My husband’s getting too close to another woman…I don’t care! | Reddit Stories 

I feel like the idea that the first year of marriage is the hardest comes from when people didn't live together before they got married. Cuz I've been married for a year and a half and it's fucking awesome

If it was innocent, he wouldn't have looked guilty when he got caught, and he wouldn't have contacted her multiple times and started off with I know you don't like it. That's not oblivious. That's I don't care. He admitted he liked the attention. I agree that if he's a cheater, there's nothing she can do to prevent him from cheating. If you're already having issues a few months in, come on now 🤦🏻‍♀️ He doesn't defend his wife. He doesn't respect her. Gtfoh. If he didn't cheat already, he most likely would've. And probably will next time. He cared more about what the neighbor thinks and wanting the attention than what his wife feels 🙅🏻‍♀️

Story 1: Soooo, no one told the neighbor's husband? I'm still annoyed by that...

Story 1: he knew damn well what was happening. It’s okay to have common interests but to indulge in those common interests together without the partners is overstepping.

First OP she is totally justified in how she feels. Her husband brought another women into her home and let another women work on her home and let another women sit at her dinner table. That’s just wrong on so many levels!!!!

@7:03 OP states they made their opinion clear that they weren't comfortable. OP then stated that she didn't plan on doing more to start a contest. So what I'm getting from this is that she DID make it clear to her husband she was uncomfortable, he ignored it and even confirmed in his text that he understood it. She did bring her feelings up to him and he trampled all over her boundaries anyway. He is 100% in the wrong and I personally would not trust a partner if they ignored my feelings like that. Obviously we don't know how indepth their conversation was, but ya'll seem to have missed the mention that she did bring it up to him and he ignored it. Whether it can be considered a rule or not, imo, is irrelevant. If your partner tells you they're not comfortable with something, you either have a conversation on why and try to understand if you can do something to reassure them, and in the case of something like this, you respect that boundary. This wasn't a childhood friend that suddenly started cozying up, where it could come off as trying to control your partner, this was a neighbor.

Boundaries are literally a Love language. How can you fully Love and be Loved if you don't know (or respect) each other's boundaries?

He literally said that he liked the attention.. so he knew all along. If my partner had done that, I would definitely leave him.

I feel the same as the first OP. She expressed her discomfort. Also the husband isn’t putting up a respectful boundary.

She shouldnt be in their home every time the wife is away thats horrible

The husband is a grown man lmao he doesn't need a woman to tell him what's going to to protect his relationship with another woman

I mean… I am friends with my friend’s husband but… I would NEVER hang out with him ALONE?

Sam give OBVIOUSLY CHEATING bfs/husband's so much grace. Us seasoned veterans from the battlefield of love know all the excuses, and "explanations" . And yes! One on one meetups w someone you don't like is cheating to most people

The first year is a huge adjustment if you've not had the big conversations before getting married... my teacher gave us huge life advise, wait a year to see your partner and how they react to life (rich, poor, healthy/sick, or a life changing event and how they react to you going through those sinarios) then move in and see how they are for another year and see if there are things that bother you, talk about it, work on it... then before saying I do, be sure you won't get annoyed by those small things. Me and my husband's engagement lasted 6 years 😅 but we have been married for almost 20 years. Marriage is work. Communication is key. Help eachother out... and show you appreciate eachother

Mmm.... talking bad about me to someone I don't want in my home? Naaaaaa lol i would feel so betrayed. The trust is gone forever. She definitely needs to tell the neighbors husband too

My issues are: 1. He acknowledged the wife was uncomfortable and didn’t respect her 2. He realized that the neighbour had some sort of feelings and liked it so he kind of strung her along and 3. He didn’t defend her when the neighbour was insulting his wife …. Apart of a productive and respectful relationship for me is respect realistic boundaries and expectations and defend me when I’m both in the room and not in the room ….

I’ve been married for 5 years and together with my husband for 7 total. I’ve realized that it’s not really the marriage that’s hard, but that life is hard and it’s more about having to now navigate with another person, but that’s just my experience :) my husband also would never have a woman I didn’t like over, but he also respects me so 🤷‍♀️🤣

I’m not sure if many people know this but about 90% of marriages that go to counseling fail most of the time because it is you are coming either to have an amicable breakup or because you took to long to work on issues and one partner is ready to leave already. I highly recommend premarital counseling and couples counseling even when things are good so you can work out things and see how your partner will handle putting work into the relationship.

