My Girlfriend's Family Hate That I'm Muslim. Should We Breakup? | The Dilemma 

I’ll never forget when my then boyfriend said “I’m dating you, not your family,” when I was expressing concerns about my dysfunctional family. It’s now been 10+ extremely happy years. Find someone who loves YOU and that’s all that matters.

"You deserve to feel seen, heard, loved and safe." She hit it on the head with that advice. Every single episode of The Dilemma so far has been amazing! It was nice to see Matthew as one of those offering advice.

In my opinion: being timid or shy in these situations is not an excuse to not stand up for someone you claim to love or care about. I get I love my family too but somethings people will understand or they won't. In this case if it's gotten this bad and she isn't on your side sticking up for you she's basically made her choice and it's her family

My personal opinion: Don’t start a relationship on a bad foundation, especially one related to family.

In my opinion, if one person is putting more effort than the other partner is, it's a wrap for me. Life is difficult as it is. You don't need someone's lack of effort in a relationship to prevent you from seeking out great people who are wholeheartedly willing to do the work. Period.

he literally said it looms over the relationship and that the parents don’t give it a chance. it literally affects his mood and their relationship. it’s not gonna work out and it’s only gonna get worse the longer they stay together

I hope jubilee does a 1 month or 6 month follow up with this dilemma series bc I still wanna know if the married guy in the “I’m gay should I come out to my wife?” episode finally let his wife go or not😅…

Once he said "it's something that looms over the relationship" that's it, no point in investing in something inherently toxic.

Religion and relationships are deal breakers. You shouldn't have to change your beliefs to appeal to her family or her. It's just not worth it. It is like marrying into a racist family, but, because people often view your religion as a choice, the judgement and the pressure to conform can often be more intense. I would break up.

Go where you are appreciated- not tolerated. Please find someone who will love you for what you believe in.

Damn. Shocked that everyone said no in the beginning. I’m sorry, but religious conflicts are very difficult. Personally wouldn’t continue a relationship as soon as I realized the religious conflict

As a person with a Christian background who just got out of a relationship with a Muslim, I feel like i’m very close to this situation. I was in love. I never cared about our differences and was always willing to compromise on things we disagreed upon. But I knew that both of our families did not approve. and although we tried hard to fight through that, in the end, no matter how much you love someone, knowing that your partner will never truly be accepted by your family is something we couldn’t move past. it affected both of us mentally, more so than we realized. it was heartbreaking. it got to the point where, like he said, it was affecting our ability to love. and in the end, it contributed a lot to our relationship ending. my advice - do some serious soul searching. find out who you are and what you’re willing to go through for love. because it’s not worth it unless you do.

This is just my personal opinion, but if I were in someone else’s place, I wouldn’t date someone who has an entirely different religious belief or belief system that they sort of follow through. If I’m gonna, say for instance, spend my entire life with this person, then we must share the same values or beliefs or whatever else there may be. Anyway, that’s just something to consider when you’re currently dating someone or is planning to date someone.

As someone who really doesn’t interact with my bf’s family and vice versa, I really don’t care what my family thinks. Unfortunately, a lot of parents’ prejudice puts unnecessary stress on relationships that they’re not even a part of. For me personally, chosen family is just as if not more important to me because those are the people that I will continue to grow with in life.

As an Indian I can totally understand this. It sucks when we have to chose between love and family

He needs to get out of that relationship ASAP. He should not tolerate disrespect from her family on the basis of 'love' and if she's not willing to really fight for him, then it's not worth it. He needs to heal, move on and find someone who can truly accept him and bring him into a loving environment where he's not constantly worried about external forces disapproving and disregarding his existence

My wifes family mostly her mother hated me so much from day 1 all because I am from Mexico and not the United states, keep in mind I came here when I was 3 I don't remember anything about Mexico and I've never been back since. I was never truly accepted and a lot of hurtful actions and words came my way. This may not speak for everyone, but you have to be strong and it better be worth it.

you're not even allowed to date/have a GF as a Muslim, that's the first issue 💀

We should all be respectful of everyone’s view points but that doesn’t mean we have to agree. 🤝

My uncle is Muslim and he's married to a Christian woman. They've been married for over 30 years.

