Navigating Japanese culture. Understanding how Manner, Rules and the Law works in everyday life. 

Early next year i plan to expand my rural Japan cafe to include rescuing stray cats in my area to turn it into a unique Cat Cafe. Any help is very much appreciated. www.buymeacoffee.com/realruraljapan

I don't have very much world experience, I'm a Canadian who has visited America and Japan. I was surprised how many unspoken social rules we have in Canada which I hadn't been aware of, until I went to America and found people to be surprisingly rude. That's when I realized Canadians have a lot of social expectations that Americans do not. I felt much more comfortable in Japan, where the sense of politeness and social harmony felt much closer to how Canadians behave. On the other hand, maybe I was breaking rules without realizing, the same way the Americans had with me! Overall though, I enjoy the Japanese desire for harmony and politeness. I just found your channel, these are great videos! Thanks!

As a foreigner, I came to the conclusion that Japanese are impossible to please no matter what you do. At least, that was my experience. Having to deal with Japanese customers in a business context in their own language really drove it home though. I always had to have a Japanese guarantor of sorts, and things would often fall through due to what I thought could only be described at racism. Having said that, I soon learned that the coldness I got was pretty much equal to the coldness the average Japanese person gets anyway. Many are lonely even when they do what they are told and follow the rules. Sadly Japan is not a land of forgiveness. In any case, I did what I could do as a foreigner that the Japanese could not do and carve out a niche regardless. I found that I was a breath of fresh air to them when I decided to ditch many of the Japanese mannerisms - and even the language - and only respect the basics (no shoes inside, etc, and the law of course). It threw them for a loop, but they enjoyed not having to be Japanese in my presence more than they did being with a Japanese acting and speaking foreigner.

the point that is not mentioned is the why, the upside: whatever Japanese do, any minutiae, it is always after excrutiating consideration of how the people around them will percieve / like it. ...that's true politeness. I find it asphixiating, but admire it and appreciate it.

In many ways us “westerners” could learn a thing or two about living harmoniously with our neighbours from the Japanese. I personally think our standards have declined in recent years.

I've heard the getting along with others and the harmony thing partly stems from the need to work together when natural disasters happen.

Your video is refreshing. It all comes down to personal responsibility and respect and harmony.

I am not going to lie, as a generally quiet, respectful person... you describe a culture I would probably enjoy more than the loud, crass culture I was raised in. 😅

So refreshing. I am getting tired of the 'I bought an akiya!' videos in my feed with no social awareness, no cultural context, just someone accumulating more & trying to monetize their experience. And apparently contributing very little to their new community. I appreciate your honesty and insight.

Thanks for another incredible video! Loved it and loved seeing the area you live in. I could not agree with you more regarding manners and etiquette. I don’t understand how people negotiate life without these…but seemingly they do. Moreover when you visit a beautiful country like Japan it is so crucial to realise that you are a guest in their country, no matter how long you are there for.

I live in the US and I embrace all of this lol. Thanks for the video. Love the drive.

Good video - In my world (Essex, England) manners & harmony are a given - I recently watched a video where a Japanese family who'd moved to the country had to leave..the old folks were so rude to them literally making it unbearable...

What a beautiful area! Thanks for taking us for a drive. But one (unrelated) thing that struck me was the lack of pedestrians. During 18 minutes and over however many kilometers, I don't think there was a single person walking anywhere and only one cyclist.Perhaps it's the time of day? In any case, your lesson is an important one. And I for one am so tired of the toxic individualism that drives the American culture, where the general attitude is exemplified by a popular political bumper sticker that say 'F**k your feelings!' that a country where people are sometimes expected to forego immediate personal whims in the interest of harmony is very appealing.

These are really good. Accurate and perceptive. Thanks

I've been to Japan twice and while I tried to be hyper aware of the customs, culture, and mannerisms I still found myself speaking way too loud and being too forward at times. I just had to accept that I'm an American and I'm loud and I need to make an effort to talk quietly and be less expressive

I think learning how to “read the air” or 空気を読む is really important in these situations. Just being a bit more perceptive than usual, being self reflective and watching what others are doing is a big help. It’s not easy to do so at first as it’s a new culture for most foreigners, but overtime learning to read the air can save heaps of trouble, not only for yourself but also the people you associate with.

Thanks for another insightful and thought provoking video. The moral: Choose the community that matches your personality and lifestyle. A community with good manners would be made up of individuals who live by healthy and cooperative guiding principles, like consideration for others, rather than by static boundaries.

The HOA is the Home Owners Association here in America. I agree about it creating a community, but it comes with a flip-side, and generally with a lot of people, leaves a bad taste in their opinion. The biggest problem, I hear from people with HOA's, is the authoritarian like leadership with the people in charge of the HOA. They get this power trip, and can really make it an unpleasant experience. Kinda defeats the purpose it seems. Plus the fees you have to pay to the HOA are ridiculous, in my opinion. Here where I live. The average HOA fee is almost $400/mo. Though it comes with some benefit to the homeowners, I just don't think the benefits justify the cost. Which is why I don't live in one. Thanks for the videos. Really enjoy them...

Really like your videos I live in Melbourne Aust and did some volunteer work in 2013 and met a great farmer (Gero / Gifu prefecture) Learnt a bit about the culture, and go back regularly and do a bit of volunteer work his farm A good way to get some insights into local culture - before rushing in and buying an Akiya In some ways your message also applies here (ie dont buy a place in a small town and act like a #ickhead), or the locals will quietly turn their back on you. Better to look, listen, assimilate and Give Something Back to your community Thanks again - great content

In the U.S. that law is "Disturbing the peace". Recently in Japan I have noticed many younger people ignoring the social harmony.