Story 1: men may be blind but OP told him numerous times the neighbor was bad news and had feelings for him. He still had her over seemingly daily. He wasn't stupid, he was dismissing and disrespecting her.

An overstep is anything that your spouse feels uncomfortable with there’s lots of poly there’s lots of different relationships and they can be comfortable with lots of things, but if your spouse isn’t uncomfortable with it, that’s when you should stop

Its very important for any couple to specifically lay out how you define "cheating" because not everyone has the same definition. In the same way that its important to have talks about kids, religion, and other important things - you need to make sure everyone involved is on the same page and not just assume.

As a married couple we don't spend time alone with any friends of the opposite sex unless it's a mutual friend or discussing beforehand. We have couple friends and family friends. It manifested out of mutual respect for each other due to us both being cheated on by previous partners.

I would put cameras around the house. Especially if her husband knows she doesn't like the neighbors there.

I think that he clearly knew and he just liked the attention and that he didnt mind at all, they both knew they were flirting with each other, thats why he looked uncomfortable and nervous when she came sooner than he expected. Had she come sooner she would have found them flirting or doing something way worse! People like that to the TRASH

S1: I feel like the wife is jealous that OP’s husband lets her spend money while her husband hoards it. She seems to be trying to integrate herself into OP’s life to get the husband to pick her so she can OP’s life and MONEY! Edit to add that I probably would have yelled at her, asking her why she’s always at my house, flirting with my husband when she has a husband of her own at home. Tell her she’s a shameless hussy to poach another woman’s man. Besides, the renovation is something OP and her husband are doing together. I sure wouldn’t want another woman’s handiwork in my home! AND the husband is supposed to be working from home, but how is he getting any work done if she’s always there? Is he going to get reprimanded for not getting his job done or possibly fired? Bad decisions on the husband’s part, big time. He knows OP doesn’t want the woman there and he proved he knew it…disrespectful!! Now , she is going to have to look at this woman whenever she sees her, but when her husband asks OP where her husband is, she can tell him that they are separating because of his wife…and tell him why! If she can destroy your marriage, destroy hers!!!

25:46 The wife told him multiple times that she was uncomfortable, I think it's just common knowledge that people want to get away from uncomfortable situations, meaning she could left him. Personally, if my partner says they're uncomfortable with something and they're bringing a good point I am going to listen to them, he didn't and these are the consequences of his actions. Sure she could first go to counseling to assest the situation but I wouldn't fault her for just leaving.

Petition for the internet to remember that "emotional cheating" is not having a friend that you have a strong connection with. It's not even when someone has engaged in inappropriate behavior that has not yet progressed to spicy sleep. This is the new buzzword that the internet has watered down as to be basically meaningless at this point. Emotional cheating is when you are exerting more emotional energy into a person outside of the relationship where you are seeking/receiving companionship and support that you would otherwise expect from your romantic partner. It is a lot more than exchanging texts or having conversations with someone, more than even some flirting, and cheapening it by applying it every time someone talks to someone that isn't their partner has made it basically useless as a term.

If someone doesnt want to stay. Then let them go. For some, once trust is lost it cant be given back.

8:04 yeah, it sounds like OP doesn’t want to do the pick me dance.

It took me getting into my first serious relationship to acknowledge most men need to be TOLD where as most women can understand context clues. I definetly think first story is gonna have a hard time of continuing together even if they council, but it feels like op also never said “hey, her being here is seeming like she’s into you and I don’t like that”

Story 1: she means that she will always wonder how far he is willing to go if she intercepts…

So one thing I will counter with... I don't think I would have told my partner that someone was insulting them, especially their looks. There is no reason for you to hurt your partner like that. Defend them, make it clear that that is not acceptable to the person who did it, but you don't have to put that into your partner's mind. If telling your partner something hurtful is not with the purpose of giving them the opportunity to make a positive change, then don't do it.

Sophia IS the silent producer ! She’s so focused she’s not listening to the guys chatter. At. All. LOL.

