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Thank you for this. I got out in the devaluation stage under a former team founder. And just the short time of being in it has done damage to my mental health. And sadly more have fallen for this under him. Thank you for this video. This played out exactly to what he was doing with not only me but a handful of other women.
You don't attract narcissists because something is wrong with you. You attract them because you're loving, kind, caring, forgiving and want to help others.
Narcissists are spiritually stunted children in adult bodies... something hurt them when they were little and this caused them to "shut down" and stop growing emotionally and spiritually. You can almost perceive the age of the child cowering within by the emotional load they are capable of handling - some ring clear as 5yr olds, some 7 or even 13yr olds, but the ones who REALLY register are the ones who seem to be emotionally 3 or 4yr olds - they're the clinical NPDs. Everyone starts life as a narcissist coz essentially narcissists are just children... the hope is that we grow OUT of that narcissism, coz it is only a survival mechanism, but we are seeing more and more of them now coz narcissists are damaged ppl and they will ultimately damage their own children, thereby creating more narcissists, until they fill the entire species with damaged narcissists... soon my type will not exist at all! But imagine trying to COPE with this world as a 3 yr old in an adult body with all its powers AND responsibilities! How utterly TERRIFYING!!! SO... ... ... these ppl are looking for a 'parent' of sorts, and that's what you are - all the validation and "i'm proud of you son" their daddy never gave them, all the pats on the head, cuddles and love their mummy never gave them! But, also all the emotional disregulation and tantrums that come with that. And if you can bring them to a point of awareness and growth, the you may get to enjoy watching them mature as well! I've done it to some degree, but you must remain a calm, focused, loving and devoted parent at all times. But those who don't get any sort of comfort at all!?! Well... imagine being an orphan child of 5yrs old, and no-one has time for you or wants to get close to you, and you cower in the corner of an evil world in the darkness of ur lonely mind, then "something... an energy of sorts" comes and entices you with an emotional impulse of "punish that person by lashing out and hitting them and I'LL make you feel so powerful, you will never need anyone else to feel big and important ever again"... Who in that position would knock THAT back? So now you have a contract between the two, and now you have the marriage of the demon to the child in the adult body... the narcissist will never let them go coz they are the only feeling of power they have ever known, and the demon DEFINITELY won't be letting go of the child that easily, and they will torment that child as well while they can - they OWN them now! That's why when you pray for them, they fight you harder, coz it's not them, it's their ugly little friend inside telling them that ur trying to threaten them both... in the absence of love, all that child understands now is power. Sadly, that is what you are dealing with... 😮💨 And this is why LOVE IS SO IMPORTANT... so what is love? "Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag or boast, does not get puffed up with pride, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails" - Corintians 14:3
The rage comes out then too ,either overtly or covertly. My ex was way too covert to rage outwardly so he would go out in the paddock (feild) and yell and whack trees.
Oh my gosh .........this just blows me away thinking about the last 7 years and how it is so on point with what I have dealt with. Does anybody know where all the calculated antics from these narcs derive from??? Do they know what they are doing or its a learned behavior that they just roll with and do not see their ways as being wrong??
This, absolutely. He would lose his mind and walk out whenever I pointed out something illogical or highly improbable to him. In the end, it wasn't his fault for being a conman and serial cheater. It was my fault for finding out and pointing it out to him.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
I realized after distancing myself that I was able to finally think clearly. I was only missing the lovebombing. All the other stuff just gave me a headache. Then I realized how needy I was for that type of attention during the tough season I was going through. I missed feeling extra special and feeling like I was making him feel extra special. Now that we haven't talked in over a week when I exposed his lies, I have a feeling at some point I will get that "hey" text. I'm preparing for it and will not care to give into another rollercoaster ride. I left that amusement park. I'm no longer amused. Update 7 months later: I got that "hey" message, and it was really hard for me to not give into his charm. It took me weeks before I let go of the need for the attention. I had to learn how to have enough self respect and put up boundaries. I feel so much more stable and mentally healthy :)
Your story reflects my situation exactly with a gal I met online, roller coaster ride indeed. Life is too short getting mixed up with these creatures😵💫
Good for you Nicole👍The love bombing phase is enjoyable, no doubt about it, but what follows is so not cool and intensely demoralizing. It's the third and final round for me forgiving this person. This is just further enabling her to continue her behavior and needs to stop. I need to get off this soul sucking merry go round and be more aware of these traits in any future relationships if there are any. Maybe I'll just be done with it all and join a monastery! 🤔🙂
@sand0077 I've been worried about future relationships I get into as well. I am tired of attracting these types of people. One thing I realized I have to do is work on being confident enough in myself to not feel like I need lovebombing, and make sure to put up boundaries from the start. Don't allow people to know how vulnerable you are feeling when you first meet. I tend to open up too much too early. Your monastery comment made me laugh 😄 I had this thought, too.
Whoever is reading this, watch what Rollercoaster you're in and step step way back. Gain yourself back, don't feel bad and blame yourself. You were okay before they came in your life, you're okay now and you're okay after they leave. Peace and love 💘
@@a.v.harrison3023 There should be a national Narcissist list.. With the names of everyone who is a known narcissist on it. These people should not be allowed to do the damage they do…We should be teaching this in the schools as well, so kids learn what to look for in future relationships.
@@a.v.harrison3023 Yep, I never knew what a narcissist was until I dated one. I think one of the reasons I stuck around for three years is because I was in disbelief that a person could even be like that.