This was a cute video but I honestly felt like the audience could’ve asked better questions. Bc the whole thing abt interfaith relationships is COMPROMISE. Is he willing to follow her gf’s religious traditions? willing to let his future kids follow Christianity? And how much is the gf willing to compromise. People also have to understand that belonging to a religious minority (especially under a muslim majority) can lead to generational trauma and a willingness to tie religion to their identity. Would you rlly be ok with your kid marrying into a group that had oppressed you for generations? Just some food for thought :)

The question is already invalid because dating is forbidden in Islam even if both are Muslims.

Sounds like the girlfriend still lives with her parents so her parents have some dominance over her. Once she moved out I think they will come around because they are going to want to maintain a relationship with their daughter.

you need to think about it in the long run… not just if the parents get along with the partner but if the couple will last with different beliefs and also raising children under those beliefs

Relationships with religious conflicts almost always fail. It’s a shame

There’s drama in my family bc of this 😅 My sis is engaged to a non-Muslim and he decided that he won’t convert. They both respect each other’s religions. My parents are very traditional, so they refuse to accept it. It’s been stressful just me being in the middle of all of this lol

Everyone seems really young in this vid.. Which is not all bad, but I feel like he would've got better advice if they mixed it up a bit and had some more mature people there asking more experienced questions. I've been through what he's going through and while it didn't work out for me, I've seen these situations work for others.

Rashaad did a great job in adding input on suggestions, and his counterparts decision making on the Yes and No scenario. It’s heartbreaking to throw away your own morals/values in your relationship away due to your religion and family beliefs, but that decision is one that both parties have to reciprocate to one another. Walking away or finding a common ground to make it work is never an easy decision!

it doesn't seem worth it...as much as you can love someone, this will ALWAYS be a form of stress on the relationship. familial tension really stresses marriages as well :(

Ironically , most of time it’s opposite, muslim parents hate their daughter/son if they have non-Muslim partners.

Ngl I genuinely believe that they should break up. Religious differences in a relationship is the worst thing ever and impossible to solve. Also who knows after the marriage his parents might force her to convert to a Muslim. Therefore her parents have some concerns. Better to just let it go. Also you're not just marrying each other but also their families and family from his/her side can always cause more problems in the future.

I'm a Muslim, and this title confuses me. As a Muslim, you shouldn't be dating at all.

Religious differences is an immediate no. But seeing his actions it seems he’s not too serious about being Muslim in terms of him dating. He also stated this is his first serious relationship and it’s only been 9 months… they’re more infatuated than truly valuing their relationship. The root of the conflict will likely create more issues down the line. It’s not worth if you’re just starting now and you’re already stressed. I know Muslims can marry people of the book but Christians aren't to do so. The supposed Christian wrong too.

I don't think that should be a reason for them to break up. Me and my husband had that same dilemma. We're two different religions and his family didn't want to meet me at all and pretty much wanted nothing to do with me. Once I came to the realization that our relationship wasn't about them, it became so easy. It took 5 years and us getting married for his family to actually sit down and say "hey she makes our son happy and he really loves her" for them to finally want anything to do with me. We're all one happy family now that's still of two religions.

As a child of one parent being an orthodox and the other muslim, you can make it work. I didn’t have any issues growing up. They each believe their own thing and I was free to choose what I wanted to believe in. As long as there is respect and boundaries, love overcomes differences.

I am so confident that you should not stay in a relationship with someone who is not meeting you halfway or putting in the same effort as you

“Are you in love?” “I think yeah” idk it doesn’t seem it lol

People definitely shouldn't be shamed or feel ashamed because of their religion. In fact, the diversity of humans is what makes us beautiful.

My parents were completely against my Christian fiance and told me to leave the family if I will marry her. I ended up marrying her because that's who I was marrying, HER! My father didn't speak with me for 9 months, my mother was a champ, now we're 5 years married with 2 kids and my father is in love with his grandkids.

This is very tough and depends on her a lot. She’s the one that ultimately has to bare most of the burden. They seem really young to deal this tbh. She has to decide whether she wants to fight for this relationship.

He is a muslim, why is he even dating?

Crazy how mean & wicked religion can make people act towards one another just for not sharing the same beliefs as you do. Does nothing but cause more problems & create more barriers in the world than there already is.

They've only been dating 9 months so stop wasting each other's time when you know the answer is to break up

I am really enjoying this new video format. Whoever thought of this -- give them a raise!

