To answer your question for the next videos in the series, how can we identify as outsiders that a young girl is experiencing narcissistic abuse? I went through it myself and I lived with someone who was experiencing it but it took me several months before I identified it by then I had already been standing up for the child but I do wish I could have helped more.
Hi I’m 41 and I also just realized the fact and she and my sister have stolen from me and everything he mentioned in this video . I’m so happy we are free and I always knew I didn’t fit in
I woke up at 46. Suddenly all the weird stuff from my childhood made sense. I was diagnosed with Asperger's, but now I don't think that was true. I could have been a normal girl with friends. It was my mother who made me asocial. But now I feel comfortable with it.
A narcissistic mother destroys her family. My husbands mother is a covert narcissist and she has done great damage. They are evil people. We went no contact years ago.
@reneejones9649 It is unfortunate. My mother and her siblings don't really get along because of that. Yet they refuse to see it. My grandmother have been gone for years, but they act like what they experienced growing up was no big deal and not abnormal or unhealthy at all.
@@_Renee2It is not about dismissing the pain you experienced in life but choosing to not let it have rule, control, and power over you any longer. I pray your strength in the Lord in Jesus' name. Amen.
My narcissistic mom became more physically abusive when I became a teen. She constantly accused me of promiscuity among other things. All I did was homework, sports, attend school and take care of my younger siblings ( helped them with homework, baths, cooked dinner, clean the house...)! I was run ragged and only able to sleep 4 hours a night. I have gone no contact, so she cannot do the same to my children.
same. Omg thanks to rent prices I am stuck staying with her again with my daughters It's a living nightmare all over again. So evil. I am up at 2 am for a reason.
The same things happend to me except we had a violent raging alcoholic father to top it off. He would get drunk and play music so loud all night long we couldn't get any sleep at night and we had to go to school the next day. I stayed in my bedroom unless I had to babysit, change diapers etc. The only things we got to do were go to church and pretend to be a happy perfect family, go to weddings, and funerals. There are so many things I could say what my mother did to me but I will keep it short. Criticized everything I did everyday, drag me around by my hair, spit in my face, called me pig nose, and she said this will be a beating you will never forget. I didn't even know why I was getting a beating. I might write a book in the future, after my Mother is dead.
I had a narcissist mother. She passed away. She made my life a hell. To get away from her I landed with a narcissist husband where the same pattern continued.
Same. She knows and last time I checked she's very happy about that. A kind of extension of her evil work. I started getting healthier and leveling up. I cut contact with mother and told my husband I want a healthy relationship or I'm out. He's trying. Comes off as fake at this point. I don't love him anymore. Just pity him
It took me years to understand why mom would compare the most mundane things. As if everything was a competition. It took my friend Emelda to point out that my mom’s behavior towards me dating was abnormal, in her words, it was as if my mom wanted me all to herself. Yet, my mom didn't even like me and informed me of such every chance she got.
That’s exactly it!!! They’re threatened that you’ll leave, but don’t want you to stay. That thought process alone would make anyone behave strangely. Your mom must’ve been overt. Mine was covert so everyone loved her. I didn’t even bother sharing my experiences because I knew no one would believe me.
@@xoxo-vp7ww Oddly enough my mom started as covert. It wasn’t until she realized her lies were exposed, that her manipulation no longer worked and that I was becoming aware of who she really is and not the persona she portrayed. That is when the overt emerged. Towards the last month or two of living with her, we would find a knife lying out on the countertop. This woman who whined and complained of aches and pains was suddenly working out like a mad woman like she was preparing for a fight. She started making outlandish accusations against me and would walk up to me while I was holding my daughter and threaten physical violence. Toward the end, I saw her unravel into the monster that she is. I feared that my children and I wouldn’t escape alive. For years I begged her to file for disability or get a job. My mother had become comfortable living off me, yet she loathes me. I honestly believe she felt threatened by my dating because she didn’t want to lose her “bank account.” She would say, “You are the type to choose a man over your mom.” I had never done anything to provoke that thought but, looking back at it now, she was planting seeds of guilt and manipulation to ensure her control. You see, I was groomed to cater to her as if she was my child. I was her counselor, confidant, and mom.
And the problem isn’t just in the sickness. But in the support of outside enablers that, even if they saw this happening to you, they’d say, “But that’s your mother [case closed with you in it]”.
@@ilovegod9008 I don’t consider karma or anything else swooping in and making things right. The kindest people in this world, are often the ones catching the most Hell.
I have recently cut my covert narcissistic mother.... A glaring red flag was watching her reaction to my teen daughter, who was checking herself out in the mirror, and was clearly self satisfied. My mother was DEEPLY triggered by this, and started hissing and spitting about it to me. Like I wouldn't want my beautiful girl to see and recognize her own beauty. I just can't believe it has taken me 40 years to realize what on earth was wrong with my mother. I married a narcissistic man, and pulled myself out of that over a decade ago. I educated myself on narcissism, so I wouldn't make the same mistake again. But I didn't see what was under my nose. Her mother and sister are both narcissists too, but I couldn't see it in her. Until I REALLY saw it, and now it cannot be unseen.
Mommie Dearest is a classic example of Female narcissism and Faye Dunaway nailed NPD down. I’ve had narcs swim around like piranhas in my life, but I am so grateful not to have a Narcissist Mother, that’s a special kind of evil. Much love to those who endure. ❤️
@@Angelic102 I AM sorry, females narcissists are the worst kind. I’ve never been called lucky before but regarding female narcissism, my sister is one. Much Love ❤️
@@a.y.7738 thank you for your compassion please don’t be sorry it’s not your fault and they will never admit publicly or say sorry because they will look bad so we r here to strengthen and validate each other and have compassion for each other and learn from each other and share our stories because before no one knew what a narcissist was and why would they do that sometimes there doesn’t have to have a reason some people are just evil so we share or what happened so we make awareness so the next time someone says my mother or my seemingly kind spouse is evil people will have awareness of narcissistic abuse and how they hide it to the outside people to keep the future generations of going through the silent abuse we have all gone through so we can grow learn and never forget and move on from their evil games and people can see them for what they really r✨bless u and thanks again stay safe
My mother was extremely jealous of me. It made her angry when I was a baby, when my dad would come home from work, and he would ask where his baby girl was. She told me in the most scathing way how he would ask for me and kiss me before hugging and kissing her. She totally hated my guts. She would humiliate and embarrass me in front of other people, and scared all my friends by beating me in front of them. She is no longer alive. I don't miss her.