@@truthbetold4350 OMG this is the realist in my whole life , someone needs to make a petition for this totally, because it's so real and hurtful and devistating and life. Hanging, and it's a epidemic that's pure evil and not good !!!
Mine actually talked me into seeing a therapist because he claimed I’m crazy and need help. Well that’s when I started researching “covert narcissist “ and boom 🤯 I discovered I am married to one 😒 started to see all the traits right before my eyes and filed for divorce because while I was getting help he was getting none because “there’s nothing wrong with him “ right? Well hopefully in 70 more days I’ll be a divorcée
Currently going through the same thing.. Unfortunately I found out my wife cheated, and then found out she had been lying about being in therapy for the last 6 months. I wish you luck in this crazy ass world of insane personality types. Lol
Yep same here, and then they will use it against you, "oh well yoir the one in therapy, you need help" or while in therapy i was getting gaslighted and the therapist didnt kniw it, until i got proof of her lies." Lucky the counselor was aware because of the inability of her to not let go of all the things i was doing wrong...and she stopped it mid session. The communication breakdown is a big red flag
Yep. Sadly, short of never leaving the house, there is no way to avoid these “people” entirely. But with education and awareness you can absolutely learn how to avoid and get away from them as soon as humanly possible.
Education and awareness about what brought them to you is the foundational piece. The last thing we want is to magnetize more of these insane people to us. This video is really clear about how all that works. m.ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Mmac6AV8bjg.html
“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” - Karla Grimes
In a narc relationship, on and off, for 8 years. Finally done. One week ago, after 4 months of non-contact, the text arrived, "Hi, you couldn't do me a favour?" Didn't respond, he rang the next morning and I didn't answer. It felt so good, he no longer has power over me.
Block and move on. If you have no ties(ie. Family, friends, common social media acquaintances) I believe that makes it easier especially if you don't see them at all. Unfortunately I'm still around my narc so idk if no contact is smart to do until I'm not in their presence but we'll see.
@@anthonydorman7482 Thank you 💜 There have days that I didn’t think I could stay from him. However, I have a great support system. I know I’ll never go back. Learned a lot.
shaking my head over the fact that we live in a society where there have to be experts on narcissist negotiation... what kind of a world is this? these narcs are so difficult, so exhausting and so impossible to deal with (and often they are the ones who are closest to us, not only convicted criminals or psychopathic dictators) without sinking to their level that we need EXPERTS to help us out with kicking them out of our lives. shaking my heavy, tired, fed up head.
I am having those same feelings and thoughts as you are, constant battle for the victims and yet very little help in removing them from our lives. I’ve been battling for over 2 years, we have 3 children together and resided together for a little over 10 years. We’ve been legally separated for 2 years but he still is involved because of the children and my empathy for them definitely not him. Technically I don’t have to let him see them at all because of the situation right now, however I agreed to allow supervised visits at my house which happens to be his relative and I also have to be here for the duration. I’ve had to be involved with the state and go through all this crap because of allegations on him not me and he’s done nothing or been made to do anything. I’m constantly hearing they can’t make him do anything but if I’m not complying with them I could risk losing my children... now someone explain that one to me!! He’s managed to get the court date changed twice for the divorce and full custody that I filed for 2 years ago because he says he doesn’t want a divorce he loves me and his family, but refuses to do anything the state has asked and tries to convince me they’re wrong and they don’t have the right to do this to our family, yet won’t text or call me for days at a time then when he does it’s all the oh baby I love you so much do you miss me..... ggggrrrrr makes me boil! I told the state people to get they’re head out of their arses and start putting effort into helping people like me and the children instead of wasting our time ( meaning theirs and mine) and state money on invading our lives and holding us (me and the children) to a certain standard but not hold the perpetrator accountable for their actions or make them take responsibility. I pray every day for all of the people who are having to deal with trying to get some sort of peace from this toxic harsh narcissistic person and wanting better for their children as well as themselves but can’t get any help doing it unless you have money to pay a darn good lawyer ❤️ stand strong we will rise above this
Satan is the first, and worst Narssacist and since he is the "ruler of the power of the air" of this world (Ephesians 2:2), he has induced all of these Godless people to act like him. They pass it on to their children and so they are increasing exponentially. There is a TED talk instructing employers in his to deal with Narssicistic employees because that group is growing so fast and because it's so hard to spot them. But every time I see 1 of these videos, I have hope, because we are becoming more aware of how to spot them and deal with them. Very little contact, especially one- on- one, and no emotion when you have to have contact is the only way to successfully deal with their evil.
“Invalidation is about dismissing your experiences, thoughts and above all your emotions. Indeed the intention is to not even allow you to have those thoughts, experiences and emotions. It’s a way of invading your head and reprogramming it. It’s psychological abuse (messing with your thoughts) and emotional abuse (messing with your feelings).” - Danu Morrigan
I finally ended a relationship with a narcissist person, everything you said was totally on point, this guy was was starting to drive me crazy. He was a pathological liar and manipulator. It took me a year to finally figure him out. I wish I had found your videos sooner. Thank you for sharing this valuable information.
