My Little Brother Died - How does a person deal with this? 

Thank you...

I’m so sorry 😢. My son died when he was 13. Even though it’s been many years, I still can’t talk about it without breaking down. My heart reaches out to you. By the way, it’s not self pity, it’s grief.

My older brother, whom I idolized, died in an accident while I was in my 20's. I did not handle it well at all. I self medicated for years as I had no help to process. There is absolutely no pain like that of losing a sibling. I'm glad you are remembering him, he was adorable. And I do indeed believe you felt that when he died. My 5 year old stopped dead in her tracks on a school field trip and randomly said "I don't want to be left alone." Us parents kind of laughed as kids are weird. Wound up her father was killed at that moment. 1000 miles away. I think kids are more open to that kind of stuff. Again, thanks for sharing.

We like hearing your stories man. Don't ever feel bad about sharing important times from your life.

Holy shit doing this live is really brave. Big ups for being this real, this is such a valuable video.

My husband died at 50, it took me around 5yrs to accept his death, you're right it does damage you. My daughters and I talk about him often, sometimes we cry, sometimes we laugh, we keep him alive by talking about our memories with him. My health declined too and I put on weight but I'm getting better and have lost nearly all the weight I put on. Time doesn't heal our loss, time allows us to learn to live with our loss 🙏

My little brother is fighting leukemia right now. He hasn't had chemo in 2 weeks, he's still is throwing up. It dawned to me tonight he might not beat it. I kept that thought to myself and drove home after he finally passed out. Thanks for the talk on the way home You tube algorithm can almost guess what your thinking about.

Winston, Real MEN do cry, don't ever be upset about showing emotion over something so touching. You are still being a great big brother, Miles is probably very proud.

Oh my goodness, I feel you deep grief and sadness! My 2 1/2 year old son died 8 years ago in a drowning accident in South Africa. Its the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened in my life. I was 10 weeks pregnant when it happened. Never feel weird when you get emotional, it’s so good for your heart. Jesus was my saving grace, when I was weak, He was my strength, still is. I can not imagine getting through such a loss without God, must’ve been so tough especially as a teenager. 😔

Thanks for sharing too. My wife sadly just died last week in hospital, we have been together for 25 years. We used to watch you're Chinese vids and doco together a lot. Losing someone does suck.

Cherish your memories!!! I lost my Mom when I was 6 and a 1/2 and I only have abt 3 memories of her. I'm watching this again. I feel the love you have for your brother. He was blessed to have an older brother like you!!!

As a doctor I have witnessed many times similar situations when people have suffered similar losses and are "damaged". Especially fathers losing sons - they never get over it, and cope by not talking about it, because it is just as too hard and emotional to talk about, so they block it out as you did. But talking about helps you to cope - well done.

My father died at work of a heart attack one morning in 1975, I was just 15 years old, my sister also died 27 years ago, aged 38 years of ovarian cancer in Toronto, my adopted native Australian brother died of heart problems at the age of 52, he won Australia's very first Stolen Generation case & was awarded 750k but died 1 year later, life is hard when it is constantly on your mind, I am 63 & glad to be here with all the memories of our lives together

Your brother really did hug you…being “callous” is more accurately blocking your own process with grief. Grief is natural and demands it’s due eventually. You are among good company. Miles looks like a beautiful little brother and we are honoured you shared his memory with us. ❤️

My daughter would have been 48....gone for 46 years but I think of her every day......I am sure everytime you see someone that looked like your brother the last time you saw him it will slam you in your heart.

It's not self-pity, Winston. You have the right to feel the way you do, given the tragic circumstances. Don't resist your emotions and don't resist sides of your personality - What you resist makes stronger. If you resist being angry, sad, mourning, and things like that, it will continue to get stronger until you could find yourself in a vicious cycle.

Thanks for sharing about Miles, Winston. You’re not wrong about that feeling you got before he passed… I’m sure we do have “connections” like that with people that we can’t explain. Thank you again for talking about this difficult topic 🙏

“Grief is the price we pay for love.” These words were said by Queen Elizabeth II during Princess Diana’s funeral (and also on 9/11). Having gone through grief, there are waves of emotions. I still grieve for losing our unborn child. I’ll pray for you bro.