My mom admitted her abuse right before she died. She knew she was going to die soon. I asked her that if I prayed for her to get well, would she do it again? She said “YES”! My Dad saw her admit the abuse but continued to tell me to forgive her and move on. When she passed, I wasn’t sad. I stopped speaking to my Dad also. He treats me terrible to this day, as if I am a child. Then, I married a narc for 20 years. My entire life was spent with evil. I’m very close to God today and see this behavior in a lot of people today. It’s rare to find someone who doesn’t have narcissism.
Hi dear, I have almost similar experiences. But the difference is, I can't get close to God, infact I feel angry towards God that he allowed all of this happened to me. Sometimes I think how God can ever allow innocent children to be born to narc parents. If you have already processed this thought, I would love to know your perspective . Much Love❤
So true. My mother was so jealous of the relationship I had with my dad, she accused ME of having a se*ual relationship with him. I asked God why my mother hated me, I got the word "jealousy". Of course, there were decades of narc behavior. It didn't end well for her. Thank you for addressing this.
Some people think it's flattering to have someone jealous of you. I have always seen them as my enemy not at all flattering. Had 2 good friends, my mom and my ex-husband all narcissist and everything here is so true. I was the second child and abused. My older sis was the golden child. I was always told family members wanted to take in my sister because she was the attractive one. She always kept my hair in an ugly short cut. (In all family pictures) I hate my hair short to this day. But I was told by others I was the one with the personality. :) HAHAHA
My dad would say how pretty I was and you could cut the air with a knife how sick to be jealous when a father is supposed to compliment his daughter and build self confidence in his child!!!!! I was about 6 when I noticed how odd it was.
My mother did the very same thing! She told anybody who would listen that I was sleeping with my father! She always treated me like I was any woman, a stranger, never her daughter. She would get mad when men noticed me! It's so sick!! I went no contact 11 years ago! And she told my family that I wasn't developing. ! My entire family constantly talked about my breath when I was 14 years old! Sick!! It was a family discussion and it went on for months!
@vgreer13 Just remember if any one is jealous of you! It means you have something they want! It means you are blessed and you are special l!! Much ❤ to you! 😘
My narcissistic mother has been my number one enemy from day 1, she's the one who has destroyed my life, by the time you realize what is happening is already too late because she has done so much harm that it can't be repaired, I'm so glad I went no contact, i don't miss her at all, all she gave me was hell!
@@ppll7020 I loved my mother and always defended her while she was betraying me and causing me so many problems and stress, I don't wish her bad but she did alot of harm and destruction so one day she will pay for all the evil she has done. I don't want her in my life ever again. Sorry you went through that.
I cried hearing this😢 I thought my mother loved me and was telling me that I look like garbage because it was true. Found out She was envious of me. She isolated me, choose my clothes and threatened me, and months before my wedding she physically hurt me and injured me. 😢 I am in a different country now.
Everything you've said literally happened to me. She even cut off all of my hair. She isolated me from my family and friends with lies. When I had children she tried to get them taken away time and time again, but it never worked. She tried to even slept with my children's father (who is also a narcissist). I survived and now am thriving and it kills her. She is getting old and time is almost over for her. She is sick and karma is catching up with her I assume because I have no contact with her or anyone else in the family. My children are my only family and my only concern. When I think about it she actually did me a favor because anyone who believes her never really loved me or had my best interest anyway. And now my life is so peaceful especially since I have the blueprint of what kind of people not to have in my life. To everyone going through this stay strong, vigilant, and optimistic. It will get better. You will have better days ahead just keep waking up and keep learning more about this so that you can have a better understand about how to deal with it and heal.
Yes! My mom kept my hair very short as a little girl causing people to mistake me for a boy, which aside from destroying my self image and confidence as a child, also caused me to find it impossible for anyone, even my husband, to be attracted to me or desirable for sexual intimacy. I'm so sorry for the horror you've experienced at the hands of your own mom. My older sister caught the brunt of my mom's wrath and rage. I flew under the radar most of the time until my sister left home. And then she turned all her attention, like the Eye of Sauron, onto me. 😢
My Mom turned my 2 oldest son's wives against me which took away my relationship with my boys too. She is still doing her evil to me. I'm staying away forever and doing my best to not hate her. For my sake.
When my narc mother got old and started developing Alzheimers her envy was on full show. She would look at me and start crying- You are so beautiful and I am so wrinkled. Maybe if we go out together at least people will notice me when I stand next to you. Before that she used to hide her envy so it was so shocking to me to hear it
😮... you brought me back to a night of Halloween. Coming from a Catholic family and society it was not a celebration but she took me with her and she was so nice to me. I have always wondered why did she took me out after the sunset to the town's old market crowded with people selling chestnuts and natural, fresh sugar sticks... she needed a fix and took me out to get attention besides serving her as excuse since in those times, no decent woman could walk on the streets all by herself or she would have been criticized. That day she needed some kind of attention fix. That's why she took me out.😮 Thanks 🙏
So many things you've said I relate to. Everyone always said I was a pretty child. I was never told by my mother that I was pretty. I was told "you look ok/nice". I didn't realize I was pretty until I was in my 30's. My sister was the troubled child, I was invisible and the youngest..the golden child...the wanted...boy could do no wrong. I still have to work on my insecurities. It still hurts.
I'm so sorry. 😢 It was the same for me except my brother, the golden child, is the oldest and I'm the baby. My poor sister, the middle child, took the brunt of our mom's abuse. I observed and learned that things would go better for me if I just went along with her. Now in our 50's, my sister and I are finally discovering ourselves as individuals, learning who we really are minus the mind control of our mom. My brother? Well.... he's still golden.