TY. Good advice. If listeners have heard your advice before moving, you’ve saved many assholes a lot of money (by deciding against it) and many Japanese the headache of having to deal with them.

It’s all about the manners and common courtesy in Japan. That’s what I like the most about

I like the driving around the tiny back streets it the small car maybe one could go a little slower next time lol...

That encounter with the Mazda at 3:30 was wild. I guarentee the ABS kept them from skating right into you. Sumimasen style.

Love these topics!

What you say is true even in Tokyo!

The REAL trouble with HOAs is they get taken over by angry old women and the rules become ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. And contradictory. I have seen a guy who was told to move his shed because it was too close to the fence, moved it, AND THEN they said he didn't get permission to move it after FORCING him to move it. They are BEYOND pathetic and more about terrorising people who aren't in the HOA leadership clique.

I agree with everything that you said. We should all be more considerate wherever we live!! I think that, these days, we are less tolerant of others and we find it very easy to say "I don't care!". I have a theory, that a lot of it is caused by watching foreign movies (I won't say which ones), where aggression, violence, poor manners, absence of respect and greed feature highly? This is certainly the case in The UK! On a more cheerful note, that was a lovely drive around your area! Thank you for talking sense to everyone.

Funny you should mention yellow sneakers. I used to live and work in the Cotswolds and a Village I often drove through had a situation where a resident's yellow car was getting damaged through vandalism. Apparently it was spoiling the view for visitors although it was parked outside the pensioner's long-term home. Another resident reckoned it was done by other residents. The owner of the car was a nice old chap too.

Japanese culture has a saying The Nail that sticks up gets HAMMERED!. Great video

Back in 2000 in Tokyo we had foreign staff living in a Japanese apartment. They were talking in normal voice until 2am on several occasions. The Japanese neighbors got upset and complained to the employer. The employer forced the foreigners to write a formal letter of apology (which was translated into Japanese and posted on the apartment notice board). They also had to give $100 apology gift to each neighbor above, below, and on both sides! 😱 I'm fat so I was always terrified someone would become angry about my footsteps in the apartment so I made sure to walk gently and to minimize walking in my apartment, used headphones, never talked on phone in the apartment, etc. So annoying to me but I for sure didn't want to be shamed like those other foreign staff were.

How would you know about these rules and expectations before moving in to a neighbourhood? Unless you actually meet the neighbours before hand and get to know them and a feel for the place, it seems like a huge gamble.

EDIT: ahaha, *immediately* after I typed this comment, the subject of HoA's came up in the video. I'd take this, at least the examples you gave, over a similar but turbocharged analog in the US, called "HomeOwners Association." In those contracts, chairpeople on a power trip often apply the weight of law to an asinine degree. Many horror stories.

Why I love Japan.

Great job Understand and learn Sakoku Honne Tatemae Japan 🇯🇵 the swan on the lake

Interesting video. The thing I found is, you sort have to hope the expectation of manners is reasonable. Like that example of kids playing with a ball in a park, some people will complain about anything. I guess that's why you get to know the community first, but still sometimes you can get caught out and it's hard to stomach

Good advice

In short, Japanese society is highly civilized whereas some of the people who go to Japan are not.

Too much rules and conformity is not necessarily a good thing.

😺😺👍👍

Nagano is beautiful. I have family in Iida. Love the apples from there!

Watching you drive through those narrow streets makes me slightly nevous lol

So whats the rule or manor to deal with a neighbour or business who isn't following the rules or laws? I.e. when you've tried all options to negotiate with them but they still make no effort? E.g. maybe there is like some sort of consumer protection authority like the accc? Or does it go straight to court?

North American Rich Areas are kinda like Japan.

harmony is great for the moment, but apathy is human degeneration just for harmony.

When western people describe the Japanese as cold and reserved, I'm just thinking "So they are just like me". Would a western introvert fit in Japan though, or perhaps face additional difficulties?

Great Advice !!! 😊 Thanks for sharing !!!😊 Also, I have a question about driving in Japan: Why are there 2 sets of broken white lines on the left side of the road (going down hill) @ 15:28, but not on the right side ? Does it mean No Passing? What exactly does that mean ? 😊 Thanks. Patrick from Bethesda, Maryland, USA

What you said is true but misses a key point. Who gets to make up these "rules", who says when they are transgressed, and who can break them without sanction? Understanding that hierarchy makes it make more sense than just saying you have to follow Japanese culture. Japanese people have the same sort of problems and conflicts all the time and I'm pretty sure they know Japanese culture. Sometimes the social order is good but sometimes it is downright evil. I'm not comfortable with just shrugging my shoulder when the group think is really hurting someone. This is a big problem in Japanese society and the reason positive social change is glacially slow.

Dont you sometimes feel somewhat suffocated with all the manners and rules? Of course harmony and common sense are good, but I wonder how extreme can it get in Japan. Can I lose my reputation if I carelessly park my car once 20cm out of its place or if I drop a plate once at 10pm and my neighbors hear it?

Curious, what part of Nagano is that?

common sense speaking....

Beg to question what then to stop that highly influential person laying down bad gossip to the community, especially in the context of playing soccer story, just because s/he envy or socially insecure, status inferiority complex, or xenophobic of the other under the guise of polite mannerism?

In the US HOAs are kind of a mess. They exist mostly because the large home-builders just want to build regardless of what the city may feel about it. However without approval from the city to take over maintaining the public areas (roads, parks, etc), the developers are left on the hook for that stuff. Thier solution to this problem was HOAs. Now they can build at speed and don't have to worry about pesky city planning commissions get in the way. 🫠 Also I believe because of that arrangement (although it may be for another reason), HOA bylaws are actually legally enforceable. Depending on the HOA and the infraction they may legally take your house from you. At least in the US HOAs can be a serious nightmare.

Makes sense to me. Thanks for the information.