In islam its the husbands job to talk to his mother and not let the mother and daughter in law come to an argument...the husband needs to keep both wife and mother happy and not let the wife deal with his mother if she's rude or arrogant..a sensible husband keeps his wife away from any arguments and not to treat her like a slave for his perants.. May Allah guide everyone
Totally agree with you. It’s husband job to make sure that the wife is happy with the in laws and the mother is happy also. Some husband don’t do anything and let’s the wife take s... them sorts of husbands are cowards sorry that is my personal opinion
I think it is really admirable that you are talking honestly about issues in your community and offering sincere, kind advice to people. & your husband is very articulate also. You guys seem like lovely people all the best to you x
Your advice on DIL giving her zakat money to MIL is wrong. Firstly, the MIL shouldnt be asking her DIL for it, if MIL wants to give a 'collective family zakat', she should request this from her own offspring. Its DIL's choice where she choose to donate it...perhaps she wants to give it to her mother's side of the family or to support Palestine?
Loved the discussion and everything was put so nicely and explained In a delicate way ur hubby is a pro, it was so sweet of him to bless us at the end he's a true gentleman and beautiful human being I wish all brothers or brother inlaws could be like him, May God bless u all and keep u all safe happy and healthy.
One of the best videos I have watched in a long time, you gave mature advice and it will reach some girls who will really benefit InshAllah, I pray for you and your family may Allah put more barakha into your life ameen... 🙏 ❤ 😊
Enjoyed d session......ur husband is so true ...good advice.... Alhumdulillah.....plz need advice for house buying in uk......it's all about patience and shukr in everything which we humans lack. ...may Allah guide us......
Older generations are stubborn and don’t want their daughters in laws to have a better life because they didn’t get that from her in laws. From my experience Pakistani MILs have learned to move on but a lot of bengali ladies are not adjusting .
Assalamu Alaikum guys... Enjoyed the video - was really interesting as its a common issue within south Asian households.. Love these kind of advice videos... Not sure why you took down the last video - but it's your channel and you can post what you like - you have always given sensible advice Mash'Allah and even if it helps just one person it's worth it.. Looking forward to more advice vlogs xxx
I agree with guys. No- one can change a person. Do not supress your feelings. Keep quiet with toxic people try & address it in healthy manner. Healthy Communication is key to every relationship. Good intention takes you far in life. May Allah (swt) help us keep the peace. 🤲🏽
Some mothers do not know where to draw the line with their sons. They view their daughters in laws as competition. That's when hatred, envy and jealously builds in the mother in law and often times she forgets her place. If the mother in law has had it tough with her in laws that's should be a learning experience and a realization for herself to not want to do that to their daughter in laws. How would they feel if their daughters were to go through that. Not nice. Exactly. Be it a son or a daughter. We all have parents that don't want to see us in pain and suffering. Life is hard already if anything our parents should be doing their best to keep their children's marriage together. Promoting love and support. Not destroying their children lives. Ps: a woman is married to her husband and not to his family. She should be loved, treated equally and not as a door mat. Respect is a two way street. If you want it, you've got to give it
9/10 people treat you the way you treat them, before blaming others, 1st thing we need to do is step back any self analyze as to am I being rude, disrespectful? what am I doing to escalate or trigger arguments/fights? what can I do differently to reduce the negativity? Am I treating her like how or treat my own mom, with love and respect? And most times that solves a lot of the problems. We can’t change people, we can only change ourselves. There’s only very few people in the world who are innately evil, very few. Most just want to be heard and respected. If things can’t be solved at all, than live separately. But no matter what, we shouldn’t become vindictive because of there’s actions, always better to be a good person, Allah’s watching and the reward is worth it!
@@blahblahboy8330 fantastic comment well said. Daughter in law's think they are all perfect and hate on mother in law's. Alot of daughter in law's are very rude aswell. There was this one incident I heard about recently was when one elderly mother in law was upset about shoes being all around living room and as she was throwing the shoes around (as usual women do whether young or old) and one shoe must of accidentally went on daughter in law. The daughter in law decided to throw the shoe back at her mother in law. But when the spineless son was told about the incident he kept quite and did nothing. If my wife did that to my late mother (whom I lost this Ramadhan 2022) than I wouldn't have to raise my hands at her but I would divorce her their. I'm sorry it may seem very harsh to some but guys like him are quick to shout abuse and condemn their parents especially mum but don't say a word to their wives. May Allah save us from such children.