I lost my younger brother 9 years ago. I'm still dealing with it too. The best advice I've ever gotten on dealing with the lost of a loved one is treat it like an amputation. You will never heal or recover from it, you just have to adapt, adjust, and learn to live with it. RIP Myles.

My oldest daughter died in 2006. My children don't talk about her, but I think about her all the time. It's my feeling that you have to talk about and think about your brother in order to honor him. And one more thing.. just remember that your dear brother would not want you to be sad. As I told my other children, our time on this Earth is predestined, and not everyone will live a long full life. It's always been that way and always will be. But you were lucky to have the gift of your brother for as long as you did. I feel for you...

I lost my sister when I was 14 due to a genetic disease and watched her deteriorate over 5 years. It's rough losing someone that young and it does change you. Thank you for sharing and putting into words how I've been feeling for 12 years.

My 16 year old nephew was killed on his birthday by a drunk driver last August. My brother and his wife, in their pain, grief and anger, have become quite mean and nasty. This tragedy has torn my family apart. You are right when you say it damages you. None of us will ever be the same. xx

You don't give yourself enough credit dude. Hearing your experiences and stories on YT, it seems like you've been through hell and back. You and your family seem incredibly strong, you're an inspiration Winston.

I recently lost a brother before Christmas. He was 30years old. He had covid and was getting better and one day he didn’t wake up. By the time my dad and sister went into his room, he was already gone in the middle of the night. Strange thing was he was very functional the day before and was cooking, cleaning and talking for hours on the phone to his best friend. It was so tragic and we still can’t believe he had left us to this day. Thank you for sharing your story.

When I was young I found my dearly loved brother dead in his car. 25 years later I found my second son dead in his bed.Yes, it damages you. The brutal reality of permanent loss hits like a sledge hammer. The second time is much worse because you know what you are about to endure. .Everything you thought you you knew about life and love turns to dust. It's nothing like you may have imagined. I took to alcohol for years when my son died and now I find myself working full time well past retirement to try and recoup what I lost. It's a brutal world.

Sorry to hear Winston. All the best to you and RIP to your brother.

Great video. Miles's loss definitely affected your personality. Sometimes losing composure can be a good thing. This was a good way of processing it.

My younger brother left us while he was in my arms literally seconds after telling me he was going to die. At the moment of passing, he looked as if he saw a window open and his eyes stayed open until I closed them. I feel like I have lost a limb. It will never be the same again but I'm going on with my life, experiencing new joys and new sorrows. I take comfort from the Gita (ch 2, vr 27): For one who is born, death is certain; for one who dies, rebirth is certain. Do not lament over what is inevitable.

Jamie Anderson said, “Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

I found my mom on the floor only minutes after she'd passed away, but as she was cold to the touch, I knew it was too late to save her. My father passed away literally in my arms as I was trying to get him to the hospital. It's critical to, not only deal with death in a healthy way so that we're less "damaged" over our lives, but with healthy healing we can celebrate and embrace their memory. We miss them dearly, but with reverence and fondness rather than only pain and suffering. I believe that it's also important realize that we are fragile. People we love can be taken in an instant. l try to tell people that they are important to me, I appreciate them and care about them. It's awkward, but they only have to hear it on their birthdays.

I lost my older brother when I was a teen in a large family. There was that loss, which was devastating, and then there was also the pain of watching those around you suffer with the grief and not being able to do a thing about it. Those were dark days that left scars.

Since I'm a pastor (passport American, born and raised in Japan and living in Nagasaki prefecture now) I am obviously looking at this from a different perspective than you. At the very least, I admire your courage in doing this video, and believe it was probably good for you. In terms of Miles dying during heart surgery, my father did the same, but at age 64. However, I too have seen a lot of death, including finding one of our church members who had died in his home. The police were a bit shocked at my matter-of-fact response to it all. Death is very much a part of life, but I have a very strong conviction that death isn't the end of the story. My wife's heart stopped when we were in our 20s and she saw heaven, but was mercifully sent back, since we had two young daughters at the time. Know that I care, regardless of how tenuous our connection, and I do and will pray for you.