We had a babysitter once named Maynard and she see me she goes oh what a pretty little girl now my mother cut my hair with a bowl out of my head and I had crummy clothes and she still said I was pretty in my mother looked at her and said don't you ever say that again or you're fired
👍 Very True. I had Narcissistic Parents, but also a Narcissistic Mother, who was very hostile to me and Extremely Jeleous of me. As a child I felt that my mother hated me, but I didn't know and didn't understand Why. She treated me so Awful 😢 and as a child I didn't know if I survive and Stay Alive until the age of 18. My mother Encouraged my father to hit me Brutally. She Used to complain to him about me, regarding things that I didn't know why she was complaining about me, because I was a quiet and Obidiant, Scary child. The more I Grew up, the more I suffered Hell from my mother and my father as well. Both my parents were Narcissists 😢. I was always Isolated with No friends. Never allowed to have Any friends. My mother always Smeared me !! behind my back in front of my Other Family Members, as a child I didn't know why she was behaving like that 😢 . I have never got married and I don't have kids. It is hard for me to see the film: "Mummy Dearest" because 😢🥺 I see my mother. But I also had a Violent father if it wasn't enough. This film Mummy Dearest is an Excellent Film. It shows the Awful, Horrible Reality Some Children are forced to live, in a Daily, Constant battle to survive and Stay Alive. Efrat.
Okay so now I live with her (eighty-three-year-old) and I am trying to function, work and progress as much as I can.. I'm 65 but constantly exposed to devaluation name-calling physical attacks all the while everyone is excusing it as her having dementia okay but what about my scars and mental health... And how do I deescalate when she's continually accusing me.. I blew up... Please cover this subject.
I am the scapegoat child of my covert narcissistic mother and I can say that you're right in so many ways. She made me feel guilty to succeed or make any form of progress for so many years.
How do you deal with it now? I’m just realizing that my mother is not happy for me and my family. I thought it would get better once she had grandchildren but no….She makes me feel guilty for any milestone and treats me with indifference.
My mother also cut my hair short when I was about 6 years old. When I asked "why" she replied "there'll be less washing". She also told me with visible vindictivness in her eyes when I was around 12 years old that "men are attracted to girls like me" (she didn't say "boys" she said "men") and I felt such immense guilt because of that, as if I was somehow stealing men from her. Unfortunately my father did sexually abuse me from age of about 6 (so in her own sick eyes she probably knew she was "right", because there was this vile man near me) and she saw and heard the abuse but turned it all around and instead of stepping in she put the blame on me. My mother and father are still together but I went no contact. I have had years of therapy and still have to have treatment. Now I want to do what I've always loved and what was like air but was impossible for so long - which is creating music, playing guitar and singing.
My narcissistic mother was jealous of me with my father. When I was a child if my father was holding my hand she used to say to my father: You should not walk holding hands with her, looks like she is your wife and not me! To me this was so crazy! I was just a child and my father, was my father! And the worse is that I grow up and married an cruel narcissist! How can someone have so bad luck like me? I ask God what I did to deserve this...
She had a fantasy version of me in her head and would lash out when I didn't follow the script, hit my mark, say my lines. My individuality was a threat to her internal fantasy. She wanted me to "go along to get along". I think her reasoning was "why can't you just do everything I want without complaint?" She wanted a puppet, not a human child. I was subjected to parentification (role reversal), enmeshment (lack of boundaries), covert emotional incest (had to be an emotional support child), emotional abuse, emotional neglect, emotional blackmail, spiritual bypassing, financial abuse, verbal abuse (hours of yelling and "lectures"), etc. I had to hide away inside myself to survive.
I can relate to so much of this. My narcissistic mother never complimented me, she told me I needed to wear more makeup. One time I asked her to trim my hair and she cut big chunks out of the sides and I was too scared of her to even say anything, I just had to use a bunch of clips to pin it all up until it eventually grew back out. I felt so insecure my whole life and It took me a long time to not feel like I was ugly. Now I’m learning to love me how I naturally am. Thank you for this video, it makes me feel seen and heard ❤
Question: Those of us with narcissistic mothers, have you always struggled with having female friends/feeling like an outsider around other females, and only find yourself having male friends? I’m wondering if it has something to do with that.
I made my first TRUE female friend at age 60! This was only after finally realizing my mother was a MOMMY DEAREST two years ago...the scene from the movie could have been us :( I never trusted any women throughout my life, but male friends were abundant. So glad I found your channel, Danish...you saved my life :)
Me. I have very few female friends my own age, and none older than myself, though I've tried. Many older women betrayed me the same way my own mum and paternal grandma did, and I'm wary of women with internalised misogyny and any energy of envy or fawning. I feel like sooner or later they just backstab.
My mom isn't a narcissist but I do find it nerve-wracking to become friends with women because I've had so many bad experiences with them. Only a few have been nice, non judgemental and non back stabby
I had never thought of this but I have no female friends. The two I did have laughed at my pain and I said goodbye to her. The other belittled my success. I have male friends.
@fiona: YES!!! I’m completely convinced that the woman that birthed me is involved with alternative spiritual practices and has done things to manipulate my life.
This was my life. A life of being terrorized. There was nothing she would not do or say. I have commented before but it is hard to process the events enough to write them down. The chopping your hair off was a common act. In addition, I have photos of myself at 4 yrs old with straight, very blonde hair. I have other photos of myself less than a year later with bright red curly hair! I remember she told me I was " mousey" looking! She took me to a salon to try to get them to dye my eyebrows and lashes a dark color. They refused! BTW she bleached her own hair blonde. I still have very light hair, eyes. My dna is Dansh/ Norwegian. As I got older this continued. I had to wear her made over party dresses rather than get one my size. I could write endless horror stories much worse than this. For instance, She would not allow me to have any novocaine while having dental work done. In the end, she completely denied that I was even her child! I come from educated upper middle class people. So there are no socio economic excuses. To others she could be quite charming. I have no dea how I survived to be the woman/person I am. But from my first remembered thoughts, I always knew I would never be like that! Thanks Danish, you have no dea of the great good you are doing for those of us who carry these burdens,🙏🏻❤️
I found out from reading comments it's a classic in narcissistic mothers. I spent eight years with short hair and everyone would take me as a boy if I wasn't wearing the school uniform. I guess that's why I don't like cutting my hair short although everyone advice it for sixty something women. It must be some kind of living in defiance although I have no contact at all for years.
