my sexual assault story... 

Hey ya'll !! it's been a bit since I uploaded this video. I just wanted to say, thank you.. to all the kind souls that reached out to me and to those who trusted me enough to share their own experiences. The support I have received has been so overwhelming. so, again, thank YOU 💖 My 2021 was all about healing, forgiving and evolving. I started weekly counseling, with the help of my therapist I was able to work through a lot of my trauma. Before starting therapy, I honestly thought I was 'handling' things a lot better than I really was. Jokes on me lol. Therapy brought back so much trauma and finally made me realize I hadn't forgiven and forgotten, or moved on from it at all. ANYWAYS, let's move on to the main reason why I am even posting this comment in the first place lol If you watched the video above, you know that the SVU detective assigned to my case was not the best, to say the least.. When I went in to give a statement he made it seem as if everything was my fault, and by that I mean he asked me "why would you let yourself get that intoxicated" "people at the party saw you and Jair (the main attacker out of the 3 men) kiss" or my personal favorite "what were you wearing that day." As soon as he asked those type of questions I knew there would be no hope for my case. I tried to contact them several times throughout 2014 to see if there was any update on my case and nothing. I would leave multiple voicemails and not a single call back from the detective. Til this day, I don't even know if they tested my rape kit. After a while, I just left it alone. I felt defeated. It's now January 27th, 2022. It has been 8 years. It's time to finish what I started... Now, that I'm not scared shitless-- I will contact the San Antonio Special Victims Unit and finally get some answers. Updates coming soon.

It doesn’t matter if you drank until your liver fell out. That does not give anyone the right to do that to you. You’re very brave for speaking out. I want to share my story here with you, since im not yet brave enough to make a video. I was 22 and the DD to a party with some friends. At the time I was a very heavy drinker who partied a lot (I mean, I WAS 22) so I could definitely hold my liquor if I needed to. Well that night I had three beers over the course of six hours, so I most definitely would not have even been a tad tipsy let alone drunk. Well during the party I got vet very VERY tired. I decided I would just nap on the couch in the middle of the party. Safe enough right? Surrounded by people. Told my friends to wake me when they were ready to go. I could not keep my eyes open. Well fast forward X amount of time, I have no idea how long, and I wake up in a dark room, in a bed, with a man inside me. I was in so much shock that for a minute I didn’t say anything. I finally “came to” and told him he had 10 secs to gtfo me before I scream. He got off me and acted so shocked as to why I was in a panic. I couldn’t sit up for a solid 10-15 minutes cause my arms and legs were paralyzed. I don’t know what I was given or by whom but I know I was given something. When I got feeling back into my extremities I got up, put my clothes on and ran out of the room searching for my friends. When I found them I asked wtf happened. They said “I looked cold so they put me in a room with a blanket”. Wtf!? I never reported it. I’ve seen him a few times. He’s married with children. I don’t know him. Didn’t know him. But my friend did. Lessons learned. Careful who you trust. Don’t drink something you didn’t open and hold the whole time. Report your assault if you feel safe enough to do so. To try and prevent them from doing it again. So many props to you for being so brave. Big hugs. We’re not alone.

stay strong bby❤️

Painful to hear you were taken advantage of in such a manor. You are strong I did gain something from your story confident to get a story of myself out. Stay strong and keep your head up

This pisses me off, as a man and a father. Some guy thinking only about his selfish needs and 1 night of fun for him but a life time of damage for a victim. As a guy I'm ashamed, angry & embarrassed. These ppl are human beings and one day it could be a mother or sister of there's being violated. What can you say to this poor women....nothing.....she just has to be strong and live with it..so sad.

Thank you for this video. What happened to you was absolutely 100% not your fault. You had every right to react the way you did. You did what you thought was best that night and morning with the information you had at the time. You were in survival mode the morning after. Its okay to mourn. Your sense of safety and autonomy were taken away. You are a beautiful person who deserves love and respect. Its perfectly natural to struggle with trust and intimacy after. It does not mean you are broken. 💜

I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm father of 2, 58 years old. I just want you to know most men are not like this. Most of us would want to protect young women, not harm them. Best wishes. You're very brave. ❤

I came across your post just by random scrolling and you drew me in with your story. I just want to say I am sorry that this happened to you. It wasn't your fault and it's a shame that justice hasn't been done. Stay strong.