It takes some of us decades to work out what you did in a year - often when you have to simply accept you family is a narc cult. You did well in one way though any such experience totally sucks. Bless
@@amandajohnson-williams7718 it’s huge isn’t it. I had to let my whole family except one niece (who they despise) go. It’s a hell of a thing to have to do but you are basically cutting out a cancer
@@MJ-qb5ph It is huge, it makes you feel sad for the years you lost being gaslit and manipulated. Wish I'd had this knowledge 40 years ago. But going no contact is the best thing to do 👍💪
I swear my wife has done everything you've said. I didn't even know they had a word to describe a person like this! Thank you and all the other people exposing a Narcissist. They are dangerous!
My favorite text message I got was 9 months after I had moved on. "Hey, I saw you tried to call me, so what's up?" I didn't try to call, didn't respond to the text and I blocked her number right away.
After a 3 month disappearance I got a text at 1am-' oh Diane is this your number . I got a new phone'. Saw him 2 days later with the same old cracked screen phone.
Mine rang me over a week every night then sent txt sorry this phone keeps ringing you its playing funny buggers! Omg how stupid they must think we are.
❤️These manipulative tactics are used to pull us away from our purpose/destiny. Many people don't believe in the spiritual (unseen) realm. But just like how this physical realm concerning the weather (Winter, Summer, Spring, Fall) moves through different seasons and bring changes that we must adjust to... there are things in the spirit realm that we must adjust to because the spiritual realm controls the physical. We learn to feel the unseen realm in our spirit (discernment). It's why you knew something wasn't right about them from the beginning (spiritually), but had no proof right then (physically)... So you pursued them anyway. Who/What's influencing Narcissists behavior understands the process concerning the season you are approaching. This is why they ALWAYS seem to know when to text, call, pop up at your house, etc... out of the blue, even after not speaking to you for weeks, months, or years. Notice it's ALWAYS when an exciting change has, or is about to occur in your life (season), that they magically pop up our of no where like you've been friends the whole time. Pay attention to the (spiritual) climate you are approaching and learn to adjust to who should OR shouldn't be in your season with you. Example, You wouldn't bring a wool coat into summer with you right??? Also... Narcs are put in our lives (physically) to reveal a MUCH bigger picture (spiritually)! And that picture is that WE are ALSO wounded individuals (emotionally) and need to address our OWN issues, so that we can move forward in The Lord's purpose for our life. Many fall to the Narc and NEVER fullfil their purpose. Be blessed y'all
Thank yoÜ . once seen & understood; can never be unseen. Now it's hard to shed the ptsd of it all & get back to where i need to be, quite a divergence in original mission. Trying to find myself, missing her.
Thank you for sharing this truth! Mine was planted 27 years ago. You are absolutely right about the timing! Just before/during major decisions, mine always pops back up & has destracted me. I run off, abandoning my sense of purpose & it takes a while to heal & get back on track again, rediscovering myself and purpose & rebuild my life from the destruction. Only to have him show up & hoover yet again. I'm breaking the chain, no more of this hold on me.
This is sooo true! It felt like my life was over when i left him, but i realized i had made him my god. After not talking to him for a minute, i realized that he had been taking up much of my day and thoughts that i wasnt focused on myself, my own thoughts, and had lost some identity. Never realized how much he consumed my days and thoughts when he really didn't do much at all for my needs. I have a clearer head now and much more focused. Ive started praying again, eating healthier, and optimistic for the future and other endeavors. I had turned into a completely different person with him, the version he had molded me into being and this was only in a 6 month time frame. I shudder to think who i would be after some years. He would always say, " we have forever, do you see this ending anytime soon" or "youll never leave me". He wanted to be my only friend and always always the center of my attention. I am in therapy now as well for this and i truly believe its actually helping.
@@missb1982 That's very encouraging because so many people remain in the trap of broken/toxic relationship. Glad you over came, saw the changes you needed to make, and are now walking in a newer, much healthier direction! I pray God will bless your journey ahead, along with guiding your path to a success future. Be blessed (Proverbs Chapter 3; verses 5 & 6) ❤️
I really hope any person who is married and divorcing, saves all the narcissistic texts for evidence. Family law has finally started recognizing this abuse. This type of evidence goes a long way to proving emotional/mental abuse.
Omg this constantly happens to me with my soon to be ex-husband. Constantly texting me on "accident" as it was intended for someone else just to try to pull me into a conversation. 😣🙄🤐😫
Also, guys! There's another thing: they would sometimes ask you a question! They can casually text you, pretending that it's just a neutral question. But in reality, they are analyzing your reaction. If you answer politely or help them, they see an opening.
@@Sunny74- Thank you. They definitely do it. They want to see if you forgot how they treated you last time. They aren't that stupid and will not write you ''I love you'' right away. They need confirmation before they start love-bombing. They do not like to spend time and energy for nothing :) And it also gives them space for uncertainty and their maneuvers. If you start to believe they like you, they say ''oh, it was just a question, come on, stop dreaming''. If you act angry because of their previous behavior, they'll say ''oh, you're crazy like usually, you cause a scene because of a simple question''.
Omg yes! I had a “friend” that would do this. And bc I didn’t want to come off like a jerk, I would respond even though I knew it was a bad idea. I finally figured out that this was exactly what that person was doing and cut her off cold. Mutual friends started to come around asking me why I was being so mean and cold to that “friend”, and I knew I had to just keep it to myself. These people are evil
@@glynnisthomas9165 I thought that but I didn't say it because I'm too polite for my own good. I just set the phone down next to my overlocker and kept on sewing. He didn't like the sounds it made and hung up.
And you were so stunned that you could not summon a suitable response.BTDT (been there done that). After over 2 years of ending our relationship I eventually found another and am still blissfully happy.When ex Girlfriend ie Narco found out I was asked "How could you do this to me?"