In reply to blah blah boy and happy guy. I agree with your comments. I am a woman and I agree that some women treat their in laws like dirt. They come in with attitude. They also say Islam lets them live separately. Fair enough. But why do these women expect their own brothers to stay and look after their own parents. I did live with my in laws and its about compromise. I look on the bright side , they gave me a place to stay, helped me raise my children, cooked when I couldn't. They also paid towards my wedding and bought gold and clothes for me. I am grateful for that. It was not their responsibility to do all that but they did. Some guys don't know how to balance. Some think wives are always right. Some think their mothers are always right. My own sis in law moved out. My only sis in law. Thank Allah for that. She became a nightmare. My bro used to go to work and when he used to come home she used to cry her eyes out, mo in law did this sis in law did this etc. He used to always believe his wife. Eventually they moved. My brother was a little hesitant to leave my mum on her own as she was a widow but my mum pushed him out. Told him that she did not want responsibility for the break of his marriage. They moved out. My brother slowly began to see his wife's colours. They argued continuously. He remarried five years ago saying he couldn't bear her anymore. He didn't used to give my mum a penny but spend on his family. . Sometimes let sons go. Let them see the world let them work hard. Let the women work hard too. I feel a proud wife that my husband is such a good son and a good son in law. He looks after his parents well and he is really good with my parents. We moved to a bigger place and we took my mother in law with us. My kids love her and I am really proud of them. I hope my kids will look after me. Those men and women who say it is not their responsibility to do anything, watch how your daughter in law and son in law treat you.
@@salmachowdhury7481 mashallah alhumdulilah may you your kids and family thrive with success my sister. Very happy for you to hear that you are happy in married life and have wonderful in law's. Unfortunate to hear about your mother may Allah ease her pain and struggles and may Allah guide your brother to be a better son. Alhumdulilah you are blessed to have such in law's as others aren't but it is true it isn't Islamically fardh upon daughter in law's to look after in law's but it is something good and gain extra rewards Insha Allah. May bless those young women who treat their mother in law's like their mum and may Allah bless those mother in law's who love and treat their daughter in law's like their daughters and alhumdulilah your amazing mother in law is among them. I have married brothers aswell that have moved out but still my brothers were fagol for our late beloved mother and my sister in law's were also good with her. (I am youngest and 31 but not married yet). Their kids were also crazy for their dadhu. But now they miss her so much and their dadhus unique tenga rice she used to cook for them and feed with her own hands when they used to come around. We lost our dad 25 years ago when I was a kid age six and our mum was our mum and was our dad. Her janazah I felt I was praying both my parents janazah as I didn't understand when my dad passed away and also his janazah was in Bangladesh and he is buried there in his Bari. We were in UK and he went Bangladesh but couldn't return home and had heart attack and died there. We lost one of our beutiful beloved sister age 36 to cancer in 2016. And now our beutiful beloved mum on 14th Ramadhan 1443/ Friday 15th April 2022 just before jummah also due to heart attack. I never cried as adult apart from my sister's death in 2016 but now after my beloved Amma I cry my eyes out sometimes. Please do dua for our late parents and sister, for myself and our family and we do likewise.
This was a good vlog mashallah, you should do more vlogs like this . Do more different topics like this . Next vlog do how do you deal with jealous people that copy everything you do and want to be like you. Mashallah keep up the good work . May Allah give you so much happiness and blessings Ameen 💐💐💞
9/10 people treat you the way you treat them, before blaming the mother in-law, 1st thing we need to do is step back and self analyze as to am I being rude, disrespectful? what am I doing to escalate or trigger arguments/fights? what can I do differently to reduce the negativity? Am I treating her like how i treat my own mom, with love and respect? And most times that solves a lot of the problems. We can’t change people, we can only change ourselves. There’s only very few people in the world who are innately evil, very few. Most just want to be heard and respected. If things can’t be solved at all, than live separately. But no matter what, we shouldn’t become vindictive because of other’s actions, always better to be a good person, Allah’s watching and the reward is worth it!
You make the best point out of all these comments yet there is not a single 'like'. I find the biggest naysayers to women are women themselves, in particular new to old.