Crying when sharing this with us is the first step ... I feel honored.

I was eleven when my sister, age sixteen, died in an auto accident with her two best friends. I got no help, and it fundamentally changed my outlook and stance on life as well as my relationship with my parents.

You should write a letter to your brother. It is very cathartic and you will be amazed with what you write for him. It helps process, and it helps celebrate his life. It sucks when people die, and theres no way to be prepared for it. After a person you love dies; you are forever changed. It is what it is. Very awesome video, it is not easy to share this sort of content. I tip my hat to you Winston. Stay awesome!

My best friend died in his sleep when he was 16, he also was born with a similar heart condition and had no treatment. The odd thing was a few weeks before he passed he told me to not spend so much time with him and to find other friends, not in a mean way but in a matter of fact way.

I was in the ICU with my dad when he died. All of a sudden, I felt a rush of "wind" going through my body and I, instantly, knew that my dad had left. I choose to believe that that was his spirit going through me. It took me years to go visit him at the cemetery and even longer to cry...and when it hit me, I let it all out. Hope that time comes for you and you can feel lighter and more healed after it.

Winston, thank you for your vulnerability. This video helped many people (myself included) feel a little less alone- especially those of us who are still trying to figure out how to "correctly" process the death of a loved one/important person in our lives. We appreciate you dude.

I've been a fan for what feels like 10 years now, and this is my new favorite video of all time from you. I know it wasn't easy so I commend you for that. I lost my sister 2 years ago, and to hear this story and advice from you specifically helps more than just hearing it in general. Our outlook on spirituality is almost identical, and I have handled it similarly to how you did, so this hits home more than you can imagine. Thank you...Even though we may never meet, im glad we can be your youtube family.

Losing a family member is heartbreaking. You be strong, I have lost both my parents. Dad when I was 6. Mom died on 2018.

Winston, this is one of the bravest things I've ever seen anyone do on social media. You're being honest with yourself finally and doing the right thing. We cannot ignore grief. There's only one way out and that is through. I will say this, once you've experienced your grief fully those memories that are painful now will become joyful to you again. It might not feel like that now but, grieving does pass. Trying to shove it away or push it down just makes the experience of feeling the loss last longer. Lastly, I'll just say this. Your brother had he lived would not have wanted you to always feel sad about his life. He would want you to process this grief properly and then be able to experience happiness and comfort in your memories. I wish you nothing but, a peaceful soul in this journey.

Thanks for sharing :) Same thing happened to my dad during a surgery 2 years ago so I could relate.

Winston, my respect for you, which was already high, is 1000X greater. You have honoured your brother by telling his story and meaning to you. This is a powerful testimony and I'm grateful that you made this. I hope you now feel free to tell his story and how his tragic early death has affected you whenever it feels right to do so. Sending you my thanks for all that you do on your channel. Patrick

Thank you for talking about your brother Winston. This video has really offered me massive inspirations in deal with losses. My step-mother just passed away today due to a car accident. Although she wasn't my biological mom, I had lived with her for over 10 years and we do share tons of memories with each other (good and bad ofc). She was a responsible and considerate lady who vastly cared about my education even though I wasn't her own child. I wish her a great afterlife - R.I.P.

You are a real man, brave man, kind man, honest man. Love your channel.

Thank you for sharing this. I lost my younger sister earlier this year. Always good to have others to relate to. Also, I had a similar feeling to the experience you had, about 12 minutes in. Thank you for sharing this.

I sensed the exact moment my grandmother died. 3 minutes later my dad came and told me as he had just recieved the phone call. I don't believe in the supernatural, but there are so many similar stories regarding losing loved ones and there is no rational explanation for such intuitions. Anyhow, I'm sorry for your loss.

I've also lost loved ones Winston it's incredibly difficult especially for a young person. Thank you for sharing this with us it helps. Good luck to you and your family.

I have been following this channel from many years but now i understand the name. I cannot imagine life without my younger brother, we talk once in say 2 week's ❤️ I am in Mechanical & he is in IT. We both know how much we love each other more than parents.

