hurting will and should induce their greatest fear- abandonment. I wish I knew how to do that. We cannot honestly say at any stage ANY person should put up with abuse/hurting due to a condition someone else carries.
Hurting oneself is *not* a coping mechanism, it is a *_Self Harming Mechanism_* as a _Cry for Help._ Yet another incredible interview/exposé! I never fail to have eyes opened wider when watching all of these priceless memories being made
Wow I've never heard it said better in my life. I completely agree I too would almost never want to love anyone or have anyone love me, because this abandonment is so crushingly painful
Her talking about how she feels it on her skin and if she rips it I open it will feel better is so relatable…it’s why I struggled with such severe self harm for so long cause I wanted to cut myself open to get it all out. It’s been 2 or 3 months since I last cut myself though
I found out too late my wife of 50 years had BPD. She had screaming obscenity fits, then turn around and be be loving. I was always patient with her, even to the end. Im glad I was. I wish she had been diagnosed early on so our lives and our childrens lives wouldnt have been ruined.
While I wouldnt word my experience with bpd in the same way she does i do agree that validation and care are the best ways to help us during an episode. It sucks seeing things in black and white when you know life is lived in gray.
I have BPD and I live in a city where its not well known outside of the mental health community. Even in the community, we're perseved as manipulative. I just want people to know I'm doing my best to fix those negative behaviours
Literally my first thought seeing her was that she was pretty, and I am NOT one of those people that tell everyone they’re “beautiful in their own way” or think that everyone is gorgeous. I really don’t. She is objectively pretty.
I was diagnosed with BPD 9 years ago and until now never understood what i meant this interview helped it make sense to me and looking back at my life my behavior now makes sense and maybe i will be more aware because of this
I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 months who has BPD last night. I completely disagree with people when they say that entering into a romantic relationship with someone with BPD is something "stigmatized" and that we shouldn't fear doing so. Unless they are hardcore going to DBT and get on medications to help overcome their condition, it will be next to impossible to work out. You will be gutted, gaslit, discarded and used. After this brief but nightmareish experience, I will never ever date anyone with BPD again for the rest of my life, even if they're getting help. The risk is just too severe.
I know she will read this… you are a beautiful woman. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I know your head will tell you something else, but you are an amazing woman.
I diagnosed with BPD like a week ago. Everything seems reasonable now for what im feeling and my behaviour. I am having too much emotions and thats why i do catarthic by making art, writing or just sang so that i calming my nerve.
It's not an stereotype, they are violent, abusive, often rebuke their close ones. Their hunger for love is endless, you can provide them with love all day, but they still feel loneliness even if left alone for an hour. They will take you for granted one moment and also want to be loved the other moment. The chaos in their mind is sufficient to create chaos in your entire life. I am currently living with such a partner, and trust me it's better to live single rather than having such individual.
The million dollar question is why, if fear of abandonment is such a devestating thing, do you push prople away who love you? Even after they have proven they will stay. Even after time Bhaskar passed. People who love you want to know.l because you have destroyed them.
I’m a 24 year old male with bpd i studied all about it when I got diagnosed I’m very self aware of how it affects me! My impulsiveness and my change in my moods and perception of my self is chaotic
My step-mother of 45 years has undiagnosed bpd. Her mother and son were diagnosed with it. I realized she had it when after getting my degree in psych I worked at a psych hospital. She is the most giving person. Gives her STUFF and her TIME. When I had to be on bed rest for preterm labor she got on the next plane to come and stay with me for 3 weeks. She never once complained about my vegan diet back then and was happy to come up with creative meals and brought me movies. On Sunday, she went to my church and brought home a few friends to eat with us! 😆 She just doesn’t always respect boundaries and can snap when she can’t control someone but she has definitely gotten better. She’s difficult but very easy to forgive. She was raised by a father she loved and a physically abusive hypochondriac (and surgery addict-whatever that’s called). Her mother may be alive but they haven’t spoken in a few years.😢
2:08 and it's not even intentionally manipulative. It's just sadly how the receiving end takes it :( BPD's aren't manipulative. It's just how our desperation for love and affection comes out sometimes.
@@avocado405 i have bpd and most of the negative traits you listed ive learnt to suppress through cbt.Borderliners are not inherently dangerous it is just a case by case like any other human but i do think we are likely to be more dangerous to ourselves than others. Also I do think you should avoid putting a box around people with bpd as dangerous.