For 2 years, I went back & forth in my mind whether he was a narc, if he meant what he said, was really capable of change, etc. This video explains the EXACT series of events in our relationship, its pretty crazy how textbook it was. Im so so glad that I was able to break free & fully let go, it was such an awful cycle to be stuck in. Thank you so much, you're doing important work
You forgot, "You're the love of my life," then murdering _the love of their life_ and driving the decedent's van all the way back home without them and using their Capital One cards after their demise. Talk about love bombing then discarding!
Thank you so much for these videos. I cannot believe I’ve spent 12 years in an abusive relationship with a narcissist and never knew it. The lovebombing would come in waves. It was constant roller coaster of words of “love” and zero action. I always felt wrong and bad and forgave way too much. The texts also were always so manipulative and never ever left me feeling good. It’s crazy to think of it all. Here’s hoping 4th time trying to leave is a charm :/.
you need to listen to lee hammock??? anyway, he's a narcissistic in therapy since 2017 hearing about his insight and helping people avoid getting involved with people like him. really interesting to hear. i learned a lot from him. also wanted to share, he said if you ever threaten a narcissist that you'll leave you need to follow through. or they won't take you seriously and will suck more living out of you. i've been with my cheating husband for thirty years. red lights flashing way b4i married him...even a psychic advised me not to marry theman. i. my life. lol...i didn't listen. now, i stop threatening him to leave. i have a plan. rebecca and so many others are helping me stay sane and on track. first thing...know your self worth. you are worthy of a life without drama, put downs and toxic environment/ people. stay strong. anna
@@Anna-gz2sh thank you. Prayers and high five to you for your courage. I have given in to my threats before but more determined then ever now. Hoping peace and drama free live for all of us. ❤️
A wicked woman she was! Complete love bombing at first, and used her sexually to trap me. Then a couple of months living together I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with this relationship, it was the start of the discard phase. Cut downs and treats everyday. After I left, received several messages from her like: “Don’t you miss me”, or “don’t you want me” (Trying to draw me sexually again). I couldn’t believe reading these texts after all the humiliation that I endured. Thanks for mentioning that women too can be very narcissistic!
Of course woman can be narcissist as well. I have one in my family. My political aunt is a narcissist woman. But since my uncle is a cold stone man I guess is why both stayed togather. Glad that my cousins are nothing like their parents and resamble my paternal grandparents that are kind people.
She would always start an argument, and when I would get angry and say "I don't want to argue." She would say "We aren't arguing" or " no one's arguing" . It drove me crazy
That actually just sounds like she was attempting to communicate and instead of recognizing your anger and using an “I message” like “I feel angry when…” you essentially claimed she was arguing and then shut off communication? Probably bc she was super bad at communicating and you were tired of it. I think proper communication is key. People can be taught.
I used to get the same exact thing she said I was not arguing you just don't know how to have a discussion. You need professional help and hopefully you will get it is what she would tell me as I broke it off
Love booming first two months, than not answering not responding to my messages for hours, not calling back. No explanation. There is so much more so much confusion so much pain. So much investing energy with no return . Lying empty promises. Refuse to have Sex in this state. Manipulation let’s meet later than no explanation or my friend is here, had to Business. Now I am the third months of relationship, slowly, slowly I see aggressive and disrespect in a very high level. I am on my way of understanding that there is no future, but yet can’t let go. Thank you so much for this channel as more I understand as more i can let go. I really fell in love but the love and hope is dying .
oh yeah, don't even waste your breath trying to explain how you feel to them...Mine says, "Don't get it twisted bitch, your feelings are stupid, my feelings and problems are more important!"
I've been ghosted for 5 months & then...BOOM...I get a "hey"...this week! Well I've been studying about Narcississt for 2 yrs now since I got discarded by a different one 2 yrs ago & thru my study & watching video after video I realized this other guy is one too! I actually didn't answer back for a day & re-watched hoovering videos & ghosting videos & decided to entertain him the next day. It pains me to know he is a Narcississt too. I was so in love with this guy 10 yrs ago & I didn't know anything about Narcissism now & I disengaged with him because I met a better man. We reconnected 5 months ago & after a couple of weeks he ghosted me. It hurt at 1st but I was doing good & then the "hey". They really do use the same playbook.
I, too, thought I was in love, but what is it really? Infatuation with an illusion. You can't really be in love with that which they are not. Took me a long time to come to that realization.
@@onlyluvisreal6691 It took me so long to come to that realization, because it's a painful one. Never truly loved when you gave so much, and thought of it as love. But those words ("in love with an illusion") really grabbed hold of me, and helped me step outside the painful emotions, and look at the narcissist more objectively. When I could do that, the feelings for him went away, except I sometimes have pity for him as someone incapable of true love.
Omg.. this video couldn’t have come at a better time! Literally just had a text from the Narc in my life saying he thought my interrogation on asking what he’s up to was too much Uurrr I simply would ask how his days been and what’s he been up to, maybe twice in one week - I replied “interrogation? Get over yourself! It’s called being friendly and taking an interest” Needless to say, I’m over that Narc now.. that was final straw, and your video has helped me see it for exactly what it was!!! Thank you x
"This situation gave me some perspective into whats really important in life". That was a text i got from a hoovering narcissist. Tried to make me believe he had seen the light and a change had happened. Nope.😦
On point. I experienced most of those text messages from my narcissist ex. I've wasted more than 2 years of my life. Thanks to him I'm aware now of this disorder. Never again..