I have a little brother and god the thought of losing that little annoying and lovable bugger terrifies me. I don't know if I could even continue living if he were to disappear. I love him beyond anything else and he's been there for me through so much. He always brings me a smile with his antics everyday. That bond is something if lost would render me locked into a mental facility. I'm so sorry Sepentza you're a stronger man than I previously thought

..most humble cheers to you, Winston..

Very relatable, blocking out the feelings is a way I cope as well. And just like when you began talking about that time and the memories and feelings hit, they do overwhelm. It's uncomfortable to feel that loss of control over yourself. I do believe so long as you remember someone they aren't truly dead, so you are keeping him going by talking here. Thanks for talking about it Winston and I hope you and your family have great years ahead of you.

Thank you for sharing with us Winston. Traumas and death is one one of those things that when kept inside for too long not being shared or talked about it starts eating at you from the inside and damages more. This is good and helpful for you but also us. It made me confront some feelings and memories of lost people in my life.

Thank you for sharing little brothers story, reminded me when i lost my nephew who drowned in a pool 2 years ago. Anyone would has dealt with loss could attest to this it feels like a unfillable empty hole in your heart that you carry with you for the rest of your life.

For me, it was my big brother. Still, all these years later I get the occasional spontaneous urge to ask him something, about a plane passing by or big brother advice... (he was a Captain in the Air Force). Just anything that garnered his input . But, It reminds me he isn’t here any more. He had gone on an training flight overseeing a student pilot, and never came back. It felt like he was still out there, flying... somewhere. just not reporting in or touching down. The news footage of the wreck just wasn’t acceptable and couldn’t have contained him and the crew. For the first while, some of the best photos of him seemed 3 or 4 dimensional. Like they were alive with his essence, to the point it was a bit unnerving. Sadly or otherwise, this faded away eventually... it just became a two dimensional flat paper image, like he went away, and in time it seems the memories had flattened just as much. I’m not sure if looking on photos and vids are a good thing or not, when they seem to remain and define all you recall, but all the rest of the precious small moments of memories fade out or take distant last place to “the archives” All the raw overpowering memories and things at first, that kind of seem torturous and too close, eventually turn around to feeling like more loss as the years go by and they become less of a powerful burn... He had a laugh that was unique which i probably had picked up from him unconsciously when we were kids, i sure didn’t intentionally mimic him... it came out in me a few times long after when I could laugh again. It startled me at first, was pointed out by the parent who overheard it who said that sounded like his laugh, and then i felt sad right away... a quick sudden happening, that disappeared right away after. Almost like a real visit, that turns out to have not happened. Disappointing...sad All the whole thing seemed to teach me is, I don’t have a helpful thing I can say to any one else in such a same place.... it would come out a mess and not helpful. And that time doesn’t heal (for me), it just scars things over. That can sometimes rip open again from a sudden startling thing that crops up, like hearing his laugh/voice come out of me for a second. As time passes, too much time, things feel so far away.

Thanks for sharing your story. I can’t help but think that losing a sibling at a young age is one of the worst, most difficult of ordeals. Blocking out horrible experiences is a powerful coping mechanism and you just showed how strong these deeply buried feelings are. I’m glad you got this past trauma off your chest. Well done, God Bless.

The pictures of your brother are adorable, seems like a sweet little guy. Don't be hard on yourself, you were a child when he died, and you could not handle the pain at that age. You are allowing the pain to be felt now, in bits and pieces, and that is a good way to do it. I've had some experiences which I cannot explain, but these have led me to have strong religious beliefs. I do believe your brother, who left this life with a pure and sweet soul, did stop by to give you a hug, and his love for you endures as does your love for him. When all is said and done, the love we share with others is all we can we take with us after this life. He still loves you and you still love him. Nothing else matters.

The thing I like about your clips, is your pragmatic approach to almost everything. You don’t seem to dwell on individual things, but realise the importance of the things that need to be remembered. Happy for your successes, sad for your losses. Keep it up.