I am SO here for this series, Danish. I'm in my 50's and have just realized in the last year that my mom is a narcissist. 😮 I can finally see things clearly and things that once completely baffled my mind now make perfect sense for why my mom acted the way she did and we experienced what we had to. Honestly though, The movie clip was triggering for me because I witnessed that kind of rage regularly as a child. Sadly it was my older sister who caught the brunt of the abuse. When she was about 4 she put on some of mom's lipstick and my mom scrubbed her mouth so hard to get it off that she rubbed out her 2 front teeth. I learned quickly that it was best not to challenge her or exert any individuality. So I'm just now discovering who I truly am, what I like, and what I enjoy doing vs what I was controlled and manipulated to be. 😭
I just came to this realization this month, at 42 years of age. It was, and is, devastating. I’m working with 2 therapists and medication. I was the child that took the brunt of the mistreatment; and still do. I’m also an empath to make things even more devastating.
I can’t believe how spot on this is. My aunt had to walk me through getting my menstrual cycle because my mom gave me no assistance. It wasn’t until I was in college that other girls on my floor showed me how to use a tampon. I had no idea and my mom didn’t care. And up until I went no contact my mother never ceased to mock me wearing makeup. She tried to make me feel ugly for wearing it. She’d comment in front of others without a care. I also wear lots of wigs. She’d also point it out in front of others if she thought it didn’t look good. She constantly tried to embarrass me and in my ignorance not knowing she was a covert narcissist misinterpreted it as her being picky or even loving.
Similar to me. My mother just bought books on female health and puberty, we never had the “sex” talk or how to stay protected. I remember her taking me to get birth control before college when I was a virgin. She lied to me in 4th grade and said pregnancy occurs from eating a special “kitchen spice”.
I don't know what my mom is. But she always made me feel ugly. With her remarks and comments. And I used to believe her, leading me to have extremely low self-esteem. Recently, realised she said all that because she was insecure and wanted to make me feel bad intentionally.
When I was a teenager my narcissistic parents told me that I’m ugly every single day. So I couldn’t look at my naked body. I hated it so much. When I took a shower I looked at a ceiling all the time…
@@sheetalfulmare2071 when I got married my father (who I hadn't seen in 15 years) implied he was surprised because I was apparently to dark skinned to love lol. I got my skin tone from him. My mother is also a colorist. Disgusting ppl. You're worthy of love and your rich dark skin is a blessing ❤
My mother has a very sensitive sense of smell and she would very frequently say that I smelled like a dirty menstrual pad, like rotting blood, and shame me for not being hygienic enough. I developed compulsive over cleaning habits. I only felt vindicated around my mid late 20s when she made the same "you smell like old blood" comment and I called her bluff by saying "hmm, that's odd because I'm wearing all freshly laundered clothes and I am 2 weeks away from my period." She doesn't comment about it much anymore but she just moved onto other things to poke fun at me for. In highschool she would put down my short bob haircut and add a stab that I looked like a lesbian (but with slurs) until I told her that looking like a lesbian is quite far from the worst message I could send via appearance and that it wasn't shameful to be a lesbian or look like what she stereotypically thought lesbians looked like. Now she denies ever disparaging the lgbtqia+ community in any conversation with me past or present.
My narc MIL competes with me for my narc husband's attention. She behaves like his real wife and I'm seen their servant. I'm an introvert by nature and trying to cope up because of my children
It is hard to come to grips with the fact I never had a mother. I was called a rebel from the time I was 3 days old. The entire video is 1000% correct.
Any time I want to spend time with my dad all of a sudden she needs him to help her with something or needs him to go with her somewhere. My mom used to tell me how "everyone forgot about her" when I was born and how my dad would tell everyone what a beautiful baby I was. She said the reason she never told me I was pretty was because she "didn't want me to be conceited" and would shame me when I started going through puberty. She would tell me not to "act like a stupid girl and laugh at everything or walk around moving my butt." I was so stiff whenever I would walk and had such low self-esteem. Being born into a very high controlled doomsday "religion" was a way my mom would control me with guilt and fear. Growing up I believed my mom was trying to kill me because of the things she would do and say. She told me I was a mistake, another time she got angry at me for leaving a toy at her friend's house and said to me, "I could just choke you!!" Any thing I did was always so terrible and I was always punished/spanked. Watching the clip of Mommy Dearest was a little triggering because when I was a child she would comb my long hair the same way and I would cry the whole time, then I'd get spanked for crying. I grew up not wanting to live and attempted to exit my life at 8 years old. That was a thought I always had in my mind because I felt I wasn't meant to be here. Whenever I brought up things she did and said to me she denies it and says she never did or said those things....gaslighting. It's taken me a very long time to understand my mom's behavior and now that I know what she is she no longer can guilt/control me. Although she's elderly she's still mean and I'll visit mainly to see my dad but I feel no obligation or connection to her. I can't even feel bad if she starts crying because I know it's just one of her tactics and when I call her out on it she quickly stops and starts raging.....and I just walk away unaffected. Absolutely hated my childhood and I never got married or had kids out of fear of not being able to be a good mother to them. Since I was never allowed to do anything I saw marriage as a way I would be controlled which is why I stayed single. My mom hated that I would sometimes live with a boyfriend or date different guys and not "settle down". But I didn't care what she thought.