My narcissist, my daughter, said the most horrible, hurtful things that I couldn’t have believed possible when I told her I was backing off from her toxicity.
She is speaking truth. Experienced this more times then I can count. Thats why I've been single for 3 years. I've been in therapy for it. These people really mess with your mind and soul. Learned from experience. Wish I hadn't had to but im stronger now for it.
I'm still in it after 25 yrs , you know I thought I was nuts for years . He'll never change , thinks I'm a puppet and he pulls the strings . Talks like a teen ager in a relation ship . Love me . Can I touch you ? I mean what the he'll, no talking about what leads to this just ask get agree if you don't want me angry 😡. It's gross
Split up in April. My last message from him after silence: It came in by email in August (you can block a person everywhere but mails still come through apparently!): "I saw a friend post a picture of you on facebook. I thought you had a sad look on your face. I hope you're ok and have people to share things with?" (I didn't have a sad look at all, the pictures were from dancing on the beach and getting a dressing-style update). I replied: "I'm feeling wonderful, maybe you picked up on somebody's else his/her sadness? This is going to be my last message though because I'm going to block you on email also. I wish you all the best." (Now he thinks he's blocked although I had already done that).
The devalue was unmistakable. And it was always a no win situation. There would’ve been absolutely no possible way for me to avoid being a bad person in their eyes.
Thats a situation we have to remedy by silently taking our power back, renewing our confidence, and neutralizing the threat before we move on. Godspeed
I was dumped and then he told me I was the most jealous and insecure person he had ever meet. I told him I am very secure who I am and that I wasn't jealous so now he doesn't want to be around me only if he can control me and our visits. I really want to heal and move on.
I saw this pattern and he did it with other people…4 months love bombing, then devaluation…6 months ghosting. Every woman is described as the “love of his life” in the moment. But the thing is he does it with men too, just praise different. No one ever really knows him. I had to leave town to get away from people believing his bullshit about me, as he immediately went out and told everyone.
Just found you and subscribed! I wish I had found you 40 years ago and I think my life would be very different. I went from a horrible, abusive relationship where I was alienated from all attention and affection, to an even worse abusive relationship that began with love bombing. I went through this for several years until I was eventually able to get out of the relationship. The only thing I ever wanted was to be in a loving relationship, but these men have ruined this for me. I’m not in a relationship and at 64 years old, no longer want a relationship. It’s left me afraid of men, afraid of being hurt again and afraid of my ability to choose a “normal” partner.” I plan to binge your videos and heal and educate myself for ME! 💕
I'm currently dealing with someone whom is a covert narcissist. And it is my soon to be ex girlfriend. We've been dating for nearly seven years of hell. And everything you've said is exactly what she is and has been doing to me for too long. Thank you for helping others to Understand the depth of destruction these types of people can cause and the impact it could cause in one's life with out actually having to do like myself and go through it.
The trouble is when they feel you slipping away back comes the maximum charm and false warmth and caring, good luck to you Eric I wish you strength, I escaped and got my life back
Rebecca, I grow in my knowledge about Narcissists because of your videos. I will continue to watch as I recall the maneuvers that once had a hold on me so I dont fall "PREY" again. Thank you, Rebecca!
Yes yes yes! Mine had ghosted me about a month after we started seeing each other. It was Easter weekend some years ago and poof, it's like he just vanished. After 2 days my text became more frequent out of concern and he finally texted me back and just ripped into me! He said I was a stage 5 clinger. I knew nothing about boundaries. He doesn't tolerate needy women, etc etc. Well fast forward to a year and a half later and I found out that on that particular easter weekend he started a physical relationship with one of the women he triangulated me With. God all that I've learned and looking back, sends chills down my spine...
Reading your story is exactly what happened to me! He ghosted me on my birthday weekend leaving me alone and abandoning our plans together. Didn’t hear anything for 3 days. Safe to say my birthday was ruined and I was an emotional wreck. Then he just appeared again and acted like nothing happened. I later learned that he was with another girl that particular weekend! Assholes lol x
Sorry it sounds like the guy just had Bad Manners. There's no way you would know someone was a narcissist after a month even a psychologist couldn't figure that out in a month
Amen! The catch phrase my ex frequently said was, “Trust is earned…..Not given”. She needed to monitor absolutely everything that I did. I finally had enough and moved on. That’s when the love-bombing texts began to come. I told her that it appears that our beliefs in how a relationship should be day to day are very different so I need to remove myself from this one. I made it very matter of fact and without emotion.
@@rileymcintosh4852 It was suggested that I take a matter of fact approach and make it a personality conflict. Narcissists don’t like to be the blame so a joint disagreement rather than “I can’t deal with you anymore” seemed to make it more acceptable for her.
My children’s father is a covert narcissist and he does this with the girls he has cheated with. When one let’s go he runs back to the other and if that doesn’t work he moves on to a new supply. However he keeps all his ex’s as social media friends and stalks them whenever something good happens in their life. He’s found plenty of ways to continue to somehow keep them all close. ( his past follows him in every stepping stone of his life ). It’s scary.
Sounds familiar. Everyone thinks he’s a good guy. A sweetheart. His ex is the villain. But he literally drove her, the mother of his children, into a psych facility. He triangulated me and my former best friend. Now she’s out of the picture and he circled back to his ex. And who knows who else as he made it a point to let me know he usually remains friends with most of his ex’s.