Please can we help her get justice for this it’s not fair nothing happened, this is not okay and the detective should be fired that’s not okay! I am so sorry this happened to you

Its not your fault that you didn't go straight to the hospital or did things like take a shower. I thinks its about 70% of victims don't even try to report. I was raped as a teenager and I didn't report, so many survivors don't for many reasons. Its crazy hard to think clearly when you just went through trauma. Every time survivors speak out it counts. It makes a HUGE difference for other people going through it.

Hi Amanda, I watched your story and broke into tears many times. I had to pause, recompose myself, and then continue a few times. But at the end of it all, I had a smile on my face, a lingering hope, a hope that you gave me. It was good to see you start a new endeavor. I can't thank you enough and appreciate you enough for sharing this story. I m a man from India, and the situation is worse here when it comes to victim shaming. I've personally known two girls who never reported the assaults that happened to them coz they were certain that society would shame them and certain that their families would punish them too. I have grown up with two sisters and I've seen how hard it is for women. I really applaud your courage. Hope you inspire a lot of women and men and children. Fly my friend, for sky is your limit

Karma's a bitch he'll get what he deserves sooner or later. 💯

I don't get it, WHY are so many people worried about this so called trigger thing? Just tell your story or show your video. If some don't like it that's on them not you!

Stay strong love. It happened to me to almost 20 years ago and nothing happened, but with lots of therapy and God helped me through it all!

I was raped by a police officer when I was intoxicated. I can relate so much to your story. I was in and out of conciousness. I took a rape kit also by a male doctor. It was so hard to get through. The detectives who investigated my case didn't believe me. They rather believe a cop instead of me. I did sue him and got money but I still rather have f him lose his job as a police officer. I still blame myself from r getting to drunk but doesn't a police officer try to help you instead of taking advantage of you. I was vomiting that night and still the sick bastard raped me. I admire your strength and talking about your story. Thank you for your strength and courage.

It's okay mami. You don't have to explain why you needed to vent through your channel. It's okay to vent my love. I'm listening. We all are here for you. I'm very sorry that this has happened to you. I understand how you feel. I've been there more than once so I get it. I'm here for you if no one else is. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Dam I give her props for staying a virgin till after high school but imagine the man that has to marry her after she been ran through.

I am so sorry this happened to you lady. God bless you.

Detectives are blunt and nonchalant because they kno how these cases go. If it went to court, he’s basically pointing out all the loop holes that the guy’s lawyer would use against u. But to have your body evaluated after this happens makes the situation more traumatizing

Betrayed is the feeling

I'm so sorry, so deeply sorry about this!! You're so strong to come up here and tell your story, so brave, thank you for sharing!! Is there any other place I could share my story with you that's not out here?

You are very brave and I don’t feel that men should be in a special victim’s unit because most men are not that empathetic in that situation I’m sorry that it happened to you but your video may help someone else in your same situation !! Today is February 1 2021 and I just subscribed to your channel. 👍🏻 🙏🏻🙏🏻

THIS WAS FUCK FEST RIGHT?

Ladies this sick evil world is full of evil creatures looking for valuable girls to pray on please 🙏 I beg you be so careful and don’t trust any one especially never drink a beer unless you see the top opened in front of you I do this Iam male but have traveled all over Mexico and lived there

I am a survivor of historical abuse while in care as a child it taken me 16 years to tell someone I told the police and in July 2005 my perpetrator was sentenced to 8 years in prison and he collapsed in the dock and I felt everything being returned ie my dignity and my pride my self respect and my innocence my heart goes out to all who do not get justice stay strong

Sorry about what you went through. I don't think it would help to confront them about what happened, it would probably make it worse for you. In my opinion you would be better served to continue being strong and move on putting the whole thing behind you. Being served the way you were by the system that was supposed to help you is bad enough, but to continue rehashing it in your mind just makes it harder for you to move on. I wish you good luck in finding the happiness you deserve.