My childhood and teen years were just as yours. Same except I married a narcissistic man although I got divorced and he died long ago. I can't count how many narcissistic "friends" I had. Last torture session by my mother almost caused me death and anorexia. I couldn't swallow, couldn't sleep, read...my memory was destroyed so badly I lost the capability to speak English and I couldn't even write in Spanish (I studied translation). No contact for years and I know I will live and die alone but anyway, I have always been alone. The only difference is that now I don't have to put up with any BS from others. Take care ❤
@@Lyrielonwind I had narcissistic relationships as well and now that I know the signs/red flags I have no problem with setting boundaries or saying no. I turned 50 this year and prefer being single and have no desire to marry. I've been asked many times, even by a very wealthy elderly man, and declined them all. I'd rather live alone with my animals then live a life of hell miserably married to someone. Living alone doesn't mean one is lonely. I wish you the best and may blessings of love, strength and happiness come into your life.✌💜
Reading Mommie Dearest as a middle schooler was the first crack of reality into how physically and emotionally abusive my mom was. It probably saved my life because I tried to hang myself when I was 11. 11 years old, can you believe it! That's how much she destroyed me. Thank you for this video - it gave me some new perspective on things I can relate to.
as an abandoned child I yearned for a stable family, however after staying in multiple families & watching their sick dynamics ( ALL of my foster families were highly disfunctional)& after watching the hell that ESPECIALLY narcissistic mothers put their children through, I was very relieved to be able to leave again & didnt idealise any families any more..you can never Tell what evil goes in behind closed doors😵😒
100% true. + projection: She would project this evil femme fatale agenda onto me, like when i was 12....I think all of the things that she was doing actually, but it was so dark and twisted it felt like a nightmare. I would be wearing a t-shirt or have a smile on my face and she would verbally assault me and say i looked like a prostitute, i was manipulating everyone for their attention, I was following other people etc etc etc. 5000% saw my father as HER father, and me as her sibling. God please help her and everyone else who is so lost. And thank you so much, Danish for shedding light on this---Women can be just as abusive as men. So many people didn't know and I NEVER told people, because I was so embarrassed and ashamed, and uut in public she was an entirely different person and would automatically try to control other's perceptions, look like the "victim" and be liked, accepted, seen.
You've hit many nails on the head here. This totally resonates with me. I am now an alienated father and have been so for the past 5 years. My daughter has been poisoned against me. I hope she sees the light one day and realise that her father had genuine love for her not the fake one her mother is giving her.
My mother made my father think I was evil and she brainwashed me to believe he was the abuser, not her. I just have one memory of my father kissing my cheeks when I was around six years old. No more love expression after that but two years before he died (I was living abroad and I had a feeling that became real, that was the last time I would see him alive and I told him that although we spent our lives arguing I have always loved him. He said he loved me too and I left before any of us could share a tear since he was old-school "men don't cry". That's something that brings me peace when I remember it but I can't forgive my mother of depriving me of his love. That's something in the hands of God, I can't because I think is unforgivable. Write a letter to your child to be read in decades to come. I wish my father would have left me one. Best wishes 💜🍀
@@Lyrielonwind your experience was very harrowing emotionally and mentally. I hope you are healing well. I have recorded a video which I hope one day she will see and understand.
I know so many fathers who are in similar position. Good men, good fathers... isolated by the mother of their children. Makes my heart cry. I also hope for you and those in similar situations. 🤞
Thanks again! So much makes sense now. My mother got me a boy's haircut after she saw our beloved "parentified sister" and I fussing over a beautiful holy communion dress my sister had bought for me. I hate it the photo, obviously. She was also extremely physically and emotionally abusive. Tried her hardest to turn us against our father, even on his deathbed. At least, he would show remorse. My most difficulty for me has been dealing with envy of school bullies, co-workers and supervisors over anything, beauty, intelligence, etc. Envy has provoked intense fear in mean. Also, being the "truth teller" I have always been dealing with triggers, intense anxiety. I always felt so "betrayed" growing up. Thank God for my older "parentified" sister. She paid the ultimate price.
My narcissistic mother birthed 3 beautiful daughters. I am the oldest, she hated me the most and actively tried to kill me for the first 17 of my life. Eventually I got much stronger and when she came to attack me one night, I pinned her to the wall by the neck and told her 'if you ever touch me again, I will kill you and I will get out of all charges because everyone knows you have beat the sh*t out of me and a judge will see me as defending myself from a life or death situation.' She never touched me again. But the damage was done.
OMG! This video you shared! Brought me right back to my 7 year old! This explanation made sense! It was still so vivid after over 30 years! I cried so much! My dad asked what happened to my hair, my mum said she was trying to save money and cut my hair at home but I was moving my head! That time was soon after my mum gave birth to my younger brother, she had imbalance hormone and all her hair was falling off. Growing up both my mum and brother kept telling me 'you are not that pretty!' 'you have fat thighs! So it doesn't matter how nice your boobs are, no man will want you!' 'you have ugly bellybutton!'... so I got myself into toxic relationships, being beaten, tortured, and I accepted because I thought I should be grateful that the man even wanted me. My mum and especially my brother when being treated or told they are stupid, will flaunt about my superior scientific achievements so it proves they too have intelligent DNA, then turned around and told me 'your achievement is not that impressive actually!' My mum and brother caused me to be raped and tried to make me loose my scholarship! I cut them off and left with about USD60... Of course they had smear campaign, but I build another circle from scratch! I only found out after 36years that I am not just pretty, but is considered very beautiful and intelligent. I am successful and in healthy relationship, living in a different country than them and their cult.
Childhood I can't dress up like I wanted She used to belittle me and says because im beautiful im not respecting her as mom Puberty was horrible she didn't teach me how to use a sanitary napkin I was just 10 years old I can't talk to dad and brother until I went to college she doesn't let me During my adolescence I've to go through life without friends because she would say to them not to call me outside school hours because I'm a bad girl treating her badly. While I had my first love during 16yr of age she turned my dad against me and they both started to abuse together He will say what all the way I had to be treated and tortured.