If standards and boundaries change because of marriage, the relationship does not have a good strong foundation. You shouldnt need a legal document to respect your partner.

I think they have been talking about it before marriage, but not in a serious matter. The neighbors visiting him every opportunity she had gives me a “ I’ll do anything to split them” vibe. Wife should give the neighbor a pice of her mind,and husband a icecold: clean up this mess before it’s to late. Clear message

The fact that he trusted the neighbor but NOT his wife is the biggest red flag. She TOLD HIM WHY it made her uncomfortable and he must have doubted her intentions of communicating that to him. It's almost like he believed she was trying to manipulate him...until the neighbor provided confirmation; only then was he willing to give his wife the benefit of the doubt. Smdh

Why do bad partners always beg for couples counselling when its just the bad partner who needs it. Op deserves better thanna husband who doesn't value his wife and her feelings.

You can't and shouldn't divorce or separate from your spouse because other people have feelings for them. Emotional cheating only happens when your spouse reciprocates that feeling.

Everytime you guys do the Zoc Doc ad, I remember an episode from Arrested Development with the Bob Loblaw Law Blog 😂

Keep everyone out of your relationship or you will regret it! 100 percent! Even if you don’t think she/he is someone you’d have to worry about, keep him/her away I promise you’ll regret it!

Story 1: I am going through this rn. My boyfriend recently moved in with me and my roommate. My roomie was my best friend but her last relationship ended because she had an emotional affair (of which fell through since she created a dependency on him and he couldn't handle her and her severe mental health problems.) I trust my boyfriend and we talk so extensively about our relationship, so color me surprised when my roommate started doing weird things around him, like confiding with him privately about her issues, sitting next to him to cry about some separate drama she was in, ask him if she could hug him for comfort during said cry fest and emphasized that she wanted to ask him for one before I got home from work, asked him if he wanted to meet her visiting friend and immediately left the room after I came in to check on them and grab a drink, and modeled two outfits to him and ask for his opinion on which one she should wear to a retirement party she went to this past weekend. He told me all of this the days that they happened and expressed how uncomfortable she made him feel, but he did give in to her hug since he was hoping she would leave him be if he did. Spoilers: she did not. But after talking about it, he is setting boundaries with her about this, especially since we both know about her interpersonal history. I think we'll be fine, but I can't wait for her to move out in a couple months. I trust my boyfriend wholeheartedly, but I do not trust her.

I have so much respect for you Jon. You are so emotionally intelligent. I agree with everything you said on the first story.

Saying "men are idiots" takes too much accountability away from the man in these situations. If you would not be comfortable doing literally everything you are currently doing in front of your partner, it's overstepping boundaries, and you know it. If you have doubts about the interaction, take the situation to your partner and ask if its something they are comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with two people hanging out, going hiking, etc, as long as the partner is okay with it. I like to cook, I have often brought lunches and snacks for coworkers or given them to neighbors, but I wouldn't do it if the partner was uncomfortable with it. In my case it's rare that I've brought things for one specific other person, but it has happened when coworkers have expressed interest in trying a dish I've talked about. But it's not up for me to make that determination, its for the people involved in that relationship. Maybe that would be crossing a line for some people, other people wouldn't care. The important thing is to communicate with your partner to see where the boundaries are. In my relationship, I don't care what my partner does with his friends, but I also 100% trust him not to overstep my boundaries because we have both very clearly talked about what those boundaries are.

I have been with the same man over a year and we both agree that if either of us sleeps with someone else we are over. A relationship is both people choosing there gf or bf over other people. Emotional cheating is the same thing as them sleeping with someone.

Me and my husband agreed there's no reason to hang out with the opposite gender alone. It's a boundary we both agreed on. Also most of our friends are couple's and I believe this creates a better environment. Ive been in situations and had read stories we're things get tense when there's a couple in a group of friends that are single especially if it's a lot of single girls. Women can be caty and jealous. Me and my husband agreed there's no reason to hang out with the opposite gender alone. It's a boundary we both agreed on. Also most of our friends are couple's and I believe this creates a better environment. Ive been in situations and had read stories we're things get tense when there's a couple in a group of friends that are single especially if it's a lot of single girls. Women can be caty and jealous. My husband also makes sure he mentions he's married if a woman comes up and talks to him at work. I didn't ask him to do this but he feels like it's a respect thing and it lessens the chances of them trying to flirt. Plus he likes talking about me.