Thank you very much for being so clear and precise with your experience. I'm a father with two girls of 16 and 17 .They want more freedom to have a normal life any girl their age have. I'll show them your experience to let them know that any kind of precaution is needed always. I'm sure your intention of helping other girls, wil be satisfied

you’re so brave and very strong! god bless you baby girl ❤️ #metoo

Amanda thank you so much for sharing your story, you are not alone. Your so-called friend is a real scumbag and should have had your back! Just keep it moving forward and just take the lessons learned and get whatever helps heal you. I think you are cute as a button! So I have subscribed to your channel! God bless you, sweet girl. Lean on God and he will help heal your heart.

I got to 'Ya know when you black out'...and I thought, no...I've been drunk a few times, but never blacked out! NEVER drink from someone's cup, and always keep a vigilant eye on your own cup, so this shit can't happen. Kids & adults, are dying every day, from Fentynal being added or simply 'taken', so why live a life with such risk...don't take ANYTHING at a party, that you haven't poured yourself . Thank you, for telling your story, as I bet it will help someone! You where brave to tell it, and I hope you've got past it as best you can, and that these guys you mentioned that this will be on their conscious, making it difficult for them one day as well.

Don't think I'm being " religious " as people would say but look to the Lord now ( Jesus Christ ) to bring healing to you and to forgive because if not , un forgiveness will do much damage to you like the rest of your experience will ! You have been through a traumatic experience ( you were in a vulnerable state and we're taken advantage of for someone's sexual gratification , you were betrayed and despitefully used ! Start reading the New testament and learn about the Lord and his ways ! Start with the gospel of John ( New International version ) God bless you dear and allow the Lord to restore you , He can and will ? Jesus Loves you !

First of all, no one can take anything from you without you being involved. But I can so relate to feeling that something was taken from you, because that's exactly how I felt. You my lady are an example of courage and Braun × 10. Thank you. Sincerely Douglas Dunville Ontario, Canada.

I am a retired attorney who did some criminal defense work including a stint as a Public Defender. First I would like to salute you for having the bravery to tell your story. The truth is however that this is a cautionary tale for all young females who put themselves in. That kind of situation. It may not be fair but Justice is and if someone like you was on the flip side of this you would probably be complaining vociferously about the injustice of being prosecuted/persecuted criminally for a situation like this. It is virtually impossible for the state to prosecute a crime like this. The people you feel victimized you most likely did not reach out to you after the fact because the authorities advised them to have no contact with you. Again IAm sorry this happened to you but, I will use it as a teaching moment for my granddaughters…if you don’t want to find yourself in a bad situation, don’t put yourself in what is potentially a very bad situation. I hope you are able to move forward and live the rest of your life.

My bad. Sorry lady doesn't apply to you. The shame belongs to those who handles trauma in this horrible disgusting manner. I don't know you but I would be proud to call you a friend for calling out these ignorant people. I realize I'm way late on my full support for what happened to you. I just hope that your doing well. Sincerely Douglas Dunville Ontario, Canada

Hi, I'm sorry for your pain try reading the book How l Overcame Abuse my struggle to become whole after molestation and rape by Patricia Edwards-Burton it will help.

Im so sorry this happened to you. I believe everything you said. Did your "friend" put a date rape drug in your drink? Thats what it sounds like to me. I can relate I have two sisters, younger sisters, I'm the oldest. One of my sisters got date raped just like you did, and I was really close to my sister. And I started really researching it literally more than her because it made me so sick. I found out later it was an old friend of mine that I grew up with since elementary school. He always had a crush on her when we were growing up but I'm not going to elaborate much on that I'll just get to the point. I ended up going to his house, and beating him senseless, to the point where I got arrested with battery charges. I went to jail and he went to the hospital. I'm not condoning violence I'm not saying it's right, but that was my sister, don't matter if it was my best friend. That is some f****** b******* to do to a girl. Anyway I just wanted to share that.Thats sick. Im sorry and im pulling for you, and hope you get justice.

My heart hurts so bad after watching this. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I wish I could have been there to protect you. Life has always had a way to keep us apart. But soon I WILL be my “sisters keeper” I love you! And if ANYONE.... and i truly mean ANYONE ever makes you feel as if this in any way was your fault or tries to justify this behavior, I promise they are ohhh soo wrong. I love you Amanda!