Hey mate, that was really tough. You're a brave man for sharing your loss and pain. Respect! Every human has the same feelings. No-one can replace your brother but I want to let you know you have many bothers and sisters. Great comments and questions from so many.

Yea it makes perfect sense! you felt him giving you a hug, your body is just a mechanical tent, the you is inside. He went out and embrazed you, and you felt that. Accept it my friend.

This was incredibly brave of you Winston, much respect.

I think I believe like you do. I also had an experience when my mother passed. She came to me in a dream a few days later. She comforted me and it gave me peace and help me move forward. She was older so it was easier to accept her passing; but, that experience truly helped me move forward and accept the loss of my mother. I believe your brother's spirit came to you, as well. Losing a younger sibling is incredibly difficult. You were at a challenging time in your life being a teenager and trying to figure out your identity and who you are in becoming an adult. Also, being an older brother and his protector to some degree had a big impact because in this instance; you couldn't protect him. I am sure that had an impact, as well, even though it was in no way your fault. You sharing with your community here was a good idea; you went through grieving this day that you didn't maybe deal with properly as a young man. My heart goes out to you; as you deal with this incredibly sad memory.

Only 13 minutes in and I need to say; Giant respect my friend, from one man to another. What you're doing is good. It's good for you, and for others who might have also locked something away in the true "man cave". The cave that is the vault of our minds where we push issues we'd rather not see or deal with. The place women don't really know about or fully understand. FWIW, I too have had an experience when losing a loved one. My grandmother was in many ways like a mother to me and on a Saturday night, I was having the most vivid dreams about her. So real and vibrant it touched my soul. I've only had a handful of dreams that touched me where I could still feel the emotion when awake. This was the greatest. Monday morning at work, I got the call that she passed over the weekend. Saturday night to be exact. Too coincidental to ignore for me.

If you believe in the hereafter, you can live in the hope of meeting him again and hugging him back.

The loss of a loved one is never easy. I still haven't been able to do what you've done here in this video w/ the loss of my mom. After watching this, you've inspired me to come to grips with it and overcome my emotional fears of facing it. Thanks for making this and putting yourself out there Winston.

I feel your pain mate and it is good to talk. I lost my brother in 2009 and we were both adults but it still hurts now.

I normally study in China but couldn't go back due to covid. I spent a year in Korea and found a really nice friend group. A few days before leaving, one of my good friends killed himself. Very bizarre, you spent a year with a person going to language school every day and then suddenly he's nothing else but ashes. Thanks for making this video

I’ve always loved your shows. Your heartfelt sorrow breaks my heart for you. You are a fine man Winston!

Very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother at such an early age. Stay strong Winston, and most importantly, stay awesome. 🙏

Thanks for sharing, Winston. My mum died suddenly (drink) just over 18 years ago when I was in my early 20s. 3 years later my older sister also died of a heart attack (we never got on). Coming from a small family, that doesn't leave me with many direct relatives. I can't imagine how awful it must be to lose such a young child but the memories are one thing you must cherish. I loved that comment at the end about the fox being called Miles. I bet he wanted to play him because of the name. Very sweet 😊♥️

Hey, Win... wow.. That was amazing. You really put yourself out there and it really means a lot to everyone here, I'm sure... We love you, man. I know this is an old video, but it is powerful.. Anyways, thanks again for being so open and raw with this. Be well, my friend.

Winston I hope this reaches you: In 2000 I lost a close cousin who was like a brother. Very shortly after his death due to gun violence he visited me when I was in deep grief crying non stop. I don't know if this was a dream, vision, out of body experience etc. I was placed in an all white space. He was there in a very nice white suit and looked at me serious and said he was OK twice and we hugged. His last name was Miles.