I’m so glad to be living in the time that this all being exposed. Mothers and women alone go under the radar and are put in a pedestal in society which is why so much of their evil goes on for so long. well. My narc MIL is on her third marriage and has a child from each marriage. She has turned every child against their father. Also, they are all younger then her one was even a minor when she met him. However her current husband seems to be her karma in a way. He’s a narcissist too. I could go on about how that dynamic is lol two narcs married. It’s more like a business from my point of view. They enjoy gossiping and using others and what not as entertainment, financial gain whatever. There is just no peace there which is like their own personal hell 😪
I have a narc cousin who her dad is my narc uncle. Well she had 4 children 4 different children fathers. And the whole family is scared of her. And they know she got problems but no one talks about it.
@@queenmosessoul It’s like they are all on the same wave length or something. My narc MIL would threaten to kill her kids or send them to a third world country, she actually did that to one of the kids and the abuse continued at the hands of other people sadly, anytime they literally disagreed or didn’t listen to her gossip. Why are they scared of her? Has she hurt other family members?
Danish, thank You. Sharing these videos is helping me. I never understood all that happened with my mother and me, saw no cause and effect for her cruelty. Her last words to me before she died was what she always said in a vicious voice, “Look at You, just look at You, the sight of You disgusts me.” I have experienced unimaginable abuse, am 75 years old, still suffering the pain in a fresh way of all that happened in my childhood. You are a savior. You have the words, the compassion and understanding that is helping me to not feel so alone. I am a beautiful and conscious woman. My insides don’t match my outside, which makes me feel I would not be believed. I am grateful for You, and I am also sad for what You endured growing up. Gratitude🙏💖
Omg you just described my mom to me like word for word. All the time it was like "Why are u wearing that blouse dosent suit you". "Are u sure u wanna eat that" "You have put on weight" "You have lost too much weight" "Don't go near your bro in law he's not your husband" (Like wtf I was just having a good laugh with him about smth and she needs to barge in and say that). Narcs never stop what they do ...for ANYONE
Me too! You are speaking my life to me carbon copy. I've just moved out today this video is out and I wrote a long letter and included they are NPD (caution to calling them out), for me it was time to name it.
Oh my, she cant hide from you, you read her evil so accurate. I still throw up when i think about her or when someone ask me to let her back iny life. So many things i would love to hear you explain related to this, but one i havent figured out yet is how to save your relationship with your teenage kids when she manipulate, triangulate, use them as flying monkeys and sabotage their progess in life and their relationship with their parents, all this without them seeing it..? Yes i know, no contact all the way, but some of us realized waaay to late🤦♀️😔
Very valuable information.Can you please talk about why narc mothers hate their daughters having periods and development of secondary sexual characteristics? And why they hate their daughters hair & inflict pain when brushing it, and try to cut it short?
My mom used to brush my hair and pull so hard to make me cry and then she would say ‘beauty must suffer!’ She told me as a little girl that was a common saying. She cut my hair like a boy right when I went into kindergarten. She is still an evil B and she’s 82!
I'm an adult woman now and have been no contact with my mom for a while. She idolized my half-brother that was twelve years older than me that she had with her first husband. My father was her second husband. She and her sister, my aunt would gang up on me since I was young, talk about how strange I am, my hair, told me I was evil and on. I could go on but I am trying to live the best life I can NOW and heal.
Could you please do a series about a narcissistic sibling? In particular an older sister (I am the youngest sister). We are adults now but I have removed myself from her entirely. Thank you for your amazing work. ❤
Took years and years for me to be aware of her toxicity /fake love/ hatred 😢 seeking help from a health counselor helped me tremendously! Lightbulb moment came when I was visiting my brother and his family , she happened to be there as well. As I was passing by kitchen overheard the conversations mom telling my brother’s wife why on earth she gave birth to me😢 Saddened me when my sister in law told me straightforward that my mom is very jealous of me …. So sad 😢
My mother and father are narcissists. I was the scapegoat. Now my siblings are continuing their narcissistic legacy toward me. The pain my family gives me. Insanity. Absolute hell. I am no contact and working on my peace and then my happiness.
My mum said when she had babies she saw them all as an extension of herself. She also said when her daughters became teens, she was jealous of them. I wondered why I never felt whole or worthwhile. Like I didnt exist as a person in my own right. I always had low self esteem, nothing would ever solve this. I always thought I loved my mum, but it's basically... just a trauma bond. 🤷🏼♀️ The same as every other significant person throughout the rest of my life. 😔
My ex narc threw her daughter to the wolves to live vicariously through her. It was disgusting to watch, and since I wasn't bio dad, all I could do is watch this women ruin her daughter. It pains me to think about it to this day. All I could do to shut that crap down was to kick it out of my house and out of my life. If you're powerless to save someone who doesn't want to be saved, you're always powerful enough to boot her psycho a55 out.
It was so embarrassing watching my narc mom flirt with my boyfriend/husband and his being so uncomfortable. 35 years later he still hates being around her, as do I.
Danish, thanks for this serie. Right now I just can think of a suggestion: How to talk to others about not having contact with your whole family and specially with your mother because I don't feel like lying but sometimes this is an issue that arises when you are all by yourself and you are the mature scapegoated adult daughter of a narcissistic mother. It's such a taboo I never know what to say. Do you have any suggestions about how not to be viewed as an evil daughter? Everyone thinks we don't love our mothers when is all the way around and many people don't know about narcissistic abuse, even those who are still suffering but are not aware think there must be something twisted and sick about us. It's like a curse that follows us to our graves and we have many problems to make friends after a life long of neglect, abuse, isolation and smear campaigns. We are looked as witches.
I don't know if this will help, but I remember as a young woman realizing that I would have to learn to be ok with being seen as a bad person by my narcissistic parents so that they couldn't manipulate and control me.
I just remembered. My sister had "naturally curly hair." Mine was, too, only Mom insisted on combing it when it was wet, and all the curl was muffled. Also, it hurt!
Mine did the same to me. It wasn't until I was an older adult I learned how to take care of my curls naturally. I wonder if this was done on purpose to make my hair look frizzy.