Put his full name and include his picture in the extended description or as a comment or anywhere he can be thoroughly look at, pls

I'm so sorry this happened to you...and to all the other women who have to navigate a society that is patriarchal and that puts all the onus on the woman to 'protect herself'. Since the time of your assault I'm hopeful that the 'me too' movement has started a lasting dialogue on the responsibility that men and society have to make the world a safe(r) place for women. The issue of affirmative consent is a good start, and some police are now receiving training on avoiding survivor shaming. But there is still so much more to go. We have a responsibility to teach our boys and men about the difference between masculinity and toxic masculinity. I send you my best wishes for your healing journey.

Dont judge yourself. It's not your fault at all. The man will never be happy in his life

Chilling out with friends and people I dont know , having a good time , well ......

It took alot of courage to share your story and i could definitely feel your pain. You didn't deserve this bad experience but you sharing it will definitely help others to get through their own similar experience and even help others to avoid such unsuspecting situations. The svu should have had a female detective who specialized in sex assault to investigate your case. I hope someday the healing you need will arrive. You deserve that.

None of my stuff has ever been reported because i know this is exactly what will happen. Nothing. Literally nothing. Unfortunately, my daughter went through similar a couple of years ago when she was 6, and i did report those things. Neither person who did these things were ever properly punished. She is STILL on a waiting list for counselling and they REFUSE to give me any kind of counselling. Its gotten to the point the services do not like me because i call too much. The victims always seem to be at fault regardless of age and its disgusting. Ive given up trying at this point. The best ive been able to do is try and write about everything thats happened. Its not a physical book, but ive been posting online. I hope youre doing better 🥰

You are worthy of being a wife. Every girl is worthy of growing up and becoming a wife

I had that chance to take advantage many times , never did , stopped my friends a few times .....two kinds of people in this world .

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Hope you are finding peace and healing. Stay strong. 💜💙

You are so strong keep on going and thank you for you advice ❤ God bless you 🙏.

Stop party too much baby

First of all young lady that was very courageous of you I'm highly impressed right you sharing your story the way you did total honesty let me say first of all that you really have to be careful with the friends that you choose and how much you trust them anybody that does something like what they did to you will definitely be dealt with by the father that is what you call Karma and definitely know that they will suffer behind just know that you you have no control over that situation so let it go and let God because he definitely will I love your share definitely know you are a beautiful young lady always always keep your head up going about your life with a smile on your face all the negativity you have around you will block your blessings from coming down .

I wish they'd give female detectives to investigate such cases maybe they'd relate more. I'm so sorry it happened to you and my heart breaks for you 💔

So sorry you had to endure this. Chin up kiddo! Life is what you make it. Don't allow these losers to take one more minute of happiness from you.

It's unfortunate that such terrible incidents are happening and close one are behind it. World should be grateful to you that unlike most of the victims, you have shared your story, hence a large population might learn from your experience, be careful of such misuse of alcohol and drugs. Thanks for sharing your story.

Hi so sorry your experiences I think you trying use a sense of humor knowing deep inside full of pain

It could happen to anyone at a party. Dreadful that no one was watching out for you this time. Closure means at some point you need to confront him and discuss what happened. He owes you big time for the pain he has put you through. You did not deserve it. No one does.

So sorry this happened to you. You seem like an amazing person. I always wish there was something I could do to help and make you feel better.

I recently got sexually abused and I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover it,mostly because I don’t remember most of it and I can’t process it. I just feel used and a part of me has gone missing, it’s hard to not feel like I owed it to him.

That's horrible. I'm so sorry you went through that.

You black out and, guys think they can help themselves, that is rape. You could not say yes or no. The SVU didn't help? That is an outrage. Doesn't matter if you kiss someone, he should not have said that, he should be fired. That police department needs to be sued. Don't blame yourself for being trusting. Those three do have a reckoning coming to them. You stay strong.

Yall r very beautiful young women

Love ya ❤️

I'm so sorry this happened to you... Thank you for sharing your story 🌻

Found this video on its one year anniversary. I’m so sorry. I hope you are doing well and healing ❤️

Your just so confident.....hats off to you for sharing this story....god bless you

Thank you for this. Seeing your pain touched me. I am really sorry this happened to you! I think you have a very feisty, bubbly, effervescent personality and a good brain. I am glad that you are finding help through counseling. I think you are a force to be reckoned with and will be even moreso as you get a good handle on this. I had things happen to me in childhood - broken trust big time. So say a little prayer for me if you will. Thank you and best wishes.