I dont think a person can deal with the loss of a family member, just time can make the pain less painful

I'm glad you posted this video. I lost my brother, too. You're right when you say that "it doesn't change you - it damages you". I've certainly never been the same since his death. I have often thought "If the damage done to me was external instead of internal, I would look like someone who was hit by a cannonball at point blank range". I say that without exaggeration. But, since it's inside of us and because the death of a brother is not something that others can see, the experience and pain remains somewhat of an enigma to most people - even to our closest friends. This realization alone can be a very isolating experience. However, I have found that it is helpful to talk about it, even with people who have a little or no understanding. I'm essentially talking for myself, I guess. So, I try to just keep in mind that people do care, but they are uncomfortable because they don't know what to say or how to say it. But, it does help to talk and our friends want to know what we are really feeling inside because that is who they are actually friends with, whether they know it or not. So, I'm glad you are talking about it. There's no schedule, so whenever and however much you feel comfortable with is going to be just right for your needs in the end. It takes a while, but it does get more manageable over time. Trust me, please.

You know, Winston, i need to say this..with this post you showed, why people love to watch your podcast, this was straight from the heart..and also yes, i think you should be very grateful for your china adventure, it really was awesome

My sister died when she was 18 ( I was 21) from an operation on a brain tumor. The worst part was having a bunch of people come up to me in super markets and asking “are you okay?”…. It was like “no my sister died. Why the fuck would I be okay?”… slowly realized they wanted me to be okay so they could be okay… eventually I came to see that it’s straight up okay to not be okay. The whole “moving past it” is a joke. Moving past it would mean I left her behind… Instead, I learned to accept her in her new form (whatever that is) and ask her for advice (which I receive in strange ways). I know you were trying to be “rational” here, and I would like to suggest the most rational thing to do when talking about these subjects is to feel really strong emotions. Much love and really appreciate you trying to talk through this in such a public way.

I lost my son last year,it still feels like yesterday to me,the pain never goes away,as well as the love you have for each other ! Everyday I am in pain,see him here in his room,in our house,...can smell him still in his blanket. I feel not fair,cause I am still here,and hes not. I am sorry for your loss Winston. He will always stay a part of your live.

My little brother died 3 years ago on Feb. 7 2019. He was 31. I was 20 months older than him. I spent a week sleeping at the hospital until they took him off life support. It has been three years since it happened and I doubt I'll ever get past it. It has been made worse with these hellish last two years.

I lost my grandmother today to medical negligence. She was 70 ~ odd, suffered with dementia and schizophrenia. I haven't cried yet. I don't feel anything to tell the truth. I think mainly because I never had a strong relationship with her: her mental illnesses & growing up abroad definitely played into this. Strange how this video is recommended to me right now. I differ to you where I am religious but if I'm honest, I feel spiritually dead. I don't live a life of virtue right now, I wish I could quit my habits immediately and do it. Best wishes my friend.

Hey mate, very raw to watch and brave to share that to an audience. Grief counselling is a thing and can help unpack even more to get you to a better place of acceptance.

As men, we like to fix things. We try to find solutions, but it's always the things we cannot fix... The things we have to let go and accept as reality. In the end, it breaks us but we can always fix our perspective, cherish the good times until we too pass on the other side. Stay strong brother.

Man you had me in tears watching you all emotional! Maybe it was good to talk about this and get it out like that! Your only human brother! I wish I could’ve given ya a hug bro! Just know he’s up their watching you and he’s proud of the man you became! How could he not! We all love ya too!

Thanks for sharing your life with us via this live stream. It was so good to hear about your childhood memories of your little brother and see your photos showing your family enjoying life together. Losing a family member "before their time" is the ultimate kick in the stomach. There as so many mixed emotions that come with it. My heart aches for how it must've been for all of you. With this segment you have really honored Miles well and I am honored you brought us along on your current journey as well. I'm guessed that having a beautiful daughter growing up right in front of you every day triggered some memories of your little brother in a poignant way and I understand that feelings might well up for others freshly greiving the senseless loss of family members in recent mass shootings. Your current feelings are evidence that you are ready to do some more healing and that you aren't as callous today as you were back then. I am hoping that in doing this show and sharing this with us you will help others (as you want to) and that our feedback in the comments will promote additional healing in you also. I'm a grandma in my 60s. I've been following you since about a year before covid. I have appreciated your content and I wish you well with this subject going forward.

Sorry to hear . . . Blessings . . .