Sam that was the perfect response if your partner is developing a questionable friendship “I do trust you but I don’t trust them not to develop feelings for you if you don’t put up the proper boundaries”

It's probably not a good thing that I spend my nights watching this. But here I am. I'm watching so you're doing something right.

Any social exchange that would change if your partner was present is probably cheating

The boys sticking up for the guy! 😂

Also she went all the way to the relationship without talking to him. She was too insecure to even risk him choosing otherwise.

Also, I love you guys! Thank you for helping me through my workdays! ❤❤❤❤

The first 5 determine if the marriage will make it. I think the first year is hardest because the way weddings are idolized instead of marriage being presented as the challenge that it can be.

OP was out the door before she knew anything. She wasn’t willing to even set a true boundary to avoid this. It is her husband’s fault, but she had to be half uninterested in her husband and marriage or she would’ve fought a TINY BIT. It’s like she was giving marriage a trial run. HOWEVER, the lack of defending her would be tough.

Honestly my husband and i have been married for a year and together 4 years, we have had no issues like this before. Definitely little things we improved being together. If its this hard after 6 months then there's a problem.

And he says he didn’t care about the neighbors insults to his wife. I would have been fuming. He should very much care that she insulted his wife.

I feel like the guy who excepted lunch from his neighbour is in the clear. As long as this is the first time I’d be cool with it. My husband is a lot like this dude. The wife seems in a rush to divorce, it’s a little fishy. This man seems pretty close to perfect hence why the lady next door wants him. I personally think it would be too stressful to be in a relationship with someone like his wife who runs away and threatens divorce without having a proper conversation.

My first year of marriage was easy on a relationship level, because we respect each other, and had talked about it before and have rules about how we deal with conflict. And no we didn’t live together prior. Married going on 12 years. And I know a lot of people struggle getting on the same page the first year. And the neighbor knew she was being inappropriate and if she was stay at home mom, where the heck were her children?

Our first year of marriage was literally the best....the first year together was the best...wait...every year is the best because we love each other 😂 yeah that saying isnt true its a saying people use to stay together longer

he told her she was right when the neighbor confirmed she has feelings, this in my opinion means OP actually talked to him about this and told him her theory and he still kept leading the neighbor on, probably playing it down with his wife too

Seems to me like the name would mean "lay low," as in he needs to "lay low" so he doesn't get caught cheating.

Been married for 8 years. Every year has been the same level of difficulty, that is to say not much. We have dealt with some difficult things, but being married itself hasn't been hard at all. We're also pretty sure The Honeymoon Phase isn't a phase if you're with the right person. We have one child together, he has one from his previous marriage, yet we have no problem finding time for each other.

I have been married twice and I have two absolute rules: 1: I am always #1 2: Don't play in someone else's backyard I divorced my 1st husband when after ten years he broke rule 1. I'll admit I inadvertently (didn't know) broke rule 2 twice, but broke it off and immediately and lied my ass off to their spouses. No one broke because of my errors. With my second husband, he made it clear from day 1 he could not deal with that arrangement and I agreed.. We were happy together for over 20 years until he died suddenly. Should I remarry, which I doubt, I would be content either way. But I think these are good basic rules, just make sure to discuss them in advance.

I feel like in the first story that OP was very nonchalant about her relationship. She didn’t seem too keen on doing anything to protect her marriage and was like, “well, if he wants to step out, that’s on him, idc.” She seems very luke warm about her relationship. She reminds be honestly of my last ex. Someone who was just so casual about our relationship. She would always say, “c’est la vie,” or basically it is what it is. There were never any real heat from her side of the relationship, no feelings of genuine desire and fire from her side of the relationship. OP, like my ex, seems like someone who keeps relationships at an arms distance, she’s always gotta have her guard up, can’t let anyone get in too close. Dude at the end of the day was inappropriate, but he was also loyal, and when it seemed like when she finally drove in how much she didn’t like it, then he stopped. She paints herself as a very detached partner who’s very, “take it or leave it.” It’s like she’s acting if she’s not vulnerable with him, then he can’t truly hurt her. I think what he did is wrong and fucked up, and he’s the catalyst, but this also sheds light on how little she cares about the relationship.