Girl I hope you reported it clearly you were blacked out & they took advantage of you & if you didn’t know what happened to you it was rape cause you didn’t agree to it

utter b s a story of pure fiction

Thank you💕

I just looked through all the comments. And it was truely disturbing to see what everyone has gone through. I hope you all have moved on with your lives ❤️ You all deserve every happiness in the whole world.!

I don't know how I got here, but I wanted to say, no shame on you whatsoever. Your story makes me angry, I don't know even know you. I just know I don't understand how someone could take advantage in that way. Should we all be careful about the state we get in when we drink? Of course. Do you have the right to expect that someone who has shown you affection, and you have placed trust in will protect you when you are vulnerable? 100%

This video is quite old when I watched. But as a Social Worker and worked as a victim advocate in michigan. I have heard a few stories like this. I am so sorry the system is or was so f up. You sound like you have certainly had normal reactions to a abnormal event. I feel every thing you said is a normal feeling and you did nothing wrong. I hope you are living a wonderful life that you would want

Stay strong I know you can get Through this. Keep telling your story

there was no signs and it’s not ur fault dawg ur really beautiful & ur not alone. 💜

People like that guy should be put to jail

I love you ❤️ Stay strong.

Felicia is just as guilty she let it happen what a friend

Ur a very brave young woman from JEFF

Be strong and brave

I'm sorry this happened Amanda. Keeping you in my prayers. Take care ❤

I KINDA THINK YOUR HEAD A LITTLE FLIMSEY

Hey

The objectification of women, these perpetrators don't see a person as a person but as an object. The mindset of a rapist, serial killer, etc. all comes from the same place and sadly enough, it stems from low self-esteem, powerlessness and so they engage in this behavior. Anyone who deals with these types of crimes will say: rape is not about sex but power and control. Thank you for sharing your story. You're a good person and no one should ever have to go through what you went through.

What they did was not right BUT you said that you went there to get wasted. That makes you very vulnerable in that situation, they were drunk too. Lesson learned I HPOPE

I feel for you Amanda, how horrible. I am an Englishman and coincidentally I was in San Antonio recently. men need to stop treating women like objects, these guys disgust me!!!

Me and the homies are looking to have a talk with Jamire, Tyrone, and Jamal. And we gonna find them.

I'm so very sorry to hear what was done to you,, it was totally wrong/,, no excuses at all.. I would've hoped for those guys to be held accountable... I will be hoping an praying for your recovery an healing, That your not at fault at all. I'm just so sorry it happened to you, I hope the best for you in life. God Bless

I guess the signs would be wanting to get waisted at a party around a bunch of teen guys!! Doesn’t give them rights to your body, bt it opens the door for those kind of ppl to have the opportunity

My heart breaks hearing these stories. Being a Father of three Ladies I can't help but feel violated right along with you. One of my daughters was molested by her stepfather. When I found out about it, it was years later. Thank God I am a God fearing, believing man who's faith is my lifes fuel. I was able to turn it over, let God work it for good. Hope you have a belief system that you lean on. If not give Jesus a shout. He's a miracle working healer. God bless, keep you.

I'm saddened that sorry assed men feel this is the only way to express themselves is through this humiliating rape (Cosby style) don't always be so trusting you are a beautiful young woman and you should always keep your guard up, and follow your gut, stop drinking.

Amanda this video just popped up for me. I watched it and it literally brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry to hear of what happened to you! I can’t imagine the pain this caused you. You seem like a really cool person and deserve way better than what happened to you. I hope and pray for better days for you my friend! Bless your heart

Any time a young guy invites a girl to a party, whether it was him or not, SOMEBODY at the party will try to do something dumb as fuck. Been this way since electricity was invented. Always use a drink that has a lid, and do not let it out of your sight. Peopularity and socialization is the harbinger of sinister plots.

First Time Here!, U I’ve A NewSubie🤍 I Understand U Going Through Also😭💔🙏🏽👌🏾💯

This criminal has used Rohypnol or something similar. Women should not drink anything at any party as you dont know what can be put in drinks. I hope you will recover as best as you can. I am deeply sorry for what happened to you.