Been in this exact situation, me Christian and him Muslim, first boyfriend, young and in love for over 2 years. It's not worth the drama and outside of this issue the chances of you staying together is very slim. I don't regret breaking up, now married to the most amazing partner and supportive family.

What actually got me thinking was how strong is their feelings for each other? Does he LOVE her? Does she LOVE him? How much are they willing to compromise and sacrifice in the name of the relationship? Is putting their relationship with their families at risk worth it? They way he answered to the "do you love her?" question made me think that maybe going through all of this isn't worth it. They've been together for not too long, honestly. I think breaking up for some time, figuring themselves out and then deciding if they wanna be together despite everything could be really beneficial to them.

I was in a similar situation 5 years ago. Her mom eventually accepted me for who I am but her dad was full blown dirt bag and he started posing curfew on her and it became problematic. I had to let go because I didn't want her to suffer. Ever since then I stopped dating completely out here because it's not worth it.

Yes yes yes breakup! What if she gets pregnant??? Your child won’t be accepted or even worse they could try hurt your child!

*And to avoid this, we should always ask about his/her religion in the first date.*

In Islam you can't even have a girlfriend, so what the heck is he even asking that question for?.

From personal experience you need to know clearly and understand what a person values, if they value their faith or family above you and both parties are not willing to compromise, it just won't work out. Even when the love is reciprocated. You have to be able to choose that person above all things, everyday and forever. Aside from that, even if your relationship does work out, you will still need to think further down the line because your differences will affect other things like your children and lifestyle, you need to know whether that's something you will be able to handle as well.

I was in a long distance relationship with a Muslim guy, I grew up Christian but then became an atheist/agnostic. As much as we talked about it in the beginning and I thought we were both okay with it, about 2 years into the relationship, he brought up religion as a reason for why it won’t work out between us. There were other factors too, because of the pandemic we couldn’t meet etc. But it just goes to show that the religion was still a big reason to him. So, yeah, both people just have to be on the same page completely.

Religious difference is HUGE. I would not worry if its a cultural difference...BUT. Puppy love is no reason to stay. Once you've grown this "feeling" will fade...BUT

this episode really reminded me of my past relationship. i was in a long distance relationship with someone and he and his family are Asian. I had met him and had visits with him multiple times over a 2 year period, and i only met his mom 1 time, which was the first time we met. Well after he went back home from that 1st visit she said we couldn’t talk to each other anymore. she made him stop talking to me, and it was the worst feeling ever. We starting talking again, but over the year he would tell me the things that she would say like “her family isn’t like ours” or he would say she liked white skinny girls that had money or asian girls. They came from a very wealthy house hold and i guess his mom wanted someone for her son that resembled them. She met me one time, and i had said happy birthday to her when it was her birthday and i was always nice. She didn’t like me bc of my middle class white background. that’s not fair, she never gave me a chance. then eventually, she made him come home 2 days early and caused a whole fuss. Btw, i wasn’t allowed on their property. i have no clue why but him visiting me was the only option. it clicked in me that he was never fighting for me. he let his mom make his decisions and let her ruin our relationship. he didn’t fight for me like how i fought for him. btw he was 18-19 when this all happened if that matters to anyone. we broke up in the end bc he couldn’t stand and there and watch me get hurt bc of him mom, pretty much. When you are in a relationship with someone, you are in it for the person and you should be making those decisions bc that is what YOU want, not bc of what your family is telling you to do.

I was a little bit annoyed by this episode, because I feel like we didn't get enough information to make a judgment. There are quite a few factors that play into the decision, that were not spoken about. Like for example: He said she showed that she is willing to be with him, but I didn't hear an example of how she showed that, which is why some people in the video and in the comments think she doesn't care or put effort in. So what did she do so far to proof to you that she cares for you? What are his exact beliefs on Islam? How strong is his faith? People said he should not have to change. But he said he might even convert to Christianity which makes it seem as if it is not a big change for him and he said he still tries to figure out who he is, so his faith doesn't seem too strict as in "I have to change my core beliefs for her". What would his parents say about a conversion? How does he imagine his future with her? What are their core values in a relationship? are these values compatible? so many open questions...