I recently found out I was diagnosed with BPD. And like, I see it but... With my knowledge BPD means you have a fear of abandonment, mood swings and are kind of abusive even. I'm afraid of being a bad person. I know why I'm so afraid of people leaving but my resulting behaviour sometimes just pushes them away. I don't want to be the person who hurts people because of the pain I'm in.
I've had lots of those symptoms too in life, and was abused as a child. I can say, it DOES get better. Typically people with BPD also do mellow out in their 30s and 40s. I'm 30 now and I show almost none of those signs of instability anymore. Also, people need to know that BPD ususually comes from childhood trauma anx/or abuse. It DOES get better!!!!
I used to have borderline traits from c-ptsd (got better with a lot of counseling, work, support etc). I feel like the needing validation for your emotions before anything else makes sense with how BPD usually originates from early attachment trauma where our caregivers didn't consistently recognize and mirror back our emotions. It's kind of slowly replacing those early experiences with new ones where you're seen.
I have some suspicion that I may have bpd as well as cptsd. Or as you said cptsd with traits of bpd. How did you guys overcome going to therapy ? For some reason that is my biggest fear , I’ve looked into options online because speaking in front of someone about everything and how I’ve felt like this my entire life is a bit nerving.
@@frochaa I was feeling so desperate by the time I went to counseling that it was sort of that or death, but I would not recommend waiting til that point as a way to get yourself over the hurdle! Online seems like it could be a good way to ease yourself in. I’ve heard there are various options for how you communicate with counselors over an online platform- some will do phone without video or even instant-message if you’d rather type than speak.
Never liked the phrase 'they're just doing it to get attention' applied to any sort of self-harm or threat of self-harm, whatever the underlying mental state might be. As if there's something wrong with a human being in distress wanting attention anyways. We tell people knowing they have a problem is the first step to a solution, and then if somebody shows up with a problem, we invalidate them. You don't want people to self-harm, but you do want them to want attention if they're driven to self-harm, that's the last thing you want stigmatized, you don't want to find out too late and everybody's left standing around saying 'but they seemed so happy, I had no idea.'
as a male with BPD, I'm instantly seen as abusive and manipulative when really, all I want is my person to love me and listen to me like my parents never did, even when I'm angry and upset. Every day life is a struggle trying to not associate my past traumas with the present and it puts me in a spiral of self-loathing depression and extreme anxiety at the same time. I wish the world would finally realize that mental illness isn't something people with it can help sometimes.
its gotta be hard as a male with BPD bruh, i know we dont know eachother but you are enough and worthy of love. Focus on getting yo money, mind and body up g fr
I find it hard to trust my emotions when things set me off because idk if I'm over reacting to situations and its really frustrating not knowing how to respond.
Always honor how you feel in that moment, but if you can process it first and then when you come back to centre you can reevaluate... Of course in the middle of a conversation not always possible before reacting but if you start to validate yourself with what you feel you learn to reparent yourself and over time you heal and may be less reactive.
My partner has bpd and struggles with this as well. His solution is to excuse himself and go meditate whenever he feels a lot of emotion. He meditates and has a moment to think things through. Then when he’s ready, he’ll go back to the situation and respond with a clearer head and feels more confident response. I hope this helps
She seems very sweet and self-reflective! I hope she knows she's beautiful and not at all washed out looking. And I hope she's able to surround herself with good people who have patience and understanding for what she goes through. I'm sure anyone would be lucky to have her as a friend.
Awe, I have BPD. This is so nice. Like I know it's not even to me but I WISH I had someone like you in my life. Or even have some say something like that ever. I truly have one friend. My husband. My mom. And that's literally it. Where are the other people like you girl!? I'm trying to find me some lol
"I would rather never love anybody or have anybody love me than be abandoned" I strongly concur. I live with BPD as well and it is not easy to let in and receive love knowing that people can always change their minds and leave. The leaving is the fear realized and it is excruciatingly painful. The deep penetrating feelings of unworthiness are so true. There are a few things she shared that really hit home and I agree that grounding the person with validation and for me physical touch (bear hug) is healing and reassuring. I'm an introvert so my self harm is mostly internal through many extremes such as starvation or binge eating, hateful thoughts of myself and hateful self talk. Only sometimes do I hit, pinch ,scratch or pull my hair. Overall I can really related to her experiences and pray only the best for her.
are there different forms of bpd? I feel like I can be set off very easily some days, but not so much on others and when I do get angry, it is also so intense that I don't know what to do and it feels like it's on my skin (she put it perfectly). I start hurting my girlfriend and hating myself but I don't slef harm, although I always want to and think about it... but I don't know if I truly have bpd because it is not as severe as it is for her or others