@@mojadah10 yes this is what he says too. He is allowed to stay friends with his ex’s even they they took part in helping him provoke my trauma. He said because they didn’t do anything to him. So he doesn’t regret anything he done no matter how severe my trauma became. This is what he told me. Even though we are currently in court for DV he said he will continue to be with his new supply. Although he’s working on her and gives her the world…….. I watch him be a pig when we go out in public with our kids. He can’t keep his eyes to himself yet he claims she changed him.
Lol last text from my narc was just a single "Ok?" after ghosting me for weeks...i was like, what the hell am I supposed to do with that? I never txted him back.
This is so good, this is exactly what my ex did to me. During the love bombing my ex would always say the same thing like he was reading off of a script, once he even said to me is this too much, I didn’t know what it was I had not experienced anything like it before, but I thought wtf has just happened what is this all about, it was a huge red flag but I just didn’t know at the time sadly. As soon as I told my ex I loved him the devalue started, I didn’t know at the time, but obviously he thought he had me hooked and could go onto next stage of devaluing me. I finally had enough and walked away from this mad monster, life is so much better now without him in my life.
When I confronted her about being seen holding hands with another man she texted that I did not know all the facts.....never denied it. She never denied being caught at anything but always was able to change the conversation in order to keep from absolutely lying to my face.
Thank you!! Giving you many amens!!!! Absolutely right on with love bomb -( you’re so touched anyone would say such kind words). Discard- months go by, you don’t hear from them, you pull away, they send you a photograph of you with them saying thinking of you. I love you so much. 😳🤪🤨. Have found excuses after a discard phase are 1. I’m so busy with work. 2. I’ve been so sick. 3. My family has been sick. If you feel sorry for them you’re back under their power only to get discarded for another 6 months. Your videos have helped me say Bye bye, so long, farewell!!!
Very good information, this should be shared with young adults getting ready to start dating so they are aware of what is healthy attention and what is love bombing only to turn into devaluing later.
Mind blown... you literally just went pretty much word for word and described exactly the Trauma Bond I've been in, ... embarrassingly enough for 25+ years. It's taken me a long... long time for me to finally see it. It's been tough to process all of this, seeing it finally for what it's really been. Trying to understand why it just always seems complicated, and the timing has never been right. It's all been a game, I've been played... all the time, and energy, wasted. Phew... Mind blown.
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AMEN! I went through 3yrs of this, being told I was Narcissistic, and devalued my self worth, I could never put my finger on it, but now realise after watching your tutorials what it was, I pray for her and the people she has surrounded herself with I believe I certainly dodged a bullet.✌
My narc is popping up like a clown from a box on my birthday online every year, after No contact until then. Then Love bombing - Devaluation - Discard - circus starts! It´s kind of a funny tradition for me nowadays... :P :D
Or "I feel so lost" seriously,dude? I just stop caring and am starting to heal. So frustrating. Everytime I feel like I can face the world or begin to to trust again, boom.
If you have seen ONE narcissist, you have seen them ALL.,.. I thought he was skittso! Until I found out what a narcissist was!! The videos said RUN don't walk! Do it quickly and quietly! So I did!!
*You never loved me. *I was the best thing that's ever happened to you *I gave you the world *Your going to regret this *Don't you EVER ignore me * One day I wanna marry you *I'll never hurt you *If I can't have you. No one will *Why won't you talk to me *Your mines and always gonna be mines * I don't hit women * Kids I tried but mommy doesn't love me anymore
“I know you probably hate me” or text you something they say was meant for someone else to get a conversation started or to see if they can make you jealous. In 33 years I’ve seen it all, I just didn’t realize what I was experiencing until a year ago. It is absolutely pathological & soul sucking☠️👿
“They are right there in your space all the time” most definitely resonated. I don’t know if they intentionally suffocate the people in their orbit however it’s repulsive. Harsh words yes but there’s really no other way to describe how you can begin seeing these types of people.
Another thing about texts and calls: you have to absolutely respond in almost real time (even some minutes late can make them angry/resent you); but ofc they don't have to even acknowledge you called them.
My ex husband narc has watched videos on narcissists and used all the words like gaslighting, word salad, projecting when he would talk to me and tell me he was an empath and I was a narc. I could never do anything right and it took me finding your videos to understand how cunning he was. I went through all these phases with him that you talk about. I was the crazy one. Thank you for this information. I was suicidal by the time I left him. PS he always was looking at his phone. He did admit to me that he was a pathological liar in parting. He would never hold down a job while I worked two. Always the victim.
My former best friend did that to paint her ex as a narc but also justify her being with him. They both are Narcs but she was being manipulative and claiming to be an empath. 🙄
I love this knowledge,, I'm watching you to stay empowered, I was in a relationship for 44 years, and I'm divorced now 2 years,, my own story goes back so many years, I won, I won my freedom ❤
when I was in the devaluing phase, I was the one who had to text first otherwise we wouldn't talk all day, until the evening and then I received a "no talk today?" "why are you mad" or something like that... when I broke up with him, I had to block him everywhere, because of the constant guilt tripping... now it's almost 3 years later and 2 months ago that guy followed me on IG and liked some pics... (only those of my kittens , not the ones with my now fiance 😅) I have to admit I had a slight panic attack... and again blocked him. this person is not allowed in my life anymore.