Yes I agree, perhaps we treat our daughter in laws the way our mother in law treated us but also we have daughter in laws when we are going through menopause and most of us women start menopause from 40"s. Daughter in laws are also spoilt children and it's difficult to educate and discipline them like your own.
Hi I am new to your Channel and loved this video. You & your husband both addressed things very maturely and carefully. I love how you advised to keep your tongue controlled which is very important in Islam and it helps to avoid the situation going to the next level. It is important to be careful what we say giving advice isn’t it? because somethings we say could affect someone’s life. Question: what do you think about women in the UK marrying guys form Bdesh then after they get indefinite leave he & the family show their true colours? Even when the daughter in law does not retaliate to mother in law, the M in law continues to oppress the daughter in law then includes more relatives including her son to bully the daughter in law. How long should the daughter in law go on living with them? Would love to know both of your opinions. May Allah bless you both with baraka & good health ❤️
@@_______unknown_______No you side with justice, whoever is right. You can replace a wife/get divorced/remarry. You can't get another mother. It's about balance, ultimately the Haqq lies with the Book of Allah swt. The solution will be in Quran and Sunnah..
To solve alot of these issues relating to in laws and living with them we have to look at what islam says about it. Firstly it's not fardh for a girl to live with in laws she is entitled to her own space and privacy which alot of women would lack living in a crowded home and also living amongst non mehrams which is so common nowadays you have to observe pardah whilst being around them and that can be difficult when home should be the place you're able to feel free to take off your hijab. If the husband insists she live with his mum then he should tell his mum my wife is not here to cook and clean for the family she is only responsible for tending to her husbands needs and anything she does for the family is out of her own goodness towards them. The Asian community is very toxic expecting so much from daughter in laws and interference is the cause of break ups whereas if they lived separate these problems wouldn't occur as much as they do. In thus day and age and living in the UK why are we still discussing in laws as if alot of us don't have a choice to live separate. Tell your husbands you won't hang about if you're not treated with respect.
You say that the DIL needs to put herself in MIL's shoes. That is wrong, alot of these MIL are immigrants to UK who raised their kids with no inlaws in their homes hence why divorce was unheard of in our parent's generation. These MIL's need to therefore let go of their sons when their son's marry and let him live his own separate life with his wife. Most MIL's unfortunately see their sons as 'substitute husbands' making their sons the centre of their life rather than Allah swt. When the family dynamic is like this, the son is then conflicted having to choose between his mum or wife.
Wow so true about about keeping sons as a husbands substitute, I saw some article where in the Asian communities a husband doesn’t fulfil the wife’s emotional/mental health cup and in some cases husbands is abusive so a lot of mother confides in son growing, once married this can be hard for the mum to let go of the son so conflict starts with the DIL, there’s aspect of jealousy, I’ve seen with my own eyes. Someone I know their MIL doesn’t like her going out her husband always says I’ll take u, if she does it’s a huge commotion, loads of other issues which can’t be mentioned here.
I think it’s unnecessary for you to say they make their sons the centre rather than Allah. They don’t worship their sons, yes they may be overly possessive but to say they commit shirk is completely unnecessary here.
Sometimes it’s not jus MiL’s from husband side. It can be DiL’s Mother’s too. It affects both couples. Not all MiL’s are evil I know. Mine is so nice Alhamdulillah just wants the best for her grandchild and family. I love your videos sis but it’s a very sensitive subject.
