My miscarriage and covid story | infertility, mental health | why I left YouTube 

I had a miscarriage and am struggling with infertility as well. It’s so nice to know we’re not alone in this ❤

I experienced my first miscarriage on the 12th of this month. Not many will ever understand how traumatic it is to go through one. *Virtual Hugs To You.* I can't help but cry while watching this video. I missed seeing you here on RU-vid, but so heartbroken to hear what you've been going through. I will be praying for you. God is our strength. 💛

Emelyne, I’ve been following for over 6 years now! I loved watching your vintage inspired videos & I love watching you grow. I am so very sorry for yours & Connor’s loss. There is always purpose in pain. It seems like you know that already. ❤️ I look forward to see where the channel goes or just following you on Instagram. 🐰

I’ve prayed for the unborn the last couple years.Peace be with you and you should be proud of yourself as you said you are, for getting through storms in your life. Your parents were wise to have you get checked. Hugs.

I’m glad your back but I’m glad you took a break everyone needs one . I always keep you guys in my prayers 😊

Hey Emelyne! I've been watching your channel for like 7 years now and I just wanted to tell you that watching your baking videos, vlogs and pretty much anything you make has gotten me through some of the hardest years of my life. Your courage, faith, and optimism brings me so much spiritual encouragement! Whatever you decide to upload to this channel will be a joy to see on my screen. Thank you for sharing such a difficult journey with us💝 May His favor be upon you and a thousand generations, your family, children and their children 🙏

I've been following your channels for years and I want to thank you for sharing. My husband and I have been trying for a about a year now. I got off my birth control immediately after our wedding last year. It's hard not getting discouraged. I'm sorry the medical staff was so insensitive. I will be keeping your family in my prayers.

Praise God that you’ve been able to lean on His love during this time! I’m so sorry for what you and your husband have gone through. My wife and I have also had a miscarriage and have been trying so I understand. Praying that you both can continue to see the ways in which God is working in your lives!!!