This was so spot on... I JUST got a email that said "HRU" & the sad part is they write for a living & obviously being petty. I never write back because I'm aware that it's a game to them
Excellent advice. Really good examples. I had "Wow, i dont know what to make of all of that" from my narcissist friend before they just ghosted me. Then as this person stole from me they didn't accept they'd stolen from me and asked me to check the definition. Took stuff, hasn't given it back. That's theft. AMEN.
my favorite is “I don’t know know who convinced you that I (insert toxic behavior here) but that’s not me. I thought you knew that.” as if I’m not capable of coming to my own conclusions about a persons behavior lol
Amen ! A woman I met over a decade ago now was texting me after a week stating I was her total soul mate and the most wonderful person she had ever met, down the road a few months the ridiculous lies started after she was ignoring me ~ I lost my phone, my batteries died, I dropped my phone in the bath, I left my phone at work, then telling me I was cheating and I didn't value her and all the rest of it, then she moved on to really cruel personal comments and trying to humiliate me, then the false caring and warmth again, then back to nastiness, what a relief when it was finally over and I started living again
Amen. And after you have been loved bombed by a narcissist and then betrayed, not only is it hard to trust another man, it's hard to know how to interact in the beginning in a normal/healthy manner.
This describes perfectly how my fiance was. I was completely ghosted after 6 months. Prior to that, I was everything she prayed for in a man but when she left, I was the crazy narcissist in her mind. It was like she was projecting her own terrible behavior
LOL I'm laughing because my ex did this to me love bomb then dump , then text message saying some time life push us to do these things by force I told her what's done is done closes the door on her.
Sounds a lot like something I recently experienced. Endless blubbering about how I may be or was the man of her dreams and how happy she was to not have to deal with her local dating scene any longer, but as soon as she realized she wasn’t getting exactly what she wanted when she wanted it (and for reasons already discussed in detail), I was trash. She pushed conversation into an area in which she knew she’d find something she could explode about and then did just that. Post rage she was a different person and discarded me. Luckily I haven’t heard from her since, but was blocked by her about three weeks later and only after she must’ve realized I wasn’t going to reach out of grovel. Now comes the wondering when she’ll reach out again. If past experiences with narcissistic women suggest anything, she will sooner or later….
I was in a relationship with one(on and off) and it taken me till now to realise how much of a narcissist he is. Even when it comes to the narcissist “apology” he would say things like: “I’m sorry if that’s how you feel” or “I’m sorry you taken it the wrong way”, just complete non-apologies, in fact it felt like he was apologising for my behaviour rather than his own. The breadcrumbing as well, making you think they’re starting to change by doing small little acts of “kindness”but we know of course, that only lasts for so long before they’ve got you sucked in again. He would praise me on how I was physically as I criticise myself physically quite a bit but he would always criticise me on who I am inside. My ethics, my morals, personality e.t.c Then if I confronted him about it he would come out with the gaslighting. “Oh you’re just taking it the wrong way” “I wasn’t meaning it in that way” e.t.c It was too exhausting to deal with.
Wow! You nailed it! Especially the one that said they have you thinking you’re crazy because you ask when his behavior suddenly changes out of no where and gets defensive if you ask anything. I don’t like to be questioned. I mean WTF!?! I told him being with you is a tyranny... I didn’t sign up for that. I can’t question or couldn’t question anything. He would give me silent treatments... after I finally broke up with him ... I thought I would never hear from him again because how rude he was .... 3 months later he had been mean somewhat in between... right when I was feeling good... he said... hey... call me 🙄 I was like... omg... these narrcs really are predictable. It’s actually a comfort to know that I was not alone in dealing with such an impossible person.
I grew up with narcissistic parents and was subject to a lot of mental abuse. There had been days where I would be locked up in home and for several days straight I wouldn't communicate with anybody. They'd just wake up, have an argument, go to work, get back home super late, rinse an repeat, and we wouldn't share a single word. There had been days where I wasn't left water or food for the entire day, and I'd be too tired and afraid to ask them once they got back home. My dad has an incredible ego, insists that I should be like him, that nobody is to be trusted, and his been filling my head with toxic junk for as long as I can remember... Backstory aside, I inadvertently became narcistic over the years, because I was either starved for attention, was told I was ugly, not good enough or out right thrown on the street, which I interpreted as something normal that happens in a family. It has been such a painful and slow ride... I feel ashamed for the person I was. Quiet, afraid, extremely needy and even envious when my friends would go out with someone else.. I can proudly say I'm recovering however. I've developed healthy relationships with people, I no longer feel the need to constantly impress others by dressing well or acting in a way which is completely not me. I moved away from my parents, and am trying to lengthen the bridge between us even more, because once I did that, the big changes really started happening. I'm also really grateful to the last girl I dated. I had built up and inflated such a big fake persona to impress my parents and the people around me, that once we ended our relationship, with all of the other troubles going around at the time, I suffered a complete and utter ego death. For the next 3..4.. heck 5 months, I had no idea who I was. Like years from my life suddenly disappeared and I had to rebuild from scratch. I'm not saying that this is applicable for everybody. My father has been a narcist since the day I've been born, and I see absolutely no changes in him, in fact it's been a bit worse, since he sees me finally breaking my shackles and bravely opening my mouth to oppose him. If you're in such a relationship, be it with a family member, friend or partner. Please leave, you don't need to suffer how I did. It's going to be tough and scary, but the freedom and peace are going to bring tears of joy to your eyes. And if the person was someone like me, then you'd be doing them a favor. A wake up call is one of the greatest gifts you can give
During the discard phase when she said she needed space and wanted a break. During the break I said a break won’t do anything to fix the problems but delay the issue, and that I wanted to heal and work together as a team. And this break was really making my head go crazy it felt like I was going mad just non stop. So I went to break up completely, said I can’t keep doing this that it hurts too much. And all she had to say is that I was being kinda selfish and that this was about her getting air to breath. Then I realized she doesn’t care about my feelings at all. And the problem was that it WAS all about her and never about how I felt even after I just expressed my feelings all she cared was how I was making her feel
@@sixthsenseamelia4695 she would call me sobbing telling me how she still loves me and wants to be with me. And then three days later tells me she still needs space and just wants to be friends… it wasn’t just one sided, but she manipulated tf out of me
I get a lot of threatening texts. Like, you are gonna get what you deserve. Or, you like your job? You won't have one soon. Or,your gonna go back to jail. I just have to take them with a grain of salt cuz she doesn't have a leg to stand on
AMEN!!!! GOT THE SOULMATE TEXT and you complete me etc. She made me feel incredible. She wasca serious friend from work...then was lying to her ex at my work ssying she isnt with me...that was not comfortable..i told her to stay away until she had some space. She said nonits fine, lets be together...i left the job to keep distance and it lasted 5 months...i feel sooo pathetic and undervalued. It finished 4 months ago, still cant get rid of her...she now has gone back to my old company with a better job etc....