Totally agree with this. I've had soo many issues with my MIL and she lives 200miles away but very interfering. It makes it worse that my wife doesn't stand up for me In front of them, so they continue to throw so many accusations against me. Now I just stay distance from them as I fear their accusations will lead to problems in my marriage and affect my kids. So I think videos like this should also educate the community from the SILs side. As life can be made extremely difficult for the SIL if his in laws are difficult too
I think the problem is that strict mother in law's or husband don't recognise it's her money and its her choice if they understood that in most cases of they adheared to that more often then not they would give it to the mil voluntarily
Salaam sister, im so glad that you touched on this subject. However, i do think you were quite biased and in favour of the mother in law. I understand you have a great relationship with your inlaws and we can clearly see that through your videos, mashallah. But i dont think this will help newly DIL's who are going through a bad time. The reality is most bengali MIL's like to bully their DIL's for no good reason. They have a superiority complex and think its okay to disrespect you because you're younger in age. Unfortunately being the bigger person in these situations makes it worse! A bully only bullies people who come across weak. When i got married, i was disrespected day in, day out because im not a confrontational person. The moment i spoke back, the shock shut them right up. They never tried it again. As bad as this sounds, i really do think that we need to teach our sisters to stick up for themselves. Some husbands dont even have the courage to speak to their parents because they've been raised in a dictatorship themselves! Also most of our parents didnt even live with inlaws because they were in bangladesh. There is absolutely no excuse to treat DIL'S with such disrespect. DIL's dont come in with an attitude. They come in extra nice. MIL's on the other hand have it all planned out on how they can treat this person like their maid in Bangladesh. Personally i think some people just get a kick out of being mean to the other people's daughters. And that expectation they have of DIL's to practically be a maid is wrong. Islamically she is under no obligation to serve you. Her job is to serve her husband. Its not fair to have someone else's daughter slaving away in the kitchen everyday, whilst your own daughter is watching tv. There is definitely a double standard. I lived with inlaws for 5 years. I know thats half the time you did, but honestly that toxic environment is not healthy for your marriage and kids. After i moved out i became a better wife and mother. I would like to add that this moving out business is not possible for everyone, and this is the reason why people should set boundaries in the first place. It would make life much easier for newlyweds.
I disagree with all of your opinions. my grandmother would instigate my dad to abuse my mum and us sisters (we're 4 sisters). my grandmother would treat mum mum in one way and her other DIL another way (she has 6 DIL including my mum). us sisters we're blatantly treated different in front of our own cousins. this led to our cousin's treating us differently and misbehaving with us behind our parents back. and because we were scared of our dad, neither could my mum or my sister's stand up for ourselves. so yes, you cannot forgive and forget everything. you cannot be patient with these types of people. it's because my mum was patient, she wasted 23 years if her life being married to that man and tolerated everything. I know I'm not married but I have seen enough to know that you have to fight back with people like my dad and grandma
It’s so sad to hear this may allah make it easy for your mum and you sisters. Have patience sis the tables will turn one day keep making dua we should never underestimate the power of dua.
💯 agree with u sis I too see this behavior in my family and I think its not fair that mother inlaw choose to favour which daughter inlaw they like but actually using the daughter inlaw and bit battening behind their daughter inlaw back,
oh she knows what she's doing but she doesn't care because at the end of the day her Dil isn't her daughter. funny thing is when my aunt (dad's sister) was going through troubles in her marriage which ultimately ended up in divorce, my grandmother supported her from the get go. she didn't hesitate or waste time to help her own daughter. so you can see the clear bias and different attitude.
You know I would like to say this these horrible people have allah to answer to. I knw it’s not easy to live with people like this that oppress their daughter in law’s. I always believe this with 100% full believe allah will deal with these type of people give your heart comfort remember allah sees and hears everything.
@@ayshakhatun2728 so sorry to hear this my sister may Allah reward your mother for her patience and guide your dad and grandma. May Allah bless you a good husband and in law's insha'Allah Aameen.
Forsake of Allah, the son should educate his mother islamically and do transition in regards to how his wife will fit the frame but with the acceptance of difference, with respect love and etc. IA in this some of mother in laws will make changes. Respectfully the son should remind his mother that to fear Allah, how she would she like her daughter to be treat at her in laws and etc. forsake of Allah to the daughter in law approach you mother with respect to speak up or express they way you will do with your mother. 🤲🏻
Beautiful blog. About your Jakat it’s your responsibility. Why mother in law will ask you to give your Jakat money to her. Probably she is ignorant or bossy towards you . She need to learn more about Islam and Jakat . Please do not influence other to give Jakat money to your mother in law . This is completely wrong. Jakat is your responsibility you pay whoever you want .