Oh, Emmelyne…….. I knew, somewhat, of your struggles from keeping up with your other channel. So much of what you’ve said resonates with me soooo much!!! The anxiety that you had about your parents, this is something that I struggle with on a daily basis and have unfortunately just learned to live with. Not only with my parents, but my kids, my siblings, my friends. I finally pulled my kids out of public schools this year because my anxiety was so bad. They would miss days that I had to work because if I couldn’t walk them to their bus stop, I wouldn’t let them go (even though the bus stop is 4 doors down). The school was getting annoyed by me calling EVERY day and having them go down to their classes to make sure they were there and okay because I would have thoughts about the bus not making it there, or school shootings. My heart would POUND and my body would shake uncontrollably all day until I called the school and got confirmation that they were okay. My anxiety has gotten SO much better since deciding to homeschool them. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and my kids were perfectly on board with it, in case anyone wondered. They are all older, so they already have tons of friends. They were actually excited to finish school at home. I still have anxiety, obviously. Especially with other areas of my life, but it’s better. It’s manageable. Also, the miscarriage also hits home for me. It was 14 years ago. I never really struggled with fertility, but that somehow made it worse for me. I was like “Why me?!!” I did get the chance to have one ultrasound and found out that it was twins. My first pregnancy was successful and also twins (they’re almost 20 now). With my miscarriage, I woke up bleeding. But, with my first pregnancy, I also woke up bleeding. I actually thought that I was miscarrying. But, instead I found out that I was having twins that day and that everything was okay. So, even though I didn’t bleed with my other pregnancies, I thought that’s why I was bleeding the second time around with twins. I just thought “I bled with the first twins, maybe that’s the same thing happening now.” Obviously, I went to the hospital anyway, just to be sure. I remember, I was in a strangely good mood that day. For some reason, miscarriage was the last thing on my mind. I just KNEW the babies were okay, just like the first time. I remember when the nurse started the ultrasound, everything just got so quiet. I knew something was wrong. She wasn’t saying anything. And I had done this before (I also had a daughter after the first twins, so I’ve had dozens of ultrasounds at this point). If everything was okay, the nurse would be talking. She’d be saying things like “Oh, look. There’s the belly!” and things like that. But, she didn’t. She didn’t say anything! She just finished the ultrasound in silence and walked out of the room. As soon as the door closed, I broke down and my husband and I just held each other. A few minutes later, the doctor came in and very quietly said “I’m so sorry…….” Honestly, bless that doctor! Because you could tell he truly cared about his patients. His voice was so quiet, like he was holding back tears and his voice cracked as he told us that they could see two amniotic sacs, but there were no heartbeats….. no babies. I felt so defeated. I never understood why because I had already had healthy pregnancies, so why was this one different??? What did I do wrong?? I did get pregnant with my rainbow baby pretty quickly after that. He knows the whole story and even to this day, at 12 years old, he calls himself my Rainbow Baby. I told him one day that I got pregnant with him so quickly after the miscarriage, that if I WOULDN’T have had the miscarriage I would have never gotten pregnant with him so that it was kind of a blessing in disguise. And he said “God knew you needed me, Mama!!” He was about 8 years old when he said that and he STILL says it anytime we bring up the miscarriage or he hears about one on tv. He’ll say “That’s what you had before me, right Mom?!” and then he’ll say “Then God gave you me because he knew you needed me!” He says it EVERY time!!! Because, like you said, God KNEW what he was doing. As he always does!! And when I tell you that I am so BLESSED to have this kid!! He is the KINDEST little human I have EVER known with the BIGGEST heart!! And I know everyone says that about their own kids, but I couldn’t be more serious!! He doesn’t care if other kids think they look stupid for sticking up for the bullied kid. He still does it! He doesn’t care if his friends don’t want to hold doors open for people at the store. He still does it! He told me it’s a goal of his to give a compliment to someone at least once a day. And he does it EVERY day!! We went to the pharmacy today the girl at the window had veryyyy long braids all the way past her butt and she had little gold hair accessories scattered throughout her braids. He told her that her hair was soooo pretty!! And she wouldn’t stop talking about how that made her day! I’m just so grateful for him!! I honestly think about you all the time, Emmelyne. And keep you and Connor in my prayers. I pray that your Miracle Rainbow Baby is just around the corner. But, I’m so happy that you and Conz are doing well and have had healing after all your heartbreak. I’m so happy that your sweet parents are doing well. I’m so happy to have you back on this channel. I’ve followed both of your channels for YEARS and can happily say that I’ve watched EVERY video on BOTH channels and even rewatch old videos all the time. I just adore your content on both channels and just KNOW we’d be besties in real life. Lol. I would love to see any Day In The Life type videos, literally ANY kind of vintage thrifting vlogs and hauls. Trying Recipes From Vintage Cookbooks would be so fun! And we definitely need to see more Wilbur. Lol. I love you and I’m so glad you have you back! 🫶🏼🤍

I'm so sorry to hear all you went through. I found your channels just a few months ago and have been watching both of them. I knew from those videos about your miscarriage but I had no idea the circumstances. It's true that some of the hardest things we go through grow us the most spiritually.Praying for you always ❤️I went through some scary things with preterm labor with my daughter, it really bonded me to my baby. You realize how precious and fragile life is. I really feel it helped me to value the whole experience more. I'm also really glad you decided to post on this channel again. I would love to see vlog style just everyday life videos of how you spend your day and vegan recipes. I also love seeing Wilbur,because I'm a huge animal lover too. And I love the devotionals that you did on this channel. Sending you a big hug also ❤️

Hi Emelyne, you are incredibly strong. Thanks for being open about this! You are a blessing for so many people. I am wishing you all of the blessings in the world!!

I’ve watched your channel for a couple of years now, and followed the moments of your fertility journey that you chose to share with us, and can I just say thank you for sharing your voice and journey with so many people who may be experiencing this too. It’s such a hard, emotional subject, and it often isn’t spoken about a lot. I hope your videos continue to provide comfort to those people who need it, in the same way that they have helped me to understand and comfort some of my friends, and if you choose to continue sharing your journey, I hope it reaches those people too. I’ll keep both of you in my prayers, and trust that God has a plan for you both x

Oh my goodness, Em, this all totally breaks my heart. 😭 I am so sorry you went through this absolute torture! You never deserved to go through this. You're a total angel, and even more so now, since you went through this all! You are a WARRIOR! And now, I'm so happy to see things are so much better now. God is on your side, and will be with you always. I love you so much. BIG hugs!