I’m Muslim and dealt with the same thing, I’m not very religious I’ve dated girls from many different cultures and every single girl’s family absolutely hated Muslims, the worst experience I had was with another Muslim family who were Shias and told the girl she would be abandoned if she were to pursue anything with a Sunni Muslim which I am

Breakup; religion/spirituality plays a huge role on people’s life, and for more people it the center of their whole life. Being respectful of someone belief is a must, it seems like there will always be problems.

I’d be more concerned with the girl potentially getting kicked out of her home. Date when you’re both financially independent because I guarantee money will strain the relationship before family does.

I feel like there's 2 things to consider. 1. How important family is to you. 2. Although you ate dating the person and if you do plan on going long-term, the family is gunna pop up somewhere.

his final decision does make sense because he can try. if he notices that his girlfriend is still not doing the effort, i hope he knows that it's not worth it to strain yourself and your mental health over others. if their situation does keep improving, that's great! but if not, i hope he remembers the advice from the "yes" group.

ngl, im pretty sure I could reconize him from that shot if I knew him

he shouldnt even have a gf in the first place as muslim 😭😭

I would have been in the yes side form jump. No point going through such grief in such a young relationship at such a young age. How people said no is beyond me.

unfortunately, things like religion are so difficult to navigate through. I also have a religious family. Personally, i am not religious , but because of my background, i face a lot of difficulties and restrictions.

The concept of this new show is just amazing! Thank you for doing this, Steven and I wish you only the best!

I remember when I started dating my ex, my dad wasn't fond of him either at first bc he was muslim, and refused to meet him. What my mom then said, really stuck with me. She was like "Why do you care what we think? It's YOUR relationship. Do you really think my father liked YOUR father at first?"

I LOVE HOW JUBILEE COMES W REFRESHING CONTENT ALWAYS!it feels so nice to see different perspectives on such a important topic

I love that they brought Matthew in for this video. I love watching him. He's such a genuine, sweet guy. 😊

I was in a similar situation but my ex boyfriend he was Muslim. We dated for almost 2 years and it didn’t work out for us. He hid me from his family for most of our relationship. Eventually his family found out about us. That didn’t change things for the better as I thought it would. It actually made things worse. I never met his family. My whole family and friends knew him and I tried my best to always understand him but our differences on religion, ideas and believes caused our break up. I believe his family had to do with our break up as well. Unfortunately while writing this I still believe he’s the love of my life and I hope that if we meant to be together, life will find it’s way around and will meet again but this time forever.

Um hello? Dating is a major sin. Break up, and stop dating entirely.

Off topic but just noticed that Lauren dressed up exactly like Diane from BoJack horseman. She's lookin great.

This is a tough one. Family is key for both of you, but take time out and work in the relationship and just as much as you are going through these emotions she is also struggling with some of her own personal challenges as well.. frank conversations are key & trials can make you stronger

Genuinely, I don't get how he's a Muslim and has a girlfriend. It isn't halal I believe.

I’ve been in a very similar situation. My boyfriend (at the time) grew up in a very strict conservative muslim household. I am very progressive and have my norms and values that could be considered “outstanding” to them. I am confidently queer (non binary) and I was buzzcut bald when I started dating him, plus I do have a very noticeable clothing style. He told me his parent wanted a muslim woman that they picked for him. So his parents immediately did not really approve. Our whole relationship was supposed to be a secret. We could never post on social media (because his mom would find out and get mad), we could never really go in his hometown/ neighborhood (because someone might see us) and obviously we could never chill at his house. I’ve never met his parents and never been at his house ever, and that really hurted. He was always at my place eating dinner with my parents, going on familytrips with us and everything. I was very aware throughout the relationship that I could never have the same. When they found out he was with me, they restricted him from seeing me and told him that he should break up with me. His dad even send him away to another country for the whole summerbreak. The hard part is, I couldn’t get mad at him for it because he couldn’t help it, even though you want to express your frustration to someone and blame them. I was madly in love with him but that was definitely the main reason our relationship didn’t work out imo. Ofcourse there were a lot of other factors, i did my part too. But i think if we didn’t have that issue, we could have solved the other problems easier and maybe even be together till this day. I really couldn’t bare the fact that I could never be welcomed into their family or get any sort of respect that I deserve.