Its hard to believe but everything said in this video, my mother has done to me. I didn’t understand when I was younger but now I understand it all. I have no relationship with my siblings. She was very abusive when I was growing up. I left when I was 18 and never looked back. I never missed her. How can I miss something I never had. This video answered a few things I had wondered over the years. Thank you.
Ohhh, this is so true. And I'm 60 now. I always desired an adult conversation with my mother, but that is most likely never going to happen. How do I heal from this??
So true about the Nmother driving a wedge between her daughter and her father. I was accused of being "sexually aggressive" when I was sick, on a couch, and fell asleep on my father's lap. I was 12 years old. After that my father wouldn't come anywhere near me and she called me "nothing but a slut and whore". My God! I was sick, had a fever and feeling miserable - not that she cared. Of course, things were Very bad before that. But the falling asleep incident put jealousy into overdrive. My father wouldn't show any affection towards me well into adulthood and martyred herself constantly with made-up "infractions" I supposedly did only to watch my father jump into action against me - with that damn smirk on her face. Evil woman.
😢 That is evil. I'm sorry you went through that. Maybe your dad knew how your Mom was. Maybe he even would've left her but stayed because he loved you. I'm sure it hurted him too having to distance himself from fear of your Mom's retaliation. Wishing you the best in life
Absolutely. My mum was incredibly jealous of me. When I began puberty she would poke (which hurt) my breast in front of her boyfriend and call them bee stings. It was humiliating. She did it to my sister too. She would put down every part of us and do as little as possible to make us appear cared for. As a mother to two absolutely beautiful teenage girls, I am so so proud when I say “she’s my daughter “ and hear that she’s beautiful. As much as I tell her how beautiful she is she doesn’t see it. I would NEVER put them down or make them feel bad about themselves. She did steal my friends, turn them against me. Even slept with my friend’s boyfriend. When I was in my 20’s and I introduced her to the father of my daughters, she lap danced on him and then she lied and said he’d tried to kiss her. She admitted days later when she realised the trouble she had caused that “she may have gotten it wrong”.
@lindseyowen5968: the woman that birthed me was a covert narc and her husband was an overt. He would lick my face (he was a drinker, smoker, and serial cheater so imagine applying ‘that’ over a child) and call me disparaging names. Your story about being assaulted in front of your mom’s boyfriend somehow triggered those memories. Smh.
The haircut scene in that movie clip made me physically sick inside. My own disturbed mother instructed the hairdresser to chop off my three foot long pony tale when I was fourteen. She also broke the string of pearls she gave me when my grandmother bought me matching pearl earrings. To this day she exacts cruelty toward me and is scathingly jealous and mean. It is so painful and shame inducing for me to even share this. But I’m grateful for the opportunity to let other daughters know it’s not truly their fault and that they are not alone. What is doubly troubling and hurtful is that no one in the family would believe me if I shared these truths. They would think that I am lying……Oh…the sad things we will take to the grave with us. Thank you for making this helpful exploration.
God Bless You, Danish. Thank you for making so many of us feel seen, heard and understood. I hope all the goodness you radiate comes back to you multifold.
Thanks. Before discovering your channel I knew that narcissists envy other people's beautiful hair but now I understood it more what my mother did to me. First my parents used to tell me every day that they wanted only a son, had a name for him which I knew and what a disappointment it was for them to have this daughter - me! That I was one of the best pupils at school made no difference of course! My mother couldn't study well at all but still she was the boss and I was her "piece of shit"! I've always had beautiful hair and she already by the age of 30 spoilt hers and tried to take me for a haircut as often as possible and had it done as ugly as possible though I protested when I was still a little child though she had a friend a hairdresser and tried to have fancy styles for herself as much as possible! Then laughed at me and used to say: "Where is your beautiful long hair? You like just like a boy now, like Gavrouche! Who did this to you!" And she called me Gavrouche again and again though I didn't know yet who he was from "Les Miserables!" I just felt that it was so degrading and jelled that I'm no Gavrouche and I'm no boy! When I was a teenager she had my long hair cut again and had a chignon made because she wanted to wear it! I asked her why you want it if it doesn't match! Our hair colour was absolutely different! She never wore it but she just wanted to steal something from me!...
For years, i was made to feel inferior. I was never good enough for my narcissistic mother. I was only praised when i did something that she wanted. I was not allowed to take any major or minor decisions in my life. I was always taught to be dependent on her, that she knows better and that i know nothing. My mother always said that i am too sensitive and also very aggressive. Whatever good happened in my life, she took credit for it and whatever bad happened, i was always blamed. Because of such a traumatic relationship with my mother, i faced identity crises and issues like low self-esteem and depression. She ruined my life. On the other hand, the world views her as the most amazing person and the best mother, which is all a facade. Thank you, Danish, for opening my eyes and making me aware that what i went through was not my fault, but actually, i was a victim over the years. Danish, you are doing a great job by becoming a voice for so many of us who went through such horrors in the name of childhood.
Wow, you articulated and explained it all SO well. For the first time I feel like someone understands what it’s like and it’s a bit crazy that you’re a MAN and you understand it! That right there is a shift in itself. Thank you!
When my sister and I were in middle school my mother did the same thing that woman did to the little girl. She stripped my sister of her hair and it killed me that I couldn’t stop it. Even now when I told her that I felt depressed after getting pregnant, she made me feel like I was a bad person for feeling that way. It’s painful to deal with a narcissistic mother.
I survived my narc victim/grandiose mother try to kill me 3 times. Once because I wanted to be on time for middle school. She would always pick me up HOURS late from school and did not want me to take the bus which would get me home on time. I would get kicked out or run away since middle school child. She would literally go up to a month without contacting me. One of my friends parents even asked her permission so they could adopt me because they were literally taking care me for months. She said no, all because she would loose certain benefits she was expecting from me once i became an adult. She didn’t work! Idk why she would be late to pick me up. I feel like it was God protecting me all those years because I was such a small child and someone would always come to me and stay with me because it wasn’t safe, other students or other kids in the neighborhood that were older would stick by my side until she would pick me up. She even let me get groomed by a predator! I could go on and on how I was treated. On top of it all she’s deep into witch craft. Santeria to be specific.