Is it me or is Sam always mentioning the "Hot guy with a successful podcast" line 😂 not that he's wrong thi. We all gotta hype ourselves 😎

This is why divorce rates are high

First year of marriage is definitely very hard.

She wanted what she (OP) had and just wanted to ruin it so she (OP) didnt have it anymore. Probably didn't even want that man. She was just jealous of the lifestyle he provided for his woman.

Over step... anything that you feel would be disrespectful to your SO... AND.... anything you would find disrespectful if the tables were turned.

I have had to put boundaries in place out of consideration of my partner. Respect is everything.🌻

Story 1: i think she meant that if they're already cheating that's not hey problem but if they haven't done anything yet then she should do something to try and fix the relationship

I love Kitty's idea!! ha ha ha

For friends of the opposite sex/whoever's within the sphere of what you're attracted to: It's not THE FACT you hangout, it's the INTENT behind the hangout that matters. Edit: There was a conversation and probably multiple about her saying she's uncomfortable about him hanging out with the neighbour, that's why he said "I know you're uncomfortable BUT-"

I feel like although he may not have cheated, he definitely was disloyal. He should have never allowed someone to talk badly about his wife.

As a married woman, I have been married for 12 years, I do not send messages with male friends and my husband does not send messages or calls with female friends, they have stopped being like friends and have become acquaintances, I would never leave my husband with a woman at home No matter how much of a friend I am, and I'm sure my husband wouldn't either, never do good things that seem bad 🤷‍♀️, I'm 35 years old, maybe my way of thinking is different because you are younger and it's good to have friends and send messages but I don't see it well 🤷‍♀️,and yes we say hello when we are in person and yes we have coworkers but we don't call or send a message,

conspiracy theory, op's husband was having an emotional affair then tried to play it off as one-sided when OP surprised him at home 🤔

with the last story I thought it might be that the cheating boyfriend had intercepted the messages by chance and went into panic mode to find the person who can erevel him

No. Boundaries aside, he knew it was wrong, he did it anyways. Period. It is that simple. If there is no trust, there is nothing left to discuss.

Been with my partner for 6 years going on 7 we have been engaged 3 years out of 6 and we just had our first kiddo we met in highschool aswell, we plan on getting married but haven’t yet the best advice we got when we first got together was from a husband and wife who had 10 kids and they both told us the 3rd year of any relationship is the hardest relationships and friendships I agree with the advice they gave us cuz it rang true a lot of the time

SO MUCH YES to Sam’s ? about the responsibility within a relationship to avoid emotional affairs at all costs!!! One shouldn’t ever be in the situation, period!

I love Sofia's shirt!!

The word clueless is used for this guy a lot but he's not clueless. He's hiding behind that assumption that we have for men's bad behaviour. He knew his wife was uncomfortable. He knew this women had feelings for him, liked it, and continued to actively engage, putting himself in situations where something might happen and giving the feelings space to grow. Sure, try counselling, maybe they can work through it but he does not seem to have just stumbled into this at all

First story I would’ve given relationship counselling a chance talk it all out with another person monitoring them. Another person will observe us if I’m in the wrong or husband and call it out. My husband has to win me over all over again and I’m gonna make it hard so it’s either gonna make it or brake it.

I’m sorry but I’m on the mindset that I’m not responsible for people developing feelings for me. Especially when I haven’t done anything to warrant them.

In our marriage we have boundaries set where we do not hang out one on one with someone of the opposite sex that is single. As a married couple we have a lot of the same friends though and most of them are married so doesn't really ever come up. Obviously it's different if it's family members.

From my experience... Members of the same sexuality (male/female if hetero, female/female or male/male if LGBTQ) can not be just friends. One or both will develop feelings at some point. I would like to think this isn't true, but I've seen it happen too many times.

Good sending something anonymously, especially between friends. Seems like the girlfriend is not wanting to believe Op. Op will not want to be in the middle of that mess or fallout; she would just lose in the end. Her friend and his girlfriend would blame her if they found out. It was good giving the girl friend the information. Then she can decide what to do with it. Op should stay as far away from that relationship as possible. Maybe Op should reconsider that friendship with that friend. If the guy can't be honest and respectful in his romantic relationships. He may not be respectful in his friendship with Op. Just an opinion.