-You are not required to live with in laws in Islam and have a right to have your own space. This tradition in Asian culture needs to stop and doesn’t make sense. Why are girls living with non mahram in the same house? Unless there’s serious financial issues, this shouldn’t be the case. You can still love and take care of your parents from a house down the street even. - You mentioned how you “cannot cut off ties with family” because of children, but as an adult, you have every right to not see/speak to whomever you wish. You also gave a Hadith but lacked to go into it deeply. How about in cases of physical/verbal abuse or toxicity? Do you keep in contact with these types of people then? I’d rather protect my children and limit access than let them mingle with toxic behaviour that could psychologically impact them. - You also kept mentioning how the DIL should “see things from the MILs point of view” but why? The mother in law is a grown lady who should be able to process and express her feelings to others without hurting them. If there’s things on her mind, she needs to express it but also understand if the DIL has a different opinion due to generation differences. The fact that she grew up in a different way is not anyone else’s problem so why is the onus on the DIL to be “understanding” about this and be a doormat? What is there to even see from her point of view? She should be the one to sit with the DIL and welcome her into the home and treat her like one of her own daughters. Perfect on paper yet this does not happen. One thing you did say was right- when the girl comes into the family, the MIL does expect for the responsibility to be shared, and when they see that it’s not and you’re just living your life (working/going out with husband or friends) they don’t like that. This is what starts off as tension and then down the line it could lead to all sorts. I don’t know one friend of mine living with in laws who is happy with their situation so girls please try to avoid this set up if you can. She states in the video she’s stayed for 10 years and that’s not a position you want to be in no matter how someone decorates it on social media. Most likely had no choice and is now trying to make herself feel better for all the lost years. Also fails to mention all the hard times, sleepless nights, tension and arguments that occurs in these households which could be avoided if you just had your own space.
Mother in law issues exists in every culture … it’s a misconception and misunderstanding that MiL issues are specific to South Asian communities… go and ask ppl from other communities Muslim or no Muslim, even ppl from the West…
Really before marriage couples should speak about expectations expected not just by spouse but family and another thing if your parents or in laws say something which you may dislike look down keep silence so they can’t say you pulled a face coz u was looking down and say you said anything coz you was silence reply with aicha and sorry if anything and try your best to appreciate them coz parents are hard to please in general coz Asian find it hard to praise in front of you but it don’t mean that they don’t if your working a full time job be around as much as you can coz girls be working 5 days a week and wanna spend a day in their parents house a day as well as go out with the husband on a Sunday so you might need to get a part time job lol nah be around them to be able to bond with them you might wanna tell your husband to expect less if you have in laws with high expectations
Shelley you are lucky you have l nice husband in law mums side family n mums neighbours n relatives but alt of people have dysfunctional families broken home next topic can you do abusive unromantic husbands woman trapped in marriage no love romance husband never takes romantic time out wife is stuck with kids
What about those good men out their who are being mentally tortured by their evil wives. Good men out there who are just in married relationship with evil woman because he loves his kids. Men don't speak about problems like women do. Men suffer silently and have suicide thoughts because we have a sick mentality that men are more stronger and to take in and chin up and not to talk about problems and not to show emotions.
@@happyguy201 yes in genuine cases true.pray for jamil he is getting out of a abusive marriage in the short time the wife and mother in law has put too much pressure on him they have been unreasonable inconsiderate of his deen practices and finances
@@hajira5013 sorry but the woman is not a robot to cook for 24 hrs. If they want robot they can hire one from Japan where they have so called human robots. People are so disgusting. May Allah SWT guide them.
GREAT STATUS in the SIGHT of ALLAH ALMIGHTY to REMAIN PATIENT and ENTER into PARADISE Patience is of best of deeds in actions and has the great reward with no limit. Allah Almighty said in Noble Qur’an ---------------------------------------------------------- “Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without Hisab (without limit, calculation, and estimation).” [Qur’an, 39:10] “Surely, Allah is with those who are As Sabirun (the patient).” [Qur’an, 8:46] Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ “Whoever persists in being patient, Allah will make him patient. Nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience.” [Bukhari] Leadership Comes with Patience ------------------------------------------------------ “And We made from among them leaders guiding by Our command when they were patient and [when] they were certain of Our signs.” [Qur’an, 32:24] “But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better for As-Sabirin.” [Qur’an, 16:126] “And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.” [Qur’an, 42:43] Remain Patient and Enter into Paradise @ ------------------------------------------------------------------- “Those will be rewarded with the highest place (in Paradise) because of their patience. Therein they shall be met with greetings and the word of peace and respect.” [Qur’an, 25:75]