Incessant competition, cruelty, degradation, criticism, animosity, hatred, interference in all my relationships. Been no contact for nearly 18 years, yet, it continues behind my back, with sibling joining in. Is there anything I can do? My life has been obliterated, on every front. 🖐️😢
Yes, there is something that you can do. Ignore it and ignore her. She needs your attention to have power. Without your attention she is powerless. My narc Mother is the exact same absolutely everything you described
I was under mine , she had me isolated physically she me convinced that everyone was against me and she was taking care of me And she did try to steal my boyfriend and sister was treated the same and she stayed .. always wonder why the hell anyone would stay/ i tried to reconnect with my sister but by then she had developed traits of my mother and I didn't want that in my life again/ That's when I knew I WAS alone and if I stayed in touch with the family there was no way my mother and siblings would not be involved. she smashed so many dreams , Denied everything or claimed she didn't remember i wanted children but believed that if had any she would take them or be so much like the narcs in the family I'd grow to hate them. And yes my bf ended up being one. I hate what narcs have done to me . I DON'T trust no one , it effects everything
When will the other parts of this series come out? This really resonates with me and validates my experience. I have shock and grief and glad to know that this is not a secret.
i felt it.. when i got pregnant she said to me ''i wish you were never born.. wish you were dead''. the reason why is she can't accept that i'm pregnant when i was 23yo.. sad but true.
I feel so annoyed at what she said to you.wish I was there,id have put her in her place.what a pig she is.i felt this to my heart because I have heard similar things from my mother and feel like giving her a good punch she might remember her whole life
@@BabluKumar-vw4gh yes, but others say ''oh she's your mother, you must respect her'' and i'm speechless.. i'm in tears everytime i remember what she said to me.
@@kittyokat29 exactly.most people don't get it.and they should be glad that they don't get what we are trying to explain.only someone who had gone through these things will understand us.sadly people choose to turn a blind eye and minimise our pain and experience.
@@BabluKumar-vw4gh well said👍 I cut all contacts from them and to my siblings. the last thing i heard about her is she missed me, i talk to myself not going back..
Oh, my God…this was my mother’s behavior toward me. I was a teen model and she was manly and homely for a woman. It made it worse. I recognized how she treated my boyfriends too. Thank you for sharing this.
This is so helpful to hear-truth always is. I developed anorexia from my narcissistic moms abuse-and was very close to dying at my lowest weight around age 14-all my mom said to me when she saw how thin I had gotten-“you’re disgusting”. Good news-God and other true loved ones helped me.
The last few times I connected with my mother she kept saying that I am so much better than her. Before then I would get bad treatment and inappropriate comments, especially when I was around romantic partners. It still hurt to hear her say those words, but after watching this video it seems like I should accept that truth and move forward with my life.
There is a scene in the movie "pieces of april" where the mother complains that her infant daughter bit her while breastfeeding- using that as an example to her husband of the daughter's animosity torwards the obvious npd mother - even as an innocent newborn. This scene is creepy accurate in it's potrayal of narc abuse. My mother always made me her rival for my father's attention and would lie about me and my actions to create separation/alienation from my father and other siblings. As a very young child I felt her resentment of me and hatred of my father's normal affection for me. I was told I was a difficult baby that cried too much. At 5 years old I remember wondering why she hated me so much. When I got my 1st period she literally threw a box of tampons at me and told me to figure it out. I could list so many event's and examples but suffice to say my childhood was pure HELL. I'm so thankful for therapy, helpful books and videos like this. Connection to God was also key to my recovery and healing. There is hope for severe childhood abuse. You must do the internal work and re-parent yourself. I have broken the trauma curse that runs in my family and have a loving peaceful home with my husband and 3 children. Life is not perfect but it's nothing like my family of origin. Thank you for the content you create that helps others. ❤
I was born first. Had blonda hair & blue eyes. I have a picture of her turning her head fully AWAY from me, her newborn daughter while she's sitting on a couch with me on a pillow on her lap.
So true about the teen years. My mother grounded/ punish me from age 13-18. I was a straight A student and president of many clubs including student council , beta club & foreign language and cheer captain. I never had issues at school, no suspension or disciplinary action….. yet I was grounded/ punished all the time. It was awful…. Living hell. I remember having a countdown calendar on my door until the day I move out. I graduated high school and went to summer college 3 weeks later. I was soooo ready to leave!!
I relate to all the things you spoke about. I never understood why my mother did the the things she did. Im an artist and I saw my mother was jealous of my art work. I walked in on her talking bad about me to my finance. My mother fought with me when I wanted to go to college. She said if I had a career she would lose me. I never understood her behavior.
O my God when people would tell my mother how pretty I was she would roll her eyes at them. I didn’t understand then I was a child. She treated me worse then my sister. My sister was the favorite child.. I now know how I ended up with that monster looking for the love I never received from my mother.
Thank you for this post, it is all very true. My mother "blessed" me with her name as my middle name. I have photos of my hair cut short like a mushroom style just like my brothers, when I asked why she did that when I was older, she said because it was "the style" but would grin. She would always speak great of my oldest girl cousin and go out of her way to defend her or buy her things and never do the same for me, even as an adult. The angry hairbrushing was a clear memory to me. I swore I would never do that to my daughters. And it is difficult for me to have healthy relationships with other girls, i always felt uncomfortable or tension. Now at 32yrs old I finally realized why she was this way after learning of Narcissism a few months ago. I have gone no contact after she repeated tried to cause arguments between my husband and I and when I noticed she was trying to triangulate my children. This is a truly hellish relationship and so unfortunate that we daughters of Narc mothers had to endure. I didnt ask to be born, but now that I am here I make it my mission to be a loving, nurturing, patient mother to all my children. Letting go was the best decision i could make for my family. I wish you all well and healing in whichever step of the process you are going thru.