I understand what you’re going through. It took my husband and I 7 years of trying and fertility treatments and of course the Lord finally worked! I’m 5 months now with a lil boy. It’s been an extremely hard journey, but it’s all going to be worth it. Praying for you girl, God’s working in your life. I first started watching your channel because I loved your home renovations, decorating and recipes. Do more of those please maybe even Bible studies!

Emelyne, I cannot imagine going through what you went through. And I am so incredibly proud of you for pushing through even when you didn’t want to. I have been watching since before you moved into your house. When you still lived in your apartment. You are so brave for facing everything, im glad you’re doing better now. I love your content, and have watched your both of the channels for a long time. I can’t wait to see more of your content either here or on your home renovation channel. I love the vintage aesthetic, and you were one of the people who made me feel normal for loving these old items. 💕 I can’t wait to see your next adventures. Im wishing you the best!!!

I am so so sorry you went through this. I was diagnosed with secondary infertility and have been going through IVF the last year…. Infertility is 100% a trauma… every step of the way and our brains have protective mechanisms in time of trauma like brain fog, intrusive thoughts so I hope you can give your body grace and continue to understand that God is WITH YOU… He never left. I am not the same person I was when I started this journey last year and I thank God every day for it and I truly understand why I needed to suffer. I don’t have my rainbow baby yet, but I have Faith. I truly have Faith and I am no longer afraid because of Him.

Oh my goodness. Your positivity and resilience in the face of so much is just more than what I can put in words. May God bless you beyond measure.

Emelyne, you have been on such a painful journey. I can’t begin to imagine your pain and fears. But oh how the Lord walked with you through it all. He cried when you cried and whispered to you, “daughter, I have so many joyful things in mind for you”. You have grown in your faith and with this, He will reveal so much more to you. As always, I will continue to pray for you. May the Lord richly bless you, sweet lady 💕

I’m so happy your back on this channel!! ❤️ Good luck with everything! I’m so sorry about everything you’ve been through. 🙏🏻

Ahhhh!!! I’m so happy for you!!! I saw your post on Instagram on literally screamed out loud! It breaks my heart that your friends weren’t there for you in your lowest moment. It’s so weird but after all these years I still feel like I know you!!! What a strange life xxx God is with you and your beautiful family

I have watched you for years you know before Connor was your husband etc. and I just headed over to your other channel and no lie I teared up I am so happy for you!!

So much love to you Emelyne. I’m so glad that you’re in a better place in life now. 💓 I can’t wait to see what you do with this channel if you decide to stick around here! 🫶🏻

I'm so so sorry for you. This is triggering because this also happened to me three times (once post in vitro) and i was devastated but it's important to share your story as so many women relate. I feel your pain and know what you're going through. I also had tons of hair loss and i was freaking out because the first doctor referred me to a dermatologist who didn't know why but it was due to the fertility meds. I now have a beautiful 3 year old girl. She is the light of my life after so much heartbreak. Keep hope, Sweet Emelyne. Your time will come. I am sending you love and light.

Thank you for sharing your story Em, there’s always a rainbow after rain💗

I needed this video today. You’re amazing!! I’m so sorry for what you went through but I’m so happy that you’re in a better place now. God TRULY does know what he’s doing. I’ve realized lately that a lot of life is spent in the “waiting” part of the journey. It can be sooo hard, but you can also grow a lot. I’d love to see more videos from you!!

oh emelyne…you’re such an inspiration and to see where your trials have brought you is such an amazing testimony and story and i feel so blessed to be a part of this journey! thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing this story with us. so so happy for you and connor and can’t wait to see your miracle grow💕🌈

I’m so sorry, I have been through the same thing in October. First pregnancy and lost it at 5 weeks so super early too. Now I’m left with all kinds of weird symptoms ( actually realised I’ve been losing loads of hair since you said it so thank you) and I’m so sad. My partner was away at the time so I also felt very isolated too. So scary. Edit I also have multiple photos of rainbows I saw! One the day I found out I was pregnant, and two since then! Amazing.