@amanda idalmis There was boy in my old college call Owen Garlock he give my number to his best mate Joe was asking me go take my top off and staying some rude things like can i get on top of you and asking me to take my top off and I know no I had surgery repair when I was little I have special needs and autism and heart defects call tetralogy of fallot I have got scar on chest from my heart surgery I didn't what him to see I was worry if i was rape or sexual assault for not taking my top off for that boy call Joe for reason why i ask you them questions?

I am so sorry what happened to you, I as a child was raped by baby sitters, and was drugged after high school at a party and woke up next to a woman who literally told me she drugged me so she could sleep with me. I didn't call the police because I was thinking i would be laughed at for being raped by a woman. I went to the hospital and told them what happened and they ended up drug testing me to see what I was drugged with Roofies and ketamine They prescribed me like 50 valium and didnt even give me info to contact the police or anything and didn't send any specialized people in to help me I feel like I was abandoned and not taken seriously and they only did once they found out I had roofies and ketamine in my system i am suprised they did not give you any benzos to help with the ptsd because I got that right away as i started remembering bits and bits of what happened and how humiliating it was. Take care you are not alone!

you are so strong sharing your story lots of love xoxo you are not alone , it happend to me when i was 23 and my story its on my channel also trigger warning. we all want to share SA needs to stop at all ages male or female , and the after effect the aftermath of SA is life changeing but i want to say not alone if do feel you are alone . its never your fault

@amanda idalmis hello amanda i have questions for over rape and sexual assault 1 Is it sill rape or sexual assault is you don't can't consent to it at age of 21 and over like 20s 30s and over? 2 can girls get rape and sexual assault without having to wear dress and can girls get rape and sexual assault with wearing pants too not having dress on I have always wonder that? 3 how long in prison boy who 21 years old who rape or sexual assault girl who 21 years old in the uk

I think the best advice to females is to buy your own drinks or fix them yourselves if you are at a party even if you trust the people you are with. If they make an issue of it and try to make you feel bad for not trusting them, then ask yourself why are they making an issue of it? You can just tell them 'That's the way i am, take it or leave it.' If they value you, then they will accept it. I say all this because it sounds like that guy put something in your drink. It sounds like an arrangement he had with the other two, unless of course you drank 10 of those drinks and not just one, you wouldn't lose memory after just one drink unless there was something more in it. And the fact that it sounds like he was pushing you to try it convinces me even more. My own feeling as a man is that i want to beat the shit out of all 3 of these scumbags. Another part of me knows that this universe has laws and they broke those laws, and whatever you think about God, know that energetically and karmically those 3 will get what's coming to them. If you study the books by Dolores Cannon, who spent 50 years taking people back to their past lives by hypnosis and writing the books as question/answer about what they saw and experienced and the reasons for those experiences, then you might find some peace there. There are soul groups where souls go through multiple lives in and around each other, and some are soul mates, others keep reappearing as family members or lovers, and you have to experience everything both good and bad over the course of many many lifetimes. That doesn't mean you were once a rapist so next time you have to be raped. But there is give and take and a balancing of the scales as the soul learns through love, hate, joy and trauma. The lives seem to be pretty mapped out but with free will here it means some things can happen which weren't agreed upon before birth. But God and the soul guides see all, and there will be justice for you, have no doubts whatsoever about that. I had many sessions of past life therapy and in one life i experienced being gang-raped under a bridge. I never got justice at that time either, but now in this life it has made me much more sensitized to sex and women and personal codes of honour and ethics. If we can survive and continue moving through life in whatever way we can after the darker experiences, then maybe we will one day come out the other side stronger and not just empty shells destroyed by what happened. It's a multi-layered complex existence that we only are aware of a small part of, so trauma is even more traumatic when you don't know the whole picture that revolves around it. And even knowing all that, i still want to kick their asses and they fully deserve it. But what goes around comes around and they will get what's coming to them, if not in this life then the next. God bless you and thank you for telling your story with such dignity and grace

I'm so sorry, thanks for sharing. May your story help arm someone with the knowledge of how to avoid such a situation, and what to do if it happens. I think the worst thing in my case is feeling that I should have done something. Even after almost 40 years I fight the urge to blame myself.

Your ridiculously strong sister I love you and God loves grow and build a relationship with Him and He will heal your soul and spirit 🙏