Why is no one bringing up the fact that he’s Muslim and has a GIRLFRIEND?! 😭😭 Edit : to the people who don’t understand, Muslims can’t have boyfriends or girlfriends we can only get married 👍

I feel like you can choose a romantic relationship over your family. But not if you're still living at home. They are too young to be making that kind of decision. Yes, her family is being toxic towards him. But if he's trying to make her stand up for him against her family while she's still living at home, that's him being toxic towards her. He need to decide to be patient or decide to leave her alone. She doesn't need to be pressured into pitting herself against her family. They're young. They may need to mature more before having a healthy relationship.

My advice: If ur Christian, just follow (2 Corinthians 6:14) “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” It clears up and avoids this type of messy conflict.

Isn't having a relationship as a Muslim Haram?

Similar to what happened to my parents. My dad almost got disowned by his parents for converting and marrying my mum (they had different believes and religions). None of his family members came to their wedding. They won't contact him for the longest until I was born and he took baby me to his parents, who finally accepted him again. My parents are the strongest people I've ever met, the discrimination and hate from both families are the worst, and it stays for years even until now. My mum would always say that tho it worked for her, it may not work for me, so best to avoid it :')

It really does sound like he’s putting in more effort to make the relationship work. If it’s not reciprocated, it’s not worth it. It’s certainly not worth going through discrimination because of his religious beliefs, in my opinion. Break up.

So am I the only one curious about the girlfriends side of the story.

Muslim with girlfriend??

As a Christian, I personally wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t practice Christianity like I do. I feel that it will cause friction and strife later on in the relationship, especially because religion and faith are big part of so many peoples lives. I also think that people should realize that you need more than love to sustain a relationship. Because love doesn’t always win in the end.

I love this series! Would love to see some older cast members who could give another generational insight!

I’ve been on the opposite side of this, dated a Muslim girl for 5 years and intended on taking the next step but the family weren’t happy that I wasn’t Muslim. They wanted me to convert and it’s difficult when you accept the person and their family for who they are but they judge you.

I can't believe no one asked how they want to raise their kids, coz it will affect their whole life together

Girlfriend and Muslim are two words that don’t go together

the 'no' side was looking through it through a very naive viewpoint. his parents are okay with the relationship. her parents are not. she's already expressed her family comes first. they're doomed.

The girlfriend needs to put her foot down. That’s what I did. 4 years later my family loves my boyfriend. If you love someone you will fight for them tooth and nail even against family. I just feel like he’s excusing her family by saying she’s shy 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d break up with her lol

Soon as I heard 9 months. Break up. First relationship? BREAK UP!! I was yelling at the screen lol

Having seen how minorities are treated in Muslim countries first hand, I completely get why the family are against the relationship

I cant imagine my little sister dating a muslim. Im no racist, but i just cant accept how some of them can threat a woman. Mby young people are more modern, but still, from a European perspective it just doesnt go together to me. I also think that two very different thinking and religious people shouldn't date, because when the honeymoon phase is over, it will really come out from one or another. Better think twice before you go in a relationship.

Great episode. I hope everything works out with them he seems so hopeful for this new found love. Rashaad had great points! Matthew offered some great perspective

Unrelated but Lauren looks just like a real life Diane from Bojack. Like her outfit is identical

What matters is how much do they love each other. Because I know people who truly loved people yet had no bravery to do whatever needed. It depends on the priorities.

To me this dilemma just depend on two questions: how much they love each other? How important is their family to them?

As a Christian were called to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.. this isn’t meant to be hateful or judgemental but just a wise guideline to stand by. Both people will feel alone and neither will be able to share their religion with the other. The guy in this situation does seem like he’d be willing to convert for her but still.. he may get backlash from his family for leaving the faith and then what if his GF’s family doesn’t ever come around? When you marry someone you are marrying the person’s family as well. He can find someone that would give him more of a peaceful life.

steven wherever u are- i hope ur doing okay and are surrounded by people who love and accept you and make you feel peace. ur so young and u deserve the best :)

i honestly dont see this ending the way he's hoping for it to. hes just setting himself up for more heartbreak. ive had friends with these issues in their relationships and it never ends well. 9 months isnt short, but it isnt long either. he should cut it while he has a chance, before he goes in deeper than he has already

I loved the Rashad’s guy! He was so real!!! Great discussion!! Keep these coming!