It’s lovely to see your face again. My fiancé and I were recently diagnosed with unexplained fertility as well. Sending baby dust to you 🖤

So sad to hear your story, but so happy for you now!!! You should call your baby Noah if it‘s a boy. Because of all the rainbow signs ❤️ Iris means rainbow, too 🌈

I really hope that you get your rainbow baby❤️ God is here for you of course and he’s guiding you as i’m writing this and He’s definitely got a plan

No one should have to go through that but Im glad it resulted in Post-traumatic growth and not the other varying responses.

I'm glad to hear you're fine! God is in charge of everything. Keep having faith that He has big plans for your life! I always enjoyed watching your videos on this channel. ♡ God bless you! ♡

Dear Emelyne ,what horrible tragedy you endured. I am so very sorry . It was not just one thing it was one after another, how frightening this was for you. buI know where you are coming from with the anxiety of being afraid of losing your parents, my Mom is 92 my anxiety was awful I was her main source My husband Gary lost 3 family members & we lost 6 close neighbors. I ended up having to talk to a counselor on the phone as one could not go into the office. I am also not happy to hear you have always been there for your friends & they were not there for you that hurts to hear that . That song "What a Friend We Have in Jesus I needed Him so much more than ever during that time. Every night in bed Mom sings that song for years. I know you relied on Him during this time of darkness. God has truly Blessed You & Connor with your baby I am so happy for you both Have a lovely week

I am so sorry that the media and medical community put you in such stress and turmoil with their lies.

Thank you for sharing your journey ❤❤ your story is going to help so many! I’m so happy to hear that you’re in a better place! ❤

We missed you!😊 Praying for God's goodness in your life.

omg, I've missed you girl! just be with us! I love you

I am so glad you shared this with us! You’re a true inspiration. Honestly take all the time you need, we will always wait for you 💗 As for the video ideas, I will write a few below: - what i eats - vintage diets - recipes - anything vintage - honestly anything you make, love all your videos!

Delight thyself in the Lord and he will give thee the desires of thy heart! Sweet Emelyn I want you to talk to God and just ask him to bless you with a baby. May it be in his will. He can bless you with a child. And then just trust that your miracle will come when you least expect it but don’t stress it. God bless I really hope that God blesses you with your hearts desire. Take care 🕊🌸💎💕

Emelyne, I am halfway through the video and feel I should say this. In scripture, it says we will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our TESTIMONY. You will have your testimony!!

I did the same thing. I removed all the fertility apps switched to pregnancy apps. Bought pregnancy books 😣 lost my miracle at 11 weeks 💔

The song Thy Will by Hillary Scott. Is a song I listen to daily that is helping me through this difficult time. 💛

Thank you for sharing this

as soon as you said auto immune paleo I cringed. I was on it for a few weeks and it was truly painful.

They always say that phrase 🙄. Like we should be happy that we lost the best and desired thing in this world, and just try for another . "You are young you can try again in a couple of months " 😞

Thank you for sharing. I really needed to hear this today...

Iv been watching you for years, we struggled for 8 years with infertility. Only to find out I have rh negative bloods and low progesterone which affect carrying a baby. I also suffer from thyroid problems. We’ve lost two babies now but have to take medication and checks to make sure everything is ok. Have you seen a doctor and had tests done to rule things out? Im so sorry for your loss,I’m praying you and your husband are blessed with a baby soon xx

What is the diet ?

Hi, I’ve been a subscriber for a few years . So sorry to hear about your struggles with infertility. You might have already been on it but just in case , have you been taking prenatal vitamins? I know it’s recommended to take them while trying for baby.

Please still post here I follow both channel but anything you post will always be beautiful to me

take care!

ILYSM

Love it.

What happened to your podcast?

What happened with your friends?

🙈Sending all my lov and hugs for you! I pray that all sickness and viruses do not touch you or your family in the name of Jesus Christ and that he may bless you in his time.❤️🌸

I got pregnant going vegan. I stopped buying out and 3 months was pregnant. I tried for a year. Babies will make you lose weight. I lost weight while being pregnant with all 3 pregnancy 🙃.

🤩 ρгό𝔪σŞｍ