There’s no better time than the present to visit the people in your circle of influence who love you very much! R.I.P. Jessica Hargis 🙏🏽

That was really brave of you bro...and it was well done and genuine. Thanks for sharing Winston.

Sorry for your loss. An incredibly hard thing to deal with... and the truth is that you will always miss him. I lost my brother who drowned in 1986. Very hard ...one day they're here, and the next they're gone. 😢

Hey Winston, my sister was 6 when she was in a horrifying school bus accident. She survived, it took a year to recover. Those events change everyone for life. Thank you for sharing this tender part of your life.

Your story will help others. Takes guts to share it publicly. Once again, you impress... just by being the great human being that you are.

Man my respect for you went thru the roof listening to this south African playlist. Wishing you the best, videos like this have a mutual therapeutic value

I lost my mom, my grandson, and my dad in a 5 year span. It truly does leave you damaged.

Damn bro.. I've got 2 boys. The older one treats his baby bro with such love, and his baby bro smiles at him lovingly back; that brotherly connection/love is so real. I can partly imagine your loss through their eyes. Spent 45 minutes crying, thanks for sharing.

I don't believe in ghosts either, but there are some events that we can't explain. I have felt that feeling a few times, so I can relate. You don't get over it; you have to just let it fade away. Eight years ago, on November 3rd, 2015, when I was 43 years old, I woke up cuddling my wife's corpse. It destroyed me. I was on what I call autopilot for around six years. I went through the motions like shopping and eating, just trying to block it out, but it only got worse from there. You see, it all started in September 2015. My eight-year-old dog(Rotty) passed away in her sleep on a Friday night. Early Saturday morning, my father came and helped me take her down my stairs. We buried her, and then he died on Sunday night or early Monday morning. After that, a wave of deaths hit my family. My grandfather, uncles, aunts, sister-in-law, father-in-law, mother-in-law, so including my wife, dog and father- I'd say 12 to 15 family members- passed away in their sleep during 2015-2016. I attended funeral after funeral, losing all of my closest family members. I don't know why any of them died. The coroner here only does an autopsy if it seems suspicious or is clearly a murder or suicide. He declared my 44-year-old wife dead by natural causes, without even touching her. He stood around 10 feet away. They left me there with her body. My mother came and did some things, and someone took her away. She was cremated a few days after that. There is no known way past these things; you just have to keep moving forward and suppress the memory while working or whatever it is you are doing and only let yourself remember things before bed and as you get up but the impact of the memory will slowly fade over time. When I started coming to my senses a couple of years ago, I weighed an unbelievable 370 lbs. I'm now down to 270 lbs. My autopilot must have included a whole lot of eating. 🙂

Listening to your videos really helps me feel connected and less alone. Thank you for sharing the intimate parts of your life. I used to play Sonic and Tails with my brother and I always played Tails.

Your brother's compassion for you is so rich and beautiful, that, even in death, he made a point of visiting you to hug and comfort you just before you would receive the terrible news about him by phone. A sibling crossing the veil of death to make sure his brother is going to be ok...wow, that's one fantastic brother! He must have had a heart of gold.

Thank you for sharing! And if I can give you and anyone else advice: don't keep your feelings to yourself, don't try to extinguish emotions. If you need to cry? Do that, your body literally needs it to release the stress it's going through. Yes, you might never recover from loosing a loved one, but you should not keep emotions locked inside of you. No shame in having emotions.

My little brother died 10 years ago, he would have turned 50 in a few days. It was an unexpected medical issue. I think the only honest answer we have to what happens after we die, is we don't know. People say I will see him again, but all I know is, I won't see him again in my lifetime. It was an open wound at first, but now it's a scar that will just always be there. Greif is not something we deal with in our culture and it's needed. Thank you for sharing so openly.

Grieving loved ones right now. This was helpful to hear. Thank you for putting it together!

Wow bro you have my condolences! What a wonderful, insightful video. I lost my little brother a while back. An I'm still learning how to deal with it. This video helped me feel less alone. Thanks Sir!

My father passed away when I was just 3 years old, I don't know how I was able to process that at such a young age. I'm so sorry about what happened to your brother.