Yes...common phrases...princess charming..sweetie...soulmate...twinflame...adore you...can't breathe without you...honey...babe...love of my life....it goes on and on...goddess...love of my life...my head can't stop spinning...can't stop thinking about you...and you will notice...they are never having a conversation with you...it is just them saying a script towards you...and it is about the same thing with everyone they contact...rest assured...at the very sametime they are telling you all these things...they are telling others the same
It is beginning to make sense. In my life, that person has been cycling through this pattern for the last 5 years. I struggled so hard to not rock their boat, tried to learn to walk on eggshells without cracking them. The discard phase now includes text phrases like "If you ever talk to this person or that, we will no longer have a relationship with you". They don't respond to my phone calls or texts. I am probably blocked. The hovering phase is not always in the form of texts. It's usually phone calls from the grandchildren or other people to do their bidding. They know I won't ignore the children. Then I'm drawn back into the cycle. The strangest communication from them is "You can trust me. Don't you know that? I give you unconditional love" Then my head starts spinning. There's no negotiation. It's their way or no way! If it weren't for the grandchildren I could move on and back away from the relationship. This is hard! Especially when it is family!
Your on the hamster wheel and he is turning it! Please kick him to the curb he won't change and he will drive you insane, its a delicious game to them your a pawn in their game and he will do it for ever if you let him. My ex husband is a narc thankgod he has nothing to do with our granddaughters.
My wife told me first 3 years ago after we met the “i love you” so ever since then her philosophy is after 3 years she said it first and now I’m required to always say it first forever. She will never say it first again
Mine, just last week was "How are you doing?" I didn't reply. 5 minutes later she sent, "oops sorry., I just smiled a little because I knew it was fake. She has never said sorry, too anyone.
I got a hang up call from him while driving. I didn’t notice it and got no voice mail. So I asked him if it was a butt-dial. He said yes, btw, how are you? Of course that return text was during booty call hours lol.
This one would NEVER use the word I was always love ya love ya Etc I'm like.. You're saying it to those 3 female toxic cowkrers u make fun of. What's the point and Incentive of even being w you if u say the same thing to them as u do me. 😂
It was like a cycle every month. Text saying "you woke my heart up" or "143" which is code for l love you. I would fall for it. Then "can l come over" he would never show up. If l asked what happened. Then I would get a text "l was sleeping" or " l work nights" or " l am a single dad" then he would argue then ignore me. Then the cycle would start over. I finally blocked him without saying a word
Amen to everything, holy cow!! So sorry for anyone that’s been through this. It is absolutely crazy making. We are not alone! Thanks you for this and tools like these!!
I get the once a week “ArE yOu Ok?” Or “wAs ThInKiNg AbOuT yOu” lol or my favorite “MiSs Us” 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ like you weren’t missing me when you were with your other girls right? Ughh
Not only Amen but Holy Friggen Amen. Boy she gets mad when I catch a lie. Now that I’m free of the mind games, and have started dating others, she’s on the hunt for another. I just watched another narcissist burn her. She’s about to lose her mind. And i no longer react to anything she says. Good or bad. (She’s also bipolar and alcoholic) On a positive she broke me, and it got me out of shell and I feel better than I have years.
Rebecca- Im so glad I happened upon your youtube videos. My sister is a grade A big time narcissist and oddly enough - she is a licensed psychologist and she has her law degree (I hear) . She would be a perfect case study for you. I watched your 8 signs of a narcissist and she ticks off all 8 boxes. Its been about 14 years since I stopped all contact with her - and it was because I was convinced she was bat-shit crazy. She would gas-light me and gang up on me whenever she could and I finally said "ENOUGH!". It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Thank you for your videos. They truly validated my instincts.
Dear Rebecca: Amen! It‘s like you said, so overflooding and overwhelming at the beginning and so sad in the end, when I confronted her with all those manipulating behaviour and lies and she betrayed me a long time...no one need such human being..