My husband and I have a rule that is unspoken, it’s just set in our values before marriage is to not ever be alone with someone of the opposite gender. If so done else is there then it’s fine but in general my husband and I do everything together socially so there is no risk of that. Me going over to some other man’s house and make him lunch and stuff is a huge no no and vice versa. That would never even enter my mind to do that.

If you need attention from women who are not your wife, you're not all in on the relationship. Continuing to hang out alone with a woman you know has feelings for you is completely inappropriate when you're in a relationship, unless your partner expressly states they are comfortable with it. His wife made her feelings clear that she was uncomfortable and boundaries were being crossed. OP made a great point when she asked him if he would feel comfortable telling the other woman's husband about their "friendship." Probably not Im guessing. Throw him away. Their morals dont line up and they just arent compatible.

1st OP sounded like she was out the door as soon as he started making friends/hanging out with the neighbor. It sounds like as soon as they became friends or looked like they became friends, she was out. And honestly, it sounds like they didn't communicate at all. Was she giving the husband attention during this time period or was she already distancing herself and ignoring him. I think they should get counseling and sort things out if things work out they work out if not they get a divorce. I had a male coworker I was close to/bought lunch/ate out with all the time. My SO and I talked about it when he got uncomfortable with it. We talked it out, and I made it clear neither myself nor my coworker were interested in each other at all in that way. He was ok with it after we talked, hes had female friends and we always talk when one of us gets uncomfortable. It just sounds like OP never had a full conversation with her husband about it.

Woo double vision!! This and a live

The husband is an idiot, obviously, but I think the wife doesn't even seem to care if she's willing to give up on a marriage without even trying to work on addressing the issue.

If you’re crossing my clear boundaries i ask to not cross, do you really love me?

My ex got me flowers once... after I broke up with him 😂 fool had 4 years to get me flowers smh too little too late

It would be a waste to be in a relationship with someone who’s so thirsty for attention from people other than who they’re with. I’d just cut losses. That’s an internal issue that you’re not there to fix for them.

I used to not judge people and stay out of their business, but @CharlotteDobre convinced me of the STI factor and then I was like “ugh you’re right”

He didn’t care he doesn’t respect you please walk away

Maybe he is neuro divergent? I live with an autistic partner. He really doesn't know when somebody is hitting on him. Maybe he just realized when the neighbor told him. I don't think he ever thought on cheating, but he cannot read the signs. And she knows about it. When he got the information he tried to fix. I am not sure about it, but seems too close of my "home" to not think about it. Maybe he is not a "massive idiot", but he cannot recognize the signs. I feel like this because is so hard to neurogivergent (sorry if is not the proper word, English is not my mother language) not always have the ability to recognize all the signs, and even less has the ability to avoid it. He just found a friend that likes what he likes. Until the neighbor confess, he was just happy to have someone to talk. Even if that made his wife uncomfortable. And yes, it would be the same if it was a male neighbor

Years ago I saw a co-worker with a someone who I thought was his wife, I did not think much of it. The next day co-work's wife calls me and asks to talk, which was strange... I agreed and when I met them it was a completely different woman. Turns out they were swingers and wanted to make sure I did not say anything about what they were into. She called herself a "cuckquean" and liked it when the co-worker cheated on her... As I got to know them more, I started to think she was not so much a cuckquean as she was a sadist. As far as I know they are still together, still in the lifestyle. Their dynamic is really weird and some might say she is kind of abusive.

14:00 i would tell her husband

I don’t think it’s a good thing to do but I know sometimes ppl can feel insecure and want to see their partner « fight » for them so if he felt like she was uncomfortable but didnt say anything, maybe she didnt care that much about him. She should have communicated and I also think it’s way to easy to give up only 6 months into the marriage… if she’s not willing to work on their relationship, maybe she is not that in love with him. Marriage is not only rainbows and sunshine and he didnt cheat, so nothing bad enough that you can’t work on it. Dont know, but to me it feels like she was letting him fault just to have a good excuse to get out of it…