Raising a kiddo with an unknown future is tough. It takes a toll on a parent's sanity and emotions. I have fears for my autistic son that I would never have for my typical son. And, I think it is important to say these fears out loud. When my son was diagnosed I just wanted to find someone that talked about autism realistically. I needed someone to say they were scared and that they were tired and worried. But I couldn't find that person which in turn, made me feel even worse. I want to be that person for you. Here are my greatest fears as an autism mom.
My number one fear will always be my worry about who is going to care for my son after I am gone. My sweet boy is so vulnerable. So innocent. Who will care for him?. Who will shave him? Make sure he is warm and clothed. It's a fine balance between preparing for the future and not jumping down the rabbit hole of constant worry. I am getting older. Cooper is getting bigger. And some day, I won't be able to care for him anymore. And some day after that, I will be gone. Will his brother step in? It's hard for me to think about right now.
Another fear of mine is the thought that I might never hear my sweet boys voice. I might never hear the word, 'mom.' The kills me. I try not to think about it. I try and tell myself that hearing 'mom' on his talking device is just as good. But it's not. But it's okay for now.
But my newest fear is even more raw. It's even harder to say out loud. Yesterday, I observed an 18 year old boy with Cerebral Palsy and his mother interact. It was the most beautiful love I have ever witnessed. And it got me thinking, What if my son never sits down next to me and has a conversation? What if he never enters our world? The fear is real people.
Listen to me ramble about my greatest fears as a mom to a little boy with severe, nonverbal autism. Follow Kate and Cooper's journey at www.findingcoopersvoice.com.
18 ноя 2017
